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The sidetrip to Joypolis took place during our first park-hopping day at the Tokyo Disneyland Resort. Park hoppers at TDR require you to visit one park each during the first two days before you can hop between them on days two and three. Here are some "hopping" pictures. . . . creme brulee!" More to come. Chris: "MY Blue Bayou has a Monte Cristo Sandwich." Lou: "Bollocks to YOUR sandwich! As long as there's . . . OK--lunch at the Blue Bayou! Mickey and Minnie need to get a room. Yeah, we rode Dumbo--what's it to ya? (The line was pretty short, strangely enough.) . . . a "burning" settler's cabin! (Yeah, it's just POTC plastic fire--whey can't they do this at the U.S. parks?) And now a spin on Westernland's riverboat, which still has . . . Thanks to Disney's Halloween promotion, TDL was packed every day (Fast Pass sure came in handy). These parks really are pretty close together, as you can see from this map. But it's a long walk from entrance to entrance. Back to TDL. Yeah, DisneySea is pretty damn awesome. What's with the tongue, Chris? . . . I e-stop Bob! Better reset him. Hmm--if I push this button . . . Chris was so desperate for Hidden Mickeys that he made one of his own. Here I am at the corner of Park Ave. and Broadway. Over 100 years ago. In Japan. Evil, beady little eyes sometimes glow from the mouth of this stone head. I was the only person to see them on the first day, so it felt like I was Costello in one of those "Abbott and Costello Meet [Fill in the Blank]" movies. "I tell ya, Abbott, his beady wittle eyes was starin' right at me!" Personally, I don't think Mr. Hightower had permission to "borrow" this particular statue. First, another look at ToT's queue--possibly the best of queue of them all, I think.

^^I know what you mean, Jeff. I'm at the point now where I don't bother with Hypersonic, unless there's somebody with me who needs the credit (a "courtesy ride," you might say).

Chapter 13: Virtual Japanese Disney Quest with Crepes--Joypolis We took a bit of a "break" from Disney on our first park-hopping day by checking our Joypolis, a huge arcade that featured what was probably the worst coaster of the trip: Spin Bullet. This bizarre spinning mouse twirled and slammed around the inside of the arcade and was uncomfortable, at best. On the plus side, it did give you a nice view of the outside when it passed through a glass corridor on one side of the building. I'm not big on arcades anymore, but Joypolis did have a few cool attractions. The Room of Living Dolls, a strange haunted house that used headphones with that ultra-realistic sound was probably the best--a truly freaky experience. Dark Chapel was a pretty cool 4D movie that you watch in a "fallen church" (something about some hot witch using demons to torture a priest--good 3D and physical effects, though). Wild Jungle was sort of a simulator version of Indiana Jones and made no sense at all. Non-German Tom and I discovered that we probably shouldn't consider zombie hunting as a second career in House of the Dead 4. And, of course, let's not forget the crepe stand--good stuff. Yep--yet another Japanese Ferris wheel (not part of Joypolis) that I didn't bother to ride. Next will be some park-hopping photos from Disney (when I get a chance to resize them). Lou was actually enjoying this, until a certain Aussie started playing with the settings--then the thing nearly tore her feet off. After an intense session in the Room of Living Dolls, it helps to have a soothing foot massage. Who wouldn't want this darling little knick-knack in their home? You know, there's nothing creepier than porcelain dolls (except for, maybe, ventriloquist dummies). This was the typical reaction to wild Jungle. Yep--that's better. Zombie want crepes with ice cream and strawberries! And here's what you feel like after riding Spin Bullet. Here's what the Joypolis sign looks like after you ride Spin Bullet. Well, for some people, the glass is always half full. Let's see . . . car that looks like some sort of cage from the era of the Spanish Inquisition with weird restraints that may have been purchased from an S&M Web site. How can this ride do anything but suck? I'm talkin' Spin Bullet here. Welcome to Joypolis, where you can ride a coaster that seems to have been designed by the Marquis de Sade.

I saw a skunk at Kings Dominion a few weeks back, wandering through a Haunt scarezone next to Tomb Raider. Gave it a wide berth, of course.

Ah, yes--Red Buttons. He was brilliant in The Poseidon Adventure. Definitely greater than Buffalo.

