downunder

Morey's Piers Part 1 I grew up listening to Springsteen, so going to the Jersey shore was something of a romantic (but streetwise) pilgrimage. Well it wasn't quite like the Boss's songs in my mind's eye, - it was more ashphalt, heat, and long stetches of beachy nothing in between piers. If you are looking for high tech marquee rides then forget about Morey's Piers but if you are looking for a fun place full of adventure with lots of nooks and crannies to explore then this is the place to go. Across the way it didn't get much better, Sea Serpent was no surprise. I made like Charlie Sheen again, had my ride and took off. Next instalment - it's shark time! That's Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead in front of that bus, they couldn't even manage an imitation Johnny Depp. The authentic ghetto vibe of spray painted walls was still preferable to It's A Small World. The scary part of this was that it implied that I would have to go back and do this ride again. Imagineers bow down, Jersey theming at it's finest. Well it is on par with Dull Knight at GAdv. The live actors was some guy in jeans and a t-shirt wandering aimlessly inside. Springsteen's mutant love child with Roseanne Barr? They're keeping quiet about that one. Incidentally, I hear there was also an amateur all male production filmed on the Thunder bus also called Pirates of Wildwood. Young Mike, cup the breast and gently caress the nipple. Sex Ed for TPR, that would be about as useful as second hand toilet paper. Mike "rubbish" Austin shows his experience in this area. For once someone else was screaming "rubbish!" Other than an incident with a psychotic crackhead puppet, Tony's ass stayed untouched. You didn't need to drop a slice to get it taken by a seagull, I saw a seagull fly off with a human hand. No hair on the palm so it wasn't a TPR tourist. Just a Wild Mouse but at least they made it look cute, I really felt like Charlie Sheen at the piers, ride them and take off. Inside the dungeon there were arguments, something about independent contractors on the death star. The girl in red jumped people at the end with a slow motion tap on the shoulder, my scream was more yawn. Not to be confused with the classic - Dante's Inferno. This is New Jersey and this is Dante Hick's from Clerks dungeon, so prepare yourself for 3 minutes of whiny, bitchy, smug shop attendants. The fabled next generation Vekoma restraints, now the SLC is just a boring ride instead of a boring and brain shattering ride. No Ron Jeremy there either. The SLC teetered on the verge of becoming an inverted aquatrax over the waterslide. No Ron Jeremy of coaster porn there. I love how you can go under the coaster, this is like looking up skirts to a coaster lover. The SLC awaited and so did a chance to become a certified coaster porn star in front of the camera of the coaster porn Scorcese - Robbbb Alvey. Though who is the Ron Jeremy of coaster porn? They even had a sign made up specially for us and gave us heaps of free stuff. I felt like I was Jon Bon Jovi making a triumphant homecoming in all his spandexed and blow dried glory. Sadly, Bench The Ride was not included in ERT but after a journey of Nay like proportions along the Jersey sea shore, I would be back for a ride on this beauty. Welcome to the peers. The mention of Xtreme made we wish I was at SFMM doing an NFL wide receiver standard 40 yard sprint for X at opening.

I'm actually more proud of my answer, it would have been so easy to respond to that question with something obvious like: "Well I got this wonderful pump contraption from sweden when I was young fella" or "I had this special operation in Bangkok" or "The coaster porn on TPR made me grow and grow" or "The aliens from Flight of Fear abducted me and they made it bigger"....

$10 for 1 ride on X2, that's a bit rich. I guess everyone will have to stay fit for the running of the bulls to X2 and then the a run over the mountain to get a few on Deja Vu before the crowds get there - given the single rider line is not there anymore and no flash pass for DV. The limitations of the X2 add on, no Deja Vu and no Batman on Flash Pass really detracts the value of the system to me.

I forgot one, Schwarzenegger at Mall Of America, 1992 - I also went to Hooters (my first time) just after he had been there.

Lebron James at Cedar Point, 2003. Diablo Cody at Seabreeze, Darien Lake, Martin's Fantasy Land, Canada's Wonderland, Marienland, Waldameer, Idelwild, Lakemont & Delgrosso's, all in 2008 - I think she might be a coaster enthusiast?

Ironically, I'd rather go to Six Flags than Disney anyday... But before you put the straight jacket on me, I prefer thrill rides than overall park experience anyday. If you put monster coasters on a concrete slab (wait a minute that's Cedar Point), I'll do that over Disney every time. Hopefully, I'll have time to do Morey's Piers tonight.

