Photo non-Trip Report: Linnanmäki 07/26/08

[CrazyChris]

Hello everybody.

 

CrazyChris has enjoyed being a lurker and reading trip reports from all over the world, but now CrazyChris has decided to contribute and share.

You give some you get some.

 

The story goes...

It was a HOT day in Helsinki. (please notice the -sinki suffix)

 

As you may or may not know, ordinarily the streets of Helsinki are covered with 3 feet of ice, penquins are hunting fish for food through the cracks in the ice, polar bears are hunting penquins for food, and Finns are hunting polar bears for food.

 

However, as it happens, for a day or two in a year the ice melts, the sun shines and amusement parks are opened. Coincidentally CrazyChris had just bought a new digital camera, so what would be a better way to test it than snap few photos of the summer fun at Linnanmäki?

CrazyChris didn't bother to try A SINGLE RIDE, so this is more of a photo shooting than a trip... but as it may be of some interest to theme park freaks, CrazyChris decided to share this nonetheless.

 

 

As an amusing side note, a security guard stopped CrazyChris at the gates and wanted to check his bag for alcohol. Being a T-Tot CrazyChris found this to be both amusing and offending at the same time. However... the security guard was... a... WOMAN!!! So CrazyChris thinks what she really was after was a good thorough strip search, unfortunately some foreign tourist interrupted the whole procedure with some touristy questions. Oh well... some another time, then.

 

 

(A real trip report may follow later on, should the arctic ice melt for another day...)

 

 

Anyways, here is the round 1 of the photos.

An artistic fountain. But for those appreaciating nudity in art (or just simply nudity), please notice the nude female statue in front of the water thingy. Being a small-sized statue, it is possible to never notice it.

But they do have a wishing well. Wonder what would happen, if you threw a coin in and wish that they didn't have one?

Is this theming, or does this thing generate power for the entire park? We'll never know.

Oh my... that thing looks HUGE!!!

Of course there is the Ferris wheel too.

And here's the mentioned horse ride, also featuring a random kid.

Some areas are nicely themed, like these horses near the horse ride.

It is possible to see the park also from the monorail. Every big park must have a monorail. This park just got so much bigger!

What?! Another tower ride photo? An uninformed reader might be tempted to make a completely wrong conclusion about CrazyChris trying to compensate for something here...

The park also has a space shot tower, Raketti, but Panoraama is a better choice for scenery, obviously. There are three good public places in Helsinki center to see the city: Panoraama tower, Olympic stadium tower and Hotelli Torni (hotel tower).

See, it goes all the way to the clouds!! And a good thing for visitors who are completely broke, this ride like the park entrance is free. (But everything else is damn expensive.)

To get a view of the park and the city surrounding it, the Panoraama tower is a good choice.

Let's take a closer look.

OK, there's the park map. Now there's no danger of getting completely lost...

They have planted some green things here, so if you're into this kind of thing, using the rebel gate is highly recommended.

So this is the other plaza for the bad people who don't enter through the parking lot and main entrance.

This is the plaza by the main entrance... where CrazyChris might be, if he weren't a rebel and entering through the back door.

CrazyChris to HQ, we have breached the security, we are in. Repeat: we are in. Proceding with the mission according to plan.

Oh yes, that indeed seems to be a Ferris wheel, so CrazyChris managed to get through the jungle unharmed.

Behind the trees there appears to be some signs of a man made structure...

Bravely CrazyChris fought his way through this thick arctic jungle to find some amusement... but will there be any?

[CrazyChris]

The round 2 of the photos.

Of course every true amusement park must have the swings ride.

After so much spinning, it's good to do something nice and quiet. Like looking at the dancing waters.

OMG!!!

Yep, the thing seems to be spinning.

HUSS Booster. One of the worst, if not THE worst spinning ride in the world. So the talk goes...

If there was a massive earthquake, the Ferris wheel and the concrete foundation would collapse on these drivers. But still, you are not allowed to bump into other cars. OK, we hear and we obey.