I lean toward Dodonpa, which at least has a few more tricks in its repertoire than Hypersuckit (which has really declined since it opened years ago). Would I wait 2 and 1/2 hours to ride Dodonpa again? Nope.

The rain finally lets up--woo hoo! Whew! I'm beat! But it was a great day at TDL. "Tee hee! That's right, folks! It sure is fun being the Spawn of Satan!" "We are the gods of hellfire! And we will bring you . . .FIRE!" "Garsh! Guess I'm the Master of Metal now!" So the Disney characters made a pact with the Horned One to reassert their supremacy! Pete's Dragon even joined them! Pixar took over the electrical parade. But you get a nice view of Space Mountain while you wait for the station to clear. We all agreed that TDL's Autopia-type ride kind of sucked (one of the few things that did). Not even Japan is safe from the scourge of Emperor Zurg. Thank god for Buzz Lightyear! Chris says, "MY Disneyland is better." (Yes, Chris owns his own Disneyland now--he said so.) The sun sets slowly in the, er, east? (West?) Well, so much for the theory of one of our tourmates that TDL's Jungle Cruise boats still had the colorful, striped awnings. TDL's Tiki Room: Get the Fever beat the hell out of Florida's Tiki Room: Under New Management--especially in Japanese. Lou shows us the importance of accessorizing.

The super soggy fun day at TDL continues. "Yes, this is what we think about those 'other' Pooh rides. One more set of photos to come, I think." Hmm--based on this, Pooh was a member of ACE. Late Night Pooh Cam. "Pooh moaned in ecstacy when Piglet yanked on his . . ." Wait a minute! That's not from Milne's story! Yay for a Pooh ride that doesn't make you want to gouge your eyes out! It really is great! . . . and decided that he just had to "authorize" his weasel. Chris got one look at Jessica Rabbit . . . Must . . . reach . . . red . . . switch! My god! Those people are plunging out of control! I just know that I'm going to get blamed for this. Stupid Goofy and his stupid mailbox! Hmm--definitely not California. OK--California or Japan? Aye, let's break bread and parley like good shipmates. Belay those umbrellas, ye scurvy mutineers! Aye, Japan--ye can tell because our voyage be sponsored by the makers of this fine grog! A question for ye, mate: Be this California or Japan, eh? Not even the rain can wash away the urge for curry popcorn. Some of our group thought that this BTW seemed "slow," but I liked it better that Anaheim's version. Yep--that's one mighty big castle over yonder. BTW doesn't celebrate Halloween, but the Japanese lined up for it, anyway. "Hey, white eye! Sorry about ruining your clothes with all those arrows." "Well, I did burn yer village and kill yer family, so I reckon I had it comin'." Even the ghosts are into pickin' and grinnin' and cloggin' and square dancin' and baccy chewin' in Westernland. Yee haw!

