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More Luna Park Melbourne--you know you want it! What? In the planter? "Yoo hoo!" "Madame, I greatly admire your coffee cups." They gave us a walkthrough tour of the Ghost Train. Amy looks serious, like someone on an episode of "Ghost Hunters." You see, it's a train. And there are ghosts! Get it? "I MUST FEED!" OK, that's the last time I try online dating. No, nothing creepy about this at all. "Yeah, I'm a troll, and I'm on the Internet. So?" The next Toy Story movie is going to take a very disturbing turn. Er, I just want to be friends, OK? "Dude, if you don't go for it, I'm gonna! She's hot!" "Flame-o: The Dog Who Could Light a Cigarette with His Tongue" was not a popular children's book. "Open the door for your Mystery Date!" "Sir, this is a beautiful old neighborhood with lots of potential. Why, there hasn't been demon sighting or a brimstone storm here in, well, days! And you can get in on the ground floor--cheap!" Luna Park takes a lot of pride in their carousel. I guess you could call him a "warhorse." "Hee-haw! Hee-haw!" Now you know one of the carousel's secrets--which means now you die! The world's most terrifying planter. Enjoy your Ferris wheel ERT, ladies. Jimmy, why so serious? The view from the top. The park is in a very nice location. Unless you dislike sunsets, sand, and flat rides. Then you might not care for it. Here's the park's other coaster--the oddly named "Metropolis." I gues it's a better monicker than "Ride of Steel." Twilight . . . . . . then night. The park's bumper cares are pretty good--nice light package, too. This offers an amazing simulation of bouncing around in a plastic box while watching bad TV. Good night, Luna Park! Thanks for a great time--nice place and a very nice staff. OK, this is either a very funky boutique, or someone is making a low-budget sci-fi flick. More than we need to know. That's all for now.

Chapter 6--Return of the Son from Beyond the Valley of Creepy Guy: Luna Park Melbourne We made a wet exit from Surfers Paradise. (It was raining. Get your mind out of the gutter.) But the weather was good in Melbourne, if a bit chilly after dark, for our evening at Luna Park. This was Australia's first Luna Park, and it's been open since 1912. It's also home to what may be the oldest operating roller coaster in the world: the Scenic Railway. This is one of few remaining coasters that requires a brakeman, and this alone makes the park worth visiting. Like its younger cousin in Sydney, Luna Park Melbourne still has that old-fashioned vibe, thanks to its Moorish architecture and old carousel (a beautifully maintained Philadelpha Toboggan Company model from 1913). They pack quite a few flats into a small place, too, along with an old-school Ghost Train, which has a bit of a "cult following," according to the park. (Director Tim Burton rode this Ghost Train a few years back and said it was very "Ed Wood.") There's a funky restaurant and shopping district just a block away from the park, as well. Here's a look--but first, it's time for one of those TPR classic "bonus credits"! Surfers Paradise bid us a wet, sloppy goodbye. Yay! Time for credit whoring--Aussie style! Hmm--Aussie-style credit whoring looks a lot like American- or European-style credit whoring. Wacky Worm status confimred. Engage "whoring sequence." Whoring sequence engaged. Here we see the credit whores in their native habitat, performing an arcane ritual that only they understand. "Hey, I can ride a Wacky Worm and eat Fairy Floss at the same time! Australia is a magic place!" "I'm so dirty! Oh so dirty!" Wacky Worm credit, free Fairy Floss, and cake! What more could one want? Hmm--looks like there's a bit of a wait for the big wheel. "I am the son of Creepy Guy! Come and taste my vengeance! Well, that is, if I have to be vengeful about something. I actually feel pretty good today." But first, dinner at Grill'd. This joint was next door. I snagged one of those pecan tarts later that evening--good stuff! Sheesh! Grill'd has a lot of rules. This is sort of "Five Guys Meets Subway." I had the "Kung Fu Fighter" burger, with slivered carrots and satay sauce. Pretty good--excellent fries, too. Aussies also like sliced beets on their burgers. Well, so much for my plans to go out on a drunken rampage that night. "YOUR SOULS ARE MINE!" This cool old theatre across the street was built by the same poeple who developed the park. Aw, nuts! We're gonna miss Uriah Heep by one day! I'm having Sydney flashbacks! Get out of my head! Perfect for those who function uniquely. They park gave us a tour and some ERT before they opened to the public. This has the potential to be disturbing. Potential fulfilled. Time for a little look at the Scenic Railway--behind the scenes. It's a little known fact, but Peeps are essential to the proper operations of a Scenic Railway. This gooey, yellow snack treat has just the right consistency for properly greasing the cable. This is why the Scenic Railway can only run during Eastertime, when it's easy to obtain yellow Peeps. (OK, anyone who believes that, raise your hands. I now have some swampland in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.) Big wheel. Make coaster go up. Without this cage, the big wheel would attack and eat you! Here's one for all you maintenance bay fans. Behold the Dragon car! He does Creepy Guy's bidding! OK, time to walk the track like a bunch of hobos. The brakeman is in position--time for ERT and filming. But first, please note the rules. So much for my plans to talk to the brakeman while smoking a cigar. Off they go! Ding! Just wait right there, pal! Car go up, so big wheel turn! All is well! I like the Moorish architecture--an unusual choice for a coaster. OK, it can get pretty bumpy here--especially in the second car. I rode it again that night, and had back spasms for about 15 minutes afterward! Whee! The bunny hills are fun. Almost there . . . you can do it . . . Success! They made it around the bend! Australian Muslins can bow toward this station to pray. Well, that is, if Mecca is in this general direction. More to come.

