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Chapter 13.5: And Now a Brief Intermission--Walygator Parc We spent roughly a day and a half at Europa, and had a long drive back to Paris. But Robb and Elissa did throw in a "rest stop"--Walygator Parc. I have no idea what the backstory of this place is, or of the significance of the "Walygator" character to French culture. Apparently, not too many others did either. Apart from TPR members and staff, the place was practically deserted. It's hard to know what to make of Walygator. The park looks fairly nice, and it probably has the potential to be a good park. However, while we were there, most of the food stalls were closed, and many of the rides weren't operating--including their Huss Topple Tower, which was what I was most interested in, anyway. Well, they did have a pretty good haunted walkthrough (Terror House) and a good, if slow, waffle stand. But I wonder if the place will be in business a year from today? I think Robb's theory that the park is owned by space aliens who use zombie slaves as ride ops is as good a one as any. What an odd little place. Here's a look at Walygator Parc. For some reason, this pile of rocks sums up the Walygator Parc experience for me. Maybe it's the hole. Oh, well--Disney awaits! . . . and the next time Fatal Bazooka is back in town." "Well, Chuck, I think when this new ride opens . . . So, Big Mike. When do you think your Road Show will return to Walygator Parc? But hooray for chair swings! Whee! It bumps, rattles, shakes, grinds, bangs--hell, it just does everything wrong. This really is the best part of Anaconda, a brutal woodie that makes Movie Park's Bandit seem buttery smooth. The suspension bridge was closed. The reason should be obvious. I'm not sure why this is here, but I'll stick my head in it, anyway. Hmm--not as heavily as one would've hoped. Hmm--I wonder how heavily themed the log flume is? Don't abandon us, Hanno! You definitely have a problem. You've just bought a park. It has three coasters. The second-best coaster is a Wacky Worm with an alligator train. You may have a problem. OK, you've just bought a park. It has three coasters. The best one is a Vekoma loopscrew. Hmm--obviously, the neighborhood homeowners' association is pretty lax when it comes to enforcing their aesthetic regulations. Or maybe the neighborhood is zoned for "gothic." Behold the terrifying portal of Terror House! Ghostly boats make their way through what seems to be a ghetto version of POTC. . . . this beloved cartoon character from the 1960s. Welcome to Walygator Parc, which is in no way to be confused with . . .

This should do it for Europa. I already want to visit the place again. Here's one last look at Euro-Mir. Thanks for a great time Europa! Except that you weren't allowed to take silverware, coffee cups, or naked children on it. There was some other boat ride with elves or hobbits or something--I don't remember much about it. "Spin the wheel, make the deal--about how you want to die!" "Haw! Haw! Death from above, kiddies!" We are so there! What? A kiddie train with more creepy clowns? You do? OK. How's this picture, Melanie? I have a worse one that I left out. Care to see it? And it has creepy clown puppeteers, no less--great. "Oh, boy--another spinning-boat ride." Whew! I know I felt relieved to have survived this terrifying ordeal. "Hey, wanna bite of my iguana? I'll want a piece of you in trade, of course!" Then they grow up and eat you. Aw, they're so cute when they're little. Hmm--"Universe of Energy"? This reminds me of something--but what? Hmm--is that a Coke bottle, or are you just excited to be riding a dinosaur? Tweak, tweak! You watch your hands . . . er . . . hand, fella! Right, Rich? Hmm--you've got more than water on your mind. That's OK, folks--jump right in! Again, we have a gondolier who just doesn't grasp the basic concept of what to do with a boat. OK, I could totally . . . not do that. During a hot day, it's OK to just take a dip in the park's fountains and pools, it seems.