The bumper cars are located under the Ferris wheel, but bumping is not allowed with these bumper cars.

A closer look of the dark ride entrance with some completely random, but good-looking chicks waiting for the ride.

Kummitusjuna (ghost train) dark ride.

Vekkula from another angle.

Vekkula fun house. Among the best fun houses in the world, if some people are to be believed.

This ride actually got press time a while back when it got stuck for 10 minutes with people hanging upside down. Luckily for the park, it was caused by the thunder storm cutting the power and not the ride itself.

A Top Spin, which based on the sound it makes, needs some maintenance ASAP.

A carousel that was made back in 1896. Must be one of the oldest operating rides in the world. The late 19th century must have been liberal, considering the lesbian theming on the top.

Taikasirkus means Magical Circus. Reportedly, inside there is no circus to be found nor any trace of magic. If you came all the way to Finland to see magical circus, boy, you sure got ripped off.

They don't make these as they used to. In fact, they don't make these at all... finding an operating Schwarzkopf ride is always a good thing.

OK, that's a classic Schwarzkopf flat ride. The best this ride type has to offer.

Another random kiddie ride. Isn't life exciting?

Yes, they INDEED do have a swinging ship with viking theming at Linnanmäki. Let's move on already. BTW, that small white erecting thing at lower left is the Olympic stadium tower mentioned earlier.

Yes, they have a swinging ship with viking theming at Linnanmäki.

WTF?! The French Fries dude is standing on the rooftop and giving CrazyChris a finger! Well, listen pal, CrazyChris is giving YOU a finger too, albeit a slightly different one.

A word-by-word translation of this sign: "Dear visitors. Due to the recommendation of the manufacturer, Rainbow is not in use for the time being." But the real message this sign is conveying is: "the stupid Swedes spoiled the fun for all of us."

So this is the classic HUSS Rainbow, currently being rethemed, and it will (not...) open again as SBNObow.

Yep, the sun was really shining HOT that day!!!

What would be a better way to start round 2 of the photos than a random kiddie ride? OK, CrazyChris can think of a few ways, but this kiddie ride it will be no matter what.

[CrazyChris]

The final, round 3 of the photos.

 

 

 

The updates were brought to you by CrazyChris Productions.

Thank you for reading.

And with this last picture of the water fall, CrazyChris thanks you for reading.

One more picture of the new track.

The cars are spinning randomly based on the weight distribution.

If nothing else, it is at least spraying a lot of water on the people down on the rafts...

Salama loading station and theming. The fire/water thingy is supposed to be the Sampo from the Kalevala mythology.

The Salama lifthill, and people waiting for the water ride (it really was a HOT day).

The track was built above a water ride, so it's a bit crowded & cramped here.

Salama. The new Maurer Söhne roller coaster for the 2008 season. And the thing running behind is not Salama, but a powered coaster Pikajuna.

Back in the track valley when crossing the Misty bridge, you come right next to...

Kirnu lifthill and a kiddie wheel right next to it.

That's the track layout.

Now for something weirder. This one's called Kirnu and it was the first of its kind to open.

According to ACE, this one's a classic. Who are we to argue with that?

On the other side of the park is the wooden Vuoristorata from 1951.

At this point, people on the ride and people reading this got all wet, although for very different reasons and in very different ways.

...and down it comes. SPLASH!!!!

Up it goes...

Now this thing is called Vonkaputous and it's a water coaster.

Well, no fire, so we were lied to. None of the park staff had their pants on fire either, so go figure...

OK, there's the sled, but where's the fire?

OK, so this one is called Tulireki (Fire sled).

While being on the subject of roller coasters, here is the "track valley" area of the park. It used to be a kiddie area "fairytale valley". Nowadays those who miss the old times don't like it, and those who prefer coasters think the coasters are for kiddies...

Respecting the tradition, this update starts with a random kiddie ride as well. But this photo is also featuring a roller coaster, inside the old water reservoir. Being an indoor coaster, this is the best photo you can get without actually riding it.

