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PTR: Brent's TR's - 2009 TPR Scandinavia Tour


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I agree with what has been said about the lines. It used to be better, now they don't seem to care if they only run 1 train on a popular ride like Storm Runner.

 

I also agree about that song on the tour dark ride. Before they refurbished the ride those annoying cows and that song were not there and it was a much better ride.

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I agree with what has been said about the lines. It used to be better, now they don't seem to care if they only run 1 train on a popular ride like Storm Runner.

 

I also agree about that song on the tour dark ride. Before they refurbished the ride those annoying cows and that song were not there and it was a much better ride.

 

I only lined up for 3 coasters once the crowds were in, Great Bear moved very slowly it must have 1-2 hours but I can't remember exactly. Superdooperlooper and Comet were at least a half an hour at night like 8-9pm.

 

As far as chocolate world goes, that song was annoying and terrible - it made one of Barry Manilow's howlers seem like the greatest and best song in the world.

 

They need to be able to run the chocolate ride in different modes like one with Rage Against The Machine for some serious rocking, maybe some Barry White for sexy time on rides later at night, and shoot those freaking cows. At the moment that ride is like scientology with chocolate, I expected an animatronic Tom Cruise to jump out.

 

I didn't do the choclate ride when I first visited in 2004 so I guess I missed out on the better version.

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Doiney Pawk & A Trip Report From My Dreams

 

I think everyone thought of Dorney as a pit stop given that we were staying across the road.

 

Dorney was a bit better than I expected, though I did grab all the credits as quickly as possible and went back to the hotel room and slept so I will also include photos of what I dreamed about as well.

 

And in exclusive news, the ferris wheel operator advised me Dorney would be getting an Intamin Pre Fab woodie, umm I don't even think Dorney would a get a knex model of one.

 

After I woke up I wound up having a nice dinner at a bar next door to the hotel. Also drinking, after one "The Kitchen" I was struggling to stay upright, after a second "The Kitchen" I was begging for mercy, so when a third complimentary "The Kitchen" came out I was pretty much anybody's.

 

After that, back to the park with some sensational ERT on Hydra and Talon, these coasters were a lot better than I expected. So what did I think of the coasters:

 

Steel Force: not too bad, nice floating airtime, Magnum on valium.

Hydra: fun without being mind blowing, the pre lift jo-jo roll is the biggest pick pocket since Oliver Twist.

Talon: a pretty damn good invert in my book, a bit below Raptor.

Laser: forceful, glass smooth but unfortunately now long gone.

Little Laser: credit denied, even my best Verne Troyer impersonation failed.

Possessed (nee Voodoo): OK, nothing different from any other of this type of coaster.

Dragon: just another dragon wagon credit, move along.

Thunderhawk: passable woodie.

Wild Mouse: very standard spinning mouse with a very slow moving line.

Woodstock: very standard kid ride, get the credit & move along.

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And epic fails, bloody vallied the day before. F*** you very much X!

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Climbing mountains so high, I was so scared up there I couldn't feel anything below my waist.

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Cruising the lake on a summer's day, where is that place?

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I also dreamed of coaster paradise, far from Dorney.

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Being easy in the Big Easy, this place is Sex the City.

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Bright city lights from inspiration point. But do you know what city it is?

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Spooky hotels, I half expected ghost pirates to jump out and mug me at cutlass point.

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Forging meaningful relationships with Naked cowgirls in Times Square.

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I was riding bulls in New Jersey, in a complimentary Superman t-shirt. (Hanno photo again).

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I dreamed I was riding Wyld Stallions in the desert like Mister Rogers - what, he wasn't a cowboy?

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I was superman, on superman, no Ride Of Steel biatch! No, it's Superman in my heart. (Photo Credit, Hanno, I think, that telephoto lens can even see into my dreams).

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The train kept a going down, and I headed back to the hotel to sleep. What did I dream of?

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First they go shoeless on the coaster, next it's the pants, then the top. I love stripper day at Dorney Park.

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It's a pretty coaster, though I must admit that I was feeling pretty vacant by the time I got to this park.

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Another day, another B & M loop, I barely noticed, it must get like that for Hef at the playboy mansion.

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The Grip Of Fear? I don't think so. Rugby at Cardiff Arms park is truly the grip of fear, the bag snatching (aka ball grabbing) capital of the world.

