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Dorney Park has announced their first brand-new coaster in almost two decades - Iron Menace, a B&M dive coaster! https://www.dorneypark.com/new-in-2024 Forge your own fate on Iron Menace, the northeast’s first dive coaster. Firing up in 2024, this new ride at Dorney Park suspends riders 160 feet in the air before plummeting at a beyond-vertical, 95-degree drop. Four mind-twisting inversions and speeds up to 64 miles per hour leave riders of this drop coaster spellbound—and burning for more. Backstory: The Mystery Behind the Menace In the early 1900s, Scottish businessman Hiram S. McTavish opened McTavish Steel Mill, a direct competitor to Bethlehem Steel Company. Greed dictated McTavish’s every move, and he was well known to prioritize profits above people. With an eye on maximizing output, McTavish created a massive hauler he dubbed “Iron Menace,” a device the steel industry had never seen. The rail transporter moved workers and ore at record volumes and dizzying speeds. Suddenly the greedy steel baron mysteriously disappeared—no one knows how or where. Shortly after, McTavish Steel Mill closed. All that remains today are the mill’s decrepit shell, rusty relics and wild tales of the owner’s whereabouts. The Drop Just as it did in the early 1900s, the Iron Menace hauls riders throughout the now-defunct steel mill. The hulking train elevates riders to a height of 160 feet and lets them dangle over the edge—face-down—for what seems forever. Suddenly the train releases, and riders dive down 95 degrees. (Remember from math class that a 90-degree drop is straight down, so this drop is BEYOND straight down.) Four Inversions Only the most twisted thrill rides offer numerous inversions, and Iron Menace boasts four. After the initial, beastly drop, the train pulls up sharply and flips 180 degrees in an Immelmann inversion. A zero g-roll dishes out a 360-degree inversion in wild weightlessness. A tilted loop (the world’s first on a dive coaster) and a mind-bending, 360-degree corkscrew spin leave you wondering which way is up—and counting the seconds until you can ride again.

Day 5, June 7th part 2: Ferry to Germany, bus ride, the incredibly odd Hotel Gremersdorf, and forced Schnitzel! after a very fun day at Bakken, we settled in on the bus as we headed towards the Ferry, where I believe we were going to cross the Baltic Sea? it wasn't a terribly long crossing (I think a little over an hour?). . . but passengers are not allowed to stay on the vehicles, so we had to leave the bus down in the hold, and relax on the ferry as we made the crossing. some folks ate, or had coffee - but most of us were still full from lunch, so just browsed the ship or the store onboard. Many also stocked up on snacks, as the hotel we were headed to didn't have a lot of food options nearby, and as we were arriving ~9:00pm it was going to be close as to getting food later. bye-bye Denmark a ferry coming the other way, from Germany to Denmark a mirror of our ship. . if you were curious what ours looked like. . soon, the announcements were made, and we funneled back down into the hold and onto the bus. hello Germany! shortly after getting on the road tho, we hit some major construction going on - on the bridge from the ferry!. . that pretty much brought us to a standstill for over an hour + but at least we got to see a beautiful sunset from the bus on the bridge: tho eventually we did get moving and made our way to the hotel Welcome to Hotel Gremersdorf. . .a very funky/odd hotel. the rooms all are slightly different. .and some in different buildings. It's kinda like an odd little self built commune, crossed with Winchester house. Some rooms had windows that opened into nowhere, some had slanted walls that you had to be careful not to bump your head when getting into bed. .and some had doors that you couldnt' open if a drawer was pulled out, or if the bathroom door wasn't completely closed (no space for the main door to swing open). It was so weird.. . I loved it! maybe has some of "the Overlook" from the Shining mixed in too! I took all of these pics after dinner. . . dinner? yup. . . the very, VERY kind folks who run the hotel? when we arrived so late due the construction, they kept open the dinner/buffet for us, and would not check us in until after they had fed us, because they felt bad we had arrived so late. so instead of checking in, we were directed to dump all our luggage into a dark corner of the lobby, and led into the restaurant. Where we were seated and they insisted on feeding us. yup. . forced schnitzel! (no shade.. was really good, even tho most of us ween't that hungry, we all ate. . . because. . . such kindness!) I had to take a quick potty break (while they were setting up the buffet for us), and this amused me: but on the way back remembered to take a pic of the offerings they had stayed open late (and awake) for us: as noted. .was really good! and that it was such a kind gesture made it taste all the better! once we had all eaten, room keys were handed out, and we were able to go into our rooms to crash for the night. as noted, pretty much every room is slightly different in this Hotel, but AJ and I lucked out with a very nice room: that had a "sleeper sofa" included. . . since I had been snoring, I figured I might be able to get some space so he could sleep better, so I took the sofa: large bathroom here too.. tho you had to be careful what you had open, otherwise you couldn't open the door to get in. . LOL I recall having a pretty good night's sleep here, even tho the window right behind where I was sleeping (which when slanted open gave a great cool breeze), opened up into a weird little courtyard that despite not seeing any way to get INTO the courtyard. . I still heard noises of people/things out there all night. LOL. . like I said. . funky hotel. i really did like it. soon enough tho it was time to get up for breakfast, and I got a good look at the lobby in the daytime: quirky! breakfast was great: and then we checked out, loaded back onto the bus, and headed off to what was once the original LegoLand. . know known as Hansa Park! (to be continued on Day 6 with Hansa Park)

