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Well, the reason you posted, plus it used to be part of a section themed to Wayne's World. Yes, Wayne and Garth had their own realm at Kings Dominion. The Juke Box Diner used to be Stan Mikita's, and Garth's Gremlin was once parked out front. Hurler has been running better this year. When it opened, it was great, but gradually degenerated into crap. The park has been doing some work on it over the last few seasons, though.

^Hmm--I wouldn't say that my photo would be admissible as evidence in a court of law, Mike. Seems pretty inconclusive to me. Personally, I was too busy blasting bad guys to pay much attention to what anyone else was doing. ^^You and I both had our share of injuries on this trip, Larry.

Next, on America's Next Top Fast-Food-Fashion Model, will Arlene be as sizzlin' as a Wendy's triple with cheese fresh off the grill, or as cold as a Whopper in a microwave? And did a certain fast-food icon who wears a crown get "supersized" during his private photo session with Nadja? Back to Bakken. "Oh my god! She's on the top rope! Big Spla-s-s-s-s-sh comin' up! Stick the fork in him, he's done!" As is this chapter--thanks for reading so far. Hmm--they should post these signs in American public toilets, too. Boo! Not enough spinning! (One of the few bummers at Bakken.) And now, TPR's Resident Teacup Enthusiast gives Bakken's a try. "Over easy with those eggs, swab!" "I remember when rock was young! Me and Susie had so much fun!" I have no idea what this is. A large, sentient potato, perhaps? "Ahoy, Captain Larry! Thar be rats to starboard!" "Arr! This be no way for a good sailin' man to earn a livin,' sez I" All aboard for some old-time wackiness! Even the cars would scare the crap out of Steve. Bakken has a pretty durn good ghost train, even if it isn't Scottish Steve approved. Safari is for all those who could never win one of those damn plush dolls at a carnival game! Lock, load, and blast the stuffing out of them!

This week, on America's Next Top Fast-Food-Fashion Model, Janice scorches her fingers while fondling some chicken nuggets. Will this cause the judges to do a slow burn? We now return to Bakken, already in progress. OK, who names a ride for something that grows in your colon? One more set of Bakken photos to come. But it's actually pretty smooth. Kristen rode it four times. Racing looks rather rough and painful. The Lone Credit Whore rides again! But one does what little one can. Yeah, you really need video to do this ride justice. It's just so freakin' fast! (And it has a big O every time.) I found it rather difficult to take pictures of Tornado. I'll never take me alive! Hmm--I never realized I was so bad! Introducing Dave as the goofy sidekick! "Give me your money, gringo!" You know, maybe I have been out ridin' fences for far too long. Time to settle down. (By the way, this version of the Desperado simulator was in English for some reason.) More parks need Intamin mine trains. That is all.

