cfc

Still too many.

^Didn't they miss seeing those while the park was open?

^Perhaps Angus is now possessed by the spirit of Mujabubukins.

Too many.

The Big Dipper Coasters have arrived in Williamsburg! Angus McNasty's heart is filled with joy! "What the hell is this?" "Well, whatever it is, it's mine now!"

That's NOT all, folks! More from Warner Bros. Movie World. Movie World has distilled The Wizarding World of Harry Potter down to its essential essence. Don't let its amazing resemblance to a "seat" or "bench" fool you. Every "movie studio" park must have some sort of exhibit about the illusion of depth provided by "forced perspective." This is Movie World's. As you can tell, I was blown away by the power of this illusion. I'm sure you are, too. Next up, a stunt-car show that is 1) just about long enough and 2) not hampered by fits and starts that screw up its pacing (although there is some lamebrained comic relief). "Producer's note to self: Our stunt drivers need to lose some weight." "This show needs something! And I'm here to tell you that! That's why I'm on the BIG SCREEN, baby!" "Yeah, I'd better see something . . . whoa, what's that?" "Fire! That's what I'm talkin' about! Maybe a killer shark or a dinosaur, too!" "Yeah! We need a giant snake to swallow this car and puke it back out! Then we can sell this footage to SyFy! Make it happen!" They laughed at me when I auditioned for the Hollywood Stunt Driver show. Can't imagine why. I think an "exploding stunt-scooter gag" could be huge! "Touch the sacred souvenir cup, and you die!" Phew! Glad we had ERT on this sucker! Vultures: "They're looking for a Laughing Place . . ." Disney lawyers: "That's enough of that!" And now, a study in contrasts: "Dan friendly." "Not Dan friendly." Many people died building this log ride. Let's have a moment of silence in their honor. Jimmy lives in Tucson, so he's not really used to this "water falling from the sky" thing. I liked the park's little "Main Street" section--especially the canopy that "sort of" kept the rain off you. "What? I've been tricked by a 'forced perspective' backdrop! Just what is the Joker's twisted game this time?" "Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, TPR has to walk into mine! Play it! If they can stand it I can! Play 'The Final Countdown'!" Welcome to the "Bat Area." The outside of "stately Wayne Manor" . . . . . . and the inside (and the first of two preshows before you finally get to the simulator ride). The Batwing? Didn't the Joker shoot this down in the first Burton flick? Yep--here they come! Eat at the Gotham City Cafe--or Batman will beat the crap out of you! One last look at the Man of Fiberglass, er, Steel as he saves yet another group of endangered commuters. Yes, he has saved the hell outta them again! For Movie World, at least. My thanks to the park and Robb & Elissa for a great day!

