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^The Happy Valley parks are a good case in point. The older parks in the chain, such as Shenzen, are pretty well themed. But the newest park, Wuhan, is very much like Energylandia (a bit sparse).

We're coming into the Chinese home stretch! Chaunlord Holiday Manor was a cool, funky park with lots of charm. Remember that ride from Crab Island? Well, it got stuck here. Thank god for bamboo. Chaunlord had a great haunt, too: Ghost Ship. Yes, they will touch you in there! This funky zipline thing over the lagoon was fun. And we all enjoyed eating Mr. Fish. (Seriously, he was delicious.) Knight Valley's Wood Coaster (yes, that's the name) was good. I don't think any GCI has a better location. Knight Valley also had a show that used a flash flood as a climax. This was, perhaps, the single funniest moment in the whole trip. Robb had the next park located on his GPS, but the guide insisted on stopping the bus and asking random people where it was. All that for a Sliding Dragon. Welcome to another Window on the World. This one had an indoor coaster themed to Vikings or Asgard or something. It was hard to tell, as all you did was bump around in pitch darkness. You could shoot people in the face with a fire hose there. However, you were not allowed to shoot them with this. This was another funny moment at Happy Valley Shenzen. These schoolkids were all shouting "hi . . . hello" at us. They torture yetis here? At HAPPY Valley? Yay! An S&S launched coaster that works! And it was fun, too! I loved their knockoff "Alien Encounter," . . . . . . and, again, you could shoot people in the face with a fire hose. I liked Disney's Hollywood Hotel in Hong Kong, But our first park there was Ocean Park. This funicular was a fun ride to the top of the mountain where much of the park was located. Some of the group warned us that Hair Raiser was "rattly," but I liked it quite a bit. You can't beat Dragon's location, even though the ride itself isn't too good. Best views from a mine train ever! Penguins swim underneath you at Ocean Park. The ride down was spectacular. Hong Kong Disneyland is the cutest lil' ol' Magic Kingdom ever. I like how it's surrounded by mountains. Big Grizzly Mountain is currently my favorite Disney coaster. Their version of Space Mountain is a clone of the West Coast version, but they were running Ghost Galaxy while we were there, It was great. Save the Animatronic Hippos! I liked the finale of Hong Kong's Jungle Cruise. First fire, . . . . . . then water! Of course, Dumbo is universal. I'm looking forward to visiting this park again. It's changed a lot since 2012. That's all from China!

Let's keep TPR's Chinese caravan moving here. We found "SBNO: The Ride." Cheapest drop tower ever. Well, that inspires confidence. Right, folks? I think the guy sitting next to Elissa may have died. Shanghai was a cool mix of the old and the new. My parents used to have a Christmas tree topper that looked just like the Pearl Tower. Don't look down . . . don't look down . . . Shanghai was a cool-looking city. "We do not regret riding the sketchy Looping Toboggan at Fisherman's Warf!" "Er, is it supposed to do that?" is another recurring theme in China, . . . . . . along with "should this be attached to something?" I had to go all the way to China to ride a working Giant Inverted Boomerang (in this case, at Jinjiang). We finished the ride, even though it had some issues. I liked it. Larry and I had lunch here, . . . . . . but we did not have the Jellyfish Head. "Yes! Another Sliding Dragon POV in the can! Er . . . go me?" Yes, this can be a very disturbing country. Here's a novel way to fix a stuck Golden Horse Spinning Mouse. One guy stands on the ride and rotates the car, while another guy pushes it was a stick of bamboo. If you want a trippy experience, ride the Bund Sightseeing Tunnel under the river in Shanghai. It has a Hard Rock Park "Nights in White Satin" vibe to it. A disturbing sight at Happy Valley Shanghai. Fireball was running great, . . . . . . and the Diving Coaster was fun, . . . . . . but MEGA LITE! And let's not forget North Pole Adventure, where you get to shoot elves in the butt. The Vekoma Stingray at Big Wheel Park was another pleasant surprise. Intense, but fun. "Welcome to Joyland! Experience joy, or I kill you!" Sky Scrapper was a good B&M Flying Coaster, though. Hmm--pretty sure you won't see this model at any car showroom. Dinosaur Park was relatively straightforward for a Chinese theme park. Yep--there are, indeed, dinosaurs. Dinoconda was a surprisingly good S&S 4D Coaster. I liked this park more than Joyland. Amazing World appears to China's version of Toverland, They had this weird Spinning Mouse . . . . . . and a lot of balls. Chimelong Paradise was like an especially good Six Flags park. It even had a real Intamin Ten-Inversion Coaster instead of some knockoff . . . . . . although they did have an imitation Fire Academy (Larry and I lost). The stunt show existed for two reasons: 1) flying car on fire and . . . . . . 2) catfight! One more set of photos to come.

