TheGreatOne Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Peter Griffin to News Anchor Tom Tucker after Tucker asks for porn at Lackluster Video (from the new DVD): Save your money, Tucker. This place doesn't have porn. You know, that really grinds my gears. Where in the bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbor's living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player? Well, I don't know where it says it because the Bible was way too long to read!
Kroger8 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Another one I loved was not really something said but something on a sign... "If you lick a toad... You are licking every toad it has ever been with."
Homer Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "To the Petercopter!" (Peter flies a Peter-shaped helicopter, the copter then crashes into Joe's yard with the propellers grinding dirt everywhere.) Joe: OMG! PETER! OMG! Later that episode... "To the HindenPeter!" (Suddenly a Peter Blimp is seen flying in the background, crashes into Joe's house and explodes)
ChrisZer0 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Tom: And now to our weatherman Olie Oliver for the Blackie-Weather Forecast, Olie? Olie: ITS RAININ' SIDEWAYS! Tom: Don't you have an umbrella? Olie: USED TO! Tom: Where is it now? Olie: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY! Tom: Is there anything we can do for you? Olie: BRING SOUP! Tom: What kind? Olie: CHUNKY! Tom: Thanks, Olie. Up next, a pig that won't eat Jews.
ChrisZer0 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Brian: Sure I'll take some. God, What is this?! Adam West: It's creamed corn, I brought it from home. I don't like the creamed corn they have here. It's too crunchy.
ChrisZer0 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Cleveland: Public urination is just wrong. Except during the Million Man March when protestors burned down our porta-potties and I used my stream of justice to put out the hate.
Sir Clinksalot Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Smurf #1: Hey, did you have a good time last night? Smurf #2: Smurf-tacular! Smurf #1: Yeah, I saw you leave with Smurfette. Smurf #2: Oh man, as soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me. Smurf #1: Shut the Smurf up! Smurf #2: Yeah! Smurf #1: Right in the Smurfing parking lot? Smurf #2: Smurf-Yeah! Smurf #1: Oh! That is freaking Smurf!
Florida420 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Meg - "Chris your hoggin' up all the fans" Chris - " Oh yeah, well your hoggin' up all the ugly!"
ParkTrips Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "Oh, Peter, I love you." "Uh, about a quarter past five."
Florida420 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Stewie - "like that time I played marco polo with Helen Keller........... (swimming in circles)marco ...marco ....marco..........marco ..........marco..............marco............marco......... marco........marco..........marco..............marco................marco Helen Keller - "..............................................." P All "that's horrible" :shock:
CoasterCrazy Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Peter: "I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal."
Homer Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 From last weeks episode; Brian: Peter even paid the villagers to reenact The Contest episode of Seinfeld. (Flash over to 3 of the villagers, one of them comes running to the other 2) Villager (as Kramer): I'm out, I have pleasured myself. (Chris is shown) Chris: He even paid a Preistess to play Elaine. Preistess: What do you mean by one square?
ParkTrips Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "Remember, guns don't kill people. Dangerous minorities do."
CoasterCrazy Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "You're drunk again." "No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking."
dandaman Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "Smoke." "Smoke." "Are ya smokin' yet?!" *** "Smoke." "Not now, Jerry..."
robbalvey Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 Tom: And now to our weatherman Olie Oliver for the Blackie-Weather Forecast, Olie?Olie: ITS RAININ' SIDEWAYS! Tom: Don't you have an umbrella? Olie: USED TO! Tom: Where is it now? Olie: INSIDE OUT TWO MILES AWAY! Tom: Is there anything we can do for you? Olie: BRING SOUP! Tom: What kind? Olie: CHUNKY! Tom: Thanks, Olie. Up next, a pig that won't eat Jews. LMAO! I almost posted that one!!!!
deathmole Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "You want a time out?" "I'll give you a time out, for eternity"!
CoasterCrazy Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection."
Homer Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Peter: (throws nickel at Joe Pesci) Say Yugoslavia. Joe Pesci: Yugoshlavia. (Peter laughs) Peter: (throws dime at tribe member with spear) Heres a dime, go kill Joe Pesci.
ParkTrips Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 "Mr. Griffin, that isn't a growth, that's your penis." "What about the...?" "Testicles." I too almost did a black-u-weather forcast quote
robbalvey Posted October 1, 2005 Author Posted October 1, 2005 I still think this is one of the funniest moments in Family Guy history: Peter: Alright, you guys, I got 8 crates of Ipecac from Mort, all on my tab. Now whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of pie in the fridge. Okay, here we go. -Pause- How’s everybody doing? Brian: Good, good so far. Peter: Alright, alright. Stewie: Nothing yet. Peter: Cool, cool. You know, I don’t know if you guys had any of that pie already, but that is uh…that is some tasty stuff. That's from the bake sale that Lois… -Peter barfs- Stewie: Ooh, one down. I know somebody who won’t be having any… -Stewie hurls- Chris: I’m starting to feel funny. Brian: Well, I feel fine, I guess I’m… -Brian blows chunks- Chris: *Stands up* Oh boy! That means I win! I get to eat… -Chris spews- Stewie: -He pukes again- Oh…Oh God…why didn’t anybody tell me… -He vomits again- Peter: OH MY GOD, MY INSIDES ARE ON FI – -Peter throws up again- Stewie: No, no please, no more…no more… -He retches again- Chris: Dad, I’m scared! -Vomits again- Brian: Get the phone, call nine-one… -He ralphs again- Peter: LOIS, LOIS, LOIS, GET IN HERE… -He launches his lunch again- Brian: Oh…okay. Okay, I think it’s all gone. I think… -He tosses his cookies again- Stewie: I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna… -He chuffs again- Brian: Peter, Peter, I need you to hold my ears – -He upchucks again, then Peter grabs his ears and yaks again, then Brian woofs again. All four of them collapse in messy heaps on the floor and couch, groaning and crying. Enter Lois carrying a large pot- Lois: Who wants chowder? *Peter, Stewie, Brian, and Chris all do a power boot*
ParkTrips Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 That was funny as hell! "Almost... Almost... Almost..."
WalrusMan Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 From last weeks episode; Brian: Peter even paid the villagers to reenact The Contest episode of Seinfeld. (Flash over to 3 of the villagers, one of them comes running to the other 2) Villager (as Kramer): I'm out, I have pleasured myself. (Chris is shown) Chris: He even paid a Preistess to play Elaine. Preistess: What do you mean by one square? I don't have a square to spare! LOL I take my Seinfeld seriously.
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