FKA 'Playa

Panda and Subway as good options. Where's a nun with a yardstick when you need one? Hold out your hand... I believe him three THOUSAND percent and you need to say something about it. I had a VF Season Dining Pass last year for one reason only: Wild Thing Fries. Every serving I'd get last year looked like Hot Greasy Dripped-With-Gravy Sex and this year they're a fraction of the size. Not that Wild Thing Fries remain on the menu (they don't) but the portion sizes have dropped immensely. Especially for the listed prices. If they served stingy rations of food like that in the South? They'd get punched. Perhaps even literally. VF desperately needs a 'trademark food.' Something the park's known for a la Kennywood's Potato Patch. Couldn't tell you what it needs to be, as my palate has a wider range than the typical Minnesotan. But a RenFest turkey drum or State Fair something-on-a-stick would work wonders if you ask me.

Sweet Lord DownHill, Patron Saint of All Gravity-Based Amusements NO. No, no NO NO NO!!! Why do they have to (bleep) with the GOOD ones? First CarnEvil, now this...? You'd swear it's some horrid 'mission' to plunge our Halloween Haunt into CP's depths of mediocrity. Please try not to take this personally...? But that's the Season One, Episode One Cosby Show Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard. 'Staff doesn't wanna work the ride' is the absolute LAST reason they'd close an attraction. 'Specially if said ride can be staffed and operated by a single rideop that (apparently) doesn't wanna work that hard. In the shade. At a task not requiring oh, shoveling coal into a furnace or stooping all day to pick fruit or okay FINE belaboring the point a bit. But I'm sayin'. Besides, they tossed up a Whole New Building for Chateau Du Damne last year. Why wouldn't they do the same for a dark ride? But we don't really have empty boxes. WOF? Empty boxes. Kings Anywhere? Empty boxes. Parks that were developed years before Cedar Fair got (tragically) involved and planned on more shows/entertainment than mechanical rides have empty boxes. But Kinzel got to us too soon. The closest thing VF had to empty boxes were the old picnic shelters--which we've already stuffed with crap. Literally. Crap. Come on, you've walked thru the Halloween Haunt detractions there, right? In all fairness, Wekilou was great and *headsmack* oh RIGHT never mind. I regret even bringing that up. And don't get me started about Hellside Farm. The damned front gate bathrooms are more frightening. I'm gonna have a much harder time convincing the Missus to renew her season pass at this rate. Wow. NOT good.

There are no woodies at a CF park that I'd call an airtime machine, with the HUGE exception of Ghostrider in the glory days (incredible in '04, an atrocity whenever I took the missus). And yes, that would include debut year Mean Streak, before the headbanging and first-drop trims. I'd still rate High Roller above Blue Streak, both before and after CP defaced it with PTCs. Nothing at WOF even factors in this conversation. Where was I...? Oh yes. Real air versus PTC lapbars. My statement regarding 'no air' was a relative statement, not an absolute one. Out in Real Woodie Country (*cough* WISCONSIN DELLS), there are plenty of coasters with bruise-inducing air, with or without stupid orange PTC lapbars. Avalanche (duh) or Hades before the lift hill readily come to mind. But they'd still be better rides without them. I won't even bother bringing up Cyclops WHOOPS just did.

I've always despised PTC lapbars. They were clearly designed by chicken-legged men with no identifiable @$$. But I hate them for taking all my airtime. They've never hurt me. All the fun's been drained from that final hop now if you ask me.

Did Meghna break the Mad Mouse today...?

It's usually on during the weekday morning news between 6:30 and 7:00 AM on most local stations.

Oh, I'm pretty sure it got major offseason work after its first year in action. You remember--after it went down for nearly a month in mid-summer? I'm bringing that up mostly to say this: The rides BEFORE they broke it? You'd think it was Top Thrill Dragster's love child. You'd know better than me--but Xtreme Swing's a Ridership Beast. They'd keep it if it broke down weekly. Perhaps even hourly. Guests love that thing!

While I'll admit preferring Intamin 2nd gen and Gyro towers? Farting Tower (northernmost of the two Turbo Drops) is a damned good time.

Not that this call's terribly interesting as far as VF's concerned, but Seeking Alpha releases transcripts of all of 'em a day after they happen.

Holding my nose through the CF quarterly conference call. The execs are really gulping their own Kool-Aid right now. They've taken to citing the highest per-caps (since Six Flags has been touting their higher margins) and insisting that CP is the rolly coaster capital of the world blah blah blah. Anyway, the new buzzword is 'brand (fill in the blank).' That having been said, Valleyfair and CGA are both currently under 'Brand Review.' They've finished brand review for CP and CW and they're doing whatever brand buzzword comes next. They've figured KBF's brand is well-established Long story short--they've made CGA's expansion plans public. There's obviously similar plans for Valleyfair--just no reason to make them public yet. No other CF parks were mentioned in this fashion. There ya go.

IN THE 1960s. The golden era In which you appear to be stuck...? Never claimed to dislike flumes. Hell, I love a good Schwarzkopf too but I'm not going to pretend they're the wave of the future. Or that they'll bring people rushing to the park. I'm not that delusional! Oh--funny story! CF's Q2 2015 Quarterly conference call reported VF had a nice attendance bump from their new waterslide. It's public record. Do some reading. So everything you said about changing clothes and fluffy bunnies and whatever else? Guess people actually DO THAT. 21st century facts say you're out of touch.

