cfc

OK, time to finish tarting up the tree for Santa. But don't worry--Spock to the rescue! (You know, I could've sold this ornament to some hard-core Start Trek geek for about $500 if I'd never taken it out of the box.) More to come. When cartoon worlds collide: Marvin Martian rams Santa Homer while attempting to orbit Minnie Mouse! Yosemite Sam is way too excited about that leg lamp. Look! It's a "major award"! And here's one with a working "roller coaster." And this is the only Busch Gardens Williamsburg ornament (as far as I know). Here's a free ornament I got at Kings Island's "Winterfest" back in the 1980s. And now, some geeky park-related ornaments. Remember when Carowinds tried "Winterfest" again a few years back? for some reason, Betty is always the first ornament I put on the tree. And don't forget the egg nog in the festive holiday glass. But first, some appropriate music.

OK, next is setting up my little Christmas street. Yes, I've acquired a small collection of Christmas village stuff, thanks to my parents' obsession with collectibles. Most of the pieces are movie theatres. I cut open my thumb when I snipped the plastic ties from my strings of lights--d'oh! More to come. And here's my tree partially dressed. Here's my tree . . . buck naked! Phew! Made it! Please don't explode on me, Mr. Furnace! First, I must contend with the Halloween crap. And now, one of the most dangerous parts--dragging the tree down from its lair! Yes, one needs a festive TV to watch holiday shows and such. Here's the whole street. But who is that dude with the super-stretch limo (with OSRs) at the drive-in? Looks like there's a cartoon festival down the street. Of course, people might want a good place to eat before or after all the hot action. Well, they'll just have to settle for the Hard Rock Cafe: Chuck's House (with gift shop, of course). First, the Paramount Theatre, which plays nothing but White Christmas. Yes, all the hot Danny Kaye/Bing Crosby/Rosemary Clooney/Vera Ellen action you can stand!

Afternoon all, Well, last Sunday, December 2, was the Grand Illumination, the traditional kickoff to the Christmas season in Williamsburg in which thousands of people stand around waiting for fireworks, listening to carolers and the fife-and-drum, and waiting for hours on end to buy hot cider in the town's colonial section. It's a fun event, but once you've seen one Illumination, you've seen them all; so, this is the day that I like to deck my own halls (it's much less crowded). But before beginning a hard day's decorating, one needs a little sustenance. Let's start with lunch, eh? Luncheon is served. Let the Christmas decorating begin! Don't forget the cheese, Chuck. I like to toss the veggies and penne together in a bowl. I think it's fun for them, too. . . . the pasta boils. (Whole-wheat penne this time--but almost any pasta will do.) Then let them simmer while . . . Time to get those veggies good and drunk. Oops! Outta fresh garlic! But this stuff will do. And this sweet, sweet tomato paste. Oh, yeah . . . As do these hot tomatoes. The mushrooms want to get in on this hot action. Yeah, olive oil. You know you diced peppers like it! Time to saute! Mmmm--olive oil. Being as it's the holiday and season and all, here's a festive vegetable arrangement. Looks sort of like a Christmas tree, eh? Always wash your mushrooms, kids--'cause you know what shrooms grow in, right? Manure, for the most part. Well, I'm not burning anybody's weenies today. I'm throwing together a quick lunch using stuff I have on hand. First, a little music to cook lunch by--how about Frank Zappa's "Burnt Weeny Sandwich" album?

^Yeah--keep Dr. Phyl as a puppet, don't digitize him--Yoda was always much more entertaining as a Muppet.

^It's on Robb's and Elissa's lists.

Hurler was great in its opening season, but gradually declined. It has improved a bit, thanks to KD retracking sections of it over the last few years (as they've done for Grizzly). Hurler still has more "bad" or "meh" days than "good" days, I think. But to each his own (I've always liked Grizzly myself, but a lot of people hate it).

Hardly a ringing endorsement. Fujiyama is pretty good, but one visit to FujiQ was enough for me.

The only word is "a-w-w-w . . ."

Most awesome picture of KidTums yet, but what a wretched, wretched place--and I'm not that hard to amuse. You have my sympathy for next year, Robb, Elissa, and KidTums--no one should have to endure FujiQueue three times in one decade.

^And where's you report, Louise--hmm? We all miss you, too.

I imagine that it wouldn't be too tough to get to Six Flags America from Reagan in DC. I know you can take the Metro out to Largo, MD to get to the park, but I'm not sure how.

