Electerik

I worked at Universal Orlando for four years--and even drove floats in the Mardi Gras parade--but, for some reason, I'd never seen the Macy's Holiday Parade at Universal Studios Florida before. I enjoyed it. And, there was more going on than just the parade.... This picture has it all: a theme park, balloons, and a child falling on his face. An elderly Shrek looks down on the streets of USF. "Hello, I am flower-crotch bear. Will you be my friend?" Smisty was excited to see Horton there. Even Krusty has gotten into the Christmas spirit, and he's Jewish! Yes, the park is filled with balloon displays and I'm already out of funny captions. Either this balloon is not well placed, or the speaker isn't. The Cat in the Hat looks appropriately gay. Grover! Does SeaWorld know about this?? It's snowing on Delancey Street. The Blues Brothers have a rather interesting tree set up on their stage. So, so many candy cane jokes, and none of them appropriate for a family website. "Holiday Village" consists of special (temporary) shops, food stands, and games. This makes glass or grows pot or something. Anyway, it's a craft. Well, who wouldn't want a Rasta Santa hat? Yes, it's the soothing Christmastime melodies of Toxic Audio. Intriguing food options... ...and Holiday-themed games of chance. Garfield has taken up residence outside The Mummy. I'm sure the connection there is obvious. There is an animatronic squirrel in the Christmas tree. Oh crap, the man is here. Ooh, time for the parade! This balloon got tired of floating and decided to ride behind a truck instead. I love that someone is trying to trip the marching band. [Lower right.] Balloon handler is a glamorous job. Kinky. Kinkier. Uncle Sam approves of this sex parade. Wait...so it's a truck carrying a float of a car towing a jukebox? I think it's a rule that when you have a parade, you have to include any vehicles you just have lying around. Crazy backwards weirdo taxi with headless driver and a monkey. Hmmm, what's this? Oh, it's the ice skating Central Park Shrek float! This picture make balloon handing look really difficult. It was a bit windy this day, too. I like pirates. Hey, it's Scooby and his friend! (A joke that only people who've actually worked at Universal have any chance at all of getting. Sorry.) Pirate butt. Yeah, cheerleaders are hot, but you know what this parade really needs? No.... There we go. Isn't that the villain from those Narnia books? They accidentally filled this balloon with bricks. Oopsy. Hey baby, I'm God's gift to you. Look for me under your tree. [That would probably have worked better if the Christmas tree chicks were in front, I admit.] Best. Parade. Ever. Santa stops to light the tree, confetti gets shot everywhere, and this update comes to an end. "It's the most wonderful time of the year...!"

Yeah, I think it has more to do with Big Bad Wolf's placement in, and association with, Busch Gardens Williamsburg than with the ride itself. Which is to say, it was an iconic and important part of the park to most of BGW's fans. (And I would included myself in that.) People still talk about how much they miss Wacky Soap Box Racers at Knott's, even if they like Xcelerator better, because it represented something that's missing now. And so it is with Big Bad Wolf. It felt *wrong* for the park to remove it, and I suspect that nothing else they put there will ever erase that idea from the minds of the park's fans. Some things are more than the sum of their parts. Personally, I preferred Top Gun/Flight Deck at (P)KI. But I still loved BBW. And yeah, with the loss of Big Bad Wolf, BGW went from being my favorite park to barely being in my top 5. But we already know how weird my opinions are.

We took lots of photos of Florida parks this year. Here's two from me, and one from Smisty.

Sadly, no. Just my bad luck, I guess.