Earlier in the summer I was supposed to take a Missouri trip which I ended up having to cancel due to conflicts that came up at work. I ended up with this week off and wouldn't have had time to do the Missouri jaunt, so I decided to hit up the VA parks for the first time in 4 years. Main reason is obviously Pantheon but Kings Dominion also exists and I really wanted to get back to one of my favorite Intamins. After finally arriving in the Richmond area at about 3am due to a late departure and 95 still managing to have a few messes at midnight, I slept late this morning and headed over to the park around 12:30. Parked nice and close as the park was pretty empty despite what most Virginians would consider a comfortable day this time of year in the upper 80s with low humidity. My first order of business was Twisted Timbers. Like I said, I was here 4 years ago and somehow barely remember my Twisted Timbers rides. Usually that means the ride was very mediocre and unremarkable. But after my rides today, I have no idea why I'm not remembering my rides in 2019. This is truly an elite level RMC. The first drop in back is an amazing zero-G sensation, the camelbacks are El Toro level good, and the rest of the ride is totally relentless with airtime galore and a few other fun moments. I actually think this is better than Iron Gwazi and it rivals Arie Force One. The station wait that it had all day made things even better. I got the Tumbili credit but what a waste of time. I didn't get a single flip. The line crawls because it has half the capacity of the Six Flags free spins and I just can't believe what I consider a mid-upper tier Cedar Fair park would put one of these in, especially a half sized model. Also wanted to touch upon Grizzly. I rode it back in 08 and thought it was a pile of sh*t and in 2019 I couldn't find the entrance and didn't bother asking because I remembered it being so bad. I was eager to get back on it today with the new retrack, and damn did they do a nice job with it! First drop is great, then that weird turnaround is still insanely slow but the rest of the layout is full of airtime and some good laterals. Even the second half that they didn't retrack...it definitely has some texture to it but I'd hardly consider it rough. This is a very good wooden coaster right now and definitely my 3rd favorite in the park. Would love to ride it at night. My former 3rd favorite in the park, Dominator, is starting to get a little brutal in a couple spots. The transition from the first drop into the loop provided a nice clock to the head as did a few spots in the second half. It's still by far my favorite floorless as I love the layout with the amazing first drop, fast pace, drop off the mid course, etc. But floorlesses in general just haven't been aging well IMO. Most of them have become skipable to me. This one is worth riding for sure but its glory days are definitely behind it. I-305 still kicks all kinds of ass. I understand that in the long run as far as return on investment for the park, the coaster was a major mistake but I'm just so glad it got built before they figured all that out lol. Also hit Apple Zapple, Racer, FOF, Reptilian, Woodstock, the Flume, and Windseeker during the course of the day. Major closures that I saw were Drop Tower, the Eiffel Tower, and the Flyers. I think everything else was running. I forgot how much I love this park overall. One of the best one two punches in the country but aside from those it still has a great supporting cast and it's just a really beautiful park. I need to start getting down here more often. Pantheon tomorrow. Oh and Apollos, Alpie, Griffon, etc too. You locals have it rough with these two parks I tell ya haha.

All of the letters I sent to B&M demanding that they bring back the tilted loop must have finally payed off. Tilted loops are so back baby.

