disneygurlz2s Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Well, since Wally and Soren and God knows who else have shared their medical details on this forum, I too have decided to share the tale of my colonoscopy. There are no pictures, so you can relax (although, if Katie Couric could do it, why can't I????) So, here it goes..... Went to the doctor a few weeks ago and, without going into too much detail as to why, it was strongly recommended that I go have this lovely test. Now, the idea of a camera going somewhere where, frankly, cameras don't belong, did not exactly thrill me, but.... I do have a close family member dying of gastrointestinal cancer, and seeing how he is suffering was enough for me to know I needed to do this just to make sure.... So, here's pretty much what happened..... Tuesday night, 11 pm.... Take 2 Dulcolax Wednesday morning, 6:30 am..... wonder if you will be able to leave the bathroom to go to work Wednesday morning, 8:00 am.... curse at the first person who walks by your desk with food, because you're on a liquid diet today!! Wednesday morning, 8:05 am....threaten coworker with violence when she asks if anyone is ordering lunch Wednesday morning, 10 am..... suck on 6 peppermint lifesavers in a row Wednesday morning 11 am....curse coworker who makes fun of the jar of Wyler's powdered boullion soup that is sitting on your desk Wednesday, noon..... drink two cups of above mentioned boullion Wednesday, 12:05 pm.... scream at coworker who parks cart filled with LaRosa's pizza boxes next to your desk Wednesday, 5 pm.... head for home so that you can arrive in time to begin your "Accu Prep" Wednesday, 6 pm.... add 1 tablespoon of the most disgusting combination of salty crap and lemon flavoring ever concocted to a glass of water. Hold nose and proceed to drink while pretending you are 21 again and doing Kamakazee shooters at the Mt Lookout Tavern. Wednesday, 6:15 pm..... curse yourself for being almost 40 instead of 21. Drink the next dose of the crap. Yum! Only 4 more doses to go!! Wednesday 8-10 pm.... alternate watching American Idol with going to the bathroom. Curse at Ryan Seacrest for no reason other than the fact that he can be annoying under any circumstance but especially when you think that at any moment your insides are going to come out. Wednesday, 10 pm....cheer that someone resembling a senior citizen just won American Idol because someday soon, he too, will have to have a colonoscopy. Thursday morning, 8 am.... walk around your house feeling as if your have just had the most horrible stomach flu of your life, only you haven't been sick. Kick the cat. Thursday morning, 10 am.... check into the Endoscopy center. Think you are going to cry because you are actually quite scared. And weak. And hungry. Thursday, 10:15 am.... Put on a lovely hospital gown and prepare to get an IV in your arm. Thursday, 10:45 am.... Get wheeled into the procedure room. Pretend not to notice the long, black tube and camera thingy on the table next to you. Thursday, 10:50.... Notice out of the corner of your eye that the nurse is putting something in your IV...... room fades to black.............. Thursday, 11:45.... wake up to the sound of your husband's voice and the voice of your nurse telling you to pass gas. Despite being in a fog, realize this is one of the strangest things anyone has ever asked you to do.... but you oblige. Thursday, 11:48.... realize the person in the next curtain is not snoring....they are farting...everyone is farting..... now, the nurse is telling you to fart again..... this is tooo weird. Thursday.... 11:55... Doctor tells you that your colon is clear of any problems and to come back when you are 50. She also advises you eat a light meal ....... Thursday, 12:00 noon.... Demand husband drive you to the nearest Bob Evans where you order eggs, bacon, pancakes and potatos. Who gives a crap what the doctor says! Hopefully, none of you will have to do this anytime soon...however, if you do, you have my sympathies! Shari "clean colon" Shoufler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Real Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 You dont have to tell me to fart... LOL That almost sounds worth it to pass gas alot. Always such a good feeling... What a....nice...TR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaneymon Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Wow that was uhhhhhhhhh instering Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trustkill22 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 American Idol would've been a perfect show for when going to the bathroom because there is a commercial every 2 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfBeastSucks Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 That was hilarious. I am glad "all that" is slightly far off for me. Oh, and congratulations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingDays Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 You dont have to tell me to fart... LOL That almost sounds worth it to pass gas alot. Always such a good feeling... That smily is extremely disturbing and possibly quite inappropriate for this situation.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
disneygurlz2s Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 American Idol would've been a perfect show for when going to the bathroom because there is a commercial every 2 minutes. Exactly!!! It worked out quite well, actually! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue0ctane Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Ugh, I don't even know how to fart on command. That would suck to get a colonoscopy for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoasterJunkie Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 OMG!! That was funny...My hubby had to go through a endoscopy which isnt as bad, but done at the same place as colonoscopy. I just had to chuckle at the nurse in the next room, cheering on the people for farting.. "Good Job, that was a nice one!. Can you give me another?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dougr Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 There's a history of cancer in my family, so I had my last colonoscopy two Christmas' ago, about the same time the premier of our province got busted for drunk driving. So I guess we got to be assholes on camera at the same time! The premier of British Columbia, booked for driving under the influence and doing 70 in a 35 zone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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