natatomic

GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. I knew that didn't sound correct, but JEEZ. I just can't do anything right, can I? Excuse me while I take a razor to my wrists. There's far too much pressure in trip report writing, and I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T HANDLE IT. Good luck finding $1000 on me. I've currently got a quarter, two nickels, a loose tic tac, and a piece of lint to my name. It is a nice piece of lint, though.

Day 3: Canada's Wonderland Head. Ache. City. Aside from Behemoth and maybe Vortex, it's got a really mediocre collection of coasters. Up until this year, it was as though CW was afraid to have one coaster outshine any of the others, so they decided to make them all rank at the same level of general meh-ness. It's like the socialist of amusement parks. But what they DO have going for them are some decent flats (Shockwave and Sledge Hammer come to mind) and the fact that it's the prettiest of the former Paramount parks in my opinion. Not that it's the Canadian Disney World, I'm just saying it was way better than, say, a Six Flags. As for Behemoth? OH. MY. GOSH. I think it ranks as my new number one coaster, even ahead of Apollo's Chariot, Nitro, and MF. First of all, nighttime ERT was almost a religious experience, as the view from the top of the lift hill is nothing but city lights, all 360 degrees around. It was simply stunning (I'm used to there being nothing but forests, and miles and miles of trees can get kind of boring after 22 years). Second, this is the first coaster I've ever been on that I actually got more air time in the FRONT than in the back. The ride literally threw me forward against my restraint, and I couldn't have held myself down if I tried. After my second ride in the front, I labeled it "The Seat of God," and last I checked, it was a term that was unanimously agreed upon. On to the photos: Goodnight Canada! Next up...Marineland And a Behemoth encore And as tradition thus far, we'll end with some nighttime shots And judging by the jaded look on Luke's face, he's had plenty of practice Don't worry, I hear the first time can be a bit painful... This is the only photo I got of the coaster (and it's a pretty pathetic one at that), but I think these next two photos will make up for it Erik is getting a jump start on his reaction, while Josh is in disbelief that girls are actually looking at him for once. Wild Beast, and THIS was one of the worst coasters of the trip. You know how girls shed the lining of their uterus once a month? Well, I think this one knocked an extra one loose in me. Hah, I just heard all the boys on the forum gag a little. I was terribly disappointed with Ghoaster Coaster. I LOVE the clones (they are clones, right?) at Carowinds and KD, but this one was far rougher and seemed to lag in some spots. This is a terrible shot, what with the building taking up half the frame and all, but it's the best this terrible coaster deserves. In case you forgot what coaster you were just looking at (Yeah, that's right. I just ended a sentence with a preposition. I'm the kind of girl who likes to live on the edge. What're you going to do about it? ) In the words of Neil, "I LOVE YOU DIVING HELIX!" Even God loves Behemoth enough to part the clouds above the lift hill Coaster paparazzi This is what I like to call an "up the skirt" shot No, he wasn't doing an impression, that's just how Dave walks. I mean, he IS British. One rider was so kind enough to pose for us. Prepare for a SLEW of Behemoth photos Behemoth walk back! Minebuster. Bad, but I've been on worse. Oh my gosh, WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE OF THESE IN EXISTENCE? Yes, that's the line for Behemoth way out there in the midway, and all I have to say about that is thank goodness for ERT! Nothing against Arrow suspended coasters, but it's sad to think that this was the best coaster in the park before Behemoth was built just this year. Still, I did love me some Vortex. Good thing this photo was taken earlier in the day, because I became a bit bitter towards it when I was told that these weren't the REAL Niagara Falls. Typical amusement park welcoming pool You couldn't get this wet if you swam in the ocean. During a hurricane. And wet your pants. YOU CAN SEE BEN'S BLUE MOUTH ALL THE WAY FROM HERE OH MY GOSH THE BLUE HORROR Not exactly a light mist Then this happens. It looks like such an innocent Top Spin, doesn't it? Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeek I've seen blue tongues before, but THIS is a level of blue-tongued intensity that I've never seen before and I doubt will ever see again. Yes, you've seen this sign in everyone else's trip report, but I dare not break that tradition. As for my caption: Please refrain from any and all Six-Man Hurdles competitions. Another boomerang credit for the trip. CW is clearly on a mission to give as many guests concussions as possible. Though you can kind of see it in action here. Also, there's the Fly. That's all you get of that ride too. But really, you should know what a wild mouse looks like by now. Use your imagination. I actually loved this flat ride and am sorry to say that I didn't get a better shot of it. Two things: 1. I asked some stranger to take this shot for us, and I made sure that he could fit the sign AND us in the photo from where he was standing, yet did he think to get it? NO! Sir, it stands to reason that if a group of people pose beneath a gigantic sign (behemoth, even! hah!) then more than likely, those people WANT the sign in the picture as well. 2. I grabbed my elbow in this photo which makes absolutely NO sense seeing as how SLCs are almost solely head-bangers, and there really isn't anything to bang your elbows against if you wanted to. My theory is that my brain was so rattled and beaten up, thus making me quite disoriented and befuddled, that I actually thought my elbow was my head. If you've ridden an SLC before, you know this to be TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE. Sorry, ma'am. No tiny ear ninjas while riding. Pretty, though, eh? Text book case of looks=deceiving Their expressions say it all Kidney bean of DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Another SLC, NO-OOOOOOO! (Fun fact - did you know that SLC stands for Satan's Love Child?!) Oh, heaven's to Betsy, the look on their faces can only mean one thing... Still, it's not every day that you get to ride in a horizontal prison cell. Well, it should! I mean, look - they've got a sign right there telling you to keep out and not ride the damn thing Does this photo send shivers down your spine? A half-empty train? Ahh, the beauty of ERT. Also, note that Robbie appears to be on the verge of playing with his balls again, only this time, I'm not talking about the ones from Fascination. Many people don't know this, but Canada's version of Backlot Stunt Coaster is actually wooden. The lift is also powered by a watermill. They're a bit behind the times in Canada. See how there are only about 10 people walking on the midway? In a perfect world, this is how all my amusement park visits would be. Neil is one of those people who likes to "freely express himself" through jigs and frolics. My first non-American amusement park! Look at me spreading my horizons.