China 2012 OK, dear readers, better go get yourselves some coffee, tea, or perhaps a few beers. This may take a while. Ever since I was a kid, I've wanted to visit China--to walk on the Great Wall, tour the Forbidden (well, maybe not-so-forbidden) City, and see Hong Kong. Then, thanks to TPR, I discovered they also have a fair number of theme parks--yay! They also have a lot of nice city parks with lots of Sliding Dragons and knock-off Spinning Mouse Coasters. Er . . . yay? (Well, maybe not as loud a "yay.") I'll just jump into the photos and explain things as I go. There are many, but I promise not to regale you with every tiny kiddie credit in every city park we visited (only the ones that were, at least, sort of interesting for some reason). I don't recall all their names of these little parks, and I have no intention of looking them up. This was the longest TPR trip I've ever taken (a bit over 20 days), and like all the others, it was great. China is a fascinating palace, and while I wasn't too thrilled with Beijing, I enjoyed Hong Kong and Shanghai. If you want some interesting insights into China, I recommend River Town--a book written by an American who spent some time teaching English at a Chinese college. Welcome to Crab Island Resort! This is "Washing-Machine Agitator: The Ride." We will encounter it again. I have no idea who dreamed up this ride . . . . . . or if all installations come with their own apartments. Ah, my first Golden Horse knockoff SLC! This ride answers the musical question, "What could possibly be worse than a Vekoma SLC?" Hang in there Hanno! There are a lot of mouse coasters to go yet. At least they aren't MURDER HORNETS! Window of the World was a bizarro version of Epcot . . . . . . with some partial nudity . . . . . . and a knee-cracking mine train coaster. Camel sitting was also available. We made our way to the Great Wall . . . what the hell is that? A lot of people made their way to the Great Wall, but I enjoyed seeing it in person at last. We rode an alpine coaster down, too. This is part of the Forbidden City, which looks a lot like the rest of the Forbidden City. Next up was Beijing Shijingshan Amusement Park, which had the single scariest shuttle loop I've ever ridden. This ride tends to fall off the track and onto its upstop wheels in it vertical loop, and the same ride model had left riders stranded upside-down at another Chinese park! I ain't gettin' near that thing! You hoomans are on your own!" Looks like the mine train could stand a little mowing. I was denied this Golden Horse SLC because all the extra padding on the restraints wouldn't allow them to close over my rotund frame. I was OK with that. Sun Park's entrance had a "I was built for the Olympic Games" vibe to it. This character is in no way similar to a character in a popular Disney shooting dark ride. Sun Park also had some haunted walk throughs where the staff can hit you in the butt with a broom. This would not be the last time this happened to me in China. A big thunderstorm washed the pollution from the air in time for out visit to Happy Valley Beijing. I liked this park, but this non-working S&S coaster would be a recurring theme in China. Crystal Wing was a very good B&M Flying Coaster with some nice theming. But, for some reason, all Happy Valley parks must have a carny-level Disko. I love the dude's beard here. The show with the fake-beard guy led up to this deluge. That seemed to be the whole point of it. Help! I'm being assaulted! Welcome to Victory Kingdom--a park where almost nothing was open except this Golden Horse SLC, . . . . . . this crazy-looking flat ride, and a splash boat in a river of questionable water. Er, is it supposed to do that? (This isn't Victory Kingdom, as the Wild Mouse is actually running.) I just like this picture of Elissa. That's why it's here. Floraland was another Epcot-like park, only with hookers. This Tagada was a lot of fun--and something you'd never see in the U.S. This was either a haunt or a sanctuary for cross-eyed werewolves. What makes Happy Valley Chendu so happy? It has a kick-ass Mega Lite! I enjoyed this building of ice sculptures, too. "Agh! I'm wearing shorts, and I forgot snow was cold!" This isn't Wall-E--it's Wall-T. Totally different. Occasional heavy downpours were another recurring theme. I didn't get my photo with a panda on my lap, but I did hang out a bit with them. They're Chinese royalty. Happy Valley Wuhan's sign looks like something you'd see in Reno in the 1970s. The park was incomplete, as in some coasters, such as the S&S launched ride, weren't ready for prime time. But it did have Dauling Dragon. . . . . . and Hidden Anaconda, the first Maurer Sky Loop I'd ever ridden (it was fun). All Happy Valleys have mine trains, but Wuhan's is the only one themed to NASACR-racing big rigs. More to come.