And the "Award for Best Euphenism for Really Needing to Take a Dump" goes to this little gem from Don Quixote: "seized with an inclination and desire of doing that which could not be performed by proxy."

^I did rank Jupiter at the bottom (under, for example, Scooby Doo's Ghoster Coaster at KD and the Triple Hurricane at CG) because I was so disappointed in it. But Robb's example is well taken--does seem a bit fishy.

^Perhaps he heard a snake somewhere.

Sigh! I was bummed when they removed Willard's Whizzer from the Santa Clara Great America (they did this because of a fatal accident, though). I can't tell if Superman is aroused or annoyed by Terrence's attentions.

For me, the absolute worst experience was my first ride on KD's Anaconda--it was hot and humid as hell, and I left that ride with a throbbing headache and a very upset stomach (felt that way for about 30 minutes afterward). The most disappointing experience was Jupiter in Japan; it looks like it should be an awesome Intamin woodie, but it's really, really rough (in the bad way).

^Did you get to check out the Zombie Paradise?

Looks like Kong has really bad breath and could use a few Tic Tacs. I'm thinking that this will be a fun, family-oriented flat ride, and will probably stand or fall on its special effects and themeing.

^^It took a few days before I got my confirmation.

Yes, this definitely should be a secret ballot until the results are in--then people can gas off as much as they like.

^And with Universal, Sea World, etc. More tourist stuff, more people, more crime. Sad but true. A few years back, a BGE employee was killed when his head was struck by a train on the Big Bad Wolf. Sad, but he, too, was wandering around in a restricted area.

A wooden horse dipped in caramel? Perhaps a struesel-pastry horse ride?

“What’s in a Brain?”—And What’s It to Ya? Guy Koepp is a sick, twisted little monkey. What can you say about a 40-year-old man who dreams of Danish professors and strippers? Who plays with puppets? Who features his own family in his sick fantasies? Who plays with Mexican bacteria? A sociopath? A freak? A psycho? A barrista? (OK, let’s not drag Starbucks into this—no need to get sued.) Well, I’m not going to call Guy anything, but I will say this about his first DVD offering, What’s in a Brain?: always interesting, often hilarious. Guy has spilled the contents of his brain onto two DVDs for our amusement. His gray matter flings around like hot grits a’flyin’, especially on “disque un,” where he admits his own sickness and tries to explain his coaster obsessions to “Dr. Phyl,” the famed puppet psychiatrist (who really needs to examine why he enjoys having someone’s hand up his butt). These sessions act as a frame for a series of vignettes that involve 1) coasters and 2) intrusions from other dimensions that would frighten H.P. Lovecraft. I don’t want to give too much away, but here’s a sample of what the poor doc is in for: What really goes on when one drinks the water “South of the Border” A twisted, erotic look at the educational system of Denmark Why you should fear Guy’s avatar the next time you ride X A perversion of a “beloved” theme-park ex-icon So, sit back, relax, crack open a cold one, and prepare to be amused, bemused, dazzled, and befuddled (all in a good way and maybe all at the same time) by “disque un.” But all you “straight” coaster-video lovers needn’t fear—“disque deux” has plenty of wood, steel, and rumblin’, ramblin’ wheels for you, without all the dementia to get in the way. Well, sort of. Guy gives us a good look up, down, sideways, and other which-a-ways at a number of coasters, ranging from Lakeside’s Wild Chipmunk (one painful-looking ride) to SFMM’s Goliath (and he throws in some water- and alpine-slide action for good measure). The musical choices run the gamut from Ozzy Osbourne to John Denver to the Beach Boys to Broadway show tunes to mariachis. (What? No Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass?) He even gives a nod to all you lift-hill enthusiasts out there. I do have a few nits. The opening spaghetti-western-inspired segment runs a bit too long (but does give you a good luck at KBF's Silver Bullet, also featured on the second disc). The audio on the California Screamin’ footage (the Beach Boys’ “California Girls”) has a fair amount of static (but improves in its second half). And there is a glitch in the title card before the “Thrill Shot” footage (it first says “Revolution,” then switches—oops). But this is all minor stuff. All in all, a good use of your hard-earned cash—if you have the guts to step inside the mind of Guy Koepp, that is. Chuck “Guy gets extra points for using music from Ed Wood” Campbell

Although I prefer the California version (especially with the onboard music), I hope they keep the original layout in Florida. No sense in another clone--but updating the original and adding onboard sound might just put Florida's version at the top of my list.

Well, the coaster world already has "Wild Mouse" and "Screamin' Squirrel," so it's high time for a "Steel Hawg."