I read that as sarcasm, beating the real haters to the punch. Look at the cited coasters. It has to be a joke. With the successful reprofile, will i305 top the list next year? Yeah, I'm pretty sure the dude was kidding, too. Besides, everyone knows that Robb was working on making "Fave SLC Anywhere" number one.

Good to see that one of the ten best steel coasters in the world is only about an hour away from my house. Congratulations to Kings Dominion and I305!

This is a great idea! I love the cheesy movies from that era.

This is my response to the posts about a rumor that may or may not be correct: Everyone needs to relax a bit.

Magnum and chickenbowl, don't force us to take a fire extinguisher to your little flame war. Both of you need to relax.

Who "confirmed" that? Posted earlier by pdkcoaster: http://themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1034833#p1034833. He doesn't say where he found this information, though.

That would be in line with the complaint that BGW lost a "family coaster" (of sorts) when the Big Bad Wolf was removed.

^It's a little hard to get the scale of it, too. Up close, it doesn't look that tall, but when you ride Griffon, it's pretty clear that Mach Tower is taller. I think there's some "trim" yet to be installed, too.

^Your opinion has been noted and logged. Personally, I think it's good to see a few more manufacturers, other than B&M and Intamin, building coasters in the U.S. Time will tell. I was at the park on Sunday for a while, and snapped a few pictures of Mach Tower from various places around the park. Here are a few looks at the park's changing skyline. From the France parking lot. From the Festa Italia Bridge. From right under it. From the Festhaus. From Griffon. And through the Loch Ness Monster.

Something isn't kosher about all this.

^Your are, indeed, a rare prize.

^"Him charm"? Who charm? Sounds like it was written by Tarzan. Newspaper and news service online comments sections are such mental leper colonies.

Hmm . . . I have a strong sense of deja vu over some of these photos . . . where have I seen them before? Hmm . . .

^That person will receive a week's free membership on some online dating site in the hopes that he or she may find a "life."

^Exactly. I caught it at Disneyland right before the Australia trip, and thought, "This has not aged well." That being said, I still think it was better than "Honey, I Bored the Audience."

Fixed . Couldn't resist--I'm sick of "4D" movies at parks.

^I think the "Bum Hummers" were pickled onions--eww! I despise any food item that's been "pickled."

Johnnie Walker and Wild Turkey in a can. Now that's classy!

Come on, all of you. Everyone knows that Go Karts Plus is the greatest park in Virginia!

Hell, I'd go back to Silver Dollar City just for the succotash skillet. Such a great park!

Yep--Spiny Norman (at least he looked a lot like Spiny Norman). The squid and chips (that is, calamari and fries) were pretty good. These were on the buffet at Dreamworld, too.