I was not fond of that looping coaster at all. I was pleasantly surprised by it. I was expecting a new experience in pain, but it turned out to be a decent coaster.

I, too, am shocked that the ice-cream photo wasn't posted sooner. Ice cream makes everything better!

Oh, yeah, the BBQ at the hotel in Merimbula--that was great!

Perhaps you are referring here to Men at Work's chart-topping hit song, "Who Can It Be Now?" Or maybe you mean their SECOND number-one hit, "Down Under"? Well, Chuck, which is it? How about their one hit album? Seems you beat me, Mr. Bond. It seems I set a new record in beating you, Blofeld.

Perhaps you are referring here to Men at Work's chart-topping hit song, "Who Can It Be Now?" Or maybe you mean their SECOND number-one hit, "Down Under"? Well, Chuck, which is it? How about their one hit album?

Seriously. As much as I like Knoebels, most of their restrooms seem to date back to WWII.

They have been on quite a roll as of late.

Scenic World is a beautiful place and worth a visit. I think the SLC has since been rethemed to Batman.

More from TPR's Australia Trip. Take care not to chunder. Do not say bad things about Aussie World's Wild Mouse, . . . . . . or they will come back to bite you in the butt. We ended up on Australian TV when we rode Redback. Rock 'n' Roll Rebel was a fun indoor Himalaya. Welcome to the Australia Zoo, which was founded by the late Steve Irwin. Yes, this cassowary wanted to kill me and everyone else! If anyone doubts the link between dinosaurs and birds, throw them in a cassowary pit. Then they'll believe! "Yes, yes. I'm adorable. Please move along." This was Steve Irwin's favorite croc. He's about the size of a Buick. Killed and stuffed this one myself! "G'day! I'm your Australia Zoo hospitality host. Can I get you a nice beverage? Perhaps some Vegemite?" Wonderland Fun Park, whhre we ate some nice cake . . . . . . and shamelessly credit whored this ride. Luna Park Melbourne also likes to swallow guests whole. The Scenic Railway may have been a bit bumpy . . . . . . but it looked great after dark. They gave us a walking tour of their ghost train. Sure, she's dead. Don't judge! "Woohoo! I'll swallow your soul!" Luna Park also had a beautiful old carousel. Welcome to not Six Flags Magic Mountain. Yes, they had a coaster . . . . . . but the real attraction was this great alpine slide . . . . . . in which you're swallowed by a shark! We checked out a a bit of Canberra before returning to Sydney--and home. That's all until we head to China.

