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Post your favorite Monty Python quotes

Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:59 pm

Very simple, just post a Monty Python quote and only post one quote at a time.

Reg: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man —
Stan: Or woman.
Reg: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan? You're putting us off.
Stan: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
Francis: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
Stan: I want to be one.
Reg, Francis: What?
Stan: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me "Loretta". It's my right as a man.
Judith: Well... why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
Stan: I want to have babies.
Reg: You want to have babies?!
Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
Reg: But... you can't have babies.
Stan: Don't you oppress me!
Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan, you haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?
[Loretta starts to cry]
Judith: Here! I-I've got an idea. Suppose that you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb — which is nobodies fault, not even the Romans' — but that he can have the right to have babies.
Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
Reg: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?
Francis: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
Reg: It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
Last edited by Stitch on Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:03 pm.

Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:03 pm

FRENCH GUARD:
Allo! Who is eet?
ARTHUR:
It is King Arthur, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
FRENCH GUARD:
This is the castle of my master, Guy de Loimbard.
ARTHUR:
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night, he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
FRENCH GUARD:
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. Uh, he's already got one, you see.
ARTHUR:
What?
GALAHAD:
He says they've already got one!
ARTHUR:
Are you sure he's got one?
FRENCH GUARD:
Oh, yes. It's very nice-a. (I told him we already got one.)
FRENCH GUARDS:
[chuckling]
ARTHUR:
Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?
FRENCH GUARD:
Of course not! You are English types-a!
ARTHUR:
Well, what are you, then?
FRENCH GUARD:
I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king-a?!
GALAHAD:
What are you doing in England?
FRENCH GUARD:
Mind your own business!
ARTHUR:
If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force!
FRENCH GUARD:
You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!
GALAHAD:
What a strange person.
ARTHUR:
Now look here, my good man--
FRENCH GUARD:
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
GALAHAD:
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
FRENCH GUARD:
No. Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
[sniff]
ARTHUR:
Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.
FRENCH GUARD:
(Fetchez la vache.)
OTHER FRENCH GUARD:
Quoi?
FRENCH GUARD:
(Fetchez la vache!)
[mooo]
ARTHUR:
If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
[twong]
[mooooooo]
Jesus Christ!
KNIGHTS:
Christ!
[thud]
Ah! Ohh!
ARTHUR:
Right! Charge!
KNIGHTS:
Charge!
[mayhem]
FRENCH GUARD:
Hey, this one is for your mother! There you go.
[mayhem]
FRENCH GUARD:
And this one's for your dad!
ARTHUR:
Run away!
KNIGHTS:
Run away!
FRENCH GUARD:
Thppppt!
FRENCH GUARDS:
[taunting]
LAUNCELOT:
Fiends! I'll tear them apart!
ARTHUR:
No, no. No, no.
BEDEVERE:
Sir! I have a plan, sir.

[later]

[wind]
[saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw saw]
[clunk]
[bang]
[rewr!]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak]
[rrrr rrrr rrrr]
[drilllll]
[sawwwww]
[clunk]
[crash]
[clang]
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]
[creak]
FRENCH GUARDS: [whispering]
C'est un lapin, lapin de bois. Quoi? Un cadeau. What? A present. Oh, un cadeau. Oui, oui. Hurry. What? Let's go. Oh. On y va. Bon magne. Over here...
[squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak...]
[clllank]
ARTHUR:
What happens now?
BEDEVERE:
Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French, uh, by surprise. Not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
ARTHUR:
Who leaps out?
BEDEVERE:
U-- u-- uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh, and uh...
ARTHUR:
Ohh.
BEDEVERE:
Oh. Um, l-- look, i-- i-- if we built this large wooden badger--
[clank]
[twong]
ARTHUR:
Run away!
KNIGHTS:
Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!

Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:06 pm

I'm gonna love this thread. :lol:

Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:17 pm

The LARCH.

Mon Oct 03, 2005 3:21 pm

"do you mean to tell me these coconuts migrated?"


"THAT'S GREEAT!!!"
I need to see more monty python

Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:08 pm

"It's just a flesh wound!"

Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:10 pm

"No one expects the Spanish Inqustion! Our cheif weapon is surprise!"

Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:11 pm

Spam spam spam spam spam - oh wait, is that a quote? :twisted:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Puh-lease look into getting yourself a copy of the Broadway cast album, of "Monty Python's SPAMalot." You won't regret it. And if you do....nyeh!)
Last edited by Nrthwnd on Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:13 pm.

Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:12 pm

"What do you mean ugh, I don't like Spam!!!"

Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:24 pm

From the best Python movie ... The Life of Brian: (and this is all from memory)

Spare a talent for an old ex-leper, sir.

Did you say -- ex-leper?

That's right, sir. Sixteen years behind the bell, and proud of it, thank you sir.

What happened?

I was cured, sir.

Cured?

Yes sir, a bloody miracle, sir. Bless you.

Who cured you?

Jesus did. I was hopping along, when suddenly he comes and cures me. One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next moment me livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by your leave. Look. I'm not saying that being a leper was a bowl of cherries. But it was a living. I mean, you try waving muscular suntanned limbs in people's faces demanding compassion. It's a bloody disaster.

You could go and get yourself a decent job, couldn't you?

Look, sir, my family has been in begging six generations. I'm not about to become a goat-herd, just because some long-haired conjuror starts mucking about.

Gregg "Long-Haried conjuror ... LMFAO!!!" C.
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