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Hydra, far from a flawless floorless, the biggest revenge of hydra was on my hip pocket when the jo-jo roll emptied my cargo shorts.

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Steel Force is to Magnum XL-200 as Gandhi is to Mike Tyson.

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Talon was above average as far as coasting on the mean streets of Allentown goes.

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At Geauga Lake, this coaster was known as repossessed.

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Steel Force awaited us, the Steel Force phantom seemed to have gotten lost commuting to Kennywood.

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The might of Dorney PD was on the case with tasers at the ready for any people found smoking outside smoking areas or known members of ACE.

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I love how it is an offence to jump over the line but pushing in is OK. US high jump officials were seen scouting for line jumping talent, with some epic clearances during the day.

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Knoebels

 

This is a great old school park hidden in the woods, and it was such a great place to have fun - the park that time forgot.

 

There's 3 coasters:

 

Twister: an ok woodie, fun but nothing spectacular.

High Speed Thrill Coaster: a kiddie coaster with spine snapping bunny hops.

Phoenix: to my surprise incredible. Think the last drop in the back row on Cyclops for most of the ride. I was sceptical but was blown away, ridiculous air time, a near death experience of a coaster.

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Down we go, and what will we find on the way down? To be continued...

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The end of the line, I had my skis at the ready to jump off, the loudspeaker advised me I was a f***wit.

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Oh wow, Kumar seemed to have ditched Harold for a day to be with known Harrison Ford associate, Ms McDonough.

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Time for a ride a ride into the forest what will we find?

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Yay, a TPR take over, except ERT stood for Excruciating Ride Time in this instance.

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They keep running "speed" until you have to crawl out of the train. After four laps I was begging for mercy but I got none.

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The specteral hand of the knoebels phantom seems to have taken a liking to Candace's right one.

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As we wait for the amphetamine coaster, another boats crashes it's way through knoebels canal.

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Sadly my 300th coaster due to a miscalculation on coaster counter (I ticked a box by accident). Whoever named this coaster was high on speed and irony.

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Time for a boat ride, these were like side friction boats they just grinded their way through the concrete canals.

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I love the old school feel of this place, I felt like Marty McFly except for the making out with his mom bit, or anyone else's mom for that matter.

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Environmental as anything Jason had some interesting ideas about water recycling.

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Soldier statue: "Thank f*** Terrance isn't on the TPR tour".

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Knoebels is like going on a hike in the woods and finding rides, though I have to admit I walked ten miles through the forest looking for Phoenix.

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The TPR Panthers were strangely absent at this ride.

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I think they didn't want you play with it so I got someone to set the Go Fish seat on fire as a diversion and then I played with it.

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From all the hairy palms and poor eyesight on the TPR tour, this advice had not been heeded.

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The scary thing is I could see Tony trying to buy this and store it as a carry on the plane. Though on American airlines it probably wasn't the smallest thing someone has tried shoving in the overhead compartments.

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Bears are us, every variety of bear reproduced in wood. If you can name a species we haven't carved we'll give you a complimentary life size carving of Robb Alvey.

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It's nice to find something like Knoebels hiding in the woods, better than finding a hungry bear, or worse still - a horny bear.

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Knoebels was like an odd shop for wood crafts from the magestic freedom tree to the downright diabolical.

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I believe Jeff Johnson planted this tree, and he counted that as a credit, I think because it was wood that could potentially be turned into a coaster.

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Lucky Tarts was especially popular with the Lightning bus but no lucky Lightning bus members.

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The Haunted House looks very non-descript but it was an adventure inside, there's a sexual metaphor there somewhere but I'll exercise restraint.

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Don't let the photo fool you, she was a bubbly sagitarius. Knoebels employee of the year, though looking forward to returning to Bratislava.

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Twister was probably an acquired taste like moonshine. More for the lateral lovers.

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We opened our account with ERT on twister, as usual Josh in the front row seems to know where the camera is.

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Brent, great TR as always

 

Phoenix.....ah, that truly was a terrific way to end the trip. I had never been on anything like it.

 

I loved our field trip in the middle of the day but it definitely proved that you can spend a whole day at the park and still have stuff leftover to do. Our group didn't get to everything that we wanted. Repeat visit anyone?

 

Look forward to part B.

