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^Hmm--your parents obviously don't know this site very well, do they?

OK, here are a few of my pictures from Eric's Mid-Atlantic Adventure. It was one awesome weekend! How's this for random--hangin' out with a pig and a Martian in a Wild West Town. Yep--this old woodie really kicks some butt! My favorite ride at SFA--Wild One. "And so has that arch fiend Two-Face!" "Careful, citizen--the Joker has been spotted in this vicinity." And he has his own ride! Hey, it's my favorite Batman villain! . . . Earthling! Welcome to my spacecraft . . . Chuck Campbell--American! Flyin' time Grr! Me Grizzly! Beat you up good! And all hail Muppethead Man! The bat will come in handy to beat your way through the crowds when Griffon opens. Yes, you can own your very own Griffon bat and ball. Eric is DEVO! Yes, Hummel Boy has returned! The Prophecy is fulfilled!

^I'd say that you can make the drive from KD to SFA in a little less than two hours, if you're not caught in horrendous DC traffic. Sunday was perfect. But weekday mornings and afternoons can be as bad as LA.

Excellent job, Eric! I'll post some of my picutures tonight.

"Riding wood"? That can be misinterpreted in so many ways.

Nice TR. I've only been to Carowinds once, and that was for Winterfest two years ago. Top Gun was running that night, and it was excellent (we rode it five times). I'm planning to hit the place again sometime this season. Nice meeting you at SFA, Gary.

I can't get over how cheap Q-bots are at Dollywood as opposed to, say, Great Adventure. Execellent TR, as usual, Erik.

^And would you say you had a "plethora" or fun? Si, si, El Guapo! Many, many plethoras! Looks pretty cool--particularly that haunted mine.

Hmm--that "Willy Wonka" shot is probably the creepiest picture of me ever. I had a great time, as well, Eric. Glad to see that you made it back safe and sound.

I guess we didn't spend much time in Wiggles World. Glad to see your kids liked it (the new jungle play area looked nice, too).

^^I've never been on Top Thrill Dragster, so I can't speak for it vs. KK, myself. But others I was with seem to prefer TTD. (I can tell you that I'd rather ride Stealth, Rita, Kanonen, Speed Monster, and even Hypersonic than KK again.) ^I saw them staple a pretty big guy into El Toro; my best advice would be to check yourself out in the test seats in the front of each ride. But I really can't give you any advice other than just keep losing weight.

^^You're thinking of the late Python at BG Tamprica.

^Thanks, Barry. I just never felt the need to hit a Six Flags park before, but now I'm the proud owner of a Six Flags premium pass. I have no burning desire to ride KK again--El Toro is another story.

I wasn't very impressed with Kingda Ka (just an uncomfortable one-trick pony, I thought), but it all depends on what you're looking for in a coaster. El Toro is completely awesome. I'm a little confused by your last sentence. You imply in your second sentence that you've ridden Kingda Ka, which is in a Six Flags park. Have you been on Kingda Ka? Then again, if I tried posting in French, it would be a complete mess. Thanks for checking out my TR.

Aghh! Superman kills kittens! Or was this work of the nefarious Lex Luthor?

Thanks for your take on Sunday--I liked Great Adventure, and I'm glad that GASM let you live.

Now if the "Sexy Stuf" store had been in Dollywood that would've been truly awesome.

It would've been interesting hearing your spirited defense of GASM that day, Jahan.

Ah, I've had some sleep, followed by a day at work--how refreshing (well the first part, anyway). Here are the rest of the pics from one excellent day at Great Adventure. Whew! That's more like it! Thanks for reading. On the way out, we encountered this refugee from the "Rock 'n' Wrestling Connection" of the 1980s. Oh, that's no way to end a TR. . . . and a tribute to rides long past. While the debate rages on, Joey discovers one last kiddie credit . . . "I am so gonna smack your woman for likin' Balder more than El Toro!" Meanwhile, back at El Toro, it's time for "Point/Counterpoint": "James, you ignorant slut!" I can't make up my mind! It all hurt so bad! This gave me such a headache! And this really sucked. Now which part of this ride hurts the most? This part was pretty bad. "Me? Just refillin' my water bottle. Oh, man, don't tell me it's time for GASM!" "I'm Batman!" Larry is looking for his lost virginity (it's here somewhere), Rich thinks his shades make him look like Batman, and James is, well, just being James. . . . and coming back. There's airtime going out . . . But she came back just in time for Robb to make like the Flash to ride Nitro. . . . for a spin inside Skull Mountain. Elissa abandons Robb and KT again . . . Don't look at me--I didn't do it! At this point, the ride broke. . . . givin' cheap whores a ride on me Treasure Train!" "Ahoy! I be Blackbeard, and me turn ons are lootin' and sinking ships, pillagin' port cities, and . . . GASM was stuck on its brake run when I took this picture. Unfortunately, they fixed it. "Superman, Superman! Wish I could fly like Superman!" Yes, this is every bit as uncomfortable as it looks. "Dude, is the Flash gonna let us ride Superman yet?" But first, the Man of Steel invites you to join him for a moment of quiet reflection in every man's favorite "Fortress of Solitude." . . . Superman! Yes, you can "fly like Superman," just like that old song by the Kinks. Robb, Elissa, and KT took a break, so the boys hijacked Mr. Six's old bus and cruised over to check out . . . Oh, that's right--Medusa, the Ride That Turns You to Stone (if you look at it)! Oops! Looks like we're all screwed now! OK, what the hell is this thing again?