Not long ago, there was a man named Harry Osborn. He lived a happy life in a place called "Arkansas," until his dad went crazy and dropped some blond chick off a bridge. Vowing to restore honor to the family name, Harry put up a bunch of Christmas lights. But then the Supreme Court said, "Whaaa, you're using more electricity than the whole rest of the state! Whaaa!" But then Walt Disney World said, "Hey, we have a really boring area in one of our parks that you could put all your lights up in. Plus, you're dad works for us now anyway!" The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights, at Disney's Hollywood Studios This is not actually Harry's work. But it is a Christmas tree, and it is just outside of DHS. This is a really nice picture of concrete, at night. Decorations on whatever the heck they call this park's Main Street. Dancing...wait, what are those things?? The park's "star" attraction. Yuk, yuk, yuk. "Hey, you're all ruining my shot!" Okay, that's pretty cool. Nobody.Touch.The.Switch. Can you spot the hidden Chevy sign? "Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling yoo-hoo...!" Would you like some cotton candy...IN HELL??? If it's out there, it gets decorated. Tron tire swing. True story: According to Bob Geldof, people stand outside his house and sing "Do They Know It's Christmas" at him. This is known as "vigilante justice." "It's a street corner telephone parlor! Oh, what kind of horrible suicide-free time is this?" [Anyone?] That...seems wrong, somehow. Dude, he decorated the stars in the sky! Hey, you know who makes great light bulbs? GE. Apparently, Disney wouldn't give Harry the rights to use Mickey Mouse, so he had to make this guy up. Man, New York is infested with angels. This makes me think of Back to the Future. Which reminds me: DeLoreans are cool. By this point, I had been drinking heavily. Instead of Jesus? Mickey Mouse. "Dear Lord, please help Erik come up with better captions, we beseech thee." "I'm a crazy toy soldier! Gimme some candy!" Look! One sad little menorah, up where you can't really see it. Well, that's really...something. Merry Christmas and Happy Robonica from Erik & Smisty!

Crap, I liked East of Chicago. I mean, I like Dairy Queen okay, but I can't imagine ever going there while in Sandusky--not while Toft's still exists.

Nice to see San Diego adding more turtle stuff! I've always thought that turtles were a bit under-represented at SeaWorld. Hopefully, the other parks will follow suit.

I did actually buy something, though: the hurricane postcard. (And I've already sent it to someone!) Misty really did buy all that Wall-E stuff, too.

Thanks for posting this! Never heard of the place. Enjoyed seeing it.

Orlando isn't all theme parks and miniature golf, of course. It also has crappy T-shirt shops. So, in honor of "Black Friday," we present to you this very special shopping TR! Bargain World Located on International Drive, Bargain World forms sort of a duplex with "Sports Dominator." The only sure-fire way to judge the age of an alien is by his clothing choices. Misty has a shopping system: If it has Wall-E on it, she buys it. Let's make the rounds. Candy... ...lighting... ...menswear... ...and, of course, artworks. There are also lots and lots of questionable postcards. In fact, I started with about 20 that I wanted to post, but I've pared it down to two. Yes, it's five Orlando attractions! Yes, it's Bargain World--for all your discount vacation souvenir needs! No reputations were harmed during the making of this update.

Okay, I ordered volumes 5 and 1 (even though I still have the free download version from a while back) and pre-ordered 14, thus completing my DVD collection of the Coaster Expedition series. Hooray!

I'm thankful for the family owned and operated parks that still exist. All of them.

Okay, back to more important matters. The first ever Erik & Smisty Bag O' Rubbish That We Don't Want Anymore has been sent! And while I have no idea how long it will take to actually reach Mr. Overlord, considering how expensive it was to ship, I can only assume that all packages in Scotland are delivered by jet-powered llamas (and thus I imagine that it won't take all that long). PS: I expect an unboxing report!

