Flight Attendant: Oh, that was great. Glenn Quagmire: Thanks. I know you have a choice in airport sex, and I appreciate your choosing Quagmire. Please exercise caution when standing up, as the contents of your vagina may have shifted during coitus.
generaleclectic wrote:Flight Attendant: Oh, that was great. Glenn Quagmire: Thanks. I know you have a choice in airport sex, and I appreciate your choosing Quagmire. Please exercise caution when standing up, as the contents of your vagina may have shifted during coitus.
Yes! Love that episode, but that scene is beyond genius! Got to love Quagmire.
Peter delivering Lois' sisters baby: Peter: "OMG, its a beautiful baby girl, but she has a penis. We will have to do something about that." (scalpel in hand)
Quagmire walks into bathroom stall to find a Jr. HS cheerleader tied up: Quagmire: "Dear Diary, JACKPOT!"
Flashback scene showing a horse with a hurt leg and the owner holding a shotgun: Owner: "so hows that leg doing" horse: "great never better" man: "good, why dont you try puting a little weight on it?" horse: "sure'' (puts foot on ground) horse: "yes,oh thats good, very strong'' man: "sorry Thunder but i got to put you down" (points gun) horse gets gun and shoots man on foot man: "ow !!!" horse: "hows it feel feel good doesn't it ready to race!" (gets on man, grab him from the hair and spanks him with rope while singing the horse racing theme)
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. ****About 33 drinks later**** Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence. Quagmire: Oh God. Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
Hotel Manager: And this is the bathroom, but watch out we got some bad roaches here. Red Roach: Hey, you're on our turf man! Green Roach: Hey man! I'll cut you, I'll cut you up so bad you, you gonna wish I no cut you so bad! Brian: Those are bad roaches. Manager: I blame the schools.
Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat. Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay? Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.
Peter: (narrating his own life) "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.) I woke several hours later in a daze."
And last, but not least, of course the infamous:
Stewie: How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? (voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off.
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