Hypersonic was a great ride the first year or two it was open; unfortunately, it did not age well. I thought Gwazi was OK, too--never experienced the horrid rides I'd heard about, but my experience with it is pretty limited.

After a nice lunch at Bluey's in the Ettamogah Pub (I did have squid and chips and beer, by the way), we headed out to the Australia Zoo, the brainchild of the Steve Irwin, the late "Crocodile Hunter." He did a nice job, too, as this is an excellent zoo with a nice, knowledgable staff. Some of us signed up for a three-hour private tour, which enabled us to catch just about everything on this sprawling, critter-filled property. Steve Irwin's shadow looms rather heavily over the place, and you can tell they miss him keenly. Our guide always referred to "Steve believed this" or "Steve said that." But I think the zoo is in very capable hands and will continue to thrive. It's a terrific showplace not only for Australian wildlife, but also for animals from other regions. Get ready for the last set of animal pictures in this TR. You can be happy or sad about this. It's totally up to you. Next up, the zoo Steve Irwin built. Oops! I already blew this by eating pepper kangaroo pizza in Sydney! Please don't haunt me! "I'm a rhinocerous iguana. If I wasn't a vegetarian, I would so have eaten you by now." "G'day! I'm one of the zoo's official host lizards. May I get you a refreshing beverage?" "Hey, I'm a 'host lizard,' too. And I got ice-cold beer! Just come over and get it." "That's it. Don't pay no attention to no stupid signs! I got beer!" So a pit bull would not mess with a Tasmanian devil? "I eat pit bulls for breakfast, mate!" Oh, come now--you're talkin' about birds, here! How dangerous could they be? Oh. That dangerous. "My name is Cass O'Wary. You did not kill my father. Prepare to die." What? Koalas aren't bears? My world has been shattered! Are you sick of koala photos yet? Well, here's a profile! Haven't seen a koala profile yet, have you? "We're not bears, you know." "SHUT UP!" I think I hear some brass balls clanking. Anyone for some ERT with Steve Irwin's favorite croc? "I hated Steve Irwin's guts, yet he loved me. Call us, codependent." "Meh. I could take or leave him--unless he waved a piece of liver in my face." The famous Crocoseum. Yes, they actually have trained crocodiles, but we missed that day's show. "Hmm--maybe I'm one of the really poisonous snakes, or maybe I'm not. You a sporting man?" Here's part of a nice tribute to Steve Irwin. "Just you and me/And joey makes three/In our Roo Heaven." Don't touch joey's pouch! This makes him very mad! "Dimsdale?" (Am I the only one who gets this?) Masters of roo-fu. Careful, Brian--that one might go all "roo-fu" on you! "Darn! You saw me! My camouflage sucks!" "I'm an emu, not a cassowary. And I'm feeling rather fragile today. This is no guarantee that I won't kill you." And we wouldn't want that, would we? So, it's just a short walk from Beerwah, Australia to Southeast Asia? Like Aussie World, "it's on your way." "OK, kid. Hand over the watermelon, and no one gets hurt." "Hmm--the little girl or the big guy carrying her? They both look so delicious that I wish I were a carnivore." Tigers have temples, so they're Jewish? I've learned so much here. "Someone get me a frickin' sno kone!" "Hey, Dreamworld's tigers get sno kones. I'm just sayin'." I think this is a red panda . . . . . . and this is some sort of albino duck. "Uh-uh! I know what you're thinkin'. Is he a deadly snake, or not? Well, to tell you the truth, I sort of forgot myself in all this excitement. But being as this is Australia, the home of the deadliest snakes in the world, some of whom could kill you within seconds, you have to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Wombutt "OK, where's that big Yank in the Joy Wheel shirt? I'm feelin' pretty damn hungry, and I think he'll do just fine. If only I could find him . . ." Steve Irwin's shadow looms large--but he built an excellent zoo. "Before you leave, could I get you a Magnum Bar or something? Really, I'm here to serve." "Magnum bars? Er, yeah, I got a whole bunch of 'em, all for free. Just come on over and get you some . . ." "Yes, I am a kookaburra, and I do sit 'in the old gum tree.' No, I do not consider myself 'king of the bush.'" Happy now?" That's all for now.