Sexual Orientation

[hollinwp]

I personally also love Drag Race, I don't know, I'm not a guy that anyone expects to watch it, but I'm fascinated by the transformation and how entertaining it can be. Season 5 is looking great so far and they have some great contestants!

[GayCoasterGuy]

I've seen it here and there, I love Ru Paul of course. I can't keep it on for too long though, they get so mean with each other. I have a feeling the producers egg that on for ratings.

[SuperShawn]

Not really a Ru Paul fan, but I did like his role in But I'm a Cheerleader

[bert425]

I've seen it here and there, I love Ru Paul of course. I can't keep it on for too long though, they get so mean with each other. I have a feeling the producers egg that on for ratings.

 

that's not the Producers, that's the queens themselves.

 

not sure if you've known any Drag "Superstars" / Performers personally, but I used to work door at a gay bar for several years, and maintained good friendships with several. . . the Drag persona is ALL about the drama.

 

(all that "throwing shade" and "telling the T"?. . . it's all an act).

 

I'd actually put money on the idea that the "feud" between Alyssa & Coco this season is all a gag they are pulling (staging it) to keep them both on the show as long as possible by offering the producers the promise of further drama. These two were friends for years, and they seem to be friendly here and there as well. . . .

 

so yeah. . .the "meanness" that you are seeing? it's ALL performance (as I said, I'd put money on it).

 

view the show with that in mind, and you can really enjoy it more

[grinch1313]

Not really a Ru Paul fan, but I did like his role in But I'm a Cheerleader

 

But I'm a Cheerleader is one of my favorite movies. Ru Paul was excellent in that, as was a majority of the cast.

[GayCoasterGuy]

I guess that's a good POV, it's all about the show. I've seen a few drag queens in fights, and frankly, I WANT them on my team!

[WFChris]

I really only like watching Drag Race during the last 20 minutes...the judges are hilarious!

 

I also think it's really great what she has done for gay entertainment. A show that allows ourselves as a culture to poke fun at ourselves while allowing and encouraging the straight world to do so as well really is genius and a vital step in making us 'just like everybody else.'

 

Not that I want to be just like everybody else (and marriage...for real? Can you imagine the shadiness that comes with gay divorce?!), but it is nice knowing the kids growing up in today's urban world are more accepted than in generations past.

[ArizonaGuy]

^^

I totally agree. I only like watching Drag Race when they're out on the runway showing off for the judges. All that bitchy crap in between has gotten really old. I guess the drama just comes along with the part.

[ArizonaGuy]

I was out dancing this past weekend actually and two guys pushed me out of their way on the dance floor because they simply did not want to walk around me or say excuse me.

 

That's what I hate about gay society today. I don't understand guys think being bitchy and rude is a part of being gay. If that be the case...I totally missed it. I moved from San Antonio to Phoenix a little over 7 years ago and the first thing that I noticed was that there is WAY too much attitude in this city than there needs to be. All my friends say that the attitude has trickled over from LA but quite honestly.....I've been out clubbing in West Hollywood and I've encountered much nicer people there than I have here in Phoenix.

 

I dunno...I think sometimes the bitches need to be gathered up for a nice little group slap.

 

*steps off soap box*

[GayCoasterGuy]

^I understand your frustration. There is a WHOLE lot of dysfunction in the gay community, on many levels. My theory is that is comes with the territory of being a minority. (Not a complaint/not being a victim/not true for ever one - always gotta add some sort of disclaimer).

[alilstronger]

^^ I could not agree with you more!!!!!!!!!!!! I accept everyone for who they are, but than again I was raised to be that way. Plus why cause stupid drama. "Typical" gay guys get on my nerves and they are the ones that give the rest of us the bad name.

[jynx242]

Maybe it is a part of just getting older, but I have absolutely not time for "bitchy-disco-queens." Frankly, I consider myself above that . Perhaps that is my "bitchyness" coming out though.

 

Anyone who has met me will know that I just don't roll like that. I can be catty, but it is always in fun and I don't sink to the level of being just nasty and mean. I've found that you can be fabulous, amazing, awesome or whatever you want to be by just being yourself and being NICE.

[GayCoasterGuy]

There is nothing worse than a (butch/macho/macho-acting or the worst "str8 acting") gay man complaining about a stereotypically "gay" (queeny, girly, etc.) man. Those "stereotype" types don't always chose their mannerisms, etc.

