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^But at least you looked "cool" while you were losing it.

More of the park that "has a good beat . . . you can dance to." Good night, Hard Rock Park. We had a good time and you have potential--good luck. I wonder if Michael Jackson gets a nickel everytime somebody reads this. Larry is all set for Atlantic City! Look out, ladies--a highroller is in town! "Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!" Come to think of it, it is closing time. "Mama Mia, let me go!" "Mama, just killed a man . . ." Now that's a cheery way to start a theme-park pyro show. I confront my formative decade . . . aw, crap! OK, that's enough--party on! Looks like KC and the Sunshine Band pulled in a good-sized crowd. A moment of silence for fallen rock stars. You know, I'd pick up an air guitar and play, but I never learned. Sorry. Here's the "Main Street" of the park. And now, the charm of HRP after dark, when bulls with teats can spurt and fart with abandon! "So, ya spin, and ya get high! Yeah, I get it." Shrooms, anyone? Druid dietary choices may have had something to do with it, too. Fiery gas and indigestion were commonplace among these ancient people. Here we see a demonstration of a Druid mating ritual, which rather explains why the race mysteriously died out. I had no idea that HRP would be so educational. The Druids not only invented the phone booth, but also figured out how to stack them! And that was before telephones! Amazing! "Phonehenge! Where the demons dwell! Where the banshees live, and they do live well." "Dumdum-de-dum-dum! Dum! Dum! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!" Repeat. . . . l-o-o-o-o-o-o-v-v-v-v-ve!" "Wa-a-ay down insi-i-i-de! Woman! You ne-e-e-e-e-ed . . .

Yes, it's good that he "renounced" Hagee when pressed--as Obama did Wright. But McCain did initially accept Hagee's endorsement last February, and did say he was proud to have it before he, apparently, wasn't so proud to have it. If you're going to fault Obama for his pastor, you can't give McCain a pass for Hagee. Apparently, McCain doesn't vet his supporters any better than his picks for VP. McCain also gave the commencement address at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, a man McCain had lambasted during his run against Bush. He has been actively courting the far-right fringe.

^OK, since you've brought up Rev. Wright again, let's talk a little about one of McCain's buddies, Rev. John Hagee: 1. Believes the U.S. should join Israel in a preemtpive strike against Iran to bring on the "end of the world because it's a "biblical prophecy." 2. Believes that the Anti-Christ will be the head of the European Union. 3. Makes anti-Semetic comments, even while "supporting" Israel. 4. Believes that Hurricane Katrina was God's retribution against New Orleans, due to it being a "sinful" place (he particularly blames Gay people for it). Yet this is a man McCain is "proud" to call a supporter--he actually sought out the support of Hagee.

Good to hear that you're still alive in China, Jeff. I've always wanted to visit the Great Wall. By the way, how much was that pizza in American dollars--more or less than at Charles de Gaulle?

Ah, you're both just dazed and confused.

^Let's face it--the game attire is meant to get guys to watch. Shocking, I know.

Grandfather Campbell used to claim that he once saw an old Chinese man with a cleaver chasing a cat in the alley behind the Paradise Cafe in my hometown of Patterson, Calif. I have no independent confirmation of this incident, but it would certainly explain why the food at the Paradise was so bad. Hmm--food with a mystery crunch, coaster restraints that barely hold you in, and Chinese knockoffs of European flats. Sounds like an awesome time so far.

^Remind to never sit behind you at any "chewing allowed" park. I like the zep trains. Gotta go--I'll post the rest tonight. Into the world's largest lead balloon--a "lead zeppelin," as it were. You sunk my battleship! Yes, nothing says "rock and roll" like standing on your assigned number. Nope. But they don't seem to have much use for the enormous queue. The station is very nicely themed. . . . and ride on the screaming orgasms of Robert Plant. Off to the Rock and Roll Heaven section, where you can play a tinkly water guitar . . . There were two guys engaged in random kite flying out in the park's lagoon. Maybe this is for "the benefit of Mr. Kite"? I am well aware that everybody takes this picture, but, hey, I like this album. . . . complete with Carnaby Street cuties and some dude in a faux fur vest. Hey, I think there's a "Happening" going on . . . "Chuck, you wanna ride the spinning ride? Are you still stoned?" (I did have to grab a Sierra Mist after riding this thing--once was enough.) Hmm--a taxi-cab breakdance. I guess I can deal with that. (Actually, the worst part was waiting for the cars to stop rocking back and forth when the ride ended.)