^YES! WILLY IS SO MY TYPE. And he's already seen my crotch, so why wouldn't he date me? Then again, I think everyone else in that room saw it, too.

That there is an unfinished sentence. The rest of if would be "...terrible ones of her." Haha, it's funny 'cuz I'm insecure.

^Hmph. Come on, you guys...y'all know I'm a girl with taste and standards. Plus, I have all my teeth, I don't have any weird fetishes for puppet sex-shows, and I have indoor plumbing, so I just don't see how we'd be compatible in any way. At all. Ever. I KNOW I KNOW! But I noticed it, and I couldn't take the risk that no one else would. That's quite the gamble.

Like it's already been stated, not everyone blacks out on the same coasters. I can ride MF all day, but put me through a single loop on an Arrow coaster, and I'm done for. Also, some people like the rush, speed, and "intense forces" more so than airtime. It's all a matter of opinion. Clearly. Seriously, dude. You ARE allowed to read over your post before your hit the Submit button. You know that, right?

I hate you all.

Okay, I'm just going to ignore the "Millennium Force is rough," comment, but as for stand-ups, in my memory, the only people that I can recall riding it in a sit-down position are GPs. Not saying that there aren't any enthusiast who do it this way; I've just never seen them. As for me, I do sit/stand in the seat correctly, but at 5'4", I seem to be the PERFECT height for the optimal amount of head-banging against the restraints. I don't remember Mantis being the worst coaster ever, but the stand-up B&M Iron Wolf (SFGAdv) definitely was, and I still wouldn't exactly call Mantis smooth by any stretch of the imagination.

^No, my last offer was final, but if you accept, maybe I'll send you some brownies or something. As soon as I make enough money to buy the ingredients. Ahh, good. Someone to point out my spelling errors. That's great. My fragile ego needed another critic. Thanks. I'll be sure to give you a shout out in therapy next week. ()

Wow, I definitely don't remember Neil's skull caressing my left boob over at MotoCoaster. Also, this? THIS IS AN ILLUSION OF THE CAMERA. TYLER DOES NOT HAVE HIS ARM AROUND ME OH MY GOSH NOOOOOO EW EW EW MY EYES OH HOW THEY BURN. Ahem. Just wanted to clarify.