Kings Island has announced Camp Snoopy, an expansion to Planet Snoopy, for 2024! This includes a brand-new Vekoma family boomerang! https://www.visitkingsisland.com/new-in-2024 New in 2024 Attention Campers! Join Snoopy and the Beagle Scouts next year at Kings Island’s new Camp Snoopy. Opening in 2024, the expansion of the park’s award-winning Planet Snoopy kids’ area will feature Snoopy’s Soap Box Racers, a brand-new family roller coaster that races both forward and backward; and Beagle Scout Acres, an area where kids can run, crawl, play or relax with the family in a shaded comfortable space. Snoopy's Soap Box Racers Snoopy’s Soap Box Racers takes the classic fun of a soap box racing derby to a whole new level as both parents and kids climb aboard their favorite Peanuts-decorated soap box coaster car and are hoisted up a 70-foot hill to the starting line. As Snoopy waves the checkered flag, riders will be released and launched forward onto a track full of exhilarating twists and turns, passing the camp lookout station, racing toward the finish line up ahead. And, just as they think they are about to cross it, the entire train of soap box cars will roll backward, traversing the same course, now in reverse! Beagle Scout Acres Beagle Scout Acres is an area where kids can run, crawl, play or relax with the family in a shaded comfortable space. Explore a campsite filled with turfed mounds and grassy areas, interactive equipment to makes noise, tents to climb through or over and footprint paths made by Woodstock and his friends. New Ways To Play Experience new ways for kids and families to play at Kings Island with Camp Snoopy. It’s guaranteed to feel like a day at camp where you can play your way by exploring and relaxing in the great outdoors with Snoopy and the Beagle Scouts. Members of the Peanuts gang will lead you in Camptivities where you can raise the flag up the flagpole, light a campfire or make the camp bugle sound! Then, when you need a break, sit with the whole family and enjoy a snack.

I still don't understand and will never understand Smisty eating all of that stuff!!! I do however think she has a future as a renaissance painting photography recreator? That's a job right?

Great report Chuck!!! Helps that it is also such an amazing park!

I would just like to point out that the name of that powered coaster is not "T-Rex" "Family Coaster" but rather "T-RexFamily" "Coaster." Ergo, that sign should in fact be understood as "Tyrannosauridae Coaster." I insist.

for those who don't like clicking links:

Tapas!

Today is a good example of why it's good to go to a park on a rainy day. Upon arrival, a heavy shower was approaching so we scooted to the back to get in line for Darkoaster. Was over an hour wait, but perfectly timed as the heavy rain was starting to let up when we walked off. The heavier rain was about 45 mins away so booked it over to lap a deserted Pantheon until the rains came back just in time to grab some beers at the Festhaus and wait it out. Rain should be mostly done around 3 and hoping to have free reign of the B&Ms and Premiers for the rest of the day after that. Recapping the day... Darkoaster was pretty decent but yeah that throughput is brutal. I was okay standing in line for an hour because it was pouring out at the time, but that line absolutely crawls. We were fortunate that there were barely any people using Quick Queue today which kind of helped. Pantheon...what else is there to say that hasn't been said already? Rode it twice in front and four times in back. Fun opening sequence, the launch is a lot of fun with the massive airtime on the little hill (almost painful going backwards as it just hits so unexpectedly hard), fun drop off the top hat, the outer banked wave turn is decent, and the stall has some great hangtime. Not sure it's top 20 worthy...definitely a good coaster but missing a good standout moment like the Mosasaurus Roll on VelociCoaster. And that setting is just so ridiculously bland. I can't believe a coaster in a Busch Gardens park was just plopped into a field with absolutely no theming. That whole part of the park was a ghost town when I was there. Rode Apollo 4 times in a row without getting up. Still good fun with some decent airtime moments and I always love the drop into the helix. B&M has definitely surpassed this over time but I still prefer it to rides like Candymonium and Mako. Rode Tempesto in front and back. I forgot how insane the forces are on this thing. Crazy ejector at the top and the positives are nuts at the bottom. Rode Verboten twice as it was pretty much a walk on which is rare. Love this thing and the indoor section is actually quite thrilling. I want to love Alpie but that second half just kills it for me. If B&M took the first half of this and then the second half was Montu from the Batwing out, they would have a perfect coaster. But instead Banshee and Raptor are more complete rides and meanwhile this thing knocks your socks off at first and then meanders down the bunny slope at the end. Griffon and Invadr still good as ever. 1 train ops on Invadr which was a bit painful with only 16 riders per train. Only line I waited in outside of Darkoaster. The ops were overall better than my BGT trips last year but you can definitely tell they've gone downhill the last 5 years. Just feels like a good day at a really nice looking Six Flags. Doesn't have that high quality Busch Gardens feel to it. On the way out, my wife who isn't really a coaster person says "I always thought this was my favorite park, but honestly Kings Dominion is a much better park right now" and she's absolutely correct. Hopefully will make an appearance down here again sooner than 4 years from now. Always an enjoyable couple days when I'm here.