I like POV's, it's a great way to remember rides I have been on and experience rides I haven't been on. I have a strong preference for a disc of coaster footage, especially POV's, over something like hi-res photos.

Thanks for posting the photos, like everyone said I concur - awesome. With Wicked Twister, if memory serves me right they have had problems with the top of the spikes before and had to re-weld them whatever they do.

Thanks. I was also inspired by Tyler's puppet show on the bus, the next psychotic episode, er I mean puppet show was going to be a Q & A with Dick Kinzel but sadly that didn't happen, so I thought I would unleash my own bile duct on the topic. In about an hour, I'll be off the net for 5 days because of sporting commitments, so I'll see you at my next stop - Morey's Piers, the French Riviera of New Jersey.

I'm totally in agreeance, 24 hours would only work for special events. Cedar Point was getting close to it in 2003 when Dragster opened, they'd close the line off but wouldn't shut down until everyone in line got to ride. With all the breakdowns, I heard it got pretty late like 2am and later (anyone know the latest they went to?). I got my first ever ride on Dragster at midnight.

Pure genius Hercules.

^Small country, overpopulated by sheep, not enough room for big grounds.

Rumours of the demise of Australian cricket may be premature, a pulse has been found and the patient may even make a full recovery. I was sceptical about Hughes with a debut duck but a 75 and 2 centuries since then have convinced me he might be able to bat. Is he the new Mr Cricket?

This is not a real interview, this was inspired by the KD PR Department. This is fictitious and intended as satire. I thought I would do my own Q & A with Dick Kinzel, given he is a busy man, running a monster company that operates amusement parks, I have also provided the answers on his behalf. Q: So what is your vision for Cedar Fair? Dick: Two trashcans for every guest at our amusement parks, even on busy days. We hate trash at Cedar Fair. Q: Even white trash? Dick: I'll have to give a big negatory to that one, we do own parks in Virginia and other parts south. Oh, I meant I don’t know what you’re talking about. Q: Speaking of your Virginia park, I've heard from your PR people it's better than Disney, do you agree? Dick: Guest perception is a very subjective thing. A person, as in a guest, can certainly perceive our Virginia property as being better than Disney, it is possible. There is also the guest demographic to consider - though I have to admit I have heard disturbing reports of men using the ladies bathroom in the area and other general confusion. On the plus side we do have a world first at that park, an invisible rollercoaster - Hypersonic XLC. Q: Wasn't the Hypersonic XLC coaster removed? Dick: No, it's invisible now and it's still providing as many rides for guests as it did when it was visible according to the park's PR. Q: But isn't that because it didn't work when it was "visible"? Dick: Look son, let's not get bogged down in semantics here. I love that word by the way, I'll have to look it up sometime. Our PR department are probably better equipped to handle this line of questioning. Q: Since your Virginia park is "better" than Disney do you expect similar size attendances to Disney in the future? Dick: Better doesn't necessarily equate directly back to higher attendance. For example, a Ferrari might be the best car but it isn't the highest selling car. Q: But many more people would own a Ferrari if they could afford it, your Virginia property doesn't charge 20 times as much as other parks for admission? Dick: True, but not everyone appreciates the finer things in life, we like to think of the guests at our Virginia Property as connoisseurs. Q: Connoisseurs who don't know which bathroom to use? Dick: Well that's another perception thing which we will leave up to our guests and the courts if necessary. Q: Overall, how do you feel about your purchase of the Paramount branded parks? Dick: Ecstatic, guest to trashcan ratios are way up. We think that is what is driving the improved attendance at many of the former Paramount properties. Q: Using the example of your Canadian property, you don't think the addition of the $20 million Behemoth rollercoaster has increased attendance? Dick: Possibly, but we think it's more trash cans, especially in Canada, they’re a very clean nation. Q: You've stopped building the world’s biggest coasters, like Top Thrill Dragster, why? Dick: The doctor gave me these blue pills and after that, undertaking large projects of this nature didn't seem to have such a strong business case. Q: Your flagship property Cedar Point, what's the future? Dick: Given that the property is surrounded by water, global warming and the associated rising sea levels will be forcing us to relocate Cedar Point to our Michigan property. Q: Cedar Point is surrounded by Lake Erie not the ocean, so rising sea levels shouldn’t be an issue? Dick: But that water around Cedar Point is so big, it should be an ocean, they reckon you can see Canada from the top of our Magnum XL-200 coaster but I've never been able to see Canada. Are you sure that isn't an ocean out there? I thought it went all the way to England. Q: I'll double check on Google Earth later and let you know. Dick: Thanks. Q: On a more personal note, what does it take to get so big, Dick? Dick: What does it take? It's the American dream - anyone can get to where I am. Forget talent, drive, vision or connections, it just can happen to anyone and I'm anyone, I think. Q: Thanks for your time Dick. Dick: No thankyou, and don't forget to get back to me on whether Lake Erie is an ocean or not. Q: I sure will Dick. If you have any questions for Dick let me know, I am sure I will know the answer.