Don't worry, Mike--you'll get to see Larry soon. Fire makes more sense here than at the mine-train coaster. More to come later--it's getting late. I'm sure that Spinal Tap is taking notes. "Bloody hell! We gotta get a flying loo!" . . . a hot chick, and . . . well, we don't need to go any further. . . . this guy . . . And now the real show starring that guy, . . . . . . a heavy-metal bear act! All he needs is a rocket launcher! Yeah, Larry is psyched, baby! After all, the show features . . . The Roadies Stunt Show was pretty good. Sort of a cockney redneck "Cirque de Soleil." "Danger! Danger! Will Robinson has the munchies! Danger!" "Did you 'breathe deep the gathering gloom'? Better have! I got my eye on you!" Whew! That's better! Aghh! It's happening again! "OK, you mellow now, dude? Then you may pass." Oo-o-o-o-m-m-m-m-m! Mellow! "I'm Sir Paisley of Castle Warhol!" You need to mellow out, man!" Oops! I definitely got the "bad"! Did you get the "good" or "bad" acid, Larry? And now, a tribute to LSD and bad poetry. I like the "Austin Powers" vibe of the British Invasion section.

Rockin' down the highway (501, to be precise) to Hard Rock Park. Lady Liberty is so ready to do a little dance, make a little love, and get down tonight. More to come from HRP. Or you can play a rousing round of hopscotch. You can check out the majesty of Mt. Splitsmore. And what can one do in Splitsville? Well, there is this ride. . . . Drooper, and Snork!" If this is Banana Splitsville, where's "Danger Island"? "Flipping like a pancake! Popping up your cork! Fleegle, Bingo . . . Nah. I don't get it, either. A pier? Ok. Hmm--I guess this is what happens when you reach the end of the "fast lane." You crash and burn! You know, I bet these folks throw outrageous parties and pay heavenly bills. And when I think of the Hollywood life style this song is about, tractors always come to mind. (Huh?) . . . a-a-a-a-ane!" "Life in the fast la-a-a-a-a . . . Hmm--must be one of them newfangled wheelchair seats. Let's see . . . E-A-G . . . oh, I see it now. This is the first time I've encountered a ride with a "no chewing" rule. As we all know, random chewing can cause "serious injury." Plus, the ride doesn't come equipped with a spitoon. I guess this is for people who really dislike the Eagles' music. I fell compelled to ask this: Do Vekoma mine trains have a "fast lane," and if so, what would life be like in it? First stop, Cool Country. Not my favorite genre, but OK. A number of people have remarked that HRP's look reminds them a bit of IOA. Well, to the extent that the park surrounds a lake, I guess that's so. OK, why are we not surprised? Hmm--I wonder if Courtney Love gets a nickel for each time someone reads this. Join us, won't you? Here's the view from the Holiday Inn, which is roughly (very roughly) a half-mile walk from the park.

It was coming up on Labor Day Weekend, and Larry, to his shock, discovered that he hadn't planned his usual holiday theme-park excursion. Being as Williamsburg was about halfway between Staten Island, NY, and Myrtle Beach, SC, the answer was obvious--come down to may place on Friday and leave early on Saturday for Hard Rock Park (HRP). And how was business at HRP on a Labor Day Weekend Saturday? Well, the place had enough people to seem lively, but not as much as you'd expect over a holiday. Look at it this way: We never had to wait more than ten or fifteen minutes for any ride, and that was with two major rides being closed (Maximum RPM, the coaster with the Ferris wheel lift, and Slippery When Wet, the park's Roller Soaker). But what about the park? We liked the place and had a very good time there. Even though the coasters themselves are not exactly "top-10" material, they're fun, and I liked the atmosphere of the place quite a bit (the British Invasion section was particularly well done). For my money, the park's signature attraction is Nights in White Satin: The Trip, a 3D dark ride with fairly low-tech effects, for the most part, but a cool "vibe." It makes no sense at all as your cruise through rooms of flowing white satin curtains, spinning icons, and trippy projections while listening to bombastic music and pretentions hippy poetry. There really isn't another ride quite like it. As for the coasters we were able to ride, here's how they stack up. Led Zeppelin: The Ride--Aw, such a cute little B&M! This isn't a great ride (it's actually a bit rough for a new B&M), but it's very good, and I think "Whole Lotta Love" works pretty well as a soundtrack. The "preshows" can get a bit tiresome, though. I noticed a few people griping about them. Still, there's a bit of air on it, and it's pretty bizarre to think that there's a ride themed to Robert Plant's multiple orgasms. By the way, the ride is located in the park's Rock 'n' Roll Heaven section, which is dedicated to dead rock and country stars. (I think half of Zep is still alive, though.) Eagles: Life on the Fast Lane--OK, I realize that this was supposed to be "Midnight Rider" originally, and that a southern rock band like the Allmans would make more sense in the park's Cool Country section. The Eagles are a "countryish" band, but why did they use one of their more rocking, less country-like, songs? I guess "Peaceful Easy Feeling" wouldn't go well with a coaster--especially one that ends with an explosion. Oh, the ride? It's OK--better at night than during the day. Shake, Rattle, and Roller Coaster--I agree with what some other TPR members have said: HRP's Born in the USA section looks like an afterthought. This Roller Skater has a bizarre beach theme that makes no sense at all. We even caught a few shows. The Roadies Stunt Show was fun, and this Polish guy named Lukas had pretty good fire-juggling and sword-swallowing act in the Phonehenge amphitheatre. We even sat through Country on the Rocks, the park's ice show, and even though we both dislike such productions, this one wasn't bad. Perhaps building it around a night at a roadhouse full of hot country chicks, Uncle Jack, and Jose Cuervo made the difference. The "Bohemian Rhapsody" pyro show in the evening was modest, but fun--a good way to end the day. We thought the food there was pretty good, as well. They actually have a wide variety of offerings, such as bangers-and-mash, coconut shrimp, and Tex-Mex and southern BBQ. Here are the pictures. But first, a stop at Family Kingdom. Hmm--I'd always wondered about dolphins. HRP is next. One last look at Family Kingdom. You've heard of "parking-lot coasters"? Well, this was sort of a "parking-lot park." "Ay carumba! It is Chuck and Larry! We give up!" Got the senorita's dress to drop, too. Yee haw! Larry sure got the drop on that fire extinguisher. Hmm--I do believe I see a "dangerouso pistolero." Lock 'n' load, Larry! We're goin' in! "Ay, yi, yi, amigos! I have grown too fat to fit in my own ride vehicle! I need you to take out these dangerouso pistoleros!" Some days, ya just gotta shoot something. As you can see, I am one bad, desperate hombre! Yes, that water sure looks inviting on this hot, humid day--if you're a species of algae, at least. Behold the splendor of Family Kingdom! Best ride it in the front, though. It does have some rather abrupt, painful ejector air. Hmm--I pretty sure that Swamp Fox won't be hitting my top 10 this year, much less position 8. "We're number 8! We're number 8!" "Welcome to Family Kingdom! Have a good time, but remember--I, the Evil Family King, am watching your every move!"