Day 5, June 7th part 1: Bakken! today was gonna be a really full day. . . but at least we got to sleep in a bit! after breakfast, we checked out and loaded up the bus and were on our way to Bakken by 10:30 (for 11am arrival). as some others doing reports have mentioned, Bakken is the world's oldest amusement park, as per Wikipedia, it's been operating since 1583! It also really does look exactly as we were told - "like a group of carnies got tired of traveling, so just set up in the middle of a forest, and decided to stay there" the closest comparison, I'd say, is Knoebels. . it very much has that vibe. we had ERT on their wooden coaster, and a crazy swing ride called Supernova before the park opened at noon, and then were there until 5pm. (we had to catch a ferry to Germany this evening) it's not a HUGE park, but there is quite a lot to do. as Chuck has been pointing out. . this Nightmare clown seems to be all over Denmark! I had thought this was a spookhouse. . but when it opened later? it's a candy shop. Yeah. . with Dracula's on the top for some reason. . LOL This was the reason we are here early. . . no, not the "Fyr & Flamme" performance, but the wooden coaster (which like at Tivoli Gardens is called) Rutschebanen (Roller Coaster) This one is not quite as old as the one at Tivoli Gardens, as this one opened in 1932. Sadly tho, back in 2010, they modernized it with new trains, new station gates, and other "upgrades". . . the new trains no longer require a brakeman to control the speed. . . so although the coaster LOOKS fantastic, it really was just an OK ride. Way, way outshined by the version at Tivoli Gardens. Oh, still worth riding. . but personally I didn't really get any airtime regardless of where I rode the train, and it seemed a bit sluggish in places. it's only one ride at the park tho, so not a slam on the park, but it is a shame it's been so neutered. I do love the "Old skool vs new" design of the trains the fancy "glass" gates front row! this is a later pic, and explains why not a full train, as some went over to ride Supernova (which is a spinny ride that I just wasn't feeling, so I stayed back and kept riding Rutschebanen). again, it was ok. Fun, but not YEAHHH!!!! fun and unlike the one at Tivoli Gardens? This Rutschebanen has a nude woman that is still on the actual ride. in fact, you go thru the "classily" placed tunnel that she hovers over during the ride! (thanks, Jonathan, for the clear pic!). pink unicorn balloons? sure! appetizing! we were gonna be turned loose in the park to enjoy the day, but after some discussion, pretty much everyone stayed together to head over to Tornado, the park's Intamin spinner. one of only two in the world (and the 2nd one just opened in 2023). you see, they run it in normal mode. . but with some encouragement (ie: $$ and asking nicely) from Robb & Elissa, the park very kindly switched the ride over to "insane" mode for us! what is insane mode you ask? well. . .the chain lift, basically speeds up to the point that instead of a lift hill? it becomes a launch. and when I say launch? I mean, this sucker THROWS you up the lift hill and right into the twisting track. it really beat the shit outta me, and I loved every moment of it! and insane, crazy, fun ride. the park was open to the public now, this wasn't ERT. . but they still ran it in "Insane mode" for us before switching it back. so we got back inline to ride it in "normal mode". . and the operators recognized us as TPR and kicked it back over to insane for our launch again. . LOL. . . I have the bruises to prove it.. but loved this. Really wish there were more of them around! most of the track is in the building, so hard to get a pic of the full ride, but I think Robb has a video up on TPR's youtube of it? after another ride on Tornado, much of the group scattered to check out the rest of the park on this beautiful day. scary clown? check! oooo. . down this way is the Vilde Mus - which is exactly what you think it is these pics, I think, courtesy of Big Mike. yeah. . here's Supernova.. the other ride we had ERT on this morning (that I passed on riding) ooo.. a carousel. a small one, but don't mind if I do! "interesting" figurines on the interior column but Hawk and Doug rode with me. . . next door was something. . it appeared to be a fun house, so we went in. and it IS a funhouse - a pretty damn good one too. . but themed to a submarine! (for some reason). continuing along to check out more of the park. Turned out to be a beautiful day. . the weather really cooperated with us on this trip. oooo..the clown has his own house - where he puts on a show. the park was nice enough to have the times out as a warning this is a jungle/shooting ride. . . Jonathan better watch out for that spider! Big Mike looks like he's shooting himself in the leg. there's one more "big" coaster here - Mine Train Ulven (Wolf's Mine Train) like Tornado, a lot of this ride is hidden in the trees/shrubs. . and also like Tornado? it's an Intamin! didn't' know what to expect, but this was SO good, with an intense diving helix that was so impressive we got off it and got right back in line to ride again. the park also has a Flume. . that's very disingenuous.. . the drops don't get you really wet. . but the course brings you so close to the drops, that you get soaked from the splashdowns of OTHER boats. really quite good. a little moist, but it felt good. (think this pic is via Andy if not mistaken) we were starting to get hungry, so looked around to see what options were avail. . and there are a LOT of food options. Several buffet choices too. we ended up at a very nice place - looked a bit "fancy" but was quite reasonable, and had a great variety of choices on the buffet. Yes, i chanced deviled eggs from a theme park buffet and did NOT get ill. most everything was really good. . tho too many choices and I did overdo it a little bit didn't stop me from going back and getting a little bit more. . . (those are calamari not onion rings. . and I HAD to try one of the gigantic hot dogs being sold everywhere - tho I didn't care for it, so most of it was uneaten) but there's always room for Ice Cream! even if the promotions are these creepy kids eating their way out of ice cream traps that are worth of the '66 Batman TV show. yum! "Skumfidus" ??? yeah. . . nope!! (turns out skumfidus is the danish word for "Marshmallow". . . so disgusting in English, AND in Danish) taking a lap around the park to check out the areas we hadnt' been to (and to walk off the food). . . let's go past the wild mouse this time. . . a "Professor'. . . not sure, but at least not a creepy clown. Check out that tie he's got on tho. Grasshopper. . another spinny ride, that was a "nope" for me today, tho Doug & Hawk rode it later. as mentioned, tons of restaurants and cafes here in the park. including this dance hall. this was the first time I'd seen something like this, so snapped a pic - but I discovered all thruout the Scandinavian parks, dance halls are very popular . .. and this was the least crowded of any of them I'd see during the trip. the decor in here was "interesting" tho. . . ah.. . a dark ride haunt? yes please! it was carnival level, but also had a couple of really good animatronics, and at least two GREAT jump scares. I think I rode this 4-5 times. the park has a Nebulaz too. . . tho this was more my speed at the moment. . still full from so much food! a shooting dark ride? not quite. . more saddles with "guns" in front of a video screen, if I'm recalling correctly. I *think* the seats moved along with the action on the screen? but can't recall.. someone on the trip can clarify I hope. there was also a 5D theater . . . again, not a super clear memory, but I think we saw an Angry Birds 5D movie? LOVED the poster art all over the park.. so much history. unfortunately, not really a gift shop that sold any of this merch, tho they did have a puzzle of the grounds I think. not a Kangaroo (ala Kennywood) but a fun mini-bouncer. but note. . do not clim on the statue! some of the track from the "hidden" Mine Train Ulven more food options.. . .but past here the place really was more "park" than "amusement park".. .lots of folks having picnics and enjoying the grounds once you passed this bus. oh no! we happened to be walking by at "Clown time" GAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! scared the "pissoir" out of me the park has a smaller Air Race. . . that seemed to allow for some good flipping. Hawk about to get his flip on and Jonathan not super tall.. but tall enough to allow for some good winds. . and I really enjoyed the retro light fixtures. this wasn't operating today, but as near as I can tell, it was a "Dunk the clown" booth? and here's the park's one other coaster: Mariehønen (a zierer ladybug kiddie coaster) here are the credit whores riding it! and I honestly did NOT remember riding it. . tho many on the trip did. but here's proof that I did get on it and ride it too (hi, I'm bert, and can be peer pressured into being a credit whore too (sometimes)). here's that Grasshopper ride, with Doug & Hawk on it. yeah. . glad I passed on it. . . tho I did enjoy this rum fountain near the funhouse. I did a quick run over to guest services (where they sell the very limited Bakken merch) and tho no magnet, I did pick up a bottle opener/keychain, that I'll have to make into a magnet), and then we headed to the front of the park to meet the bus. Robb gathered us all for a picture. . . and then we headed out to the bus. . we had a ferry ride to Germany, and a decent drive ahead of us before we checked into the hotel (a very funky hotel) for the night. to be continued. . .

