printersdevil78

I, for one, will be very sad if SFA closes. But yeah, if Six Flags decides to close a park, I'm pretty sure that's among the first two on the list.

Awesome TR! Hershey's Christmas event was what started my family's annual tradition of an annual holiday amusment park visit. Never seen the "Home Sweet Home for Christmas" show, though. It looks pretty cool.

I touched on the Power Plant in my 2005 book "Maryland's Amusement Parks." It mostly covered parks pre-1970, but I did convince the publisher to let me include a total of three pages on Six Flags' endeavors in Maryland (Power Plant and SFA). I would have loved to have seen the dance club that operated for several months after the "park" portion of the Power Plant closed. Here's what I have: http://tinyurl.com/39nj9y7

^^Nope, I've worked at a snowball stand, a newspaper and a university, in that order, but I've never worked at an amusement park. ^I don't think it's up to park management whether or not to open the coasters; I think it's up to the temperature. As cold as it was that night, I was surprised more things weren't closed.

Shortly before Thanksgiving, I saw an ad in The Washington Post for the Gaylord National Resort's 2010 ice sculpture exhibit featuring "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and immediately decided I was going to see it. I told my family I had a surprise for them and made them save the date. And then... my stepdaughter-to-be got sick, so I ended up going alone and eating $50 worth of tickets (which was better than the full $90 I would have lost had I not gone at all). The good news is, the show was amazing, and I have the photos to prove it! Read on.... See that green inflatable dome thingy? That's where the exhibit takes place. Let's go! "Nobody gets in to see 'Ice' without paying $30, not no way, not no how" Incidentally, parking was an additional $10. And I don't mean Vanilla! OK, OK, we get it already! Sheesh! It's funny because it sounds like "Maryland." But I thought he lived at Universal Studios.... Can you guess what this tree is made of? If you said marshmallow Peeps, you're right! If you said anything else, you made the Peeps sad. The "Ice" show was just one part of a whole "Christmas on the Potomac" program the resort had going on. Indoor ice skating was a nice touch. These carolers were a lot of fun. Their 15-minute show (free!) helped pass the time while I waited for my timed-entry ticket to activate. "I am the great and powerful Grinch! And it's time for you to see me made from ice!" The cue for the exhibit wound through two secondary displays beginning with "The Art of Dr. Seuss." It's a portable exhibit, and I actually first saw it several years ago during a Dr. Seuss event in Ocean City, MD, but it was still fun. I especially enjoyed the background items, like this rough from "The Cat in the Hat." I love this poem! I specifically sought it out this time so I could take a picture of it. Apparently it made this fellow a little horny! Fun fact: In addition to illustrating everything from advertisements and propaganda posters to children's books, Dr. Suess also was an abstract painter and sculptor. The second "secondary" exhibit basically consisted of a few signs with information on the team that designed the ice sculptures, along with video interviews and demonstrations. It was interesting, but not photogenic, so I took the liberty of skipping ahead, photo-wise, to the parka pickup. Why parkas? Because the tent housing the ice exhibit maintained a constant temperature of just 9 degrees Fahrenheit! Hmm... this looks somehow familiar. "Ice: How the Grinch Stole Christmas" is brought to you by cold, refreshing Coca-Cola, proud sponsor of the Bryan and Adam Show! "What ville?" "Who-ville." "He's on first." Just watch out for the yellow Who-houses.... The Whos are getting ready for their three traditional winter holidays: Who-Christmas, Who-Hanukkah and Who-Kwanzaa. But the Grinch says, "Who-cares?" "Look deep into my yellow eyes...." I'm calling the Who-SPCA! Guess he already blew down the ones made of straw and sticks. By the way, check out the massive line behind him for the ice slides! FYI, the earliest "roller coasters" were 17th century Russian ice slides. Look it up! "Forget about the slides! There's Who-hash to be had!" "Ta-ta for now, dahlings!" Oh noes! Turns out the Whos don't care about material goods. Oh well. More for the Grinch! Ah crap! He went soft on us! Had this been a real dog, that Santa hat would have been in about 30,000 pieces by now. Roast beast is people! Rumor has it Cindy Lou Who is quitting the exhibit to audition for "Glee." But wait, there's more! In a bonus room, the carvers sculpted a full Nativity scene from clear ice. It's just like the plastic version from Walmart... only different. You've heard of the herald angels? This is one is 12 feet tall and made from ice! Across the parking lot, the resort building itself also had some Christmas attractions. Let's take a look, shall we? The synchronized music, fountain and light show in the main atrium was pretty awesome! It was like World of Color East! It's a little difficult to make out in this shot, but they had a little train running beneath the giant Christmas tree that kids could ride at $2 a pop (three rides for $5). The hotel has a year-round tribute to Dr. Suess, with a series of bronze statues representing his characters scattered throughout the first floor. I'm not exactly sure why, but at least they were kind of neat. It was impossible to photograph, but along this avenue of trees, the resort also sprayed Disneyland-style "snow" a couple times in the evening. The crowd really went nuts over it--which is ironic when you consider this was the area that got 4 to 6 feet of the real stuff during last winter's "snowmageddon." And, of course, the hotel lobby was decked out, as well. That's it! Hope you enjoyed! Merry Merry, everyone!