Chapter 12: Be Prepared to See Things You’ve Seen Before, But in Japanese, Part 2—Tokyo Disneyland A rainy night led to one rainy morning at Tokyo Disneyland. The whole place was a sea of umbrellas, ponchos, and Japanese people dressed as Disney characters—and they didn’t even work for the park. Yes, TDL allows its guests to dress up in Disney drag, so there were quite a few characters running around the park that day (in addition to TPR members, of course). TDL is, basically California Disneyland’s younger, larger cousin. You’ll find much of what you’ll find in the States here—that is, International Bazaar (Japan’s Main Street), Adventureland, New Orleans Square, Westernland (Japan’s Frontierland), Fantasyland, Toontown, and Tomorrowland. But this doesn’t mean that TDL is just a clone of the original DL. The place is sort of a hybrid of the California and Florida Magic Kingdoms. As for the various attractions, TDL has the Anaheim Pirates of the Caribbean (minus one drop and a skeleton scene, making it better than Florida’s but quite as good as California’s), Space Mountain (sans music), Country Bear Vacation Hoedown (in Japanese, of course), and Buzz Lightyear, but the Orlando Jungle Cruise, Haunted Mansion, and car ride—along with Florida’s old Mickey Mouse Musical Review (in Japanese) for good measure. And here is one thing I’d never thought I’d find myself saying: The best attraction at TDL is . . . Pooh’s Hunny Hunt! No, I’m not being sarcastic. Tokyo’s Pooh takes the two Stateside Poohs and pile drives them, body slams them, and stomps them to death—then it ties them to the bumper of its car and drags them down a gravel road before hurling them into landfill full of toxic waste. It is that much better—probably Disney’s best Fantasyland-type dark ride, with real animatronics (not fiberglass statues with movable arms). Even the diehard coaster buffs on the tour were blown away by Pooh’s Hunny Hunt. What struck me was how the various lands just ran into one another without much in the way of transitions (they just sort of blended together), along with how much space there was between attractions. This park was obviously meant to handle huge crowds, which it certainly did while we were there. The park’s big Halloween promotion had just started, complete with an excellent “Nightmare Before Christmas” makeover for the Haunted Mansion (located here in Fantasyland) and a big parade held, it seemed, every ten minutes or so. Overall, I loved this park, but I’m not quite as fond of it as I am of Disneyland. Maybe it’s just nostalgia for the first park I ever visited as a kid. I also thought the larger scale of TDL was a bit much (I have similar feelings about Florida’s Magic Kingdom); I prefer the cozier feel of Anaheim’s park. But that’s just my opinion. It does have a big, beautiful castle, though. Up next--DisneyQuest Asia? The park was so busy that even the woodworking shop had a huge line--in the rain. More to come. . . . after paying our respects, of course. Time to use those Mansion Fast Passes . . . . . . 2)It's X rated, baby! Two reasons why Tokyo's Small World is better than Anaheim's: 1) It's shorter, and . . . Hey, I have a great idea! Let's go over to DisneySea and ride Aquatopia! Whaddaya say, guys? Pathetic Earthlings! Hurling your bodies out into the void, when if you knew what awaited you, you would've hidden yourselves in terror! Everything looks blue--in space. Scientific fact, you know. This give you an idea how close together TDS and TDL are. (No one wanted to ride the Rocket Jets--go figure.) Just follow this adorable little pussy cat (Duchess from The Aristocats, I believe). But that means we'll have to queue up to explore the trackless (well, tracked) void of space. Yeah, I think Fast Pass might be the way to go here. (Note Jack Skellington's sleigh on the roof.) Well, it's not like any of us have never been wet before--time to move out. You just can't trust TPR members with pointy things. So, we started with a little shopping. How about a nice Mickey Mouse hemorrhoid pillow? Good thing the International Bazaar is under cover. Right, Chris? Tut, tut! It looks like rain.

^Sad, but true.

^^Or, if you you're an oldtimer like me, "Marriott's."

Go to Frank's Famous Hot Dogs in San Luis Obispo, Calif.--now they've got a Monsterburger, pal!

^"Goo net"? Ewwww!

Hmm--I knew somebody had documented my Uminonakamichi incident. But nobody with a camera was around to document the two obstacles I managed to clear safely, of course.

^Looks like you'll have to read the rest of the TR to find out, eh?

I missed Muscle Park, but Joyopolis did have one of the coolest 3D flicks around--something about a hot witch chick screwing with some priest's head.

Actually, most of the Togo rides in Japan weren't all that bad (especially the stand-up coaster at Mitsui Greenland--it was actually great). Looking forward to more of you Fresnonian perspective, Bob.

Stupid Chris. I got yer Hidden Mickey right here, pal!

We're bound for the sou'thard, so steady she goes! Unless, of course, it pours rain on you again! That's all for now--TDL later. Aquatopia is pretty cool to ride after dark. Yep--even creepier at night. . . . the wet get goin' to ToT. So, when the goin' gets wet . . . . . . the heavens opened up! This is my favorite photo from the whole trip. I took it before . . . But the ordeal had taken a toll on all of us. Well, long story short, Mickey was beaten back, so we returned to the American Waterfront.

So, blow ye winds westerly, westerly blow . . . OK, now here's a joint where we can score some real food--Magellan's. As for us, we just hung out "Under the Sea." How will it all end? King Triton tosses his mermen into the fray! Sindbad dropped us off at Ariel's place to wait out the conflict. And he's tight with one of Casey's ancestors--the Jolly Green Giant! Yeah, this puppet-like dude looks like he could kick some rodent butt! Why, Sindbad the Sailor, of course! We were safe for now in the mysterious depths of the Casbah--but who could save us? Confused, we fled for the sanctuary of the Arabian Coast! Et tu, Chip 'n' Dale? General Goofy joined the mouse in his mad lust for power! Woe to those who defy his rodent will--not to mention his fire-breathing dragon! . . . and by sea! He had rallied his forces by air . . . While we were enjoying our lunch and chatting pleasantly, Mickey declared martial law! Aw, what the hell! Gimme some creme brulee! You know, this looks a little too classy for the likes of us.