If you asked me to name the best themed ride, from start to finish, in Florida, I'd probably say, "Men In Black: Alien Attack." But, ironically enough, this ride is located--along with the fairly well themed Simpsons Ride--in one of the worst themed areas of any Florida park. And, of course, Universal Orlando's on-ride camera policy is, 'No.' So enjoy this update of two well-done, entirely indoor attractions that we can't take photos of, in a an ugly-ass area of the park that we can take all the photos we want of. Hey, we like a challenge. World Expo, Universal Studios Florida Welcome to World Expo! Just follow the concrete! This 'quiet area' isn't too bad. I'm not 100% sure that it's actually part of World Expo, but it doesn't seem like it could be part of anything else either, so we'll go with it. No comment. When you have no theme, just name things after the area. Our first stop of note is The International Food & Film Festival. (Don't let the 'Film Festival' part fool you. It's just a counter-service restaurant.) Here you can choose from Italian food, American food, and Chinese food. The food here is okay. There are movie posters on the walls, some in different languages. Um...that's about it, really. Lot's of semi-permanent booths in this area. Okay, on to the good stuff. This, of course, used to be the Back to the Future shop. Now it's themed to The Simpsons. Best gift shop ever. Seriously. (What, you thought I had some sort of axe to grind? I calls 'em like I sees 'em.) To say they make fun of themselves would be an understatement. Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig, does whatever a Spider-Pig does. Can he swing, from a web? No he can't, he's a pig. Look out! He is a Spider-Pig! You know...they really should have made a whole Simpsons-themed land. They have my name! They don't have Misty's name, but they do have donuts! My name's not Dingus. He must be talking to you. Access gate. Maybe they can build some more Simpsons stuff back there. I think that chick is gonna hurl. They did a good job converting BTTF to this. Lots of nice touches all around. You think he parked her there on purpose? All height signs should be photo ops. This would be so much better than Potterland. Yep, same "no fun to wait in" queue as BTTF. The indoor queue is better. Damn, I was really excited about the Yardwork Simulator, too. The ride still has the same "It's not our problem" loading system as BTTF. They put eight people in a room and let them duke it out for two rows of four. Misty and I were in with two groups of three. The attendants ran away. As for the ride itself, it's a simulator. It's not different. It shakes you around a lot while it pretends it's doing something cool. Really, the only thing it's got going for it is The Simpsons. So if you don't care for them, there's really no reason to ride it. Honestly, I think 'motion simulator' was almost the worst choice for a Simpsons ride. I want to go on Captain Dinosaur's Pirate Rip-Off! Want a Coke? Oh, 'cause we heard you wanted a Coke. Are you *sure* you don't want a Coke? Yes, there really are three drink stands in a row between Simpsons and MiB. Hmmm...we must be going the wrong way or something, because we keep getting to the gift shops before the actual rides. One thing Universal has pretty much always done, that the other major Florida chains don't, is to try to sell you time shares right in the midway--which is disgusting, obviously. This is ride is seriously great. It's an area of contradictions. They always have a single rider line. Holy crap, yes! I want to do that! Hurry up, Universal! Okay, so...your MiB experience begins by going in to see "The Universe and You." Which is (presumably) a cheesy film about whether or not aliens might exists. "Sorry about all that phony theme park nonsense." Authorized for MiB agent training. Cool animatronic queue theming. I hear the blauvistnig is excellent. Approaching Immigration/Control. This photo makes it seem really narrow, but the ledge on the left is actually queue. The Weapons Room. The loading area. The view from the other side. Beware, I have a laser gun. This is actually a still from the first MiB movie. But see those cardboard target aliens in the background? Those are totally in the ride. The unload area, which puts you back in "The Universe and You," since you had your memory erased at the end of the ride. Exit theming is always welcome. The on-ride photo area. MiB has the best on-ride photo ever. It even shows everybody's score (you know, if you actually buy the thing). I think our friend Seth (bottom-left) won this round. The ride was built so that you didn't have to exit into the gift shop if you didn't want to. But in the dark days before Harry Potter, when Universal was selling blood on the street corner, this "emergency" exit door went up and changed all that. The gift shop is cool, too. (Though it's no Kwik-E-Mart.) Smisty, that's not his knee. Indeed. So, to sum up: Men In Black is awesome, The Simpsons is okay, the area blows. Thanks for reading this lame update!

Sadly, the real reason the backpack has disappeared is far more mundane. We (purposely) didn't own a car when we lived in Pigeon Forge, which meant that we had to carry around anything we might need while out for the day. We do own a car in Orlando, so any such necessities can just hang out in the back seat. /And, also, ninjas stole most of the backpacks while we were in Clearwater.