Then why are you here? A bit fashionably late, no? Aren't there screaming and mic-dropping GIF opportunites to be had while Cedar Point grinds Shoot the Rapids to scrap? Wait--make that the second version of Shoot the Rapids. Or Adventureland in Iowa, who killed theirs for the Monster? Go on, tell them how wrong they are Cuz You Said So. We'll wait. *snort*

I say 'No' to a flume. The last one cost nearly as much as a coaster to maintain and for what? Waiting an hour on a hot day to maybe get wet? Guests can cool off in Breakers Bay wavepool immediately, as much as they'd like, for as long as they'd like. The Wave is enough 'flume' if you ask me. Get me (and a LOT more people) on, get me wet, get outta my life. Not that I dislike flumes in general. But there's better things to do with the money at VF. Full Disclosure: Was quietly hustled into the park as Breaker's Bay filled for its inaugural season to kiss its concrete surface. So yeah--I might be biased.

'Least boring' is not the same as 'interesting' and far less than 'entertaining.' Again, try some real Space Shots for size.

Why? I've never been impressed by Detonator. Fearfall, occasionally impressed. Indiana Beach's model, certainly impressed. But I've always been bored with Detonator. Multiple days, multiple seasons, multiple visits. I've wanted to like it. Sorry. The model atop the Strat's better too. Not earth-shakingly so. But better. Maybe you should head out to Galaxyland in Edmonton and discover how a real Space Shot feels...? Cuz Detonator's not it.

But those records are absolutely meaningless! Wait--gimme a minute. *reads CF's far-sillier list of 'Ten Wurld Records' accompanying press release for Valravyn* What was I saying? PARK CHAIN RECORDS WHOOHOO!!!1

They'd have to go full-circuit after 3+ decades without a looper. Visitors would CRUSH the queues. And VF wouldn't come close to hypothetical PPH at the levels they staff the coasters these days. Damn Minnesota's higher minimum wage AND strong economy, huh? Even servers have a $9/hour minimum wage (unlike Ohio) and employers here are still scramblin' to find people to work. Wait, those are good problems. Among the best you can have, honestly. But a shuttle coaster line would suuuuuuuuuck.

And in all fairness, Wild Thing's the closest CF's come to putting Valleyfair 'On the Map.' Think of all the other parks--MAJOR league amusement parks--that had nothing like it. Meanwhile, the only other 'record' Valleyfair's set? Longest timespan for a corporate park without adding a looping coaster. Thirty-five seasons. ZERO new looping coasters. Think about that.

I wouldn't truly know. Never been there. I hear they're twins/clones, so perhaps I'd prefer it too. Opinions are everyone's to have, but Intamin's got a damned fine bunny hop. Of which Cedar Fair has maybe one-and-a-half. Total. It's a shame, if you ask me.

K-fine-MAYBE. My daughter in the orange (trimmed out of my pic to the left; she's on the website if you know where to look) was barely tall enough in '98. At least she got ONE good summer of consistently good WT. The MCBR was never completely off, but always light enough for the best a Morgan can deliver. Magnum's a very finicky beast. The same seat on the same train can still deliver a different ride from lap to lap. That having been said, WT has the potential to deliver an excellent ride consistently--which is more than you can say for Magnum. I'd trade both for Darien Lake's Ride of Steel--but that's a different story...

This is doubtless way before your time...but from '96 - '98? Wild Thing's return consistently KILLED. The bunny hops were as good as the 195' drop. As I've been told the story, the repeated full stops on the first brake run forced an expensive replacement...and that was the end of our fun. Boo. It's a shame--especially since Steel Force and Mamba literally can't do what WT does. Their bunnies are shallower.

When the Typical Coaster Enthusiast's moobs begin to point -Away from his navel -Toward the ground but at the same time. Thank you and good night.

LOLOLOL but see, those aren't improvements! 'Improvements' aren't actually additions to him--only what he subjectively believes to be an improvement. Which can be anything or nothing. Leave him floating in his Opinion Bubble! You've done all you could.

On what actual facts does this statement float? Call me crazy, but a hyper and a couple B&Ms since CF bought Dorney = improvement. A hyper and a B&M for WoF = improvement. And Valleyfair's slated for improvement because the CEO himself said so. Publicly. Before all the unitholders. Go check the Q3 conference call. There mighta been a couple B&Ms propped up at KI, too--but that would belabor the point.

Thunderhawk's only three years younger than Flight Deck. I could be wrong, but their SFWOA's former Boomerang? Might be the same age. Guess what they did to it before moving it to Carowinds? Yup. New train. Perhaps the more pertinent questions to ask: How many SLCs have you boarded? And what makes them headbangers? I'll admit I haven't been on Flight Deck in quite some time. But KK's T2 was--to put it mildly--Hot GARBAGE. The new trains improved them quite a bit, from what I've heard on this forum and elsewhere. Nevertheless, I'm surprised to hear people complain about CW's Flight Deck with a friggin' Volare (ETA: Oh right, they call it 'Time Warp') standing right next to it. If that thing wouldn't put 'roughness' in perspective, what will? To say nothing of Minebuster. Ow, ow. Mommy.