Chapter 3: Knoebels Goes East, or Way, Way West--Bakken Bakken is a perfect example of what a traditional, old-school amusement park is all about, a distinction it shares with Knoebels in Pennsylvania. While it has a lot of "off-the-shelf" flats, which proudly fly their traveling "fun fair" colors, the park has a great laid-back vibe and a beautiful setting in one of Denmark's national forests. The place is also very well maintained, with plenty to do for everyone. And while, like Knoebels, Bakken can't boast the "biggest" or "fastest" coasters (well, there may be one exception when it comes to speed), what it has is really damn good. Rutschebanen--Like its namesake at Tivoli Gardens, this is a side-friction woodie that uses trains with brakemen, only more insane! Yes, this old sucker is more intense than its cousin in Stockholm, especially on its two sets of double-down drops. But this is, apparently, the last year for the old-style trains. The park is planning to install a computerized braking system and new trains without brakemen for next season. We had ERT on the ride's oldest train, and they're going to keep one of the old trains handy, "just in case" they need it. Tornado--This Intamin spinning mouse is probably the most intense coaster of its kind anywhere. The chainlift moves at El Toro speed, and you're simply hurled over the top and into the twistiest, windiest course anywhere. Even if your car doesn't spin all that much, you'll still feel like that poor cow in Twister when the ride's over. The ride's themeing is pretty good, too--even if it isn't finished yet. Mine Train Ulven--OK, no prizes for guessing what sort of ride this is, but, again, it's another excellent ride of its type. The park nicely gave us a bit of ERT on this when Tornado was having technical problems. The group seemed to love this one, too. Racing--This old "Flitzer" looks like a refugee from the carnival circuit, but it runs beautifully and is a lot of fun (just ask KidTums). Mariehonen--Kiddie coaster, looks like a ladybug, you get the idea. So, what else is there at Bakken? How about a very good, "Noah's Ark" type funhouse, a goofy shooting dark ride in which you take your revenge on darling plush animals, and a ghost train with a special surprise, which I wouldn't dream of giving away? All this, and good food, too--visit Bakken! Have a look for yourself. Phew! Looks they're gonna make it! More to come from Bakken. So far, so good. You may never see them again! Wave goodbye to these TPR members. Oh, dearie, dear. I wonder if she believes in geranium power? "I believe in the power of geraniums! I do! I do!" "Any questions?" "In other words, it make woodie go real fast!" "The resulting invisible vortex causes forward velocity to increase exponentially." "Yes, this harmless-looking flower that your grandmother grew in her window pots, when combined with a properly configured wooden structure, can actually bend the space-time continuum!" "Geraniums make coasters go faster!" "Greetings! Here at Bakken, we are always looking to use the latest technology to enhance the guest experience. Our research in coaster physics has yielded one of the most important discoveries in the history of the amusement industry!" Some people are so easily distracted. "Hello--I'm Rutschebanen! If you thought my cousin in Copenhagen was nuts, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" This is what happens if you go to the mens room right before they open the buffet. D'oh! . . . lunch! Yes, the park had set up some great ERT for us. But first things first . . . . . . the Danish Knoebels! Time to bid the beautiful city of Copenhagen farewell. Next stop . . . The Bakken segment is brought to you by the producers of "America's Next Top Fast-Food-Fashion Model." Can you look smokin' hot in a paper cap? Can you make the phrase "You want fries with that?" sound like the most suggestive of sexual innuendoes? Then you might have what it takes to be America's Top Fast-Food-Fashion Model!

I can only echo what everybody else has said about Grona Lund--what an amazing park! I knew virtually nothing about the place before we got there (other than it was the home of Insane), but the place blew me away. And if you're looking for kitchen magnets of ride logos, Grona Lund's got you covered.

According to the latest on Screamscape, the "hydraulic engine" has been pulled out for repairs: http://screamscape.com/html/six_flags_great_adventure.htm.

Your credit run from Djurs to Farup was quite an impressive attempt, Robin--but Lynet's worth it. At least you didn't have to deal with torrential rain.

Yes, the brain damage was more extensive than I thought. Flic Flac is a much cooler name, anyway.

If you only have a day, make it Knobels. Kennywood is great, too, but it's quite a haul to Pittsburgh on the turnpike.

I'm happy to see that they're paying proper homage to Julie Adams's famous swin scene, too. She was pretty hot in the original flick.

^I think Grona Lund has the best funhouse overall, with Tivoli's a close second. (Bakken's was great, too.)

^^I landed pretty hard my first two times down that thing, but I did make a fairly elegant dismount the third time. Larry was complaining about tailbone issues later in the trip.

Rasmus Paludan thanks you for your support. And if you didn't support him, well, guess who will be the first ones up against the wall after he's elected! Yeah, screw you, guys, he's goin' home! . . . we say "good night" to Tivoli Gardens. My thanks to the park's awesome staff for making this such a great day! And as night falls (very sl-o-o-o-o-wly) and the swing band starts playing . . . And this is the topless mermaid who made a "bad bargain." This is the "Flying Trunk" ride. They gave TPR members pointed sticks! Madness! This place is very trusting. More TPR mayhem--this time on Tivoli's Jules Verneish bumper cars. . . . to ride a pinkish purple octopus. It takes a real man . . . Yes, many died or were horribly maimed--all in the name of fun! "OK, I think my brain was jarred loose back there somewhere. Anybody see any oozing gray matter anyplace?" . . . and Potential Deadly Injury. Next up, the House of Fun . . . "God, the monkey bears were amazing! Did you see that monkey-bear orgy! Outrageous--especially when Scarlett Johansson showed up! And who knew that Daniel Craig was so limber? Too bad we couldn't take pictures!" Within this portal, strange monkey bears dwell. But you can't photograph them. Good call, Larry! Much better than Danish hamburgers. Many went in search of burgers, but Larry found a joint that served traditional Danish open-face sandwiches.