Australia 2011 Ah, yes! The Land Down Under! They mysterious continent that gave us some one-hit wonders like Men at Work and Paul Hogan, cuddly koala bears that look down on you with disdain, kangaroos and giant birds that will KILL YOU over an ice-cream cone filled with alfalfa pellets, and Vegemite, an industrial lubricant masquerading as a condiment. There's also this very high bridge you can climb. I've always wanted to visit Australia, and I enjoyed TPR's tour of part of this vast country, which was full of friendly folks, along with all sorts of bugs, reptiles, and other creatures dedicated to your untimely death. Yes, we saw plenty of animals on this trip, along with gorgeous scenery. I enjoyed the parks, too. Aussie enthusiasts tend to be a bit sheepish about their parks, but I don't know why. They had plenty of good stuff to offer. 1. Warner Bros. Movie World has one of the best launched Intamin coasters anywhere: Superman Escape (which should not be confused with SF Magic Mountain's Superman: Escape from Krypton, which you won't find at the Australian Magic Mountain). 2. How many wooden Wild Mouse coasters are still running? The Luna Park and Aussie World ones were fun, but I think the latter's coaster was removed. 3. Luna Park Melbourne's Scenic Railway is one of the oldest operating wooden coasters in the world (it's been thrilling riders since 1912). G'day! Welcome to Sydney! Hope you Bruces and Sheilas aren't feeling too jetlagged. "Welcome to the Featherdale Wildlife Park. You folks might want to stand clear as I live on very high fiber eucalyptus leaves." "Oh, god, I feel like I just crapped out half an ice-cream cone." A bona fide Tasmanian devil! He did not spin around like a tornado, which was a bit disappointing. What would you call a park with such scenic vistas? Why Scenic World, of course! This is the home of the infamous Orphan Rocker, a coaster that never opened the the public. I guess this is why you don't build janky coasters along 700-foot cliffs. I was somewhat less jetlagged when this photo was taken, . . . . . . but then I encountered this! The wooden Wild Mouse was wild, indeed. I loved the views of Sydney Harbor from this coaster. Luna Park's Fun House also had great attractions for the entire family, such as wooden super slides . . . . . . and 1940s movie hookers? Old school, indeed! Australian zombies eat at McDonald's. I guess they don't like emu and kangaroo. Is Australia the only country where they eat their National Animal (the kangaroo) and National Bird (the emu)? Seriously, you can get kangaroo and emu as pizza toppings. Warner Bros. Movie World boasted (at the time) the best coaster in Australia--Superman Escape! There's a cool dark-ride bit, an intense launch, plenty of airtime, and, of course, Superman pushing your train. Unfortunately, the park also had one of the worst rides in Lethal Weapon. Jimmy is from Arizona. He's not used to this liquid that falls from the sky! Even jaded Hollywood moguls are impressed with the park's stunt-car show. Sea World (not to be confused with SeaWorld) was a very nice aquatic park with another fun launched Intamin: Jet Rescue. It's a very good family coaster. It's not a visit to Australia unless you see one Great White Shark--preferably behind glass. "SHARK? WHERE?' Wet 'n' Wild was a nice waterpark, but I'm a bit concerned about this raft. We had ERT on a Flowrider. This happened to me a few times, too. Can you name the inspiration behind Australia's Dreamworld? Give it some thought. It will come to you. Dreamworld's Tower of Terror was like SF Magic Mountain's Superman, right down to having a drop ride on the same tower. We had a great behind-the-scenes tour of this ride. Er, are you sure this is a good idea? Nice kitty! Yep--I'm so mean I once shot a man for snorin'! More to come, you mangy polecats!

Based on my one ride on Condor back in 2008, you made a wise choice.

Untamed was my favorite coaster of the whole trip--beautifully paced and very re-rideable (and the quirky theming was a plus, too).