Several years ago, my now-fiancee Kelly, her daughter Lauryn and I began a tradition of visiting a theme park on Thanksgiving weekend. This year due to a travel conflict, we postponed the trip until the first weekend in December and chose Dutch Wonderland, a place I had never been (despite living just two and a half hours away) and that Kelly hadn't been to in about a quarter century. To say it surpassed expectations would be an understatement. All three of us really enjoyed the park--it focuses on kiddie attractions, but it's not just for kids. Highlights for me included teaching Lauryn how to shoot at the shooting gallery, which I had promised her we would do the next time we saw one; riding the carousel as a family--something we rarely do; and finding out the bathrooms were just as decorated on the inside as the rest of the park was on the outside! It was nice that the crowds were minimal, as well. We also had something extra to celebrate: After being unemployed for six months, Kelly began her new job that week! Anyway, enjoy the pictures. Happy holidays! Welcome to Dutch Winter Wonderland! For Christmas, they turned the entrance castle into Santa's house (yes, it was still also a gift shop). No photos allowed of the big man, unfortunately, unless you cared to drop some cash to buy them. It's just like a picture print by Currier and Ives! The carousel played Christmas music! These holiday dioramas were all over the park. It was a nice little addition. I call this picture "Jason and Lauryn prepare to ride the Ripcord." Going down! Dutch Wonderland has some awesome photo ops! Kelly and Lauryn love their new Amish family! They're also pretty happy about their new Inuit family! No, Lauryn! Do not eat the giant chicken! "Grrr! I'm crazy polar bear! Gimme some fish biscuits!" Is it ironic that electronic dioramas are used to depict the ways of life of the Amish--who shun electricity? Push the button to watch them sand the bench! But enough of that. You came here to see rides! Rides like the Crazy Plane! It's crazy! Come on, everybody! Clap your hands! This thing looked really cool spinning around in the dark. Let us pause for a moment to remember the real reason for the season. OK, that's long enough. Now let's ride the Space Shuttle! For me, this was one of the two coolest rides at the park (the other being the Dutch Wonder House): an original 1970s Astroliner! What made it even better was that they had replaced the movie screen and projector with a digital flat-screen TV... which showed a recording of the original scratchy, poor-quality 1970s 16-millimeter film! It's an awesome way to preserve the vintage cheesiness of this classic ride. Rudolph wants to ride the Astroliner! The Voyager was kind of like the next-generation Astroliner, equally as cheesy, but not quite as charming. Basically, upon boarding you learn that a nuclear war has destroyed the world in the distant year 2000(!), and your job is to travel back in time to ancient Egypt to capture some sort of magic doohickey for reasons I didn't fully understand. Lauryn will take the traveling carnival rockets any day (though given the opportunity to ride a single attraction a second time right before the park closed, she chose the Astroliner). Much like NASA, Dutch Wonderland's mission control is located inside a corrugated tin storage shed. This actually was a cool little "value added" attraction in the park's space-themed area, with a handful of 1980s-era science center-type activities. Space facts! We figured five hours would be plenty of time to do the entire park. Boy, were we wrong! We really didn't have time to sit through any of the shows, but we did catch the opening of the ventriloquist's act. She didn't move her lips, though that could be because with temperatures in the 20s that night, they were frozen in place! I want to live in a birthday cake house! Hi Joey! This was, by far, the best haunted swing I've ever ridden. The closeness of the walls made it much dizzier than any of the larger ones I've been on. A tiny church? I wonder what could be inside. Why, it's a Bible kiosk! That's right, kids. Forget Disneyland, Six Flags and Universal Studios--come to Dutch Wonderland and read the Bible! This was another seasonal attraction that seemed really cool that we didn't really have time for. Oh well. We can decorate our own cookies at home, anyway. The polar play area was full of plastic-and-foam ice blocks that kids could stack and climb on. Lauryn wanted to stop for a few minutes and try it herself, but Kelly wouldn't let her, as the place kind of smelled like dirty diapers, and she didn't want her daughter getting E. coli for Christmas. Teacher says every time a bell rings, there's some little kid pulling the rope at the other end. Another simple little attraction that kids love. It's a shame more parks don't have stuff like this. Now this school has some class! (ba-dum-ching!) Look! It's Prince Dill Weed! Yet another great holiday attraction that we missed out on due to time. Oh well. At least we got to see the strolling carolers pass by the smores stand. Dutch Wonderland had a collection of kiddie flats I had never seen before, including these bulldozers that allowed kids to raise and lower the front-end scoop. Hmm... bees... honey... something tells me these bears weren't always painted in the panda style. With freezing temperatures, none of the water rides were running; alas, our search for the Lady Gay was fruitless. However, the sky ride was operating, offering a great--if absolutely chilly--overhead view of the park's decorations and synchronized music and light show. The reindeer refused to come out of their shed into the cold--and I refused to jump the fence and go in after them--so this is the best photo you're going to see of them in this TR! Lauryn was only a passenger in the monster trucks... ...but she got to drive the antique cars! We began the theme park season this year with a meltdown when she was half an inch too short to drive similar cars at Six Flags America by herself, so she was elated when she measured up during her final park of the year! Also, no stopping, lap sitting, making the car stop or sitting in laps. We ended the evening with a roundtrip on the park's train. We passed through a mine shaft with some neat little dioramas; unfortunately, we were going too fast for my camera to take adequate photos. Then, on the far side of the track, we passed this. Which is fine and all... except there were no other references to "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" whatsoever (at least not that I noticed). It was kind of odd--like they really wanted the whole poem, but this was the only section they could afford. Goodbye, Dutch Wonderland! Thanks for a great evening!

If you also hear laughing, you might be inside a Taco Bell salsa packet. Reasoning: "Where am I? It's dark in here, and I hear laughing" is my favorite of those Taco Bell salsa packet sayings. For the record, I'm not sure where you are--but I wanna know where the girls in Clue #3 are!

This looks like an excellent opportunity to "Save Teh Comet!!!1!" But seriously, cool photos!

