Sir Reedith

The Story of Cinco de Mayo *Adapted by Reed Bjorntvedt On this day in 1862, the Hellmann's Mayonnaise Company, seeking liberty from Kraft Foods, sued Kraft for ownership malpractice (earlier that year, a customer found a rusty nail in their tub of mayonnaise, and the corporate greed of Kraft was to blame). The legal battle endured for hours - attorneys argued relentlessly and the Hellmann's plaintiff refused to eat his Kraft sandwich for lunch. Finally, after a grueling day of feuding, the court decided to liberate Hellmann's from Kraft ownership. The judge, Justice Horacio Carlos Iglesias, happened to be latino, and dubbed the case "Cinco de Mayo (mayo short for mayonnaise)," which happened to fall on the fifth of May. To this day, this story has been so lost to history that Americans are foolish enough to believe that "Cinco de Mayo" is the anniversary of the Battle of Pueblo. *This story has little to absolutely no historical accuracy whatsoever, and if you believed it, you're a dolt. All trademarks belonging to Hellman's and Kraft are used strictly for entertainment purposes and are not intended for copyright infringement.

^^ Take that out of context and use it in everyday conversation.

You mistunderstood my post. As Eric said, it was sarcasm. I ADORE my Bag (Envelope) O' Crap. Just harmless comedy (hopefully).

Hello TPR! I'm not a familiar nor prolific poster on these here forums, actually more of a lurker than anything. But I'm very pleased to announce to you all that I've received my very first-ever TPR Bag O'Crap! I was so excited to get my crap, which I didn't even know was coming (and I don't know why I received it). First of all, though, the term "Bag O'Crap" is quite misleading... The supposed "bag" of crap was nothing more than a yellow padded envelope of crap. I know that "TPR Yellow Padded Compact Package Envelope O' Crap" doesn't necessarily roll off the tongue, but this is false advertisement my friends. If I wished to do so, I could seriously take out TPR and the Alveys for all they're worth. The differences between "bag" and "yellow padded envelope" are quite numerous, therefore I could sue TPR for this horrifying case of duplicity. Be thankful, Robb and SharkTums (whoever you are), that I haven't exacted my charges. May you learn a lesson and start delivering "Bags O' Crap" in actual bags. The next customer may not be so forgiving. On a lighter note, what the hell is in a Lotte World Magic Donkey capsule? It looks like a gelatinous raccoon's head. Candy perhaps? I'm afraid to eat it, especially given the Alvey's suspicious past of deceit. -Sir Reedith

It's a shame, but I agree completely with pianojohn. The park had enormous potential, but relying on the fact that they're a well-known franchise alone doesn't cut it. I bet half the public just thought another Hard Rock Cafe opened in Myrtle Beach. I'm glad I got to visit the park, but I was finished in two hours. We came back at night for the Bohemian Rhapsody show, which was, in fact, awesome albeit our impression of the park. But a $50 ticket? This, I believe, is where the company got the cockiest. We think the ticket deserved a $25 max. Yes, I rode it twice. Fun and unique, but I wouldn't ride it again.

I guess I'm going to name Chuck Norris on a Floorless as my official entry. My favorite has to be Rick n' Rollercoaster. The Predator with Chris Hansen made me laugh pretty hard too, especially the subtitle "why don't you have a seat over there..." Lol!

Ok, since some of you liked Chuck Norris, I thought I'd add another person who is an equally epic icon of awesomeness... Mr. T Refusing to Ride T-Express I still have to decide which one I'm entering. And it definetly won't be Churro on El Toro.

This is my second attempt, and my official entry (unless I think of something new...) Enjoy!

I don't post here a lot, which I'd like to change, so I thought I'd submit my attempt of an entry. Hope you guys like it!

Blech! Parks like that, that are beautiful in some parts, but then in other parts have SBNO, portable, carnival, dirty rides just plopped down in random spots give me the creeps. Like Nara Dreamland! NIGHTMARE!

That mine woodie looks awesome! Elevator lift, cool trains... I need to ride it! Great video!

I personally think that Dollywood will be adding something new every year for the next decade, at least. If you just take a ride on the train, you can see construction zones and unearthing going as far back as an entire size of the existing park. I think that Dollywood's been growing exceptionally within the last 5 years. They're ahead of most theme parks, besides big name resorts (e.g. Disney, US) and I think they'll continue to offer state-of-the-art attractions for years to come, every year. That's just what I've noticed.

Oh yea, theater is so much fun. The people you meet and opportunities that arise- it's just phenomenal all around. A Christmas Carol ended in December, and we just finished Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat a few weeks ago. On our last night, we sold out! A never-before in our school's history. I played Potiphar in that. After our spring break we'll start doing one-act plays.

Hello TPR! My name's Reed, or Reedith (that's Reed in olde english)... whichever you prefer. I'm new, so that's why I'm posting here. I hope to get to know you guys, and vice versa. I'm an avid park fan, whether it's a cruddy carnival or a 5-star resort, I wanna be there, riding the best rides and seeing the best sights they have to offer! Now my ego would like to have a word- I believe I have a great sense of humor, and am creative in a lot of ways... I think I'm a pretty good writer, a great musician, and a great artist both physically and imaginatively. I play the piano, bagpipes, and zydeco tie! I love drama and theater. I'm a high school freshman and got cast as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol at my school in the fall. I just got back from New York City where I saw Young Frankenstein, and it was AMAZING!! Best show I've ever seen. Anyhoo, I joined because I love theme parks and theme park review. I like to check out the updates regularly, and now I have the chance to share my thoughts and opinions with you kind people! Well... I hope I made a nice impression!