The Øresund is a combined railway and automotive bridge/tunnel that connects Denmark and Sweden. And I like bridges. So we took a day trip from Copenhagen to Sweden's third largest city, Malmö. But before we go any further, I should warn you that this update may not be entirely safe for work--and is most definitely not safe for dinner. 04: Enjoying Penis Sadly, the Øresund is not super-visible from where we were in Copenhagen, nor from where we started and ended in Malmö, and it would've required quite the side-quest to get close enough to it for a decent photo. So here's a shot from on the train...which is also not particularly good. You're welcome. The Optimist Orchestra welcomes you. No idea what any of this is, but I already love Malmö. Admittedly, the city could use an amusement park. (But Tivoli Gardens is less than an hour away thanks to the Øresund.) What the city does have, though--and you can actually see the outside of the building in the upper left of this photo--is quite possibly the worst attraction in the entire world. And I mean that in a good way. Yes, your ticket is a barf bag, and your bingo card is an invitation to self-harm. But what else would you expect at the Disgusting Food Museum? Yes, disgusting is in the mind of the beholder. With USA's disgusting food contribution turning out to be...A&W Root Beer? Which people is Northern Europe apparently think tastes like toothpaste? I mean...I don't see it, but okay. Vegemite. From Australia, of course. Hey, maybe this isn't going to be so bad! Well, at least it's super-difficult to prepare. Much of the layout. The blue-topped jars are for smelling. You know, just in case looking at this stuff isn't awful enough for you. This sounds made up. Like the food equivalent of those sex position "jokes" like the rusty trombone or whatever. There's no way you could make this one up. But okay, you look at some gross food, you read about it. Maybe take a whiff from a jar. But that's not the same as actually eating this stuff, right? Well, the Disgusting Food Museum agrees with you. Because the last part of the experience is the sample bar. Remember that bingo card? Hey Misty, I think you have some dung beetle stuck in your teeth. Yes, she tried everything. Which is weird, because she's normally one of those super-picky chicken-tenders-and-fries kind of eaters. But bring out the Stinking Bishop Cheese and Three Penis Wine and all of a sudden she's all in. I did not get bingo. But I did try Hákarl. Feel free to google it. Following the DFM, we needed a mental palate cleanser... ...and an actual palate cleanser. I note with some satisfaction that there was no ice cream deemed disgusting enough for inclusion at the DFM. Anyway, I can wholeheartedly recommend the Sweet Spot in Malmö, which I am reasonably sure would've still been great even if we hadn't just eaten a bunch of dare-you-to-try-it garbage foods. In Sweden, when a loved one dies, they bury them in the ground. See, that's why I love to travel. So weird! Our second big attraction in the city is Malmö Castle, which has a long and interesting history that I'm not going to tell you about because it's actually not that interesting even though it isn't really even all that long. Inside is stuff that once was the height of luxury but now looks to my modern butt as mostly uncomfortable. A view of the city from a high castle window. Note the Turning Torso, which is by far the tallest building in Malmö but doesn't have any sort of observation deck, so forget it. The castle also has art. But remember, this isn't Stockholm. Or even Gothenburg. This is Sweden's third largest city. So the art here is melty chairs and stuff. There's also whatever this is! Like, a natural history section, I guess? And, most importantly, a small (but not as small as I expected) aquarium! (Yes, that's why I'm wearing my fish shirt again. I coordinate. Just wait until Legoland!) If you know what kind of jellyfish these are, post a response telling everyone because I've forgotten! And if you don't know what kind of jellyfish these are, post a response with some made up name and see if you can fool me! Or maybe you'll make something up and it'll turn out to be correct! Seems unlikely, but that would be cool! Elon, no! I think you're supposed to sit on the snake...? That's what...he said...? Insert Netherlands joke here. I'll make something up later. Don't worry, I'm not actually going to publish it this way! These murals are probably famous or something. Okay, here's the problem with letting me choose a restaurant in a city I've never been in before. I see someplace that's circus themed and I get all excited because I forget that children exist. And that's who this restaurant is for. This food is awful. But at least there's a lot of it. Which is the problem with letting Smisty order while you're in the bathroom. And some wiener nougat for dessert. You thought there was going to be a Disgusting Food Museum callback here, didn't you? I'm better than that. Malmö's symbol is a griffin. Or is he a mascot? I dunno. He's on the crest. And on this ball thing. Wait...is that supposed to be a globe? Anyway, Malmö is great and I'm glad we visited. Most of my snarky comments were me just trying to be funny. All in good fun, Sweden! Can I move to you, please?