Very thankful for TPR. I wouldn't be the theme park junkie I am today without Robb and Elissa. Also thankful for all the parks that still maintain their early 20th century woodies for me to ride, Indiana Jones Adventure and parks like Idlewild and Kennywood that continue to operate some of the "last of their kind" rides in the world.

Awesome! Now I have something to look forward to over Thanksgiving! Thanks, Robb!

Pretzel cones FTW! Thanks for all the updates, Robb and team!

Wow, I thought I knew just about everything there was to know about the domestic Disney parks, but this is new to me! I wish I had known about it when we went last January; it would have been a perfect way to spend the evening after our Animal Kingdom day. Cool unexpected shout-out to Kevin Yee, as well. I really enjoy his books!

It's been my observation that, real estate-wise, non-corporate amusement parks seem to be turning into the 21st century's drive-in movie theaters. In the 1950s, drive-ins gained popularity as sources of inexpensive entertainment as families--and their disposable income--grew following World War II. By the 1980s, as developers sought land for townhouses, tract housing complexes and shopping centers, these large, empty drive-in plots became increasingly desireable. It usually took only a targeted tax, insurance or rent increase to drive theaters out of business, allowing developers to swoop in and purchase the land for pennies on the dollar. It was a lot easier to tear down a movie screen and snack bar than to clear whole new tracts of land. These "takeovers" were supported by a lot of counties and municipalities, as they brought jobs (construction and sometimes retail) to the area and had the potential to add a lot more to tax rolls than a business that brought in taxable revenue, in many cases, only a few months out of the year. Today all but a few hundred drive-in theaters are gone... but there are still plenty of roller coasters to tear down.

Those rides look utterly amazing! Thanks for sharing.

Quoted for truth! If Elissa ever decided to go into business for herself, I suspect she could make a very comfortable living with her own travel agency (and based on her post-trip thread, probably score a reality show, too). Two observations: Pasties are the bomb.com! I think I may have purchased mine from the same stand in your photo--was it near Leicester Square? Thank you for pointing out that was the "Feed the Birds" building! I took a picture of it and didn't make the connection. That makes it 10 times more awesome!

Halloween rivals Christmas as my favorite time of year! So far we've been to Six Flags America Fright Fest and a local Murder Mystery Night event for which I write the script each year. The best is yet to come, however--I'm in the final planning stages for Treat Street, my third annual Halloween event for kids in my area who are otherwise unable to trick-or-treat due to drugs, crime, sex offenders, etc., in their neighborhoods. We're expecting a crowd of about 750 this year between kids, parents and volunteers. It was a nice event the first couple years, but this year things have really taken off. We'll have 12 candy tables (up from our usual eight), three games, five mascots, two clowns performing and giving away balloons, a stockade photo op, story time, a coloring tent, face painting, and giveaways including treat bags, trading cards, temporary tattoos and shaped rubber band bracelets. This is the first year we have not been grant funded, and we've actually collected so many community sponsorships that we should be able to roll some of the money over as seed funding for 2011. I'm most excited about our two national corporate sponsorships--Papa John's and Pepsi--through which we are receiving 90 percent of our volunteer food 100 percent free! Sorry for being so long-winded. I'm kind of excited... can you tell? A night out with Dr. Cadaver at Six Flags America Fright Fest... ...and zombie Michael Jackson! This year's Murder Mystery Night was pirate themed. Next year we're talking about doing a wedding-themed event. I "borrowed" the idea from the logo from Disney California Adventure's Halloween overlay. To raise money next year, we're contemplating selling paper candy corns for $1 to be taped to the wall at local businesses like the MDA shamrocks or American Cancer Society footprints.

^^The shows were great! We really enjoyed the stunt show on opening night, and both monster shows were fun. My fiancee really liked the train (stepdaughter-to-be hated it due to the fire scenes). Photos: http://www.themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=56955

^Fixed. Great thread! I've always been fascinated with the behind-the-scenes aspects of haunted attractions. This was right up my alley!