I can understand why the ops may not have been familiar with the passes, I think they were some deal on wednesday for Platinum Pass Holders - so I doubt they see them too often. The fast passes were a bit redundant for me too, because I had ridden everything they were for, except the drop tower. I'm wondering if I should post my made up "interview" with Dick Kinzel (which I have put up on facebook) here - it was a inspired by the KD people.

Kings Dominion Part 2 (of 2) Perception is reality, but I’d like to send out a big ground control to Major Tom to the PR Department. To be fair the ERT was generous, the dark ride challenge was nice and the fast passes were appreciated. I may be a big dumb white guy but WTF: KD is better than Busch Gardens Eurobeer, I guess it comes down to how you define better, maybe more is better - more mediocre rides, more physical trauma, more slow lines and so on. They are much better. KD is on par with Disney, ummm, there are mad cows in England who wouldn’t even think that. The first loop on Domintor was incongruously left a different colour to the rest of the supports. Oh we deliberately did that to make the loop stand out – looks more like you ran out of paint. We don’t believe in fast passes and won’t introduce them at KD, we were then presented with fast passes. A+ for irony but huh? We’re getting something big - maybe the Beaver ride from Geauga Lake is still available, Dick (Kinzel) might like it and name it after himself. I don’t think Bolliger or Mabillard are doing any overtime, probably. Anway the coasters: Dominator: one of the better floorless coasters. Volcano: great until it escaped the mountain and then it got very tame. Flight Of Fear: I really like this coaster, not everyone does, but I do. Backlot Stunt Coaster: fun but you can find it at several better parks. Grizzly, Hurler, Rebel Yell: terrible woodies that may have been good once, give maintenance some petrol, and a lighter and stop the pain. Avalanche: bobsled and boring. Richochet: wild mouse, snooze. Scooby Doo: kid woodie, uhhh. Shockwave: togo standup, mercifully closed. Taxi Jam: 4 foot too tall too ride and too ashamed to abduct a child to get a ride. Yes and come back when you get out of hospital. An Eiffel Tower without the french can’t be bad thing. Paramount seemed to have a thing about water features in their former parks, so what’s the marketing angle? Running water, go to bathroom, buy more overpriced drinks. Good looking but ultimately unsatisfying, but it’s hard to feel good about any coaster just after riding Dash, Toro and Supers (and later Phoenix). Why can’t they have a park with just Phoenix, Superman Ride of Steel, El Toro and Boulder Dash – they could call it Mitch Hawker land. I’d just go there. Grizzly hid in the forest awaiting it’s next victims, it looks so good there in the forest, though it was a bit like waking up with the best looking girl but with a bad and painful social disease. I don’t know why Kinzel didn’t have the drop tower themed after him – Dick The Ride. That’s crass, even for me. I wonder what I would find in that forest (other than howls of pain from Grizzly riders) if I was to go for a hike? Intamin track, I can dream, but no, not even rusty Dragon Wagon track though KD PR could make a Dragon Wagon sound like coaster apocalypse now. I just renounced my Intamin fanboy status - this coaster was excellent until it went out of the Volcano and then it became a Vekoma Suspended Family Coaster. Most B & M coasters with inversions should be called Deja Vu – drop, vertical loop, cobra roll, loopey bits out the back. Oh hell, I just realised I’m an Intamin fanboy, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Given the dearth of self serve laundries on tour, the Paramount lap pool was a great place to wash my undies. At this point of the tour, so many coasters had been ridden that all B & M's coasters were indistiguishable. It was Dawn of the Dead with coasters. Dominator has a wonderful sandlot setting, I believe the Sandlot Kids are buried there because of failure at the box office. The Cedar – would you like bulls*** with your buffet? It went down, just like our opinion of KD with their inspired operation of this ride. I think the ops had converted to communism and were ignoring our “fast passes” until we had waited as long as everyone else. Anaconda – soon to be renamed “Flight Deck of the Snakehawk”. I knew it - Denise Richards, Julian Clary and Ben Harper are aliens. The crowd looks on in amazement, “wow, this is like Disaster Transport but good, I love Kinzeland”. Doswell, Virginia becomes Roswell, the alien’s came to earth, discovered trade unionism and then walked off the job. The scary part is these barrels were found discarded behind the Fried Dough stand. Hmmm, Kinzeland doesn’t have quite the same ring as Disneyland, but wait a minute Kings Dominion is better than Disney – sorry I just had my mind taken over for a minute by the KD PR department. I believe this was some kind of smurf mountain prior to Volcano. Smurfs living in a volcano, they’re even dumber than hobbits. While Six Flags are adding flame throwers to their coasters, Cedar Fair seem to be leaving Volcano dormant. The instructions to ride Avalanche were like an exotic sex position manual. Yes, the back person definitely gets in first. Avalanche had colourful trains, was a unique ride, a wet dream for any credit whore, it’s just a shame it put the “eh” in meh. I’m sure big Dick Kinzel is thinking, “how do I re-vitalise this ride? I got it, Disaster Transport Mission 2 – we’re going to Alaska, again”.