[richa_eire]

Nice pictures CrazyChris.... Linnanmaki is one of the nicer parks I have visited, I was there in June. No major stand out rides but the park is nicely presented and the fact that it is owned by a Childrens Charity I think is excellent - it may be expensive but at least my Euro's were going to a good cause

[Electerik]

Thanks for the photos! I thought it was a fine report.

Wow, I really thought the line for gold would be longer.

 

/obscure?

[larrygator]

Thanks, Chris.

 

I added your PTR and some ride pictures to the Park Index Page for Linnanmaki.

[thecoasterkid]

I loved your comments! Could do with less third person perspective, but you had me laughing the whole way. Great stuff and hopefully you'll share some more useless reports from other Finnish parks in the future!

[CrazyChris]

DISCLAIMER: This Photo Trip Report (PTR) is a piece of writing, which is to be regarded as a subjective recalling of events mentioned. The Author (CrazyChris) is not responsible for possible factual errors. The Reader (a.k.a. YOU) will accept any and all responsibility for reading the PTR and any effects, including but not limited to the mental state of the Reader (YOU), which may be caused and affected by this PTR. Intellectual property featured in the PTR (i.e. trademarks and other items falling under copyright laws) is property of its legal owner(s) and being randomly abused and violated by the Author (CrazyChris). Any and all comments the Reader (YOU) will provide about the PTR may and will be used against you in the court of law, if applicable. The PTR is meant for recreational purposes only. Parental guidance suggested.

 

 

OK, as (kinda) promised, CrazyChris is back!!! And delivering a PTR from Linnanmäki summer season closing day, 09/07/08.

 

Apologies to thecoasterkid for the excessive use of 3rd person, but CrazyChris' therapist strongly adviced against abandoning the 3rd person, as whatever sanity remaining is hanging on to that...

 

 

Be that as it may, CrazyChris was at Linnanmäki and here are some recollections.

 

Entering the park was quite pleasant experience this time, as there were no guards grabbing the backpack in search of alcohol. Then again, the backpack stayed at home this time, so that my have had something to do with it... or not. We'll never know.

 

The strategic time of entry was around 5:40pm, as the evening prices started from 6:00pm. The difference? If you buy the wristband before the evening hours, the cost is 33 €. What a rip-off!!! During the evening hours it's only 24 €, which while being expensive, is affordable. Ordinarily that goes for the last three hours, but on this last day of the season the evening prices were for the last four hours.

 

While on the subject of "the closing day", the park will actually reopen in October! Valokarnevaali (the light carnival) takes place then, with some additional lights installed in the park. Of course the park is then open only for a week or so, and some rides (like water rides) won't be running then.

 

 

Anyways, CrazyChris hit the park with 20 minutes to go before the better prices, so there was time to ride the two free rides of the park: Panoraama observation tower and Toilet - The Ride.

 

Then it was time to buy the wristband and go do some riding.

 

Of course the most important thing to ride was Vuoristorata. CrazyChris did that twice, both times coincidentally in the red train. The experience was totally different though... Probably the brakeman changed from a fool to a madman. The first one (fool) had the train leaving the station very fast and going through the track with very little breaking, which made it feel like the train would fly off the track in the end. Omg.

 

OK, so it couldn't get any worse? Right? Wrong. The second brakeman (madman) had a completely different breaking strategy. The train moved veeerrry s-l-o-w-l-y indeed, even when from the station to the lift hill. But... every time there was a drop the brakeman let the riders have it. Really. Honestly, at one point CrazyChris had 2 seconds of airtime being held in the car only by the restraint bar. While that may not seem like a whole lot, keep in mind that we are talking about 57 year old thing WITH NO UPSTOPS!

Of course, the odds of survival are statistically good. In the 57 years only 2 people have died on the thing.

 

But that was definately a near death experience. There were lines for two rides only, unfortunately Vuoristorata was the other one, so no third riding time to compare with.