^That was the scariest log flume of the B/RF trip! The drop didn't look like much from the ground, but DANG, what an illusion that was... Great TR so far, Ben.

I think it just varies from person to person. For me, I get tunnel vision/blackouts on vertical loops on Arrow coasters and boomerangs about 95% of the time. I'm fine on pretty much everything else, though.

Hmm, round it up to 10 cents and throw in the recipe for those sushi/rice krispie things.

^That's okay, the lion certainly appreciated it.

I didn't think I'd given proper thank yous yet, and I was just on my way here to send out a thanks to all those who have commented on my TR, when I first read Jason's reply (above this one) in which he makes fun of me and my poor, broken, barely-functioning jaw. Boo hoo hoo, Jason, you made a little girl sad. Still - a million genuine thank yous to everyone for your comments so far, UNLESS YOUR NAME IS JASON AND YOU PLAN ON PROFITING OFF MY PAIN. You shall not be receiving single thank from me, haHA! Unless, Jason, you want to cut me in on some of those profits you spoke of so that I can have a Future TPR Trip Fund as well. Maybe, then, we can negotiate a thank or two. Maybe.

Oooo...the first functional credit!

Day 2b: Martin's Fantasy Island Before I do the TR for this park, let me tell you a little [95% off-topic] side story that all of you are welcome to completely ignore and skip over. As I was driving up to Pennsylvania the Friday before the trip, I was eating a chicken wrap, when suddenly the left side of my jaw started aching horribly and I couldn't open my mouth much wider than an inch. FUN TIMES, let me tell ya. But, dang, I had spent all that money, just survived four hours of 10mph traffic, and shaved my legs special that morning - ALL FOR THIS TRIP - so I was NOT going to let a little jaw pain and the inability to use my mouth to ingest large foodstuffs get in my way. MY JAW IS NOT THE BOSS OF ME. But when the pain didn't go away, I made myself a dentist appointment half way through the trip for when I got back home, and the scary, scary dentist-man used words like "inflamed," "tmj," "unrepairable damage," "hopefully no surgery 'til you're sixty," and "we'll cross our fingers, mmk?" So, for those of you who were on the trip, if it seemed like I was unable to fit a cheeseburger in my mouth, if you noticed that I couldn't eat a spoonful of cereal without my lips pushing most of it off the side of the spoon, and if it seemed like I was gumming my food more so than actually chewing it, well, you saw correctly, but it's not because I'm some moron that doesn't know how to eat food, or something. It's because my jaw, it pains me. And that's basically my story. There wasn't really a point, other than to show you what a trooper I am, surviving all the jaw pain during the eating and roller coastering and whatnot. But you know what? I pushed through that pain, I suffered for my hobby, and I rode those coasters with a fiery passion; and given the fact that my jaw is still hurting this very second, I think that gives me the right to call myself the Kerri Strug of theme parks, thank you very much. [/story] SO! TRIP REPORT! Martin's Fantasy Island is a cute family park, worth visiting if only to ride Silver Comet. And maybe to canoe in a sickeningly viridian lake. Or pond. However you would classify it. But really, Silver Comet is a fantastic woody, and I know it ended up on many top 10 lists that night. I didn't explore the park enough to really give it an accurate report beyond "Silver Comet! It's good!" though, because apparently there was a whole section with giant statues that I completely missed. And I don't mean the statues were abnormally large, I mean that there were actually statues of giants. Though, I guess they were abnormally large, too, hence the term "giant." BUT! What I'm trying to say is that if one attends a park but comes away completely ignorant of the giant giant statues, obviously one did not do said park justice. Having said that, on to the photos: A view from the Ferris Wheel of Niagara Falls, and lo! Marineland! See it?! Let that serve as the foreshadowing of things to come. But up next, at some point this week, Canada's Wonderland. Stay tuned. Nighttime! Erik giving the lion head. Haha...get it? *giggle* Head... Well...almost every square inch. I could say something else relating back to the photo of him and Neil in the log, but goodness, even I have my limits. Even Jahan was soaked on every square inch of his body. This flume made everyone giggle. But see? Neil enjoys taking it like a man! Tyler: "Uh, Jahan? Neil? What's going on up there, buddies?" I'm glad I wasn't one of the five, though. From what I understand, they don't normally cram in five full-grown adults, but for us, they made an exception. Simple layout, yes, but it's the modest flumes you have to watch out for. Sorry, I don't know how to make a Ferris Wheel funny. Ferris Wheel! Brooke likes to move when the music so compels her, but I think the guy on the right *dearly* wishes that she didn't. Forget the TPR Bag o' Crap, Martin has a whole WALL o' Crap. The option of the game was to take a picture of yourself throwing the ball in the box. Or something like that. I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention. Probably why I didn't win. "I GOT IT!" My hair looks like Medusa's snake-do, but forget that, Jake clearly found this spinning mouse to be orgasmic. Judging by the mouse's expression, however, the feeling wasn't exactly mutual. Full Tilt - hah, yeah right. Ok, so they warned me of all the tilting before I boarded, so while on the ride, I kept waiting and waiting for the omg!tilting to begin. Then the ride was over, and I was all like, "Wait, where was all the tilting?" But everyone ELSE apparently felt it - they were all talking about it and saying how CRAZY all! that! tilting! was! Well, dadgum, how'd I miss it then? Two theories: 1. I think Martin got everyone together to play a joke on me ("haha, let's call this thing "Full Tilt," and in a few years when Natalie visits, let's get everyone to convince her that it really DOES tilt, and she'll be so confused when it doesn't, and man, what a worth-while joke, right?") or 2. my messed-up TMJ-ified jaw has severely numbed my inner ear. Or something like that. I don't really know how biology works. The GP seems pretty relaxed and un-freaked out, though. Go figure. I thought I'd find this calming and relaxing. Instead I found out I'm afraid of heights. Like, white-knuckled-holding-on-for-dear-life-sorry-can't-talk-too-busy-closing-my-eyes afraid. This thing didn't even spin. Tell me, Martin, WHAT IS THE POINT? I see three claps and a thumbs up. I think it's a winner. This is just about the only photo I have of Silver Comet. Man, I failed this park something terrible. : Who you trying to fool, Martin? No body of water is naturally THAT shade of green.

