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We are interrupting this program for an alert from the National Weather Service. Doppler Radar has confirmed oversized raindrops falling near Des Moines, Iowa.




We are interrupting this program for an alert from the National Weather Service. Doppler Radar has confirmed oversized raindrops falling near Des Moines, Iowa.


Residents of this area should expect a heavier than normal usage of Bounty Paper Towels (The Quicker Picker Upper).


This alert will expire at 4:00 a.m. Central Time.


We now return you to your local programming . . .

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ACErland! Everything at ACErland is over sized to accommodate guests of exceptional blubberiness. ACErland features world-class attractions such as Buffet Bonanza, a darkride that awards the winner with a ticket to the park's 24/7 all-you-can-eat ACE-style buffet! Other rides include the Gravytron, a B&M Dive Machine with over sized seats that has a gravy splashdown effect at the end. There are also plenty of fun games to play, like...

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Disable the Modem Speaker, the newest carnie game from your friends at Vekoma! There are 8 possible ways to play Disable the Modem Speaker.


#1: Hardware Solution

Open the modem with a screwdriver or can opener. Cut one wire going to the loudspeaker. Reassemble modem with remaining screws or duct tape (whichever is more convenient).


#2: Software Solution

(RTFM) the printed manual and select several pages of technobabble to sacrifice. Rip out these pages and shove into the modem speaker. Wrap with duct tape.


#3: Hacker Solution

Find ice pick. Stab speaker until dead. Note: This may void your warranty.


#4: MSDOS/Windoze Solution

It's a feature, not a bug. The noise is there for your own good. We know what's good for you. This feature will be fixed in the next release.


#5: Apple/Macintosh Solution

If it should be fixed, we will fix it. You don't need to how or why. Now just relax, that's good, now all together, "oooohhhhmmm, oooohhhhmmm"


#6: Kid's Solution

Position modem with speaker facing upward. Pour pancake syrup into speaker. This will greatly reduce the high frequency response of the speaker thus attenuating the sound.


#7: Environmental Group Solution

Call the modem manufacturer and demand that they supply you with a modem that defaults with the speaker turned off. If they refuse, sue them for noise pollution.


#8: Dealer Solution

What you need is the new Fire-Belcher 2000 whiz bang modem with the built in speaker phone and voice command recognition. Just yell at the modem and the speaker will turn off.


Winners will receive...

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  • 2 weeks later...

went off to scare Robb. Robb screamed really loud, waking him up from the dream he was having. He realized that everything that happened in the past 116 pages was all just a dream. So then he and Elissa went to Knott's with Derek. They rode Xcelerator. The ride broke down...

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  • 2 months later...

as in a little while later, there was an earthquake, Intamins survived but Togo's were reduced to piles of scrap. Any surviving Togo's in other parts of the world were brought together into a new park in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba where the inmates of Camp X-ray were free to enjoy them. Osama Bin Laden was caught in a matter of an hour after the park opened, as compulsory ERT seemed to loosen lips. And then...

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