Come all ye young sailors, and listen to me . . . . . . and chocolate popcorn. (Yes, the popcorn of the future--today!) The adventure continues . . . . . . Stormrider, . . . . . . Aquatopia, . . . So we hoofed it to Port Discovery for . . . Once again, yet another conveyance we couldn't afford. Right, Lou? There are some things more terrifying than plunging to your doom on a runaway elevator. And now gut-wrenching terror--Japanese style! At least it shortened the line for the strawberry popcorn. . . . to be hosed off by giant chipmunks! The hell? On our way, we noticed a whole bunch of people sitting around the lagoon waiting . . . We escaped the incredibly expensive, snooty Crystal Skull Club in time for our ToT Fast Passes. This isn't a resturant, fool! Now give us the rest of your coconut popcorn! OK, where's the hostess? We want a table now, dammit! This is an ancient Mayan symbol for "two-drink minimum." Hmm--according to my trusty guidebook, this sign means "Phew! What did you have for breakfast?" OK, are there 7 in our party? 25? 52? What? Boy, I'm hungry! My ancient Mayan is a little rusty, but I think this is the "Crystal Skull Club." You know, this boat doesn't appear to be "lost" to me. This entire area is misnamed! Hmm--unless I miss my guess, Indiana Jones is somehwere nearby--and there's a Star Wars reference here.