Remember, folks--Vote Rasmus Paludan! His face is on a poster, so you know you want him! Hanno is having a nice nap. Let's not disturb him. One last look at Tivoli to come. But Big Mike is totally into it. The Brits feel so cheap and dirty. "Mommy! The paparazzi won't leave me alone!" Looks like Kristen is all hyped up for the kiddie coaster. The generic name of this ride is "Flip Flop" (correction: "Flic Flac"), and I seriously thought it was trying to kill me. The Marquis de Sade is Pollyanna when compared to this thing. Yes, I skipped Vertigo. But I was dumb enough to ride the Dragon. Of course, it took a bit of doing to get used to the controls. (I can't even tell if this picutre is right side up.) But those who did loved it. Here's Vertigo. I didn't try this sucker. Tivoli is beautiful. That is all. Aw! It even has its own toy Great Wall. Isn't that adorable? . . . and squeeze it!" . . . and love it . . . . . . and pet it . . . "Can we play with Daemonen, George?" We will hug it . . . Time for some ERT on the cutest, lil-old floorless coaster you ever saw! Next stop, the Mysterious Orient. Of Denmark.

Chapter 2: If It's Good Enough for Walt Disney, It's Good Enough for You--Tivoli Gardens Copenhagen's Tivoli Gardens served as the initial inspiration for Disneyland, and it's not hard to understand why. The park, which is hemmed in by the city on all sides, is absolutely beautiful, clean, and inviting. This is a place where you could just spend the day wandering about enjoying the scenery (and a good meal or two) without riding a single thing. Yes, the park does have many flat rides that you'll find in other parks, such as a Breakdance or a Star Flyer, but none of them look "off-the-shelf." Each is very carefully painted and themed to go with the gardens and surrounding architecture. Even the park's largest coaster, a B&M floorless, fits in well and goes along with the park's "Oriental" section. Tivoli makes excellent of its limited space. There are but three roller coasters there, but it's definitely a case of quality over quantity: Rutschebanan--This side-friction woodie, which is themed to look like a mountain, dates back to 1914. A brakeman rides in the middle of each train to regulate the ride's speed; well, the brakemen were running it all out the day we were there! There's actual airtime on this old bad boy, along with some very dark, deceptive tunnels. This is still the most popular ride in the park, despite the presence of . . . Daemonen--This is the smallest, cutest B&M ever! It took a lot of ingenuity to pack so many inversions into such a small space, and the ride is a bit frantic, but a lot of fun. My congratulations to Tivoli and B&M for pulling off quite a feat of design and engineering here--Daemonen's a winner. Karavansen--This kid-friendly coaster moves at a pretty good clip and is very nicely landscaped with an Arabian theme. Note to U.S. theme parks: Not all kiddie coasters have to sit on just bare concrete slabs. Landscaping is your friend. The park also has two dark rides. The Flying Trunk takes you through what Elissa described as the "ADD" version of the stories of Hans Christian Anderson; for example, "Once upon a time a little mermaid fell in love with a man, but she made a bad bargain" (that's it). Minen is a boat ride about strange "monkey bears" that work in a mine and take care of a dragon (near as I can tell, anyway). Vertigo is the park's latest attraction, and let's say that it takes the classic "Hammer" ride to an all new level. There's a great funhouse and one of those standard Mack mine-train powered coasters, too. Now let's take a look and see what Walt Disney found so appealing. Rock on for another 95 years Rutschebanen! And thumbs up to your brakeman, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart! More to come from Tivoli. "We found your former president's appendage right over there! But a little Crazy Glue and he was as good as new!" "You see? Your former president lost an appendage on Rutschebanen! Now he is doomed to work as a brakeman forever!" "Please keep all appendages clear of the cable--or else we will make you clean up the ride later!" Intrepid TPR mountaineers continue to climb Rutschebanen. For all you motor geeks out there. "I'm drivin' in my car now!/I guess that you couldn't see, yeah, yeah, yeah!/ Now you're under my wheels, honey!/Why won't you let me be?" . . . best get out of the way fast! Here's one of Rutschebanen's tricky tunnels. Now, if something comes a'rumblin' . . . Hmm--doesn't look like the side-friction has chafed her much, either. Another reason why TPR trips rule--backstage tours! And there's plenty of air. This old sucker was running balls out during ERT. And yay for hot Danish TV reporters! And it doesn't even chafe! Yay for side-friction ERT! . . . Rutschebanan!" "Do not make eye contact with the stick men! Do not touch the stick men! Leave them alone, and they'll leave you alone! Now please follow me to . . . "Hmm--which finger to pull? So many decisions . . ." "What's the matter Scottish Steve?" "No one told me there'd be giant stick people!" My god! First a giant stick pirate, and now a giant headless stick man? What chamber of horrors is this? . . . to keep something else in? Are these gates meant to keep us out or . . . Here's our anxious group, waiting--yet the gates remain closed. I wonder if Rasmus is a Tivoli fan? This chapter is brought to you by the Committee to Elect Rasmus Paludan to Something. Rasmus! Rasmus! He's our man! If he can't do it, then who else can do what we think, er, he can do? (OK, the slogan needs work.)