No wonder Nicholas Cage has been following me around.

Mid-America 2010 So far, I'd visited the UK, Europe, and Japan with TPR. Good times, but I hadn't seen too many parks in the USA, outside of California, Virginia, and Florida (along with some time at Kings Island, Holiday World, and the Mall of America's Camp Snoopy). So why not tour the nation's heartland a bit and see some the country's more "eccentric" parks, such as Silver Dollar City and Indiana Beach? Yes, you can see some interesting sights . . . . . . and meet some interesting people amid the wheat and cornfields of the Midwest. Here are a few things I learned on this trip. 1. Holiday World's Voyage can be a very good ride early in the season (say, April). But ride it late in the summer, and it's quite bad indeed. Talk about Jekyll and Hyde! 2. Indiana Beach's tacos are surprisingly good for tacos made in Indiana. Fascination is great, too. 3. S&S needs to build more rides like Silver Dollar City's Powder Keg. Seriously, this should be their "flagship" product. 4. Six Flags St. Louis has the best version of the Scooby Doo shooting dark ride ever. 5. Every city needs its own City Museum--and Lambert's. Well, time to fly to the Twin Cities and see what Spongebob and friends are up at the Mall of America. Welcome to Nickelodeon Universe--or Spongebob's favorite place next to the Crabby Patty. Spongebob's Rock Bottom Plunge coaster is all well and good, but my favorite ride there is still the Log Flume. Iowa's Adventureland was full of friendly people and a particularly painful ride in the Dragon. But CCI's Outlaw was pretty good. Worlds of Fun is a generic Cedar Fair park, but I am a sucker for Morgan Hypercoasters, like Mamba. We all worshipped at the Altar of Prowler, as well. (Seriously, it's a good ride, but I'm not sure why so many fanboys were so passionate about it.) Yep--Powder Keg was my favorite coaster at Silver Dollar City, but Outlaw Run might change my mind someday. Wildfire was a good, solid B&M coaster in a beautiful setting. Silver Dollar City also boasts an actual cave tour. We rode to the top of the Gateway Arch in St. Louis . . . . . . and went nuts at the City Museum. Yes, this place is fascinating to explore and offers many opportunities for serious personal injury. Elissa, I think the "green ear" virus you caught at Liseberg is flaring up again. Might want to have that checked. Look--it's SpongeRobb! Mr. Freeze at Six Flags St. Louis is proof that Premier Rides builds a damn good launched shuttle (nice job on the theming, too, Six Flags). Yep--"swamp boat Scooby Doo" is the best Scooby Doo. Raven was my favorite coaster at Holiday World. I even thought Legend was OK, although I'd heard bad things about it. As for Voyage, well, the backstage tour was nice. Come to Indiana Beach for the bizarre rides . . . . . . but stay for the elephant ears . . . . . . and Fascination. I remember visiting Marriott's Great America in Santa Clara when it opened in 1976. This was my first visit to the Six Flags version in Illinois. Raging Bull was OK (especially at night), but it looks cooler than it is. But Illinois still has the Whizzer. Overall, we had a very good time SF Great America that day and evening (even Viper was running great). Dan finally embraces the wetness. Their facial expressions perfectly sum up my feelings about Mt. Olympus in the Wisconsin Dells. I've no deisre to go there again. Sigh! Avalanche was great, though. Pity it's gone now. Valleyfair is also a bit generic, but it has the greatest mascot ever: Baron Oom Pah Pah! He's great because he probably drinks a lot of beer. Renegade was fun, too--another solid GCI. That's all for the Midwest. Next week, we'll be going Down Under.

More good news! I'm curious to see how well the new rules and app work.

I'm holding out for a beer, empanadas, and chips and queso at Jock's Hangar Bar.

This was posted on the Disney blog.

^I think they also say "argh" from time to time.

This is great news! I'm very curious to see how well the new procedures work.