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^Always wise to make sure that the "smart" clothes don't outsmart you.

Hey--and you can still catch the Rose Bowl. Thanks for the info.

Disney Imagineers test their new "Enthusiast-eating Tree."

Er, what was the topic, again? Oh, yeah--red-hot monkey love with Thing 1 and Thing 2 on Cat in the Hat. Or was that the POV I just downloaded? :?

"So, Ms. Alvey," said the carnivorous plant, "you thought you could hide from me by wearing a burkha, eh? Well, prepare to be poached in a nice white-wine sauce!"

Merely a deluge of old memories, Wally. Slap! Ouch! Stay dry.

^"Louise, Queen of Sleaze." Perfect! Just the touch it needed.

The creek near my parents' house in Patterson, Calif., flooded a few years back, but although the yard was filled with water, the inside of the house stayed dry. Mom was hosting a sorority meeting that day, and Dad had to put down one-by-six boards so the ladies could cross from the driveway to the house. Anyway, my parents' yard was home to a fair number of feral cats, who sought shelter from the water on some rocks next to the living-room picture window. The cats, either because of sheer boredom or a sense that the end was near, started committed howling, fur-flying mortal sins in plain sight of Mom's meeting. The ladies were mortified, and Dad chased the horny cats away. You just can't beat country living.

Thanks for the report, Jose. I understand your feelings re. the gum question. At PKD, the line for Volcano runs through a cave that is lined with gobs of gum. On a hot summer day that cave reeks of old Doublemint, and those without a strong stomach have a pretty tough time getting through without puking.

Hmm--are you sure you weren't at "House of Blues," instead?

Definitely need to show up at BGT with my platinum passport, too--maybe next October.

I flew in and out of Sac for Christmas--the rest of my family is in California. Kind of a crazy, stressed-out holiday. Arrived in Sac on Dec. 21, where my older borther picked me up and took me to my parents' house in Kings Beach (Tahoe, North Shore). Then all the way to everybody's favorite holiday destination, Firebaugh (down Fresno way), to my sister's place for Christmas Day, back to Patterson (near Modesto) on Dec. 26 to visit some old friends, then up to Tahoe again. Finished up with dinner at California Fats in Old Sacramento on Dec. 29 before taking off from Sac Intl. for Vegas, where I caught a red-eye flight to Philly, then on to Norfolk. Whew! If you ever find yourself in Firebaugh, the Firebaugh Riverfront Inn is actually a decent motel. Of course, I don't recommend that you ever find yourself in Firebaugh, but just in case . . .

By God, I think he's found the set of the next Rob Zombie movie--"O Bloody Night: A House of 1,000 Corpses Christmas." There used to be this creepy Christmas attraction off US 101 north of Santa Barbara, Calif. When I was a student at Cal Poly, it was rumored to be the HQ of a Satanic cult.

I flew out of Sacramento on the evening of December 29, and it was pretty scary to see Discovery Park underwater from I-5 (it's used as an "overflow," I understand). Sacramento has always been a flood-prone town. Glad to hear you're doing OK, Wally.

Twenty-four degrees? Sheesh, and I thought it was cold riding Top Gun during Winterfest at Carowinds on Dec. 10. I've always thought that BGW could pull off an excellent Christmas promotion--decorations and Santas from all the different countries, a cool Christmas train ride, not to mention excellent Christmas goodies from their bake shop or a nice dinner in the Festhaus. But I have mixed feelings about staying open all year. As I get older, I find that I enjoy deferred gratification--there's just something about opening day. Plus, Busch can do a lot of maintenance during the off-season.

Must . . . reach . . . utility . . . belt . . . !

Happy New Year, TPR! Just think, in three more years, they'll have to change the design of those goofy-looking New Year's Eve sunglasses (you can go cross-eyed trying to look through "2010").

Hmm--I guess the only time I've ever "whored" myself was when I rode Gadget's Go Coaster" with my nieces at Disneyland. Well, there was Scooby's Ghoster Coaster at Kings Dominion, which is actually a decent little woodie. So, make that twice. The TPR coaster pimps could persuade me to whore a bit more in the UK, though.

Hmm--now that you're an "authentic British Porn star," you'll need an appropriate name. 8) "Ivana Humpalot" is already taken. "Moaning Louisa"? Maybe not. "Lou, Queen of Sleaze"? (Only British-coaster-related name I could come up with.) Will your next flick be titled "Louise Does Dorchester"? This UK trip is getting more and more interesting. Chuck "Still recovering from Christmas" Campbell

Damn--another lost opportunity.

Only if they mount the Sun Wheel on California Screamin'.

I did it! I did it, and I'm glad! It was the penguin's eye that drove me to murder! Yes, a pale blue eye with a film over it, like that of a vulture! Here! Tear up the planks! Remove the floorboards! Still the beating of the penguin's hideous heart! Well, all good crimes need a few flase confessions--here's one. Chuck "Random Poe Reference" Campbell

Very well put, Lou.

. . . embarrasing new "bulge," which was the result of a nose job gone seriously awry at a clinic in . . .

^And let's not forget "Animal! Animal!"