I'm not Robb, but he's in the room next to me so maybe I can help!
You're a Star Wars fan, so I understand wanting to go, but you need to really set your expectations. One - It could not open on time and you could miss it entirely. Two - It could open and you could not even get into the land and/or rides due to severe crowds. Three - You could get in, love it so much, but be miserable as it will be scary busy! Four - The rest of the park could be miserable due to the overflow crowds.
For hotels, if you know me, I ALWAYS recommend staying onsite...except...this is the one resort that I don't think you necessarily have to! There are some hotels that are closer and easier to deal with than the official ones! We usually stay on Harbor Blvd. (See my map below) Do some research on TripAdvisor and find a hotel you like. That being said, if I had a ton of money, I would stay at Grand Californian or the Disneyland Hotel, but I worry they will be crazy priced for you.
If your wife is a non coaster person and you want to keep her happy, choose Knott's over SFMM. It will keep your marriage alive. Also, it makes your trip MUCH easier as SFMM is almost 90 minutes away.
If you're driving from SoCal up to the Bay Area and want beauty, then you have to take the coast road(s) (1 or 101). I-5 (5 Freeway) is a whole lot of terrible nothing.
Hope this helps!