 

Much of that is pure internalized homophobia, which is rampant and accepted in our community, but rarely talked about.

 

If I have my complaints about gay men, it would be those^ and the ones who are constantly talking about how "HOT" so and so is and constantly dropping sexual innuendos. It's like their whole personality revolves around who they think is hoy, their own looks/body and sex. I call it "self/sex-centered." Of course, I realize it's par for the course (we are a minority) and a form of "acting-out." I forgive it (trust me, I'm not perfect either) but I tend to have a big mouth about that stuff b/c I feel it's important to talk about it. At the same time I always remind myself "we are all in this together." I'm not better than anyone else. (Of course, people do things that are wrong.)

 

I used to hear "I'm gay but I'm not a f*g" and it always bothered me. No one is better. I've had black friends say the same thing "I'm black but I'm no n****r." Judge people by their faults and wrong-doings? Ok. Judge someone by their mannerisms or voice? Not ok.

[alilstronger]

Maybe it is a part of just getting older, but I have absolutely not time for "bitchy-disco-queens." Frankly, I consider myself above that . Perhaps that is my "bitchyness" coming out though.

 

Anyone who has met me will know that I just don't roll like that. I can be catty, but it is always in fun and I don't sink to the level of being just nasty and mean. I've found that you can be fabulous, amazing, awesome or whatever you want to be by just being yourself and being NICE.

 

You are definitely not like that at all! You are awesome and fun!

[christianscoasters]

A lot of us do have internalized homophobia. The thing no one wants to say is that it is ALL our fault. I choose to rarely go to gay bars/clubs. And by rarely, I mean that I have been twice. Once because a family friend was in town and another time because a friend convinced me to go for my birthday even though I really didn't want to.

 

The thing that upsets me more than anything is that we want rights, but don't know how to get along with anyone in our community and we can't respect anyone's point of view except our own and that drives me nuts.

 

I've also done a little bit of research into this. I grew up in Kansas and it's pretty obvious that that isn't the most gay-friendly place. The very rural areas, there are plenty of gays, but it's the typical "I'm bi but don't date dudes" or "I'm married" or even "Omggg you're sooooo hottt we should get married someday what did you say your name was im so srry did I upset you I promise ill never do it again im so sorry ughhhh im so stupid If you hate me its okay but we can still be together right?" And yes, that last one, I've actually had that happen before.

 

I blame the media, mostly. It can be harmful to people of all orientations, but I believe that as a minority group, our media has a bigger impact on us. Think of it this way, mainstream television shows people of all sizes, races, nationalities, etc. In gay media, you have racial diversity and that's it. You see a bunch of hot, muscular, men which does NOT accurately reflect how real life is. When you have a person who grows up in a rural area and never meets a gay person face-to-face until they're an adult, the media will have a MUCH greater impact on them than if they grew up in a diverse, gay-friendly, urban area. If a gay person grows up seeing all these images, eventually it's going to get into their head that that is what gay life is all about. They have to act and look a certain way. I have met enough people to know that this is true. Also, when you're in a supportive environment, it's easier to accurately express everything about yourself (your interests, needs, wants, beliefs, emotions, everything) than if you were in a non-supportive environment and had to conform.

 

I was a victim of cyber bullying when I was in high school by a few of those infamous "gay cliques" we seem to not be able to get rid of. Let me tell you, to this day, not a day goes by where I don't think about the things I went through. Moving to a whole different state was part of the "healing" process for me. But this is part of the reason why I choose not to frequent bars/clubs. I still have a lot of fear that what happened to me a few years ago will once again transcend into my daily life. Whenever an issue about bullying comes up in the news or whenever I can be an activist for anti-bullying, I take part. When I hear about a suicide due to bullying, my heart breaks knowing that I was once in that point in my life but got a sliver of help that gave me just enough of a push to keep going. But it's hard for me to really do much because my bullying didn't come from homophobes. It came from gay people... It's kind of hard to explain that when talking about bullying of gay students.

 

It's my dream that once sexual minorities become more and more accepted by society, we'll begin to see a better gay community.

 

So my thoughts in this post are a bit scattered, but I got some stuff of my chest that can somewhat fit into this conversation.