I'm glad everyone is enjoying this TR. Going through all these photos makes me want to go back, but being as that isn't very practical at the moment, I'll have to content myself with . . . Chapter 2--"Of All the Theme Parks in All the Towns in All the World": Warner Bros. Movie World Ah, remember the big movie-studio-park craze of the 1990s? Yes, after seeing the success of Disney and Universal, other movie studios, being the original thinkers they are, thought they should could get a piece of that sweet action. Big wheels wearing big suits and smoking big cigars, in-between snorting big lines of coke, figured, "Hey--we need to be on this 'synergy' bandwagon. What's good for the Mouse is good for us! Call some people! Make it happen!" And so Warners and Paramount did--until they decided to bail. But there is one park that bears the name "Warner Bros." and it's on the Gold Coast of Australia. And it's a very good park, too--nicely themed with the two best coasters Down Under: Superman Escape--This is a very good Intamin launched coaster, sort of a "mini-Xcelerator." But although the ride itself is brief, it makes up for that with a well-done dark-ride section depicting an earthquake and nice pops of airtime after an intense launch. Movie World did a great job theming this coaster. Some American parks could learn something from this ride. Scooby-Doo's Spooky Coaster--This is a Mack "mouse in a box" with yet another nicely done dark-ride portion. The elevator lift, backward section, and "rave" like light show are plusses, too. Lots of fun. It really makes Six Flags Dark Knight coasters look sad. Road Runner Roller Coaster--A well-themed Rollerskater, which follows a fairly long course. How many rides play the entire soundtrack (dialogue, music, and sound effects) of classic Looney Tunes while you wait in line? (Well, to me this is cool. Others may disagree.) Lethal Weapon: The Ride--On the one hand, this ride's queue is well themed. On the other, it's an SLC (Satan's Looping Coaster). In fact, this was the roughest SLC I've ever ridden; however, others told me that the one at Kentucky Kingdom was even worse. Movie World's other highlights include a good stunt-car show, a fun, Western-themed log flume, and a good Batman simulator ride. What this park needs is one or two more "big" rides to put it over the top. Oddly enough, a "real" dark ride would be a good addition, I think; they've already proven they can do it with coasters. But, all in all, this a solid park that's defintely worth a visit. There's plenty to do to fill up your day. I rate it a cut above its German cousin, Movie Park. Let's take a look at Movie World--after we get out of Sydney and over to Surfers Paradise, of course. TPR tackled the Sydney Harbour Bridge Climb the day after we visited Luna Park. The bridge is about 440 feet above sea level at this point. To give you some perspective, that's roughly 140 feet taller than the Drop Tower at Kings Dominion! (Strange how KD has popped up twice in this report.) Proof that we were there! On the end is a random Swedish woman who filled out our group. Next stop, Surfers Paradise, where we were greeted with a deluge--and this excellent view from our hotel. Dan said that he could "get used to this"--same here! Uh oh! Foreshadowing! But, for now, the weather is OK. I imagine those top-floor penthouses are a wee bit out of my price range. (Hell, a dumpster in the basement is probably out of my price range.) We were greeted with some sunshine at our first Gold Coast park: Movie World. You can tell this is a "movie park" because of the ever so Art Deco lettering. "All transactions," you say? OK, I'd like a season pass with a side order of curly fries and a Coke Zero--and can you transfer some cash from my savings to my checking account and convert $100 Australian to Swedish kroner? Thank you so much. Rather than paying a "group rate" for each Gold Coast park we wanted to visit, it was cheaper for everyone to "join the National Year of Fun" by getting a season pass (complete with a "Have you seen this man?" mugshot). Our first stop--Superman Escape (not to be confused with Superman: THE Escape or Escape from Krypton), for a bit of filming and ERT. "Lois! Kent! Drop that 'Massive earthquakes threaten city' story and get to the bottom of this 'gift shop' thing!" "Find out what the so-called Man of Steel's game is here!" "I don't care that he just saved a bunch of commuters from certain death!" "Hell, he saves the world three times a day before breakfast!" "Yes, I'm well aware that Superman doesn't need to eat breakfast, Kent! But it's not every day that he opens a gift shop!" "Zoinks!" Wow--Velma has not aged well! Must be all the frustration over her failure to establish sexual relations with either Shaggy or Daphne. From the sublime to the, well, SLC. Movie World did a great job theming Lethal Weapon's queue. My hat's off to them for that. Here we see what's left of Mel Gibson's career. Yes, they did capture the atmopshere of corruption and decay of that surounds the star of that movie series. But it's an SLC, which is also a pretty good metaphor for Mel Gibson: photogenic, but rough and nasty. A kiddie coaster is sounding pretty good about now. Movie World strikes again with another well-themed ride. Even the "No Entry" sign is themed. You gals have fun riding that ACME Rocket Sled. As usual, Wile E. Coyote is screwed over by the ACME Corporation. But I guess the allure of being the first to own a "Rocket Sled" was just too much for the poor guy. More to come.

^Probably just a coffee stain.

Maybe they should name it "Undesirable Coaster."

Yay! A JimmyBo trip report! It's been far too long since the last one! The guide at the Australia Zoo told us that koala doesn't taste very good. I wonder how he knew that? God, I miss all those different flavors of Magnum bars. Maybe some more of them will make their way to the States.

^I missed that, but I was on the other side of town from where they think the tornado touched down.

Good stuff, Martin--thanks for the report. Nice to know that if you want a mouse on your crotch, Paris Disney has you covered.

^Pretty much the other way around.

^I think Wendy's is OK, but I wouldn't spring for an "upcharge" version of it, either.

^Uh oh! All the Americans are gonna yell at you, Hanno! At least that's what happens to me when I bring up the topic of gas prices in other countries.