Six Flags Great Adventure Sunday, April 22 has arrived, so it's time to take that ever-so-relaxing drive up the Jersey Turnpike to Great Adventure, a park I've been wanting to check out for some time. Again, like SFA, I'd heard some horror stories about this place. And, Great Adventure, like SFA, handled itself quite well. It's actually a pretty park, for the most part, with theming that's a bit more elaborate than SFA's (it was already an established theme park when Six Flags came around). But even on a spring Sunday, the joint was jumping, and the lines got pretty long, thanks to it being the first nice weekend all month. Fortunately, the park is huge and spreads out the crowds pretty well. If your ever visit this park on a busy day, Flash Pass is your friend; in fact, as expensive as it is, I can't see doing this park without Flash Pass. The $41 apiece we paid for six people on one Q-Bot was well worth it, as we were able to get a good five rides on El Toro, even though the wait was 90 minutes or more for much of the day. All in all, it was a great day--a helluva of a lot of fun. Here's how I think the coasters stack up (best to worst): El Toro--Was there ever any doubt that this would be number one at Great Adventure? This is one insane airtime machine. Hell, even the lifthill is a total rush--the cable lift hurls you up and around the ride's intial curve at incredible speed, and your butt is almost never in your seat--until you hit the series of sharp curves toward the end (which I guess suggests the way a bull will whirl around a bullfight arena). Yes, El Toro is awesome; still, it's not quite Balder awesome (but it's damn close). For me, I think the curvy bit at the end makes it seem a bit schizophrenic by switching from airtime to just laterals. But this is a minor quibble. Nitro--This B&M hyper is another airtime machine on a par with Apollo's Chariot at BGE (only with a few more tricks up its sleeve). Lots of fun. Batman--Another solid B&M inverted, with some decent theming in the queue and station house. It was my first ride on SF's famed Batman series of inverteds. Medusa--A good B&M floorless, which did give my head a few good whacks. At least I didn't turn to stone. Superman: Untimate Flight--This B&M flyer is fun and much smoother than SFA's Batwing (although shooting through one loop is sort of like being body-slammed). I like this one a bit better than Air at Alton, but I'm not that big on flyers overall. Skull Mountain--Ah, a cheesy coaster in a box! I always like these damn things, and Skull whips around quite entertainingly. Now if only they had a few special effects working in the builiding--then they'd really have something. Kingda Ka--Here we have proof that bigger and faster is not necessarily better. Yes, the launch is quite intense, but I don't think having one's eyes fused shut is a great feature. I'm just not a huge fan of these "wham bam thank you mam" launched coasters. Runaway Mine Train--A fun family coaster (much better than the park's other kiddie coasters). Rolling Thunder--This is a pretty average wooden racing coaster. The left side is OK, but the right side sucks. This is also the first racer I've seen with only three (count'em, three) trains running. Rebel Yell at KD craps all over this thing. Great American Scream Machine--I have given a name to my pain, and the name is GASM. This tired pile of Arrow crap is just godawful. It should be torn down and the ground under it sown with salt to keep its evil from spreading. Blackbeard's Lost Treasure Train--Totally random theming but a reasonably decent kiddie coaster (more fun to ride than GASM, anyway). There there is that Loony Tunes kiddie coaster whose name escapes me at the moment--another painful Zamperla. All is all, SF Great Adventure is a very good park in a beautiful setting. Definitely worth a visit if you're in the Northeast (but don't forget Flash Pass). . . . and Joey. More pics tomorrow (gotta get some sleep). But all is not lost, for Robb still has the Runaway Mine Train . . . "What? You two are still here?" The forlorn pair awaits her return (and Robb is zapped in the crotch by a strange, unearthly heat ray). Up and over they go. But what of Robb and KT? Elissa abandons Robb and KT to ride Kingda Ka with James. And the trains are actually comfortable. More Intamin woodies, please! And the ride doesn't really let up from there. This lifthill really just flings you over the top. . . . but it's no El Toro! Yes, Kingda Ka is mighty tall . . . . . . and it has buildings made of ice cream! Great Adventure is another park just all full of patriotism and stuff . . . Yes, KidTums, we're at another Six Flags park. Hey, kids--wanna wiggle with creepy plastic guy? Superman testing, while an enormous queen ant underneath starts laying eggs. Kingda Ka testing. You know, I wonder if park executives aren't "compensating" for some "shortcoming" with these launched coasters. Here's a bit of the park's skyline from the parking lot (Superman is in the foreground).