OK, Angus, OK--don't get all worked up. More from Europa. And there's dancing every night at the Moldering Corpse. And, yes, you can "Time Warp" and "Monster Mash" here. More to come. How about a nice, energizing formalydehyde flush in the hotel spa? You can enjoy fine dining in the Cafe Reaper. Be sure to try the chef's specialty--"Filet of . . . YOU!" Ah, such a beautiful lobby! "Care to check your soul, sir?" Let's take a tour of another one of Europa Park's fine hotels, shall we? "Oh, man! Someone totally puked over here!" "See you in your dreams tonight, kiddies! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!" OK, here's one of the creepiest kiddie rides ever. OK, officer, OK. Don't mess with the trash cans! I get it! What? I'll teach some stupid trash can to kick me in the butt! You know, this guy looks like he'd be the toughest supervisor ever. "OK, breathe fire. Check. Crush rocks with teeth. Check. Yeah, I got all the qualifications for this job." . . . is how they interact with the walkthrough gem mine. . . . right Anneliese? . . . But what's cool about Europa's mine train and log ride . . . You know, if must be some sort of EU law that all major theme parks have a powered mine train. (Europa has a very good one.) "Guys, look at the new little friend I found! Can't we all just get along?" "You want it! You got it, Bitner! But I'm so bad, I'm gonna cut my own head off, then stomp all over ya!" "Alright, Hoffman Girl! Any of you wussies! Bring it on!" Right, guys? . . . before you get soaked. The layout is identical to Supersplash rides elsewhere, except you get to "bounce" over a shipwreck . . . Hmm . . . er . . . no comment necessary, I think. Here's Mack's Atlantica Supersplash--which, once again, is really "themed up." And at 9:00: "Girls Gone Wild . . . with Sharks!" Tonight on Shark TV, at 8:00: "Funniest Shark Home Videos!" This picture makes the ride look a lot wetter than it really is. The line for the rapids ride was long, but it never stopped moving, thanks to the park's excellent operations and staff.

More of my pointless rambling about Europa Park begins now! "Save yourself, nimrod! I'm not even there. Why don't you just post more pictures of Europa, OK?" Angus! Save us from these sick seamen! "Er, with all these pirate pervs around, I think I'll stay right here." "Bah! Good old S&M with yer shipmates is good fer what ails ye, I say!" 'As fer me, I prefers tarantulas! They be soft and furry, plus ye can hide them in yer pants, if need be." "Avast! Belay all that pig ridin', ya scurvy swabs! We gots a city to sack!" "Ye speak right and true, mate! Nothin' like a wee bit 'o' swine ridin' to takes the edge off, sez I!" "Aye, when I comes ashore, there's nothin' I likes better than a little sport with a pig!" Ahoy! Pirates 'o' the Caribbean knockoff off the port bow! Again, courtesy of the Mack museum--a look at Euro-Mir's layout. Euro-Mir was one of my favorite coasters of the trip. Dance, wench, dance! . . . or a rave? Hmm--am I going to a coaster . . . Next stop, Euro-Mir. . . . as is the splashdown. The coaster portion is pretty good . . . All this themeing says, "Don't screw with Poseidon!" Once again, Mack went all out--nice loading station. "Er, little help here? Stupid Atlas talked me into holdin' this thing, and it's heavier than it looks." This is the queue for Poseidon, the park's big water coaster (and the standard for which all other such rides should be judged). Look--it's the butt of . . . TROY! And it's a good ride, too--even with this rather funky looking element. For a kiddie coaster, this ain't too shabby at all. (By the way, that blue track is for Poseidon, the park's water coaster.) This is all part of the themeing for Pegasus, the park's family coaster. "Pardon my salivating, but all of you just look so succulent! I hardly know who I should eat first!"

