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I don't understand how Mexican food is so difficult for the Europeans to understand? But it does lead to some very amusing attempts!

2024: Attack of the Boomerangs!

What's this? An actual theme park update?! Indeed so! 06: Authentic Taco Toast That TPR bus life. But to where...?! This isn't really much of a cliffhanger, if you're reading Chuck or Bert's trip reports. Or read my first update where I literally spoil everything. Turns out you have to be a superhero to visit BonBon Land. But that's okay because I can talk to animals. I'm also extremely lactose-tolerant. Fun story. No, wait, what's that other thing? Tedious. Tedious Story. I was somewhat more familiar with this park's layout and history because my internet-friend JazzAnden recreated it on the DKMP OpenRCT2 discord server as park of a timeline park "contest." (I was also part of that contest, though my park was entirely made up, and also not as good.) I am telling you this for a reason, though the payoff won't be until the next update, at which point you'll probably have forgotten. This park is very normal. Founded on/with/because of a candy factory in much the same way Knott's was built around a berry farm or Plopsaland De Panne was founded on honey--except that this candy is gross. Or at least it's themed that way. I've never actually had it. I did buy a bag, and brought it home--but strictly for display. Smisty found her jam. And I found mine. I am among my people. Although, my people are apparently very weird. I'm all for a themed log flume--even if that theme is cheese-making sewer rats--but this one had some rough, clunky transitions (not unlike Diamond River at Legendia). *sigh* ... the dogfart coaster There's a bit of this sort of thing. I think this is supposed to be an albatross. But, thanks to Bert, all I can see now is "transvestite chicken." Have you ever wanted to say that you've ridden the very first Eurofighter? I didn't. On the other hand, this spinning coaster was quite good. With the highlight being that bunny hill on the right, which offered a nice pop of airtime whilst the car was spinning. Smisty and I were able to get a car to ourselves, and sit together, early in the day. (And, baby, you don't know what "imbalanced" is until you've ridden with me!) Oh, Henry. You are one gastrointestinally-distressed doggo. Is this the world's longest coaster train? Let's not do any research and just say that it is. Speaking of gastrointestinally-distressed, it was time for a group lunch at gross-candy-themed Danish theme park Mexican buffet. I'm sorry, "Mexican" should really have quotes around it there. If you're worried that this might prove to be too spicy, a.) don't, and b.) congratulations, you are Danish. I was trying to figure out what the turtle's problem was, and then I realized he was skewered on a spinning pole and had chair swings attached to the bottom of his shell. BonBon Land doesn't have a proper dark ride, but they do have an outdoor boat ride with scenery. Which is the next best thing in my book. It's fun how the unload station is just "get out during the ride and then walk into the actual station even though the boat is moving and you're just impatient but no one will be mad at you because you're in Europe so that's fine." And also there's only one ride op and who even knows if there are rules? Just, the best photo ever. My finest work. Hundreds of young people are gathering for the latest craze An acid house party in a disused warehouse This child thinks his hands are guns. Because he's stupid. Super hidden rapids ride. Which is also smelly according to that goat. But I rode it and it was fine. And not even particularly wet (though there is of course an element of randomness). The theme is beavers. But just kind of regular beavers, not gross candy ones. Newer stuff really does not embrace the whole gross mascots thing. Which is sad, but also...yeah. Listen. y'all, I live in Cowboy Town. *salutes in American* Not a dark ride. Dark. And shooty. But not a ride. Just a room with guns. So, like, America. That skeleton has eyes but no skin. Also, where did that other one get their shirt? Because it looks like it's really held up in a way that mine never do. Also, is he a prisoner, or...? Fun story: When I was a kid, I thought if someone got prison time of "life plus [x number of] years" that they just left them in jail for that long after they died. I also thought all dogs were male and all cats were female. This all really explains a lot, huh? I should shut up. Let's get the hell out of here, Hankatten. On a scale of 0-10, with 0 being a park I have no desire to return to in its current state, and 10 being one of my 10 favorite parks, I give BonBon Land a 3. Which is probably not as bad as it sounds, but yeah this park was just okay.

Bro, take it back.