And now, some random Sydney stuff. I liked this city quite a bit. Later that afternoon, some of us went for a ramble around Sydney. OK, I'm never leaving this shop. Dulce de leche on the left, pistachio on the right. Sydney reminded me of New York--with some touches of London and Tokyo. The Sydney Monorail says "g'day," Scott. Election Day in Australia. This dude followed us all over town--leave us alone! (But first tell us where we can find this "out of control prostitution" and "Mardi Grad Anarchy.") When there is no more room in Hell, the Burger King shall walk the Earth as Hungry Jack. It's in the Bible. Let's look for some typical "big city street people," shall we? Street artist, check. Guy selling stuff that "fell off a truck," check. Crazy Jesus person, check. Brain-eating zombies, check . . . hey! Such a retiring, demure little undead corpse. Clown zombies! Two nightmares for the price of one! And they're eating crisps! OH MY GOD! Not even zombies are dumb enough to eat at Hungry Jack's. "Zombies running rampant? We are not amused!" I thought we were going to lose Robb here for moment. But here's where we really lost him.

Here's a bit more of our enjoyable (sometimes moist) visit to Luna Park. My thanks to the park staff and Robb and Elissa for a great "official" start to the tour! Yes, it's always best to sit when one drinks coffee. "HELP ME!" The car looks a little evil here, like some mechanic's nightmare from the 1950s. Someone needs to revive the wooden Wild Mouse in the States. They really are insane fun. . . . . . especially when you put them on a rooftop--over water. Yep--reminds me a bit of the old mouse that used to be at Santa Cruz (where the log flume is now), but it's not quite as terrifying. Meanwhile, back at the funhouse . . . "'Allo, dearie! I got me a lovely pair a' kitties, I do!" As you can see here, a rift has opened in the space-time continuum, which is conducting this slider straight to Hell! "Daddy, please don't cause a rift in space-time!" "Here is the Joy Wheel!" "I dont think you're happy enough, thats right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!" "Happy happy joy joy!" "Well, blow me down! They're violakin' me copyrikes! Whar's me spinach?" "Spinach? Ugh! How can you eat that garbage, Popeye?" "Lo-o-o-o-o-k into my eyezzz . . . You will do my bidding!" I think this may have been "The Whirler," but I'm not sure. Luna Park is pretty heavily into marketing its "brand." This is possibly the strangest ride-related shirt I've ever seen; naturally, I had to buy it. Luna Belle is one of the more "interesting" park mascots I've ever encountered. "Forget Luna Belle! Meet us behind the funhouse at midnight, and we'll rock your world!" Here's a bit of the lunch they served us at The Deck, the park's restaurant. Crikey, it was good! Thanks for a great day, Luna Park. We'll be visiting your cousin in Melbourne soon. How about a little amble around Sydney next?

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. It's always good to know that people enjoy my nonsense from time to time. Let's see, where were we . . . oh, that's right . . . Chapter 1--The Big Creepy Face Strikes!: Luna Park Sydney So, with the critters, countryside, and culture out of the way (at least for the moment), it was time for the first park of TPR's Australia Tour 2011: Luna Park Sydney. Located in the shadow of the famous Harbour Bridge, Luna Park has an interesting history. I won't repeat it all here, but the park has seen its fair share of highs and lows, deaths and rebirths. The current version dates back to 2004, but the park was originally opened in 1935 by some folks who were inspired by Coney Island's Luna Park in Brooklyn. Luna Park Sydney is a nice little seaside park, making up in quirkiness what it lacks in big "attractions." There aren't too many wooden Wild Mouse coasters left in the world, and Australia has two of them (here and at Aussie World). Luna's Wild Mouse is located on a rooftop overlooking the harbor, which enhances the ride quite a bit. As you'd expect, there's a great "out-of-control" feeling to this ride, and it's actually registered as an Australian landmark. Even though the Wild Mouse has been disassembled and moved around a bit, it's now the only "permanent" roller coaster in New South Wales. The park once boasted a wooden scenic railway, the Big Dipper, which was demolished in 1981, and an Arrow "loopscrew," which was removed because of noise complaints from a nearby apartment complex. (That ride runs at another Aussie park--Dreamworld.) But for my money, tha park's main attraction is its oldtime funhouse, the aptly (if not originally) named Coney Island Funnyland. This monument to chaos and mayhem opened in 1935 and has all the standard stuff you'd find in similar facilities in Europe (and once in the U.S.), such as spinning barrels, wooden slides, a mirror maze, and a "Joy Wheel." What it unfortunately lacks is a permanent dark ride. The park's old Ghost Train was destroyed in a tragic fire in the late 1970s. But that's enough background. Let's have a look at Luna Park Sydney. Hmm--what have we here? Damn! I could've used this stuff yesterday after I touched that koala's bum! "Old Aussie cure" for jetlag, my eye! Vegemite does not come in a tube. In fact, it's not very good as a food. But in a tight spot, More often than not, It might serve well as a lube. Time for goofy shots in front of local landmarks--in this case, the Sydney Harbour Bridge. I'll be on top of this thing tomorrow. Yes, Sydney, like many large cities, is full of architectural marvels . . . . . . and absolute horrors! That's it . . . concentrate on the nice boat and skyline . . . and the creepy, horrible thing will go away . . . All kidding aside, Luna Park is a nice place, and they gave us a very enjoyable tour before the park opened to the public. (A bit rainy that day, but that was alright.) Sigh! You just don't see these in the U.S. anymore. This reminded me of the old funhouse at Santa Cruz when I was a kid. OK, who wants to bet that this guy's pants are hiked all the way up to his nipples under that shirt? Yes, you slide right through all nine levels of Hell and into a pit full of lava, scorpions, and rattlesnakes, which will sting, bite, and eat your face for eternity! That's hilarious! They gave us a preopening tour of the funhouse. I think "The Devil's Slide" is the one on the far left, but I'm not sure. So many ways to die! Or at least suffer debilitating injury. Look--it's the Australian Outback Spectacular! I like how the "fun" house isn't afraid to tackle important social issues, like domestic violence. I think we're all a little wiser for having seen this mural. I know I was moved. Woodchopping--not as popular at amusement parks as it used to be, which is a shame. I think whoever hung this is working at Kings Dominion now. Yep--reasonably sure of it Ladies and gentlemen, the irrepressible Miles. We'll see the funhouse in action later--time for Wild Mouse ERT (and filming). Geeky shot of the transfer track. Why do they even have those wristbands? The facade on the left was the entrance to the park's scenic railway--and later to the Arrow "loopscrew." TPR behind the scenes! More Luna Park to come.