Well, we definitely want to make sure the Bag O' Rubbish is amazing, so you'll have to give me some time here.

Cheaty MacCheatsalot! Nevertheless, you are correct. PM me your address and I'll send you a specially branded Erik & Smisty Bag O' Rubbish That We Don't Want Anymore.* *Not associated with official TPR "Bags 'O Crap." /For extra credit, what movie is the phrase on the shirt a reference to?

We went to Clearwater with the intent of visiting the Clearwater Marine Aquarium and Gondolier Pizza (a restaurant we had liked a lot up in Sevierville). Driving in, we encountered heavy traffic, fought our way through it, discovered that the police were blocking lanes randomly with no explanation and "directing" traffic, often in opposition to perfectly operational traffic lights. At first we just thought there was an accident or something and that we'd get through it. But after many miles of this insanity, we discovered that there was an Iron Man triathlon-type race occurring on the streets. Of course, by this time, we were stuck in traffic that simply did not move, with no warning going in, and no way to get out of it. Gondolier turned out to be impossible to reach by car, street parking was $1.25 per hour (and we'd neglected to bring a roll of quarters), so walking was out. And the aquarium turned out to be closed the entire day because they were filming a movie there. So we left as quickly as we could (which was not very fast), only to hit construction once we were out of the triathlon zone. And by construction, I mean two perfectly good lanes of a four lane bridge were closed off with no actual construction happening. So, we then spent an hour...driving across a bridge. I guess I could have researched more. But, then again, the city could have warned cars coming in of what was ahead of them. (Same with the bridge. No warning until you were on it. And nowhere else to go at that point, because it's a bridge.) Whatever. My fault or theirs, I'm not going back any time soon. Clearwater can die in a fire.

Central Florida's mini golf scene is largely dominated by the Congo River chain. Which would upset me more if they weren't so darned good. Each of their nine locations (and this is only the second to be covered here...so far) shares the same theme, and many of the same props--but each has its own unique layout and holes. And we haven't played a bad one yet. [Note: I would be remiss if I did not mention that Clearwater Florida is a terrible, terrible place. This mini golf course is nice--but beyond that, I highly recommend avoiding Clearwater at all costs. If you do find yourself there (perhaps because you've done something very, very bad), then by all means seek out Congo River. But, otherwise, just stay away. Because it's awful there. And you'll be sorry.] Congo River Golf, Clearwater Clearwater's installation is a simple, 18-hole affair with gem mining, an arcade, and alligators. Mmmm, alligator fishing. But we're here for the mini golf! Smisty will appear five more times in this update. If you can decipher her shirt, you'll win a prize! It's just not mini golf if there's not a cave. Congo Rivers are not wheelchair accessible. I found the mask! (Perhaps I should have mentioned that all the Congo Rivers have a scavenger hunt game along each course. My bad.) Hey Misty, how's it going? This was an interesting hole. The Congo River witch doctor was a bit disappointing. All he did was filter water. And yes, there is a hole in the boat. Er...I mean.... Lamest water feature ever. (Actually, it wasn't. It was sort of cool, really. I just didn't have a better caption.) Is that a tomb over there? AAAHHH!!! "For Livingston, the uncle was home." What? For the old folks next door, this mini golf place is home. Heading towards the end. The club house is just ahead, with gem mining and the arcade on the right. Cool water feature on the 18th hole. I got a pen. Congo River = awesome. [but remember: Clearwater = bad.]

Obviously total speculation, but I would imagine that if trainers were ever going back into the water with the orcas, they'd just keep Believe around. Although, I guess it's possible that trainers could be going back in using equipment or some other safety precaution that would force a total show change. Personally, I'd like to see them back in the water, regardless. /They don't stop auto racing when somebody dies.

^ I think doing all of the puzzles helped a lot. Without that, it was just sort of a trudge.