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Great update Brent! Knoebels was an unforgettable day of the trip but I still remember the nighttime Ert at Dorney when Max was the only one riding Hydra in the front seat all by himself. My 300th credit will probably be a kiddie on the West Coast tour so don't feel bad about High Speed Thrill Coaster being yours even though that was an awesome kiddie.

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Great update Brent! Knoebels was an unforgettable day of the trip but I still remember the nighttime Ert at Dorney when Max was the only one riding Hydra in the front seat all by himself. My 300th credit will probably be a kiddie on the West Coast tour so don't feel bad about High Speed Thrill Coaster being yours even though that was an awesome kiddie.

 

High speed wasn't bad for a kiddie, going over those bunny hops was like riding a bucking bronco.

 

High Speed also follows an inadverdent tradition of inauspicious milestone coasters, for the record:

 

100th - Woody Woodypeckers Nuthouse Coaster - Universal Orlando

200th - Teddy Bear - Stricker's Grove

300th - High Speed Thrill Coaster - Knoebels

 

I wonder what will be 400, some soy bio-diesal powered dragon wagon?

 

Only one more report to go for the tour....

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Knoebels is like going on a hike in the woods and finding rides, though I have to admit I walked ten miles through the forest looking for Phoenix.

 

Ah yes, did the same thing on my first trip there. Fortunately I know where it is now!

 

Looking through all those pics, it's amazing how many cool looking rides are there I have never been on despite my many visits. It probably has a lot to do with Phoenix being there, and my butt is in and out of that seat most of my times there! Downdraft especially is something I need to check out next time I go.

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Nice Trip Report Brent, im glad you enjoyed Pheonix.

 

cheers ed

 

Ed mate, I used to think you were mad having Phoenix ahead of coasters like Expedition GeForce and SROS @ SFNE (I'll never accept Bizarro as the name, it sucks) as your number one coaster. But now I totally understand, Phoenix is like holding onto the wheel of an airplane when it's taking off, I must have ridden that beauty 30 times, mostly at night.

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Knoebels Part 2 - The Final Chapter of the Emo/East Coast Tour

 

We wandered Knoebels discovering all kinds of cool things. Then we had a side trip to the GCI factory. Followed by a magnificent ERT session on Phoenix, which was preceded by us blowing all our remaining tickets riding Phoenix.

 

Thanks Knoebels for an excellent day and night.

 

This concludes my TPR 2008 trip. Coming up, the 2009 Randi for Scandi tour and some other retro stuff from my archives.

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At the end of a magical final night I found a leprechaun on the bus. But it was a jersey leprechaun, when you catch him, no pot of gold - you get a crock of s**t, and a broken nose. BTW, the tour was amazing, thankyou R & E.

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Believe the hype, Phoenix is the king of coasters. If Phoenix was a girl, it would get loads of love.

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Now this model gets some serious wood like the Elle MacPherson of coasters.

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Spinal Tap managed to get billing over the puppet show at Knoebels, now that's respect. Not sure about Tap's new new direction though.

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The bumper cars had metal bumpers, the metallic clash was both ear watering and exhilerating. Knoebels bumper cars are a violent work of art.

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The GCI guys seemed to have an exemption from this rule. It was like a couple of rams coming together, followed by airtime on bumper cars - righteous.

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We weren't allowed to take in camera's, even hidden in our trousers, they checked. But there wasn't much to see, just a bunch of wood and ball bearings. Parks had already announced coasters and they didn't know they were building them, "Prowler, what's that?"

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Ahhh, I get it. The guys who put wood to good use.

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GCI, what's that. Goal Creation Institute (was evil Anthony Robbins lurking around). Girl Crazy and Insatiable (GCI should be on my letterbox).

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King Alvey about to conduct a snapping masterclass on the flyers.

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Flying Turns taunted us, I would have signed a waiver, or offered my body to any hot females in the Knoebels clan for a ride. Another time Flying Turns, you can count on that.

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TPR staged a sit in hoping they could get Dick to come and get it going. No luck.

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My horoscope said denim shorts are coming back in.

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Matt is about to kiss Flying Turns, he was talking all Barry White, I'm glad there wasn't any knotholes.

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Who let him out, dear Lord, who let him out!

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Gotta love all the dedicated photophiles who lugged monster SLR's around to do decent trip reports. My camera would make Keira Knightley look ugly.

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There's nothing quite like the master coaster pornographer when he's got the big one out, they queue up, even for a bit part.