 

Among other coasters that CrazyChris did, were Tulireki, not much to write about that one. Lines were short, if there were any.

Vonkaputous had no lines at all, nobody probably wanted to get wet at the splash. CrazyChris did it twice, both time ending up in the center of the car, where most water is sprayed. Thanks a lot rideops, thanks a lot!!! You sure look like cuties, but not allowing single riders anywhere else than in the middle next to the broken seat was not very nice...

 

The rideops seemed to give the guests extra (bad) treatment, as was once again proved by the Kieppi rideop. Just before CrazyChris did the ride, the op changed from a cute girl to a random guy. Nothing wrong with that... but the girl ran the ride normally, while the guy was a lunatic! This being the first time of this HUSS death machine for CrazyChris, it was not a very nice experience to have the ride op going:

- I wanna hear you screaming!

- I can't hear you scream... well, I'm gonna MAKE you scream!!! (and the lunatic turns the ride up to eleven, or something...)

 

Well, CrazyChris made it out of that alive, having cheated death twice already.

 

Our heroic hero did some other rides too, like the river rafting were some idiot teenage girl (who probably was about 14, but wearing way too much makeup to look like 16) held up the line (of eight people only!) for five minutes. She got all wet and spent like five minutes crying to ride op. Gee, a small wonder all that water was actually WET!?

The park had put up the sign of riders getting wet just for the heck of it?

 

Salama was the other ride with a line, actually the longest line. Only one time for CrazyChris, but it was pretty good. Something to do again some time.

 

 

Of course most people were there for the free concert of the band Suurlähettiläät ("the ambassadors") and the fireworks.

 

The band was OK, but a bit weird choice, as it's not really a teenager favorite, yet the park management has said that the teenagers are the main focus of the park.

 

Fireworks lasted for 10 minutes, and were otherwise good, but since they were launched from the Ratalaakso area (track valley), it was a bit lame to have the launch site lower than the crowd area. Because of this, some fireworks never rose above the rides/buildings blocking the view. Of course, there are laws and stuff which make anything done at Linnanmäki (right next to residential area) very difficult to accomplish...

 

After the fireworks the three trains of Vuoristorata ran on the track with blowing horns, as they traditionally do. Then all the lights were turned out and the park closed.

 

And that's about all there is to it.

But feel free to comment how great & inspiring this report was...

 

 

This update was brought to you by CrazyChris Productions.

Thank you for reading.

So the whole thing ended with fireworks, as can be seen here. The best fireworks were not caught on camera, but this gives you the general idea. For roller coaster people, that black thing partially blocking the view is the track of Kirnu.

OK, so here we have Suurlähettiläät doing their gig. Time for a pronounciation contest! The chorus goes:

"Kun tänään lähden otan mukaan mitä tarvitsen,

taivaalta tähden valitsen ja sitä seurailen.

Kun tänään lähden en taakse aio vilkaistakaan,

taivaalta tähden valitsen vaikken sitä kiinni saa."

The winner of the contest won't get anything, but the pathetic losers will be laughed at.

The HUSS death machine. Please make it stop. OMG!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!

If the cops had been patrolling the monorail traffic that night, the chick driving the monorail would have been in big trouble for the broken head light. Still, this is for some weird reason a very beautiful picture.

So this is what Vuoristorata looked like in the end of the day... er... night. When they finally turned all the lights out, you couldn't see much of anything of it.

Kirnu was the one coaster CrazyChris didn't do. Hey, having cheated death twice on the same night, there's no point in trying for a third time!!!

Ooooohhhh... is this pretty or what?

This is the same dark ride as in the previous picture, but this time in the dark and sans finger.

When your mommy told you not to stick your fingers where they don't belong, this is exactly what she meant! Some random jack showing a finger from the other monorail cabin. Look, pal, that's not even THE finger, it's just A finger, you moron...

This artsy shot was taken from the monorail station before it got dark.

[CoasterLine]

CoasterLine hates people who continuously refer to themselves in the third person. Maybe thats just CoasterLine.