^I didn't use a protractor or anything but... ...how much more upside-down can you get?

Goll, I am SO JEALOUS. I loved the B/RF trip, but I hated that I had to leave you all so soon and miss out on the rest of the fun!

No, I was kidding! Don't worry about it! It's still funny!

Oh good. The red marks on my thighs don't even show up on camera. So it's like I'm just flashing you my crotch in that video. Wonderful. Not embarrassing at all. Glad it worked out that way.

After looking at your list, I'd say just sticking to New England, the Mid-Atlantic states, and only a few mid-west states would still be an incredible trip. Something like this: -Six Flags New England -Six Flags Great Adventure -Six Flags America -Six Flags Great America -Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom -Cedar Point -Kings Island -Kings Dominion -Dorney Park -Carowinds -Kennywood -HersheyPark -Darien Lake -Busch Gardens Europe -Lake Compounce -Dollywood -Holiday World -Indiana Beach -Knoebels (you didn't have this one on your list, but I hear it's a MUST-DO!) You never go further south than Tennessee/North Carolina or further west than Illinois, but you cut the number of states you'd travel to from 27 to 12 and you still get 19 solid parks. But jeez, even THAT list looks exhausting. Are you sure you've thought this through? Better yet, why don't you just do a TPR trip next year? If you really have enough money for this gigantic trip you're planning, you probably have enough to do 2-3 of the official trips, and that would save you A LOT of driving, gas, money, and (most importantly) ENERGY. And you'd probably get close to the same amount of parks you're wanting to hit in this hypothetical trip of yours.

It seems to me that you'll be doing the most driving to get to the fewest number of parks out west. You could probably save a small fortune just by keeping your trip east of the Mississippi.

Oh my gosh, if there was just ONE more room to Confusion Hill, I'd have thrown up in it. Also, "Howdy All?" It's "Howdy y'all!" Jeeeeez.

Man, it's sad just to see your TR end. It's like the lite version of the trip has come to a close.