During October and November, Long & Scott Farms in Zellwood, Florida, is home to a corn maze. Knowing almost nothing about it (other than price, hours, and location) we set off.... Scott's Maze Adventures Fairly professional looking. Um...slightly less professional. Oh my freaking god, it's "Deliverance." Overwhelming options. We went basic. Two for the corn maze, please. After buying wristbands, you are directed (without explanation) to the "video line." Small mazes, and other confusing distractions, can be found along this "video line." Ah...! We have to watch a video explaining the rules before we go in. Puzzles and such, to be deciphered within the maze. Despite having almost no idea of what to expect going in, I find myself surprised by just how big, busy, and "country" the whole thing is. (The stairway on top leads to a slide, by the way.) Lots of playground-type stuff. And a maze just for Misty! Hay! A hay...spider...? A corn walk-around character. I could go home happy right now, honestly. They even have food! I'm not eating any of it, but still.... The wind tunnel and, um, "restrooms." Look, once we get to the maze itself, it's just going to be a bunch of photos of corn, so enjoy this craziness while you can. If you went to outer space, and looked down on this corn maze, I'd suggest that you reevaluate your priorities a bit. The entrance and maze rules. Did you ever see that movie, "Children of the Corn"? I didn't. Hmmm.... Oh, the puzzles! Smisty does a rubbing. Not a good sign. Hey, a bridge! How do we get up there?? Okay, we're lost. Yay, we found the bridge entrance! We're saved! The view from the bridge. "So, which way are you telling folks how to get out of here?" - "You're telling them how to get out?" Back in we go. Yay! We finished all the puzzles! And this maze is conquered. CORN see us! Get it? You can buy corn here. Or even... *become* corn! Yeah, so that was a thing. Maybe even a fun thing.

No, not too much. When we first started the thread, the only annual passes we had were for Walt Disney World, so there was a lot of that at the beginning. But we now have annual passes for pretty much everything. And we've both worked for Disney, Universal, and SeaWorld at one time or another, so we're pretty well covered in terms of biases. I will say that we chose Howl-O-Scream over Horror Nights and Spooktacular over Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party based at least partially on cost, but keep in mind that Mickey's is an upcharge and Spook isn't. Sometimes random just *seems* like a pattern.