For the past three Saturdays, the family and I have loaded up the PT Cruiser and made our way to Six Flags America. Two weeks ago it was just a random visit. Last week it was with a group trip I had organized for a local civic club, and this week it was for the opening of Fright Fest. If you read the post subject before you clicked on it, you obviously know which visit this TR focuses on! Now, I know there are still a lot of people out there who, based on the park's lingering reputation, would say something along the lines of "I thought every day at SFA was Fright Fest!" But as I've said several times in these forums, this park has done a complete 180 in the past couple years. It's among the cleanest parks I've visited this year, and the clientele has shifted from gangs to families (a change that still shocks my fiancee, who grew up literally just down the street from SFA and saw her neighborhood go through the opposite shift in the late '80s-early '90s). If you asked me to name the park with the friendliest employees, I would honestly place Six Flags America this year on par with Walt Disney World (and above Disneyland). At any rate, Fright Fest was the kind of Halloween event that suited us exactly. It had a few scary "adult" thrills mixed with a few kid-centric events... but mostly it offered a lot of things we could do together as a family without the adults getting bored or my 6-year-old stepdaughter getting over-scared. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention Wild One--it was the only ride we squeezed in for the day, and it was running insane! We had a similarly good experience on it last weekend, as well. Anyone heading to SFA in the next few weeks should make time to give it a try. One disclaimer before we continue: Due to lighting, some of the shots may appear to switch from daytime to nighttime, but I put them in the order we actually did the attractions, not necessarily the order in which they were shot. And with that being said... on with the show! Here we are! I'd bet money that this skull was made by fiberglass maestro Mark Cline, whose work we explored in depth at his attractions in Natural Bridge, Virginia, earlier this year. The one-eyed skull is one of his signature designs. Peek-a-boo! OK, I know I said SFA is one of the cleanest parks I've visited this year... but the giant cobwebs are just for show, I promise! Not sure who thought it was a good idea to put a graveyard in the middle of Main Street.... This was Kelly's favorite tombstone in the park. We got to Looney Toons Spooky Town about 15 minutes before the seasonal attractions there opened up, so we killed some time looking at the Halloween-themed dioramas set up in that area. Looks like that piercing might have hurt! First event of the night: Trick-or-Treat Trail! Caaaaannnnndddyyyy! I loved these statuettes. Anyone know what these awards are called? Aww... Babs and Buster are finally getting hitched! Next up was the Not-So-Scary Hayride around the Great Chase track. Entering from the maintenance area, we got to see a couple of the "special" cars on display. The hayride was kids-only, which, given the length of the line and the size of the wagons, was probably a good idea. There were probably 50 people in front of us, but after weeding out the adults, it was only a one-wagon wait. For the first and only time this season, we opted to dine in the park. We chose Johnny Rockets since it was directly between Spooky Town and the WB Theater, which was our next stop. Cost for a cheeseburger combo, chicken fingers combo and kids meal without drinks: $33. But at least they threw in an extra order of fries! It was kind of exciting to see this theater actually being used for something. I can't be 100 percent sure, but I think the idea here was to produce an episode of "Welcome Back, Kotter" with monsters and music. Basically, four monsters dressed in vaguely '70s-style outlets are going to a party at Dr. Frankenstein's when they stumble upon Dracula's ex, Hazel Witch. They take turns hitting on her in front of him. She tells them she just wants to be friends, so they invite her to the party, where I can only imagine roofies are eventually involved. Actually, this kids' show was really entertaining. The music was good, the costume design was great, and the headless Igor was the best dancer we saw all night! Lauryn made a new friend! As it began to get dark, we made our way over to the Stunt Arena for Blood Moon Rising. This was one of two stunt shows presented as part of Fright Fest--we missed the other (which I think was really just the park's regular pirate show) earlier in the day. This was a really well-produced show. Basically, a mad scientist has lured a fellow researcher to an abandoned ghost town under the guise that they're conducting top-secret cancer research. In reality, he's testing a serum that turns people into werewolves (or in Lauryn-speak, "weer-whups") so he can harness their strength and invincibility for himself. The police show up to investigate. It doesn't end well. Up next was Frightmares, a really fun monster musical revue. For us, Frankenstein's Monster was the hit of the show. We sat in the front row, and he spent an inordinate amount of time flirting with Lauryn, blowing her kisses from the stage, etc. She loved it! Then she got picked to go up on stage and dance the Time Warp with the monsters! Afterward, the monsters went down into the audience and posed for photos with the kids. Even more impressively, however, they sat in the back and watched the kiddie costume contest that followed, in full makeup and costume! It really made things a lot more fun for the kids. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Lauryn was quite upset that she didn't win the costume contest... but Frankenstein's Monster consoled her by blowing her more kisses on our way out! OMG, is that supposed to be who I think it is? The Bridge of Terror was one of the two "adult scary" portions of the park... but that didn't stop Lauryn from joining in! Normally she loves scary things (she's seen more fright movies than I have), but this was a little much for her. Circus of Lost Souls was an upcharge with a vague circus theme, though the most interesting scenes took place at an abandoned gas station rather than a circus for whatever reason. We gave Lauryn the choice of sitting it out, but she once again wanted to tag along--and was scared out of her mind! Ironically, it wasn't the monsters she was so afraid of, but the fire effects. "Are you my mother?" Favorite sign of the night! Besides the pirate show, the only two Fright Fest-centric events we missed (mostly by choice) were the Mr. Six Spooktacular Street Party--basically the regular Mr. Six Dance Party held throughout the rest of the year, only with Halloween music--and the Magic of the Night show, held respectively in front of and inside the Grand Theatre. WTF? The evening ended with the Thriller Closing Countdown: zombie Michael Jackson re-enacting part of the "Thriller" video with five or so other zombies on Main Street. Michael was great, but the performance would have looked a lot cooler with about a dozen more zombies thrown in. Good bye, SFA! We'll see you again next year!

We started Day 4 with a little surprise. Because of the hotel mix-up on Day 2, Robb was able to strike a deal with the park for ERT on Th13teen the next morning! Thus, TPR became one of the first groups ever to have ERT on this brand new coaster. Enjoy! While we were waiting to get into the cue, a LOT of members of the GP came up and wanted to know how they could get ERT, too. Robb told them to join TPR and pay a couple grand for access to the trip. A couple of them seemed like they were seriously considering it! If you go into the gift shop today... you better not go alone. I love tormenting my treats! And now for some history. I spent most of our final morning at Alton Towers at... Alton Towers, the original country house of the Earls of Shrewsbury. The namesake 1800s castle-like building sits in the middle of the park, half destroyed, open for anyone who wants to nose around inside. Let's see *that* happen in the U.S.! First, a look at the well-manicured gardens. No real topiary here, but a smattering of nude and nearly nude statues... ...and a few with clothes, too. Behold the building up close! Let's go inside, shall we? They bite. The main section of the building is a seemingly neverending maze of ballrooms, dining halls and living quarters. Not much use for this fireplace anymore! It's lonely at the top... but the view is killer! This place was literally falling apart. There must have been a dozen ways to kill or injure oneself in every room! This was the cold game room. Basically, they would shoot an animal, hang it up in here to cure and then eat it when it was ready. Just like the back of the grocery section at Walmart! Lots of steps up to the turrets! The steps lead to this view. There's something very wrong with this sign in 2010.... Wanna know what the world's first vertical drop coaster looks like? Here you go! Going doooooooown! And what better way to end our time at Alton than with a picture of the Donkey Derby? Up next: Drayton Manor.