Well, I was finally raped and pillaged by two members of the Six Flags chain last weekend: SF America and Great Adventure. And you know, I feel pretty good about it--both parks were a lot of fun! Excellent weather, whacked-out companions, and a good mix of coasters greeted me at my first new parks of the season. First stop, the TPR meet on Saturday, April 21, at . . . Six Flags America This park seems to get a lot of "bad press." I've read all sort of negative TRs about broken rides, horrendous crowds, and poor operations, but I didn't see much that was bad here at all (perhaps it helps to visit in the spring, rather than the wretched dog days of summer). Many at the meet noted that it resembles an "RCT" park, with rides just plunked down everywhere, which is true enough (it started life as a water park), and it's loaded with what I would say are "cow-pasture" coasters (they just spring up around fields of grass). But there is some minimal theming here and there (such as the obligatory Six Flags nod to "Gotham City"), and the grounds are pretty attractive overall. Here's how I rate the coasters (best to worst): The Wild One--Now this was a pleasant surprise. This old woodie delivers from its first drop all the way to its insane Unbanked Helix of Death at the end. And they were running (gasp!) two trains! (Are you listening KD?) Superman-Ride of Steel--There's plenty of airtime on this Intamin megacoaster, and it really speeds through its two helices. I just wished it didn't have those teeny-weeny trains (a bit uncomfortable). Two trains would've been nice, too. Roar--Yes, this woodie is kind of rough, but in a good way. Not much airtime, but it's a fun, wild ride as you whip through those steep banked curves and head choppers. Two trains on this sucker on Saturday, too. Batwing--This was my first Vekoma flyer, and its a fun ride if a bit rattly and rough. Hit this one early, as they only run one train and the line will get pretty damn long late in the day. The Mind Eraser--You know, this wasn't quite as bad as I'd feared, but my expectations were so low it couldn't help but exceed them. It is a headbanging Vekoma SLC, though, so I made good use of the handlebars on the OSRs. I thought I was safe after the brake run, so I let go of the bars, only to get a nice shot to the head when the train made its last sharp turn into the station. ("Hey, I'm Mind Eraser, pal! Show some respect!") Two-Face--This was my first Vekoma boomerang, and, you know, it wasn't that bad. The Great Chase--Well, it's just a kiddie coaster, but it did teach me one valuable lesson: Zamperla kiddie coasters are kind of painful. I even had a good (if slightly pricey) Panda Express lunch at SFA. Who knew this would turn out to be such a nice little park? Here are the pics. And just because it's so damn cool, here's one last look at Wild One. Great Adventure to come later. But this element really sucks. You know, if you hang on for dear life, it's sort of bearable. Abandon hope, all ye who ride Mind Eraser! Ahoy there, wench! Best put yer rudder to me until later this spring! I'll have somethin' to show ye then, sez I!" Why, so it is--pretty damn good, too. OK, this is, what, Roar? And now for my next magical trick, two tains at once! (S:ROS and Wild One.) And bumble bees like it, too. Someone behind me actually shouted "Can you believe this s--t!" upon entering the Helix of Death. Behold the surprisingly awesome, underrated Wild One! Your butt will hardly be in your seat from this point on. "Hi, I'm Two-Face! And I wanna know why the hell I ain't in Gotham City with all the other Batman stuff!" "As soon as I, Mr. Freeze, kick Batman's butt, I'm coming for you, Superman!" It's "up, up, and away" on S:ROS's teeny-weeny train. (Still a great ride.) "I'm Batwing!" "Naw, this one's busted. But there's some other stuff, like, over there!" . . . and coaster dorks! "Don't worry, KT! Mommy will protect you from all rubberheaded monsters . . . . . . and Tweety's psychotic, ample-bosumed owner, Granny. There were quite a few second-tier Loony Toons characters around that day, such as Marvin Martian's sidekick, K-9 . . . "Kick the bird's butt, dad!" "I say, I say control yourself, sir!" "This is for dragging me across the country to another Six Flags park, dad!" Welcome to Six Flags America, which is all just a bustin' with patriotism, expansive fields of grass, and Vekomas!

Excellent pictures, Jeff! Good to see the sky ride is up and running again, too. (I'll be checking it out on Friday.) I love how it just cruises right through the center of Griffon.

^Hmm--we were sort of "given" our rights in this country thanks to the good works of those who came before us. So, I'd say there's nothing wrong with that particular figure of speech, Joe.

^Especially if they're like Laura on Little House on the Prairie.

^Terrance, as a general rule, I don't go around acting like a 19th-century schoolmarm, correcting the grammar and syntax of others when I'm "off the clock." But the combination of the "dead horses" cliche with the dangling participle was rather difficult to resist. I'll leave you with my favorite copyeditor's joke: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Unclear--do you mean to replace the lightbulb or to have sex in it?