Chapter 13: “Gonna Have a Big Mac(k) Attack”—Europa Park I’m just gonna say it right now: Europa was the best park of the whole TPR trip. Yes, it was better than Paris Disneyland (which comes in second, in my opinion). Best hotel, best operations, best food, best landscaping . . . what else can I say? My congratulations to Mack—this is one helluva showcase they’ve put together. Europa meets my main criterion for any great theme park—Does it have a good mix of “stuff”? That is, the park doesn’t rely on just coasters or a few big thrill rides, and it goes that extra mile with themeing. As you’ve probably guessed, the park uses the countries of Europe as its theme, including France, Russia, England, and, of course, Germany. (Hey, it’s no stranger than Disney’s California Adventure—in California.) One of my favorite dark rides of the whole trip, Ghost Castle, is in Italy, and Holland has my favorite POTC ripoff yet—Pirates in Batavia. And there’s a good mix of coasters, too. Euro-Mir—To call this a gigantic spinning mouse just doesn’t cut it. With its enclosed spiral lifthill, techno music, twisty layout, and series of drops, swoops, and banked curves, Euro-Mir is, well, Euro-Mir, and that’s quite good enough. I enjoyed this ride immensely, and the “party train” during the TPR takeover was one of the highlights of the trip. Eurosat—Hmm . . . Space Mountain meets Spaceship Earth? Sort of. This knockoff of the classic Disney coaster is pretty cool in its own right, with yet another bizarre spiral lifthill and a good, twisty layout with some cheesy space effects (and, yes, a rough spot here and there). We got to ride it lights on and lights off, too. Silver Star—OK, here we have a mild, over-braked disappointment. Europa’s one B&M ride, following a Mack layout, I understand, is a hyper that looks like it should be so much better than it is; both Apollo's Chariot and Nitro in the States are better rides. That being said, it’s still fun, with some floater air and a catchy, 1980s’ style theme song: “Rock on, Silver Star!” Swiss Bob Run—This ride was a bit disappointing, too. It seems rather ironic that my least favorite Mack Bobsled of the trip is in Mack’s own park. Still, this coaster does have some cool drops, which are unusual for a ride of its type. But the pacing seems a bit off. Still, not bad. Roller Coaster Matterhorn-Blitz—Mack does a very good job of tarting up one of its Wild Mouse rides by using an elevator lift and themeing the queue and loading station to a farm in the Swiss Alps. A good, solid ride. Pegasus—Greek myth provides the theme for this family coaster, and Mack, once again, does an excellent job. The trains look particularly cool. I’ll let the pictures do the rest of the talking, but I want to mention something else that makes this park special. In the Austria section, there is a walkthrough called World of Diamonds, which features gnomes, trolls, and a mechanical dragon toiling in a gem mine. But it also provides scenery for a powered mine-train coaster and a log ride. It is very well done. Rich observed that the guy who came up with these "guys who climb ropes or poles" animatronics must've made a fortune. Damn near every park we visited had at least one. Much more to come from Europa Park. I thought this was really cool--a little creek that runs down a street. Hmm--I do believe this area is meant to represent Switzerland. "Yep, time to air out the ol' groin. Yeah, that feels good." Here we see the cars coming off the ride's elevator lift--a rather cool system, I think. "As do we all, Chuck." Er, I hope that's "themeing" running down the sides of that light. . . . while his kid does actual work while being attacked by a rabid goose. . . . . but we do have a guy sleeping in . . . Hmm--we don't have a mountain . . . "Rock on, Silver Star," right guys? Actually "Float, Float On" might be more appropriate. We were the first riders of the day on Silver Star. Here's a look at Eurosat's layout, courtest of the park's Mack museum. "Good ride, but I lost my pack of C4 back there someplace." Off TPR goes into the trackless, er, tracked, void of space. Hmm--what loading station in some other famous theme park does this remind me of? "Enthusiast alert! Enthusiast alert! Energize defensive fields!" Hey, you know what would make this look even better? A giant magic wand and some sparkly lights! We got a bit of monorail ERT before our Eurosat ERT. "You're not actually going to wear that in public, are you, sir?" Er, you're not going to have much of a future as a gondolier until you put that gondola in the water. Just a suggestion. Hi, Erik. You can sit up here and give "thumbs up/thumbs down" to the juvenile gladiators doing battle in the fountain below. Welcome to Eruopa--and the best hotel of the entire TPR Europe Tour.

^Well, it's like I warned you in Europe, Ben--when ya asks the Title Fairy, ya takes yer chances!

"This new European-themed Sesame Street village," says the press release. You can find concept art via the link in the first post of this thread.