Part two is ready for you now. Just heat and eat! Next, I visited perhaps the most disturbingly themed kiddie area at any park I've ever been to. And yes, there really was a dungheap... complete with flies! If you can get past the fact that you have to enter the kiddie area through a giant pile of poo, however, there are some neat things to be seen. Like this mushroom maze, for example. Spider web jungle gym, anyone? Now this caught me completely off guard. Yes, it's a kiddie zip line--unsupervised, no less! In the U.S., lawyers and insurance companies would be racing to see who could be the first to condemn this thing! Another Imperial Leather water ride? This time it's a bathtub flume! Another Merlin park, another Sealife Aquarium. "If you go down in the fishtank today... ...you better not go alone." Speaking of lawyers and insurance companies, guys like this are the reason they've run so rampant in the U.S. Powered coaster: oxymoron or ingenious invention? Either way, we once again had front-of-the-line passes, but the lines were so short early in the day that this turned out to be the only ride I needed mine for. This is why they call it a mine "train." Welcome to the wildest ride in the weeeelderness! I really enjoyed Duel. The basic premise is, the park turned its traditional haunted house into a dark ride mostly by just adding sensors to what was already there... but it gave the zombies inside guns to shoot back at the guests! Oooh, moose head... scary! Mike told me later that he and the group he joined up with after we split up that morning rode it twice, not bothering to shoot the second time so they could get an idea of what the original dark ride was like. I wish I had thought to do that. Haunted Hollow was kind of a letdown. Based on the description on Alton's website, I had been expecting some sort of dark ride or haunt maze. What it ended up being was a tree-lined path with a few statues and tombstone-based gags and photo ops sprinkled throughout. Step on the pressure pads in front of these tombstones, and music plays. This hearse photo op was kind of neat for what it was--a section of the coffin was cut out so a person could stand behind it and have their picture taken looking as if they were sitting up in it. Not sure what was supposed to be inside this crypt, but I didn't really see anything. By the time I made it out the other side, it was time for lunch. I opted for a sausage roll... ...and a chocolate-filled crepe with ice cream. OMG! Alton didn't seem to have much in the way of live entertainment, so I was happy to be able to catch this pirate show during lunch, even if the entire point of the production seemed to be to splash the people in the front row with water jets. lol A couple pirate-themed flat rides rounded out this area. We had front-of-the-line passes for them, too! Take that, Knotts Berry Farm! I don't know how this hasn't taken off yet in American parks... but I'd be surprised if it doesn't eventually. Did I mention that Alton Towers was celebrating a birthday? Thirty years of theme park fun! (Personally, I was hoping they might have a Dream Machine so I could try to win a Geo Metro... but no.) After heading back to the hotel for a brief nap, I returned to the park and went directly here. Why? That's why! Buf-fay! After dinner, we stayed in the park after closing for some Nemesis ERT! The idea is that some sort of alien has melded with the coater. It's very elaborately themed. Wheeee! Someone called the Alton Towers Police to remove all the coaster-riding hooligans who hijacked Nemesis! And what other attractions were there to be found in the Forbidden Valley? Well... There was Blade... ...and the Sauce Station! After Nemesis ERT, it was time to walk back to the hotel for water park ERT! When we got there, this pirate was using the stage for a kiddie show. After the water park, we returned to the lobby for live entertainment. Our first impressions probably don't speak too highly for this singer--when we first heard her, we thought it was karaoke night! I stopped by the Dragon Bar for a mai tai! Instead of hanging out in there, however, we chose to spend the rest of the evening al fresco. It was a great end to a great day! Up next: More Alton Towers!