TPR father and mother of the year? Though there is this other guy who takes his daughter to every part of the USA and the world riding coasters even though she is too small to ride just about all of them. BTW, great trip report with some very sharp observations.

I wonder if ACE will try outing him. I can see the headlines: Jason Mraz Admits To Coaster and Gravy Enthusiam - The Shocking Truth

^Good point, jaded enthusiasts make up an infintessimally small percentage of KD's market. If the jaded enthusiasts stay away I don't think they'd mind too much - they've still got that other 99.999999999% of people to market to. Most of the regular patrons wouldn't know who the hell Dick Kinzel is, or why he has a fort named after him.

^Thanks for the background CFC, it's interesting to see historically how parks have evolved or devolved. I think the park is missing a hyper and a quality invert. If Cedar Fair aren't prepared to spend Behemoth/Diamondback $$$, then how about an Intamin Megalite, and a nice tight Batman style invert would be good too. The PR were people were hinting they were getting something big in the near future but their version of reality seemed to be a bit different than ours. I'll get to that in the next report.

Okay, I will concede there are exceptions but the other 99.99% of his female fanbase may not be so forgiving.

Don't let it get out or he'll lose his female fanbase.

Here's several ways of looking at King Dominion and my perspective: Does it have enough going for it to go out of my way (which travelling on my own would entail)? Definitely not. Would I go back? No, unless they added some serious destination attractions (in my eyes), like an intamin hyper that was something I couldn't experience at a park that was easier to get to (for me) like Great adventure. Can you have a good time at KD? For sure, but it just lacks "superstar" attractions, though Dominator is a very good addition. Did I hate KD? Not by a long shot, better than a day doing just about anything else like working. KD is a good park but there are many parks I would prefer to go to mainly on the basis of that they just have star attractions I am more interested in. Every park is fun and an adventure in my eyes just the degree of enjoyment varies.

^To get it in perspective, Quassy is better than Sydney's only amusement park, and KD is better than any park in Australia. There were certainly things I was very interested in at KD - Dominator, Volcano, Flight Of Fear. I tend to be a little on the caustic side with these reports, but there were plenty of positives - ERT on Domintor and Volcano, a dark ride challenge, fastpasses. But perspective again, I did like a lot of other parks better than KD - GAdv, Knoebels, Compounce, Busch, SFNE and so on.

Crikey you had to wait an hour to get on that POS, that's whack - fortunately we got there early and didn't have to wait. Later, we had fastpasses for Grizzly we couldn't give away, in fact I would have felt guilty if I did give them away because of the harm I would have inflicted. ^The Paramount parks are funny, prior to Cedar Fair they seemed to put in a lot of mediocre to crap coasters - togos, Vekoma SLC's & boomerangs, Zamperla Volare's, absolutely terrible woodies. Canada's Wonderland was like a coaster torture chamber with only a couple of exceptions. But I chose to believe everything I'm told by KD PR, on par with Disney - for sure I'll believe you, shame I don't like Disney either.