What will happen to your stylish Dueling Dragons tie dye shirt? It is now a prized collector's item that is worth a fortune on E-bay.

Our next stop was a stetch of temperate rainforest in Australia's Blue Mountains--a very beautiful spot with the not-so-clever name of Scenic World. (Looks like they saved all the interesting names for the animals.) These are the Three Sisters. There's a rather long and involved legend behind this name. It doesn't involve Elves, Orcs, or Hobbits. RIP, Orphan Rocker. This is the infamous coaster that opened for about 10 or 15 minutes, then closed forever because it was, let's say,"flawed." Apparently, running a roller coaster along the edge of a 700-foot cliff didn't work out too well. At Scenic World, Australia's got your crotch covered. "What shall we call this place, mate?" "Dunno. Sure is scenic." "Hey, there's an idea!" Here is the first "Jeff Johnson Credit" of the trip: the Scenic Railway. Of Scenic World. Good. A plastic chain. I feel much safer now! The Scenic Railway is a lot of fun, if a bit unnerving. Not to mention "scenic." Now how steep is that track? Fifty-two degrees worth of steep! And that "Natural Tunnel" is pretty damn dark! There was a coal mine here, and they used to haul out the coal via this railway. Here's our guide, Robert, in action, telling us about the temperate rainforest we're about to tour. He and the bus driver has some interesting political conversations, too (it was the day before Election Day in Australia). Here, we see KT rehearsing for her performance in the upcoming Australian Outback Spectacular. Yes, this is the life for a man--astride his faithful horse, hauling a big load of crap. There's something very Knott's Berry Farm-like about this scene. "Intamin Cable: The Early Years." "Lord, what are those crazy Yanks about now?" Did I mention this area was very scenic? I think that's why they call it "Scenic World." Just a hunch. Why do I keep looking for Tarzan to come swinging by? He's in Africa, and this is Australia. I should be looking for Crocodile Dundee or Lord Humongous. Back up via the Intamin Cableway. The poor Orphan Rocker train does look very lonely down there. It'll take a big crew with a lot of machetes to clear that track. It's nearly as overgrown as Disneyland's Peoplemover and probably stands a better chance of running again. Vaya con dios, Orphan Rocker! By the way, this ride was named for the park's Orphan Rock formation--the gondola runs right by it. Scenic World--What a great place! This trip is off to a great start. Next up will be Sydney and Luna Park.