Day Three was our first official day at Alton Towers. Enjoy! First, some unfinished business from the Alton Towers Hotel TR. The bedspreads were made to look like stitched-together blueprints from Sir Alton's inventions. It's like they skipped a full century between telephones! Moving on to the park, first we have some preliminaries: monorail... ...rapids... ...and Enterprise. Now that we've satisfied all the TPR special interest groups... welcome to Alton Towers! On the way from the hotel to the special, super-secret TPR-only back-door entrance, we passed Alton's miniature golf course. It looked pretty nice... but even with a full day and a half at the resort, who had time for golf? First up was an hour of ERT on Air, which Mike and Elissa conspired to make me ride despite my (or my stomach's) general dislike of upsie-downsie, turns-aroundsie inverted steel coasters. Of course, they succeeded. And after three rides, the only loss was that of my precious comb, which fell through the crack behind the shelves as I was retrieving my "carry-on" items from the station. Thanks again, Mike, for lending me one for the remainder of the trip (I probably should get that back to you someday...). After Air, some of us--for whatever reason--decided the easiest way to get from there to be among the first in line for Th13teen would be to trek through the scenic valley in the middle of the park. It may have been shorter than walking all the way around--but this was by far the toughest climb I've ever had to make at a theme park! Along the way, Mike informed me that these random pieces of decorative architecture were called "follies." Folly, folly, folly! We found a dank, dark hole! "If you go down to the woods today... ...you better not go alone." Behold, the scariest, thrillingest, most amazing roller coaster in the history of Earth! Or not. I actually kind of agree with Robb's assessment: Th13teen is a fun family-style coaster with a couple neat surprises that probably make it too intense for kids but not intense enough to really thrill teens or adults. I enjoyed it... but I wouldn't visit Alton Towers just to ride it again. Next door was Rita... which, as pointed out to me, could be a reverse acronym for "Alton Towers Intamin Rocket." Also, I just learned that the U.S. headquarters for Intamin is just two hours from my apartment. That should earn me some coaster cred! After three coasters in a row, we moved on to Hex, the park's haunted swing, the cue for which is actually built inside the castle/lodge after which the park is named. That seems to be a trend for British parks--find an elaborate old building and stick an attraction inside of it. Hex introduced me to the supposedly true legend of the chained oak, which I thought was pretty cool. I saw a reference to it outside the park in the name of a B&B, as well. The basic premise of the ride (and legend) is that a witch cast a spell on a rich dude who wouldn't give her money, causing one of his relatives to die every time a branch fell from a particular oak tree. He didn't believe her... until it happened! He then had his servants wrap chains around the tree's branches so no more could fall. Apparently there were at least two such trees in England at one time. And then we went to Cloud Cuckoo Land, which is just the best name for a theme park land ever, don't you think? "Hey there, TPR! How you doin'?" This looked like one of the most fun kiddie car rides ever! And it was sponsored by a car company I had never heard of. I can name a number of TPR members who would feel right at home here! The fence was as ornate as the carousel! See, Gilroy Gardens? You're not the only park that can have mushroom-themed chair swings! Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of my most anticipated dark rides of the trip. Unfortunately, most of my pictures from the ride didn't come out... but this one did! Overall, I was mildly disappointed in the ride. The boat portion, which I did enjoy, was too short, and getting off the boat and standing in a second line before entering the elevator finale made the experience seem kind of disjointed. I thought it would be kind of like a Pirates of the Caribbean, where I would want to ride several times, but once was really enough. After having walked for what seemed like miles around the park, we opted to take the skyway to our next destination. We see you, folly! If you've ever wanted to see an aerial view of Alton's pirate-themed Splash Battle... you're welcome! At the time, I assumed this coaster had carried the Sonic name since the game was popular 15 years ago. I had no idea it had just been renamed this summer! Gotta love Sonic (the hedgehog, not the drive-in restaurant chain... though I do enjoy that, as well). This is why they call it "Spinball." The themeing was dead on, right down to the design of the bumpers. While my compatriots rode Sonic, I opted for the kinder, gentler (more boring) Storybook Forest. This was the coolest thing in that small section of the park. When you pushed a button on the fence, the giant bookworm woke up and told a story. Squirrel Nutty? Well... why not? OK, this ride was just weird. Apparently there were some Audio-Animatronics that accompanied it at one point, then they became static statues, and now they aren't even there anymore. The whole point of the ride today seems to be to sit in one of these squirrel/acorn cars and just kind of ride around an elevated track. No more, no less. I spy TPR members in line for Beastie! Old MacDonald's Farmyard, on the other hand, had some pretty cool little attractions. Decisions, decisions.... Well, the Tractor Ride delivered exactly what its name promised! The Doodle-Doo Derby, on the other hand, was a horse-themed kiddie flat ride with some chicken themeing. Riverbank Eye-Spy was a unique kiddie attraction. The idea was to climb into one of these Jungle Cruise-like boats... ...keep an eye out for the fiberglass barnyard figures... ...and press the appropriate button to make the boat make the sound of that animal. The rabbit one was silent! Further inland, I stopped to play some tic-tac-toe against a chicken. Fun fact: I did this in real life once at a casino. I lost. The Singing Barn was so creepy it was cool! Basically, you ran around the barn pressing buttons to get different barnyard animals to sing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." With an "oink, oink" here... ...and a "moo, moo" there... ...and a... scarecrow riding a tractor!? (And yes, both of them really did sing.) That's all for part one. Stay tuned for part two!

^^Well, I guess it would have helped if I had ever seen (or heard of) the show! I remember on my first TPR trip, Robb had to explain to the non-U.S. participants what Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was so they could understand the Mr. Rogers ride on which we had ERT. His short synopsis: "It's like a kids' show on acid." Maybe that's what Crystal Maze was like: Double Dare on acid? ^^^Carrot juice was probably the strongest thing I tried the entire trip! I mentioned that the day didn't end with the Crystal Maze... and here's the proof! After a long drive back to England, we bunked down for the night at the Alton Towers Hotel--but it was a huge mistake! Apparently, our initial reservations had been for the adjacent Splash Landings Hotel, but when we got there, Robb and Elissa found out they had been changed without their knowledge. This did not sit well, as Splash Landings would have offered us a tactical advantage for meeting areas, water park ERT, etc.... but we made due, and it was fun to stay at quite possibly the best themed resort hotel outside of Disney. Enjoy! We're here... even though we aren't supposed to be! Any hotel with a pirate ship right in the middle of the lounge is OK in my book! This served as a stage for entertainment the second evening we were there (photos to come). On top of the pirate ship was a balloon... ...and in the middle was this guy! Presenting Sir Alton of Alton, presumably a distant relative of Adam Merryweather Pleasure. Alton built the hotel, bringing back with him souvenirs from his early 20th century travels all over the world... including these guys in the lobby from India! Looks like the kind of elevator that would have been used on the "Nautilus." Oh? This should be interesting.... Mike had stayed at the hotel before and told me the elevators were a little "different." Each voyage up or down triggered a different light and music show tied to the theme music for various rides in the park. Some people thought it got a little annoying after awhile, but I loved it every time! The entire hotel was made to look like something out of the late 1800s/early 1900s. Even the lamps in the rooms appeared to be gas-powered ("appeared" being the key word). Pictures on the walls were paintings of Sir Alton's various practical inventions--all of which looked suspiciously like theme park rides--including the "Coasting Roller." To exit a room or corridor in England, one must run toward a rectangle and duck. Mike and I did this, and he took me on a guided tour of the hotel. Some of the "props" at the hotel, hanging out of guests' reach, supposedly were authentic antiques. I think "supposedly" is probably the key word in that sentence, too. Hello, Th13teen! We'll be seeing you tomorrow! Mike and I took turns sitting in the big chair. Hello, ladies! The Dragon Bar was closed by the time we got there, but some of us managed to have some fun there the next night.... The Alton Towers Hotel and Splash Landings were connected on one hallway. As one hotel became the other, the carept began to change. It was pretty neat! Random crab! A preview of the next evening's water park ERT. It never got this dark in there while we were in the water! I didn't take my camera the next night because I was afraid it might get splashed or damaged, so this is about all you're going to get from that part of the hotel. I will say that, though I'm not a big fan of water parks, I had a BLAST at ERT the next night. They had me at "private, indoor and climate controlled." The inside of Splash Landings. Ah, what could have been.... The shark-in-the-bathtub joke never gets old! It says "exotic," not "erotic." This is where we found most of the rest of the TPR gang! I was feeling pretty tired by that point, so I went back to the room to crash. This was the view from our room the next morning. Not bad, eh? Breakfast buffet in here... with all-you-can-eat blood sausage! Mr. Tree prefers his sausages made from human blood! This was our view over breakfast. Not bad. Not bad at all! After breakfast, a few of us went outside to check out the Sir Alton of Alton fountain, which was too dark to get a good look at the night before. This thing really was imaginative and helped set the background for the story the hotel told. Since the next day was Club TPR Day at Alton Towers, and it was impractical to reach all non-UK Trip Club TPR members that late in the evening to change the meeting spot, we had to trek over to Splash Landings to begin the day. On the plus side, it gave us an opportunity for daytime water park photos. Oh, and if you haven't checked out the "Water Park Dance" video (I assume it's still on Coastertube), do it NOW! "I can't wait for the Alton Towers TR coming up next!"