As much as we love amusement parks, neither of us have ever been big water park fans. In fact, you can count the number of water parks we've each been to on one hand. Neither of us are particularly strong swimmers, and neither of us like body-slides or being dunked. No, we like family raft rides and lazy rivers. We like animal exhibits and pretty flowers. We like... Aquatica Aquatica is located directly across the street from SeaWorld. The park's mascots give you a clue to Aquatica's general South Pacific / Australia / New Zealand theme. A small bridge and waterfall lead you to the entrance. Odd that such a new park would have a crooked entrance. ;O) "Hey man, Anheuser-Busch left their eagle here. You want it?" The pathway from the gate to the park proper is weird, funky, and cool. It takes you under, past, and over the park's signature attraction, Dolphin Plunge. Dolphin Plunge dumps you out near this hilarious sign. Next to Dolphin Plunge is an underwater viewing area, where you can watch people on the slide trying to catch a glimpse of the park's Commerson's dolphins. Kiwi Traders gift shop stands at the park crossroads. I bought one of these shirts. I'm sure it'll show up in a future update. Misty bought this bumper sticker with 'Roa' on it, among other things. Next stop, the park's main locker complex. (I just don't see any practical way around getting a locker at water parks.) It's $5.00 plus a $5.00 deposit for a standard-size all-day locker. Next to the lockers is a cabana with a few small animal exhibits. "Hello, I am some sort of lizard. I might be from the South Pacific, for all you know." We are now here. The entrance to Tassie Twister, the park's dual "toilet bowl" slides, is accessed from within the lazy river. It seems like a neat idea, but creates some practical problems--especially when the park is busy. Loggerhead Lane is the name of the lazy river. Preparing to enter the lazy river's underwater viewing area. Okay, this is cool. Do you think that person in the slide sees the Commerson dolphin? There's also this half-tunnel fish tank thing. Coming back around to the entrance and exit of Loggerhead Lane. Well...we should be protected against Satan. So that's nice. This would make a good caption contest. I have no prizes for you, though. So, instead, I'll just talk about the water sprayers that exist throughout the park, wetting the midways and your feet. They're great if you're barefooted, not so good if you're wearing flip-flops. Aquatica has three proper restaurants. This is the biggest. The park offers an all-day dining deal, but it's only good here. Still, that would probably be our recommendation. It's a buffet, whether you choose the $15.00 one-time offer, or the $20.00 all-day deal. Cook-out appropriate food. Pretty good, too. The park's other gift shop, Adaptations. The entrance for the park's two family raft rides. HooRoo Run is one big non-turning undulating drop. The splashdown pool. Wahalla Wave is half open, half enclosed, and all awesome. The top of Taumata Racer. There is no way I would ever get Misty on this. Honestly, I'm not too sure about it myself. That's what water park wimps we are. Hard to make out the times in this photo, but I do think it's a nice idea. Walkabout Waters is one of the park's two water play structures, and the one adults are allowed to experience without children. And now for our favorite thing at Aquatica, Roa's Rapids! It's like a lazy river, but very fast and with no inner-tubes. You can wear one of the parks free life-jackets though, which I highly recommend. Basically, we spend about half our day here. And since there are two entrances, it can also be used as a sort of transportation ride, to get from one part of the park to the other. Uh-oh, Smisty has the face. What's the matter, Smisty? Oh, I see; I have a tiny lifeguard on my head. On our second visit to the park, we decided to try Mango Market, resulting in our one sour experience at Aquatica. The short version is: We got there 5 minutes after they opened, were ignored for about 10 minutes while the employees did there opening stuff, and then we gave up and left. Kata's Kookaburra Cove is the more kid-oriented water play structure (though they look awfully similar to me). A cute slide. I heard somewhere that SeaWorld did a bunch of surveys about what people want in a water park before designing Aquatica, and the result was lots and lots of beach with lots and lots of lounge chairs. There are two wave pools, side by side. I think one is supposed to have bigger, stronger waves than the other, but I honestly couldn't tell you which is which. I have a waterproof camera. First Aid and a second set of lockers. For really busy days, perhaps? Okay, so let me use this bird display to talk about Aquatica's animal exhibits. Outside of the Commerson's dolphins, there's not much. Just a few birds and small fish. It still kicks ass over every other water park's no-animal-exhibits-at-all, but they definitely could do more. Whanua Way and Omaka Rocka inner-tube slides. Ghetto "carry your own tubes up the stairs" style. Omaka Rocka is the park's newest addition. "Aaaaahhhhh!!!" It's really fun, except for the parts where your feet bash into the walls. The third restaurant is the Waterstone Grill. After we gave up on Mango Market, we headed here. This menu board really doesn't do it justice. They also have fish and buffalo chicken sandwiches. We received much better service here. Dig the souvenir inner-tube bowl. And we're back at Kiwi Traders. This made us laugh. Possibly because it's so brilliant. On your way out, you're continually reminded of what a pretty park this is. Not really a show, but they sometime have "training sessions" with the Commerson's dolphin. It mostly involves them swimming back and forth. But again, it's better than every other water park's nothing-at-all. The exit. I used to be funnier than this. I don't know what happened. "Ah-qua-tick-ah" or "Ah-qua-teak-ah"? Discuss. And now I leave you with one of the coolest photos I have ever taken. Ready? Aquatica - SeaWorld's Water Park

What's funny about this, is that rides like Top Thrill Dragster and Kingda Ka are in seasonal parks that are closed half the year. In a weird way, shouldn't "the world's tallest and fastest roller coaster" be in Orlando? Yet Orlando has never had anything like that. I ,too, am skeptical about a thrill park in this market. The only way I could see those kinds of rides here in Orlando is if the major parks got into a thrill ride war. Robb is quite right about IOA. And what has turned IOA into a powerhouse suddenly? A dark ride, some stores, and a new soft drink. Manta was a big success for SeaWorld. But what do people talk about? The immersive aspect. /I have a point in there somewhere, I'm pretty sure.