[bert425]

^^ there are plenty of social groups/clubs (some of them BASED out of bars/clubs), that are welcoming of all -- so that caused me to do a double-take, as I disagree with your statement:

The thing that upsets me more than anything is that we want rights, but don't know how to get along with anyone in our community and we can't respect anyone's point of view except our own and that drives me nuts.

 

If you are going to a club/bar, and you are feeling that way, then you simply haven't found the right atmosphere that's a fit for you.

 

For certain there is a neighborhood bar, watering hole, or social club that is a good fit for you. . where you feel like "Cheers". . you walk in, and it's a community.

 

they exist. You just need to find them.

 

I know I bring up age a lot (as in I say to posters. . "you're young"). . but it's true.

 

trust us old farts

 

if the club isn't comfortable, it means it's not the right one for you. . but there is TONS of love and acceptance (and tolerance of all quirks) out there. . you just gotta keep looking until you find it!

 

(((hugs)))

[alilstronger]

^^ I can relate to that.

 

I am different though. There is no hiding I go out dancing A LOT. I simply LOVE to dance. I just ignore all the cliques. If I see someone talking about me I will walk up to them and ask them what they said or what about me is making them talk about me. Usually they are caught so off guard they just walk away and giggle with their "friends". To me going out is fun and I get to release so much stress! I guess I am different and can just ignore all the animosity and hatred.

[bert425]

^^ I can relate to that.

 

I am different though. There is no hiding I go out dancing A LOT. I simply LOVE to dance. I just ignore all the cliques. If I see someone talking about me I will walk up to them and ask them what they said or what about me is making them talk about me. Usually they are caught so off guard they just walk away and giggle with their "friends". To me going out is fun and I get to release so much stress! I guess I am different and can just ignore all the animosity and hatred.

 

 

LOL. .you're like my twin!

 

I rarely go out clubbing these days, but when I was in my 20's we used to go to the local "preppy" bar -- where me, with my big purple mohawk and tattoos fit RIGHT in lemme tell ya ) -- but I loved to dance. . so I would go out on the dance floor and dance.

 

Just me and a friend, or just me by myself, and ignore everyone else. It made for a fun night, and we didn't engage any of the drama (we weren't there to meet anyone, we just wanted to enjoy the music).

 

after a night of dancing, we then would go to our local "dive" bar -- which technically wasn't a gay bar, but EVERYONE hung out there, and we would spend the remainder of the evening doing shots with our bartender friends, the drag queens, the lesbians, and anyone else who happened to be in the bar. . all were welcome.

 

and those are some of my happiest memories

[GayCoasterGuy]

The thing that upsets me more than anything is that we want rights, but don't know how to get along with anyone in our community and we can't respect anyone's point of view except our own and that drives me nuts.

 

I agree with that! I would just add that "we" doesn't include all of us, but I totally understand what you're saying.

[darklingscribe]

Even though I've only been out for a couple of months I have always tried to be nice and as accepting as I can be to everyone.

 

I know that religion is a dirty word to some people, but that doesn't mean that some of the better ideas from religious texts should be ignored. The golden rule is still one of the best mottos to live by. "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself"

[GayCoasterGuy]

Religion has lots of good stuff Many people get turned off by religion because it's pushed on them or used against them in some way.

[alilstronger]

Religion has lots of good stuff Many people get turned off by religion because it's pushed on them or used against them in some way.

 

I could not agree more!

[no_brain_er]

There wasn't really an option for me on the poll, because I fall under gray-asexual. As in, I experience zero to little sexual attraction and basically no sex drive. It seems strange to most people, but I just don't see people in terms of how sexually attractive they are.

 

It took me a while to figure it all out, though. After having no real interest in women (thought I was gay for a while), but then realizing I don't really take interest in men either, I was very confused. Then I met a friend this past year who identifies as asexual, and she told me about gray-asexuality, which I had never heard of at the time, and it made a lot of sense to me.

[darklingscribe]

^ I never heard of that before, but now that I think about it think I have some of that. When I feel attracted to someone the feeling isn't very strong and it can be sporadic. I've always been confused by my own sexual orientation which is why it took me so long to come out.

[GayCoasterGuy]

^^There is plenty of room for you, no matter what your situation, orientation, etc. Don't let anyone ever tell you different!