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"Okay it's a one BJ for admission, any takers?" The boys at the front "me, me, me, no me". It counts as a credit right?

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They would have been playing "You Shook Me All Night Long" if they had been around at Phoenix ERT.

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There were bite marks in some of the boats because the ACErs had mistaken the ride for being giant donuts in a pool of lard.

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The last time I saw that cue card I wasn't riding any sort of amusement park ride.

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The Hells Angels were big Phoenix fans, they are scary people but Tony scared them away.

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Phoenix hides in the bushes like a forest nymph offering the ultimate in coaster pleasure. Excuse me, I need a half hour break from doing this trip report.

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Twister from above, there's nothing quite like the sight of a big woodie even if the ride is not quite as good.

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The Falling Star was cranking like a wild bull on Red Bull and Angel Dust.

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Brent, way to keep the sarcasm and random innuendo pumping up to the final page! Honestly, I’m still laughing inside at the whole life-size carving of RA as a consolation gift at Knoebels.

 

I wish I had the chance to use up all my tickets but I had quite a few leftover. I suppose it gives the perfect reason to head back down to Knoebels and use them all up on the Phoenix.

 

Like Matt ^ said ,great report and thanks for delaying it for whatever reasons to help us all re-live this almost a year later. R&E did a fantastic job.

 

We’ll be something in Scandi..just don’t know about the randi part unless those modeling fine Scandinavian automobiles at the Geneva car show are indicative of the Scandi theme/ amusement park loving population. Coasters will be occupying our minds after all!

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^ & ^^ Thanks, I didn't even plan on doing a trip report at all, Adam wanted a couple of videos I had, so I thought I would put them in a report, and I thought after that, I may as well finish what I started. It wound up being a fun way to relive and reflect on the trip.

 

I might do some retro stuff that's interesting, like SFMM 1994 or La Ronde 2005 for example or see if I've got some funny park photos.

 

Also my one experience with anything that vaguely resemebles an amusement park since the trip will be covered, very sad.

 

I'm up for the Randi for Scandi tour, it rhymes at least. I have only a vague idea what it's going to be like over there.

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The hotel bar next door was a great time! There is nothing like napping all day, then having a few drinks before walking across the street for evening ERT.

 

It was also REALLY nice for Richard to pay our tab that night!

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The hotel bar next door was a great time! There is nothing like napping all day, then having a few drinks before walking across the street for evening ERT.

 

It was also REALLY nice for Richard to pay our tab that night!

 

Hey Eric, can I congratulate Candace and yourself yet? I had April down as the hatching date.

 

Thanks to Richard, that was really awesome of him.

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The hotel bar next door was a great time! There is nothing like napping all day, then having a few drinks before walking across the street for evening ERT.

 

It was also REALLY nice for Richard to pay our tab that night!

 

Hey Eric, can I congratulate Candace and yourself yet? I had April down as the hatching date.

 

Not quite yet! We are literally day by day right now. She is three days past her due date. Thanks for asking, I'll have to make a thread to let you guys know when it happens.

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  • 3 weeks later...

TPR East Coast: Awards, Videos, and Sad Postscript

 

Given we had awards on the last day of which I won one award, I think it was most awesome person of all time or something like that, I can't remember. So here are my awards:

 

Credit Whore: a bit of a smoky here, a man who was quietly crazed in the pursuit of credits - Nathan Power.

 

Stats Lover: Matt the "speeddaemon", he counts every single lap, I wish I did I totally lost track.

 

Happiest Female: KerryB, come on down, friendly and nice. Roxy for the Behemoth section of the trip.

 

Happiest Male: I've never met an emo canadian, and in keeping with their ranking as the 6th happiest country in the world - Canadian Jason, step up to the podium.

 

Biggest Chick Magnet: Oh the irony, David M collect your shiny gong, if there was a Silver medal - Captain Thunder, Scott you've got it, making all us breeders jealous.

 

Procreation Special Award: Eric and Candace, approximately 9 months afer the trip a child was born, congratulations.

 

Colon Health Award: Being filmed by Tony was as intrusive as a colonoscopy.

 

Hooray for Hetero Award: Adam, jedimaster, you reclaimed the sexuality that Robb misappropriated because you got your boob credit from aman, well, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt on that one. Soon you will re-emerge as Manta-man.