Ready for part two? Don't scroll down until you are! They really make a big deal about "The Big 4" at Oakwood: Speed, Megafobia, Hydro and The Bounce. For the record, this is The Bounce. I would point out what it looks like, but I'm sure your mind is already there. Pervert. In Wales, they speak both English and Welsh. At the grape juice factory, they speak both English and Welch. I spied this rundown snack stand while at Speed for ERT. Doesn't look too appealing does it? So why return? Bacon baguette with cheese! This was the only place in the park that sold them, and it was completely amazing! For dessert, Mike and I split an order of "donuts" with chocolate. In reality, these were more like cookies (biscuits) than what we call dounuts in the U.S. I wonder if that's what all the British theme park donuts are like or if this was just an anomaly. Did I mention that they really play up "The Big 4" at Oakwood? After lunch, it was time for super-secret backstage access to Megafobia! Photo... ...walkback. Wheeeee! "Hey... that's the craziest on-ride photo system I've ever seen!" So close, we could almost *touch* it (but were instructed not to). It's as if the entire coaster has reached out to envelop us in its awesomeness! On the other side... paddleboats! For the uninitiated, this is what the UK Tour shirt looked like. Don't own one? Man, what a loser! This is what my grandfather's backyard used to look like. Before he died. Good news: Oakwood no longer needs fresh corpses to test its coasters! Next up: Q&A with the park's maintenance staff! Just *look* at all those coaster parts! Look at them now! "So what happend to your ceiling?" "Well, we used to store fireworks in here...." Behold the No. 1 necessity for running a productive park maintenance shop. They bite. What's that, Mr. Antique Kiddie Train? You want me to ride you? Well... maybe just this once. After the maintenance Q&A, the park offered ERT on Hydro. People. Got. Wet. How's it goin', TPR? Can we get you a towel? How about a squeegee? Oooh, a handstamp. That means we're exiting the park... ...to see sheep! Actually, I'm told these sheep used to graze right under Megafobia. They moved them when they heard TPR was coming back.... So why did we leave a park full of coasters to go to a bowling alley? That's why "This way to the Maze!" For the uninitiated, "Crystal Maze" apparently was a popular '80s/'90s kids' game show in the UK, where teams ran through four themed zones (space, a ship, Medieval times, etc.) to complete tasks that would earn them jewels, which would in turn give them time inside a giant dome where they would basically play the world's largest game of Simon to see who ended up with the most points. At some point, they licensed five "Crystal Maze" play areas in the UK (and one in Japan), where kids could basically play the game for bragging rights under the direction of this creepy guy... and by the time we got to Oakwood, this was the only one left in existence. Sound like something TPR would be interested in? You betcha! C'mon, Rosie! You can do... that thing! It's Indiana Craig! Sadly, there will be no more "Crystal Maze" for TPR... or anyone else. The attraction closed forever exactly one week after our visit Oh well. We were pretty excited to come in third place out of all competing TPR teams... and just five points away from finishing second! This is what happens when you miss the bus.... "Hey! Nigel, stop! Wait for us! Come back!" Fortunately, most of us did make the bus on time (we walked to "Crystal Maze" from Oakwood and back), and we were rewarded with an introduction to the most hilariously horrible game show ever conceived: "Baggage." For those who haven't seen it (and you really should), three guys tell their secrets to an eligible bachelorette in phases from bad to worst in an attempt to get her to choose them for a date. She eliminates them round by round until just one remains. Only she has a secret to share, too, so if it turns out her "baggage" is too much for him to handle, he can reject her after she chooses him. And, of course, it's all hosted by Jerry Springer. OK, in all fairness, who among us hasn't done that? (I tell women all the time that I'm Lady Gaga.) We stopped for dinner at Services, and I was very impressed with the selection. I skipped Wimpy this time and went to the cafeteria instead, opting for what turned out to be a pretty good plate of curry chicken. That maple pecan thing in the corner, however? Absolute Heaven! The New Jersey Turnpike could learn a thing or two from Services. I also got some really odd-flavored chips (or "crisps," if you will) to try. Believe it or not the prawn ones ("prawn" is the generic term for shrimp in the UK) tasted just likc cocktail sauce, while the chicken ones bore an eerie resemblance to the taste of Stove Top stuffing. Believe it or not, there were even more adventures to be had before Day Two officially ended... but you'll have to wait (maybe for months, according to Mike) and see what comes next!