I'd like to interject a note of caution into this thread. For the most part, this thread has remained fairly civilized, with posters being respectful of each other's views. Unfortunately, decorum seems to be slipping. Please follow this simple rule--preview before you post. Shooting from the hip (or lip) is rarely the best option. No flame wars, unfounded accusations, or obvious baiting of other posters, please. Leave that nonsense for the talking heads on the cable netowrks; after all, they're getting paid for it. Chuck

Funny--I read about the quake in the Newport News Daily Press before you'd even heard about it.

I'm not a McCain supporter, but I haven't come across anything that implies he'd reinstate the draft. Can anyone point out some specific reference? It'll be interesting to see how Hurricane Gustav will affect the race. It's already caused the GOP to rearrange their convention, and both sides are bending over backwards to see how their supporters can help out the Gulf Coast in the event of another Katrina-like disaster. Although I agree that Bush deserved to take the hardest knock for the poor response to Katrina (as Truman said when he was president, "The buck stops here"), there was plenty of blame to go around. Looks like people are being smarter this time, at least.

Is Saturday's earthquake affecting the tour very much? (I just noticed an item about it in the paper this morning--a 6.1 along the same fault line as the big quake from last May.) By the way, blurry picture, but nice dress, Elissa.

The Cedar Fair Hauntsthread has it all pretty well covered. Please go to that thread for information, comments, etc. Enjoy your local haunts, everybody.

Just repeat this soothing mantra on the your flight to Scandinavia: Ooooom . . . Balder . . . Ooooom . . . Balder . . .

^^Being a governor is not a great indicator of how good someone will be as president (or VP). Both George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter were governors with little or no "Beltway" experience--as presidents, they were, well, "not so great," let's say (for different reasons). Abe Lincoln didn't have much "experience" at all when he became president (although he did serve a term in Congress). I really think this is going to be a bad ticket for the Republicans, but we'll see.

Whoever I hired to write that for me will fired immediately!!! Hmm--decisive leadership! Well done! ^Yes, this is why even my very conservative father has become distressed with the Republican Party--he was always a Goldwater man.

^Only one of your opponents chose a woman as a running mate, Scott. Your gaffe will, no doubt, cause the blogosphere to erupt in indignation!

^Interesting that McCain is reaching back into the Democrat's 1980s playbook--Geraldine Ferraro, anyone? So, this is the person who is ready to lead the Free World if McCain croaks in office? Hoo, boy . . .

You know, I'm just not seeing the point to this--escpecially since a similar thread about "defunct" rides already exists (as pointed out in the second post in this thread). Locked.

^We'll be there on Saturday, but I'm not sure what time (we have to drive up from Williamsburg, and that should take about six hours or so). We know that KC will be there, but we weren't planning on watching the "boogie man" shake his booty.

Larry and I will get our chance to have our minds blown on Nights and our spines adjusted on Swamp Fox this weekend. Thanks for the sneak peek, John.