That's too bad, as the whole pirates-themed land sounded great. Maybe they figure that the POTC craze has run its course? The new lands sound good, though--particularly Grizzly Gulch.

Wasn't implying otherwise. It cracked me up that the KD UFO actually made it as far as CNN, though--journalistic standards are, indeed, in the toilet.

Pfft! I saw the same "UFO" last Sunday afternoon. Seen it at KD quite a few times, actually.

Congratulations on riding the elusive Skull Mountain. I rather like this ride, but it seems to spend more time down than up. Plus, I've been to SFA four times, and I've yet to see the rapids ride in operation.

For wooden coasters, my answer would be Balder. For steel coasters, probably Apollo's Chariot, Griffon, Sheikra, or Expedition GeForce.

^I guess you could put it that way. It was fun the first year it was open, but it got rougher as the years went by (kind of painful once you topped that high hat).

^And it made the angels cry.

^Hypersonic was dismantled a couple of years ago (you can see pieces of it from Hurler's lifthill). The ride had become very rough and was a maintenance nightmare for the park.

We at the Firebaugh Chamber of Commerce hope you've enjoyed this look at Bon Bon Land as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. Of course, we have no idea what we've just brought you. Send us a postcard if you figure it out. But, what the hell, Chuck works cheap. We escaped--yet the madness lingers. Thanks for reading so far. Fortunately, Liver Lips McGraw was there to show us the way out. He’s had a tough go of it since they fired him at Disneyland. I’m glad that he found a new gig. Some merely gave in to despair. Others resorted to violence. “That train just goes in a circle! Their ride will never end! Haw, haw, haw!” Some tried to escape by train. What can one do in the face of such madness? . . . and giant Demon Santas! (“HO, HO, HO! YOU WANT SIT ON SANTA’S LAP, MAYBE?”) . . . drunken aristocrats, . . . . . . fascist bunnies, . . . . . . murderous ventriloquist dummies, . . . And, finally, another strange realm of Bon Bon Land. Here you will find . . . I don’t wanna know what’s going on here. OK, I think I understand what’s going on here. OK, we’ve had the incontinent/defecating dog, the urinating ant . . . I wonder what’s left? Oh, the vomiting rat, of course!