Prologue: Critters and Countryside G'day, As most of you probably know, unless you've been curled up in a ball, sobbing quietly waiting for your home park to open, Theme Park Review returned from an amazing tour of Australia on April 4. For me, this was number six in a long line of TPR "official" trips, dating back to the original UK outing in 2006. One thing you have to say about Robb and Elissa is that they sure get around--and they can help you get around, too. But I think this is the first trip I've been on in which all the parks and coaster credits were new to them, as well. First off, Australia is an amazing, beautiful country, with friendly people, good food (pepper kangaroo pizza, anyone?), and unusual animals (and, no, I'm not just talking about TPR members, either). I've always wanted to visit Down Under, and when TPR announced a trip for 2011, I knew I had to be on it. Good planning, good people, good times--what more do you want? "How about good parks?" you may ask. We found those, too. I've noticed that many of our Aussie members tend to be a bit, well, sheepish when it comes to their local theme parks, as though they're a bit embarrassed about them. Mates, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Although they're few in number (and coaster credits) compared to the U.S. and other countries, the Australian parks are solid, with a good mix of attractions for thrillseekers and families alike. (Heck, you even have the tallest drop tower in the world!) But that's enough verbiage for now. Put on your hat, turn up the brim, and keep an eye open for cassawaries and crocs as TPR explores Australia. Let's start with Aussie animals and scenery first, shall we? We'll get to the parks soon enough. This is a bunch of people standing in the Sydney airport. I thought it best to explain this, lest the suspense builds to such a point that you have have a "conniption," or worse. Well, the waiting has paid off! Here we are at our first encounter with wacky, sometimes dangerous, Australian wildlife. Featherdale is a very nice wildlife park in suburban Sydney, which gives you a chance to get up close with a variety of animals--not all of whom want to kill you. "Hello. I'm a koala, and I'm adorable. You know this to be true. But this is New South Wales, where it's illegal to hold me. Suffer!" "G'day, mate. You're lookin' a bit jetlagged there, but there's an old Aussie cure for that: touchin' a koala's bum. Yeah, one touch of that bum and those magical marsupial powers will perk you right up! Well, that and a shave, maybe." The koala shows off its greatest skill next to eating leaves. "G'day! I'm a kangaroo, and you're goin' to be seein' a lot of us roos as this and other TRs grind on. Just givin' ya fair dinkum warnin'." In the wild, a kangaroo would have to hunt and kill its own ice-cream cone. This is often a disturbing, bloody occurence, but not to worry--this cone was already dead. "Lay off my cone, man! I'll cut you! I swear to god I'll cut you!" "And that goes for you humans! I gotta blade, and I'm not afraid to use it!" And now that timeless Dr. Suess classic, "Amyzoo Strokes a Roo." Passing a cone can be very painful. This kangaroo is obviously exhausted from the strain. "Emu? What emu . . . ohcrapohcrapohcrap!" "First of you lot who calls me 'Bilbo Baggins' or some other Hobbit crap just because I live in a hole gets peed on. Fair warnin'. You want Hobbits? Go to New Zealand." "The children of the night"--in broad daylight. "Yeah, just stick your hand in here, and I'll show you how frickin' cute a Tasmanian devil is!" "Am I not superb?" "Er, yeah, I guess you are at that." "Still got my blade! Still watchin' you! Get me a freakin' cone!" "Wanna hear that horrible rumbling sound I make before I kill? You'd better pray that you don't!" "'Superb parrot,' my butt! Hell, my butt is way more superb than that little twerp." "You what would really be superb? You in my mouth begging for your miserable life!" "Ugh! Sorry, folks. That baby I just ate isn't sitting well." Next stop: Scenic World

These are imprints of the souls of previous riders. On some attractions, the intense forces cause a bit of your soul to adhere to the seatback. This is nothing to be alarmed about, unless the park tries to claim the remainder of your immortal ether. Then all bets are off.

Wow--who would've thought that the Brit Crew owned so many ties? Congratulations to Dave and Amy! That lunch on the train looked great.

^I was there today, too, and had five great rides on the "new" I305. It was really hauling this afternoon after it warmed up (and with full trains). Overall, a pretty nice afternoon at KD (here's a few photos). I still gray out a bit here. That's a pretty steep climb. Yep--still a top-five ride for me. But let's not neglect Shockwave's nifty new sign. Nice new paint, same old ride. There wasn't a line so I gave it a whirl. It was OK. Personally, I think they should've gone with the ride's original Togo name. One more look at I305--just because it's so good. "Supervisor's note to self: Need to improve our training when it comes to hanging the park flag."

Stone the infidel!