^^Hmm... I don't exactly remember when or why I made that comment... but there's no doubt in my mind that you fully deserved it! You know, as far as my TRs, you just can't rush perfection! ^Also no idea how you'd even begin to fry a Frito pie... but now I want to try it! At any rate, Day Two of the trip took us out of England and into Wales, where we spent the day at Oakwood. No need for a lengthy intro, as that will only slow down the speed at which I am able to rush this TR before the eyes of an apparently ravenous public. In fact, to speed the pictures even more (and because we've been having some Internet connectivity problems lately), I'll even post it in two parts. Enjoy! Oddly enough, when I was a Cub Scout, I painted my Pinewood Derby car those exact same shades of neon orange and green (true story). Oakwood set up a generous itenerary for us... and then added to it as the day went on! First stop: ERT on Speed! Even the fencing next to the ride was themed. But you know, woodies are more my speed. Over the river and through the woods, to the insanely great-running coaster we go.... Megafobia was, by far, my favorite woodie of the trip. OK, OK, enough ERT. How about a backstage tour? Hey, Mr. Six is here, too! OMG, monster boobs! Oh man, a guy looking down at us from a dual staircase landing... this place must be haunted! This is how Elissa would react to rats in Opposite World. Also... they gnawed off his foot! Mrs. Spider is a very lucky woman.... Man, Toby Maguire's really let himself go.... If that's what's hiding in the sink, just imagine what's waiting in the toilet! Footless, one-armed man in an antique bathtub... spoooooky! After a long day working in the haunted house, this guy likes to just hang out. OMG... they killed The Hulk! This doesn't seem so scary... until it shoots chicken blood at you as you ride by! But even then, it's more gross than scary.... Now *that's* scary! The park was open by the time the last tour group exited Spooky 3-D, so we got to be among the first riders of the day on the most amazingly "WTF?" dark ride ever: Brer Rabbit's Burrow. Here's the concept: We board a kiddie train that takes us underground to watch Brer Rabbit and his friends get ready for their rap party. Yes, you read that correctly. AKA the "Happenin' Place." Mike is *very* excited to visit the Happenin' Place! How To Throw a Rap Party, Step 1: Take a nice, healthy poop. Step 2: Take a bath with Bubbles. Guess which one is Bubbles.... Much like "It's a Small World," this ride actually had its own theme song. The opening stanza went something like "Brer Rabbit and his friends are gonna cut loose, gonna liven up this party with some carrot juice." That, of course, is right before the big splashdown. Oops... sorry, wrong Brer Rabbit ride! Fun fact: There are 26 Robert Sleighs in the Wales phone book. This Bob Sleigh has an unlisted number. There was something very "Little House on the Prairie" about the lift hill. Is it just me, or are these "sledges" inherently phallic? This is true for so much in life. Oakwood was another one of the many British parks that encouraged picnics and generally hanging out in the green areas... but it's the first one where I saw an actual tent pitched! Treetops Rollercoaster was awesome! In life, there are good logs, and there are bad logs. This is a good log. This coaster was literally "through the trees!" The "tea trays" were a very unique dry "wet" ride. Basically, you sit on the British version of a snow saucer, get pushed down the flume and hold on for dear life while you skim across a shallow pool before skidding to a stop along a strip of miniature golf green-style carpet... hopefully before reaching the concrete pad that surrounds it! It's most definitely a "Never in America"-type attraction. Flyers can be fun, Except when they do not snap, Like this stupid ride. Oooh! We found the Lost Kingdom! You'd think there would be some sort of reward or something. Turns out it was one of those foam ball play areas that I actually really enjoy. This one was predominately for kids... except they played a lot of kid-unfriendly music in there! Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" was coming out of the loudspeakers as I walked in. It's all about the Elizabeths, baby! "We're waaaatching youuuuu!" Most of us were really impressed by what we believed at the time to be authentically antique rides in Oakwood's kiddie area. Turns out they were manufactured by a European ride company that has specialized in fabricating antique-looking rides since the early 1990s. This looked like something out of one of those "village" sets they sell at the Hallmark Store--except it was life-sized and ready to go! But this was the *real* reason most of us wandered into the kiddie area. OMG! It's really no wonder so many people are afraid of clowns. Well... it serves them right for setting the bass drum on the coaster track in the first place! Oakwood had a really nice kiddie area. It even included a "non-theme-park" playground. The Skyleap is a 15-foot vertical slide that park guests "ride" while wearing potato sacks. Seriously, you step up to the edge, jump off and hope you hit the actual slide at some point before reaching the bottom! The park also had a nice-looking miniature golf course, which, unfortuantely, we didn't have time to tackle. You know, some times I just gotta think when it comes to granting "Star Wars" licenses these days, George Lucas is just trying to grab at whatever money comes his way. I found it a little odd that a theme park in the middle of Wales, of all places, would have a New Orleans section. But... eh, whatever. You know, I've been to the original Aunt Sally's Pralines in New Orleans... ...and it didn't look anything like this on the inside. Fin, part one. Stay tuned for part two.