The park does need a good kiddie coaster along the lines of Sea World's Shamu, so this sounds like a good move. I actually saw the 4D flick at Universal Osaka last year (in Japanese), and it's actually pretty good. (Pirates 4D is getting pretty old.)

^There, there, there, Scott.

^Cue the Barry White music, baby. O-o-o-o-o-oh yea-a-a-a-a-a-h!

I agree that Tokyo DisneySea is the best--with Tokyo Disneyland second. Matsui Greenland and Parque Espana are also very good.

Cheapest I've see in Williamsburg is $3.56/gallon at the Zooms station on Bypass Road.

^You should be able to squeeze in everything you want to do, then--have fun!

^From what I understand, the design has to do with giving all riders the best possible views--the rear seats in a car are slightly higher than the front seats (like stadium seating in a movie theatre). I haven't been on any coasters with the new seating arrangement, though. Capacity doesn't appear to be cut in "half"--it looks to be about the same as other B&M hypers and inverteds.

I'll go with Kingda Ka--definite proof that bigger isn't necessarily better. The launch to get up that high hat was so intense that my eyes were plastered shut, and the damn train shakes like a drunk suffering DTs.

Behemoth Bash looked like a lot of fun. I reckon I'll be seeing at least a few of you folks at BGE and KD next week.

^Always good advice.

Yes, I was about to point that out too and show off my comic book geekness. 5 bonus points if you can name the purple guy to the left. I can do it. My brother can do it and tell you the life history of the character too. I think he's Sinestro, one of Green Lantern's old foes.

You shouldn't encounter huge crowds on Friday, but the park will probably be packed on Saturday by early afternoon. Here's what I would do: 1. Head for Griffon (I agree it's a backseat ride). 2. Take the skyride to Germany (gets you up close and personal with Griffon and Alpengeist). 3. Ride Big Bad Wolf (ride it again after dark, when it's even better). 4. If you want to ride in the front row, head for Alpengeist (that front-row line can get pretty long pretty quickly). 5. Ride Curse of DarKastle. 6. Ride LeScoot if you're into water rides and it's a hot day (the lines can be bad for this one when it's hot out). 7. Head for Apollo's Chariot (you can take the train from New France to Festa Italia it you want, but it's probably quicker to walk there). 8. Do the Roman Rapids (again, a pretty bad line). 9. Ride the Escape from Pompeii. 10. Ride the Loch Ness Monster. 11. Ride Corkscrew Hill (the line will could get long, but at least it's indoors and air conditioned--but if you're soaked from water rides, beware). Above all, enjoy yourself! The baby back ribs at the Three Rivers Smokehouse are usually pretty good, too (but I also like the cannelloni at the Italian restaurant).

Long time, no see, Ted and Catrina--glad to see you back with a fresh TR. The guy you called "Mr. Freeze" is actually "Capt. Cold," and was one of the Flash's arch enemies. (Yeah, I am a fount of geeky, useless knowledge.)

And the GeForce countdown continues . . . Thanks for the extra, extra ERT Holiday World, but if we don't get back to the bus, Elissa's gonna kill us! That's all for now. There's even air to spare as you head back to the station. Fast and smooth--yet relentless! There really is no way to get enough of this ride. Yosemite Sam mode disengaged. Back to normal speech patterns. "Great horny toads! What y'all doin' way up thar?" "And I'm gonna have beer while I do it!" . . . and I'm a'gonna see Expedition GeForce!" "I come to see Expedition GeForce . . . "What? I didn't come here to see no guy's bare butt!" Wait a minute--are those two guys trying to cop a feel? . . . and beer, either. Disney never thought to include boobs . . . Here's a wrinkle Disney never thought of. Sheesh! This ride has more checkpoints than the old Soviet Union. Hmm--so far, this seems to be a particularly grim version of Disney's Storybookland. Don't recall any crucifixions at the "Happiest Place on Earth." Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Talking Heads! "This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no foolin' around!" . . . military checkpoints? Not yet, Dave. But there is this charming little boat ride through the world of fairy tales! Why, I bet it's filled with happiness and joy and . . .