^Hummel Boy has no shame. Moving right along . . . Chapter 11: The Edge of Wetness—Tokyo DisneySea Our next stop on the tour was supposed to be Fu . . . no! That steaming puddle of yak drool is unworthy of mention here! Let’s say this: Our next stop was supposed to be The Park Which Shall Not Be Named, but since rain was in the forecast and The Park Which Shall Not Be Named shuts down at even the meanest drizzle (Why? Is it made of sugar, or something?), the schedule was shuffled around to a park that can handle a little precipitation: DisneySea! How to describe this place? It’s about as close to theme-park nirvana as one can get; for my money, the jewel in the Disney crown. Every where you turn, there’s another cool detail, a jaw-dropping view, a little alcove or alley you somehow missed earlier. It’s exactly what a Disney park should be. Let’s take a stroll around the place, shall we? Through the Mediterranean Harbor section in the shadow of the volcanic Mysterious Island, we turn left and amble through the streets of old New York circa the turn of the century—the park’s American Waterfront section, home of old-time cars and trucks, an electric elevated railway, and the mysterious, majestic Hotel Hightower, better known as The Tower of Terror—Here we have yet another version of this now-classic Disney ride, only with a new twist; Rod Serling is nowhere to be seen. Seems that the Japanese aren’t familiar with The Twilight Zone, so Disney had to concoct a new story line. Ironically, the new story, with its message of how it’s dangerous to show disrespect for “primitive” cultures, is more Twilight Zone-like than its counterparts in the States. I won’t give anything away but I will say that the preshow is awesome—the best of the Towers! The ride itself is very good, although it runs a weaker program than the Stateside versions (and it uses over-the-shoulder belts—boo!). Overall, it’s still excellent, and, yes, you exit through the hotel gift shop. Moving along, past the American Waterfront’s New England section, we enter Port Discovery, the park’s “Tomorrowland.” This is probably the weakest of TDS’s lands; I couldn’t get a handle on what it was supposed to be. That being said, it looks quite cool with its futuristic buildings, and it does have two pretty good attractions. Aquatopia—This colorful boat ride, in which the “boats” roll around through different courses on a submerged platform in a lagoon, looks a bit cooler than it is. It really seems more like a kinetic sculpture than a ride. It’s a much better ride at night, and despite the waterfalls and whirlpool, you won’t get wet—unless it’s pouring rain, of course. Stormrider—Take a ride into the eye of a massive hurricane in this simulator. It’s pretty good, but one ride was enough (it certainly bucks around a lot). As you munch your box of chocolate popcorn (well, the corn, not the box, actually), the scene changes dramatically—the intractable tropical jungle of Lost River Delta. This is where you can sample the Japanese version of Mexican food (I wasn’t quite that daring), or experience Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Crystal Skull—This is essentially an upgraded version of the Temple of the Forbidden Eye in California, only in a Mayan pyramid and with an even more impressive queue, and it’s excellent (our group rode it four or five times, and I think Ryan rode it eleven times in one night). There’s a coaster credit, Raging Spirits, but it was down for rehab while we were there. However, credit or no, Lost River Delta is worth exploring a bit—we kept stumbling over bits of “ruins” and references to Indiana Jones movies (and even Star Wars). The mysterious Arabian Coast calls you next, with its towering minarets, winding streets filled with magicians and cutthroats, and plentiful helpings of baklava. Here’s where you’ll find the most pleasant surprise of TDS. Sindbad’s Storybook Voyage—This was described at the It’s a Small World of TDS, but don’t hold that against it. Sindbad an excellent boat ride with animatronics depicting that do, indeed, look as though they stepped out of a children’s book. How can you not like a ride with pirates, a bird monster, a green giant, belly dancers, and even a catchy song (in Japanese, of course)? It’s classic, old-school Disney. There was a pretty good 4D movie (with live actors, too) involving the Genie from Aladdin, where they gave you this nifty little translator that told you what was going on in English. Head back toward the volcano, and you’ll come across the park’s children’s section—the home of the Little Mermaid. It’s mostly indoors (except for Flounder’s Flying Fish Coaster—a credit that we all got), and beautifully themed to an underwater world (with plenty of flatrides, even the Jumpin’ Jellyfish parachute drop, for kids). The Little Mermaid stage show was kind of trippy (if you’re into enormous puppets and women with trapezes surgically implanted in their thighs). Head toward the volcano for the best land of them all—Mysterious Island, the home of Captain Nemo and the park’s best attraction: Journey to the Center of the Earth—Nemo invites you to explore strange underground grottoes that lie deep beneath the Earth’s crust. But it’s also the home of Disney’s coolest animatronic monster this side of the Yeti at Animal Kingdom—a huge lava dragon! There’s even a bit of airtime on this ride to go with its psychedelic sets. We rode this multiple times (thank you Fast Pass), and the queue, which winds past Nemo’s labs and equipment, is beautiful. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea—This ride is a lot of fun, too, if not up to Journey. You board a mini-sub for a voyage through “liquid space,” which, naturally, goes a bit wrong. This one is most interesting for its unique ride system and vehicles, which make it look like you’re underwater in a dry show building. Some of the effects are a bit cheesy, but it’s definitely worth checking out. I’ll let the pictures explain the rest. Up next—DL’s larger cousin Look! A silly American man is taking our picture! Maybe he post it online! More to come from TDS. Yeah, it's a cute lil rollerskater. Here's the one credit of the day. Actually, we couldnt afford either sub, so we had to walk to Ariel's home. Sorry--my budget can only afford the econo-box. Maybe I can interest you in a slightly used submarine boat, pal. Only one owner, and just 20,000 leagues on her! Whaddaya say? OK, what do I have to do to make sure you drive out in one of these little beauties today, sir? From the size of that screw, I'd say hard. Hard- or soft-core? I wasn't sure if these "terravators" actually went up or down--but they sure made a lot of noise doing it. OK, let's queue up for Journey to the Center of the Earth. (I hope Capt. Nemo is a member of AAA--although that probably wouldn't do him much good in Japan, I guess.) Whew! This is the Fast Pass line! Good thing we got here early. Hmm--looks like quite a few people had the same idea. . . . the newest Tower of Terror. Attention Kings Dominion--this is a volcano. But our objective was to score some Fast Passes for . . . You enter DisneySea at the park's Miracosta Hotel. . . . wait in line for the gates to open! (Well, we were early.) Yes, these are my people! Now, let's forge ahead! This way to excitement! This way to adventure! This way to . . . . . . dorks in Disney shirts! Again, another tempting offer, but I think I'll stick with the . . .

My innocent TR has taken a decidedly disturbing turn. Even so, I shall press on and start posting the Disney stuff this weekend.

^Yep--that's Barry's hand and camera in one of the pictures.

^And thanks to the mishaps Joe is famous for, this would have the potential of making the site more "dissevering."