We were originally going to visit the aquarium on day 5, but doing the math on our 4-day rail pass and the fact that the aquarium was kind of down near the airport, we decided to move it up to day 3. Is that an interesting introduction? No. But it's the best I've got and I already showed you the whiteboard plan, which this varies from. Which makes this is an absolutely necessary explanation if you're paying a frankly disturbing amount of attention to this trip report. 03: Copenhagen's Most Instagrammable Courtyards Aquariums are like zoos but with air conditioning. They're also mind-bending human hubris. We want to look at these fish but on land and not dead. Hey, I know, let's building a big tank full of ocean a thousand miles inland! Actually, the ocean is right outside of the National Aquarium Denmark. Except they call it the Baltic Sea for some reason. I guess because people didn't realize how far it stretched when they first named it? Common Octopus I'm not being judgmental, the person that named it is. You're special to me, dude. This was supposed to be a photo of undersea plant life. Sorry about the fish in the way. Love an aquarium tunnel. Speaking of human hubris. Looking at food all morning makes me hungry. See, because you can eat fish. And we were looking at fish all morning. Is the joke there. As far as Misty could get from me whilst still technically being at the aquarium. Because of the joke from the previous photo. Is the joke there. She was unhappy with it. So she went over there. To get away from me. But the joke's on her, because she'll never find me now! Damn gravity. Near the aquarium. At first I thought they were little hotel cabins. But nope. Saunas. And we're not even in Finland yet. One of Copenhagen's most instagrammable benches! And now off to the University of Copenhagen Botanical Garden. Leave it to Smisty to take a photo that looks like a renaissance painting. And hey, you can climb stairs to an upper walkway around this green house! On an 80+ degree day. I did not think this through. Honestly, the botanical garden was just okay. A lot of the grounds were blocked off for construction also, so that probably didn't help much. Still better than the associated Natural History Museum though. It's a real combo ticket of yawn! Also, this building not only doesn't have air conditioning, it doesn't even have bathrooms...? So that's weird. What it does have is a large exhibition of award-winning photographs. Which maybe sounds interesting for a second, if you've never been on the internet or heard of magazines. In the gift shop, you can buy rocks. Okay, so for those of you planning a trip to Copenhagen, I hope this has been helpful. As a pallet cleanser, we strolled casually through the King's Garden. (Which should really be renamed the Peoples' Garden, I should think.) The Round Tower was probably my favorite attraction in Copenhagen. (Other than Tivoli Gardens, of course.) Mostly just because it was so weird and interesting. So, basically, instead of stairs, the inside is a big circular ramp, so that horses and carts could travel up it, in order to move big heavy telescopes and such. That's right, it was an observatory. And then there's this adjacent connected building with a church and some other stuff that really messes with your sense of scale as you climb up this "tower." Hey, where are those people going? Oh, to look up and down the hollow core of the tower. Where they've now conveniently installed plexiglass to prevent anyone else from plunging to their death. Nice. Wait, but there are stairs now. Harrumph. Caged Copenhagen. To go up the last little bit, and back down, there's a one-way only staircase with "traffic lights" on a timer. And that works...? It would not work in America. Like, at all. There's also a "one person at a time" set of stairs that goes up just a little higher so that you can get a look at the observatory itself. But my picture of it was kind of meh, so let's just pretend that room doesn't exist. A big history exhibit/classroom/gift shop that's above the church...? Even though the church has a vaulted ceiling, I think? I don't know, this building makes no sense to me. I love it though. Having said that...how is this their magnet? Like, did the photographer miss, and they just went, "Well, can't take it again. Just a one use camera, I reckon. What can you do?" Seriously, this is shite. Okay, I'm good now. My first proper old fashioned Danish ice cream cone. No. Nyhavn. Which is Danish for "Gentrified Amsterdam." Angry signage is the best signage. Why? Because they weren't just angry, they stayed angry. They come in every day, and see this signage they put up, and go, "Yep, perfect." Still Nyhavn, I guess? Or at the very least, still Copenhagen. Okay, that's it for day 3. And while Chuck and Bert are ahead of me in Denmark with their trip reports, we're about to jump to Sweden! Ta-ta!