Chapter 12: So, You Mean this Isn't Indiana?--Holiday Park Two things make Holiday Park stand out: 1. Burg Falkenstein, a very good dark ride through medieval depravity; and 2. Oh, do I really need to say its name? Do I need to say its name! DO I NEED TO SAY ITS NAME? Expedition GeForce--Yes, the cream of the crop! The top of the line! The Intamin steel coaster that stomps all other steel coasters into the dirt, ties them to the bumper of its car, and drags them down a gravel road--where it really hurts them! This is the most insane airtime machine I've ever ridden this side of Balder. There are no dead spots. And what's better than ERT on Expedition GeForce? How about free beer--and "extra, extra" ERT on Expedition GeForce? Yes, the ride's crew kept that bad boy going for an extra 15 minutes or so. And we had free hot dogs and beer! Thank you, Holiday Park! Super Wirbel--That being said, what the hell is this thing doing there? Yet another pile of steaming Vekoma corkscrew. So, how does one kill time when waiting for ERT and beer on Expedition GeForce? Well, let me show you some of the interesting weirdness to be found at Holiday park. "Please, please tell me it's time for GeForce!" More to come. . . . only on LSD. . . . this is Living with the Land, . . . Hmm--let me see if I have this straight . . . "Hey, sorry about the 'Wirbel thing.' I'll ride this monorail though. You'll love it!" Oh, how I envied Larry. "Please don't force me to ride Super Wirbel, Mr. larrygator, sir." He needn't have worried--Larry already had this lousy credit, so he bailed. Well, there's one other credit to be had. May as well get it over with. . . . his very own "larrygator." The leader of Team Larry worked hard to earn himself . . . The rapids ride was OK. "Remind me not to eat the fat guy who ate the bad mutton." "Oh, god, I knew that last leg of mutton didn't smell right! Why the hell did I eat it?" Oh, well--there's always bestiality. Hmm--that sly minx was a bit too fast with the sheet for me. As a prisoner of Burg Falkenstein, I am entitled to one ice-cream cone. Goin' down to Holiday Park, gonna have ourselves a time . . .

^I think I have some better shots of you, Melanie. That one isn't among the best, but, hey, I used it in a noble cause--to set up a toilet joke involving Larry. There are (and were) better ones.

Hmm--coasters are machines. Machines break down. Unless this is some sort of extended problem with Shivering Timbers, I don't see much need for this thread. Locked.

More Trippin' at Tripsdrill. Sorry--that sucked. "OK, what sort of action can I get for 20 euros? Work with me here!" That's all for now. You know, downing a few casks of Tripsdrill wine might make it a lot easier to ride these bikes. These "trackless" electric go-karts are fun--and Big Mike Approved. So, what else is there at Tripsdrill? Well, you can enjoy a soothing butt massage. Hmm--the woman looks like she's checking out some guy's butt, or something. You know, Larry really looks like he's enjoying himself a bit too much here. But if it gives him pleasure, what the hell. So does Jon. But Larry looks like he needs to find a . . . But it's a fun ride. Melanie and Rich seem to like it. Yes, nothing says "raging river adventure" quite like a basket of dirty clothes. Tubs seem to be a bid deal at Tripsdrill. Their rapids ride is themed to a laundry--the hell? "Hey, I got a great idea! Let's drag a heavy cooler over a wobbly suspension bridge!" This is as close as I came to taking a picture of the naked women, folks. I don't risk my camera on water rides. Here's an odd bit of themeing in the flume's queue. The ride is themed to a "fountain of youth," so DaVinci is painting an "old maid" version of the Mona Lisa? You, maybe those bathtub boats make sense after all--how about providing towels, too? "Oh, I am so gonna snag me that ham!" . . . comes with a giant smoked ham and sausages! And here's the strange drop ride, whose secret I dare not reveal! OK, what the hell. This ride . . . As I said before, Tripsdrill is a beautiful little place. Here's a sort of "mini" Spalsh Battle ride.