 

Ninja Warrior Princess Award: The other Power (Bethany) showed plenty of cheek to those dastardly ninjas at Martin's Fantasy Land, Sho Kosugi (Ninja great and black eyeliner trendsetter) salutes you.

 

To be continued....

 

Also some POV videos from the East Coast.

 

My 300th Credit, look out for the ironic t-shirt in front.

 

[coastertube]http://www.themeparkreview.com/coastertube/play.php?vid=9_High_Speed_l9f2[/coastertube]

 

Oldest coaster credit presented in jolt-a-vision:

 

[coastertube]http://www.themeparkreview.com/coastertube/play.php?vid=5_Leap_The_Dips_mrm6[/coastertube]

 

In a sad postscript, here is my sole themepark experience since August 2008. The Scarborough fly by night carnie ghetto fest in December, I only went because my sister's kids wanted to go.

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The dodgems were going gangbusters, someone curb my enthusiasm - pass the valium.

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Warp speed, thanks Captain, the only chance of survival is if your chair landed in the nearby surf and broke your fall, and you made it out of the water before being devoured by a shark.

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My sister and my niece jumped on the high tech and solidly footed Wave Swinger of certain, bloody, looks like an outtake from Final Destination, death.

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Biggest Chick Magnet: Oh the irony, David M collect your shiny gong, if there was a Silver medal - Captain Thunder, Scott you've got it, making all us breeders jealous.

 

 

Seriously, David is pretty much a kick ass guy that anyone would hang out with.

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Biggest Chick Magnet: Oh the irony, David M collect your shiny gong, if there was a Silver medal - Captain Thunder, Scott you've got it, making all us breeders jealous.

 

 

Seriously, David is pretty much a kick a$$ guy that anyone would hang out with.

 

Totally agree.

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  • 2 weeks later...

More Awards, Videos, and a Sad Story About Spiderman:

 

Linda Blair Memorial Award: (note: the former Exorcist scary girl isn't dead but her career flatlined some time ago) This award serves as a cautionary tale about the demon Red Bull and it's psychotropic effects, and it goes to the evil twin Alabama Tyler.

 

Living On The Edge Award: I would have been less scared if my roommate was Hannibal Lecter and I was a bodybuilder - he shared a room with Tony the entire tour, Phil come on down.

 

Dances With Penguins Award: a man who knows how to pack light (just wear the same clothes everyday), light up the night with glow sticks, and has a passion for penguins that has no boundaries, Max, the statuette is yours.

 

Best Sport Award: trip particpants were basically given an incentive to annoy her with a bingo competition, stupid questions and general fanboy scariness. Takes it all with a smile, Elissa I don't know how you do it.

 

The Biggest Easy Award: the number one party boy, he could find an alcoholic beverage in the middle of the Sahara. New Orleans Jason, dude you've won.

 

I could hand out many other awards but I'll leave it at that.

 

Here is my attempt at a Flying Turns POV:

 

[coastertube]http://www.themeparkreview.com/coastertube/play.php?vid=FT_POV_kzs5[/coastertube]

 

Listen to the sound of my spine being pummeled on Toboggan ride of paralysis:

 

[coastertube]http://www.themeparkreview.com/coastertube/play.php?vid=4_Toboggan_p4et[/coastertube]

 

Let's go to the baseball with Skyliner:

 

[coastertube]http://www.themeparkreview.com/coastertube/play.php?vid=7_Skyliner_9cpq[/coastertube]

 

And finally a sad tale of corruption and isolation, when Spiderman joined the Midwest Tour in 2007:

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Sadly Spidey was alone again waiting for a Greyhound bus to oblivion, or perhaps salvation if Sam Raimi wants another billion in his bank account. The moral of the story is don't let yourself get punched in the nuts, it can turn a superhero into a superzero. Coming soon: the Randi for Scandi tour.

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But soon Spidey's low self esteem from the neutering, led him to sleep around with all sorts.

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But spdiey was a still a troubled superhero, and his dreams were full of darkness.

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Someone to comfort him and share a bus seat.

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And he found a friend, someone he could hang out with and share life's journey.

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The testicular trauma left Spidey colourless, sad and alone. He needed a friend.

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After the Fantastic Five was downsized to the Fantastic Four, a sad and retrenched Chris (aka ballsmasher) took out his frustration on Spiderman's major weakness.

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