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Post your favorite your mom jokes!


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Your mama's so old, she was there when Moses parted the red sea. She was on the other side fishing.

Your mama's so old, she was there when Jesus walked on water and said it's gotta be the shoes.

Your mama's so dumb she tried to sign up for the old navy.

Your mama's so short, when she sits on a curb her feet swing.

Your mama's house is so small, the welcome mat just says "well"

Your mama's house is so small, the front and back door are on the same hinge.

Your mama's so fat, she can't wear a Malcom X jackeet because helicopters keep trying to land on her.

 

From the Robot Chicken Star Wars special:

Your mama's so dumb, she kept saying are not to R2.

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In Scotland we say "YER MUM"

or, more classically, "YER MAW"

 

E.G: "Yer maw's vag is a bucket"

or

 

"By the way, Yer Mum says good morning"

 

or

 

"Ask me why I am so fat"

"Why are you so fat?"

"Cuz Yer Mum feeds me a biscuit every time we have sex"

 

OCH AYE YER MAW!!!!!!!!

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  • 6 months later...
  • 3 years later...

I love the Harry Potter-themed ones.

 

Yo mommas so fat her Patronus is a cake.

 

Yo mommas so fat/stupid she brought syrup to a Quidditch game because she heard there would be Quaffles.

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  • 3 months later...

"Yo mama's so fat, she has more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!"

 

"Yo mama's so ugly, she walked out of a haunted house with a paycheck!"

 

"Yo mama is so fat, when she steps on the scale:

A - ..she says, 'Hey, that's my phone number!'"

B - ..it says 'TO BE CONTINUED"!"

C - ..it says 'ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE'!"

 

"Yo mama is so ugly, she made an onion cry!"

 

"Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on Walmart, she lowers the prices!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

yo mommas like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, she blows than gets laid in the closet.

 

Yo momma has 3 fingers and a banjo.

 

Yo mama is so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack

 

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

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I love the Harry Potter-themed ones.

 

Yo mommas so fat her Patronus is a cake.

 

Yo mommas so fat/stupid she brought syrup to a Quidditch game because she heard there would be Quaffles.

 

Agreed.

 

Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.

Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.

Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.

Yo mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her.

Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.

Ya mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

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