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Photo TR: Canobie Coaster's 2017 US Adventures


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Nice report man! I am glad to see the water park expanded to have some nice modern waterslides. I only have been once, when Excalibur was new, I remember buying a piece of wood from its construction for $4.00, it has a little plaque on it. Excalibur is seriously an amazing ride, seldom talked about but a great coaster in a beautiful setting, I am glad to hear it has aged well: time to go back!

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Palace Playland will be around as long as Hampton Beach continues to get worse and worse, as Old Orchard Beach has traditionally been Hampton Beach-lite to begin with and is starting to attract the people who don't want to pay $40 to park on someone's lawn for a tiny little strip of beach where they can step on dirty needles and watch trashy NH couples make out and get into drunken screaming matches. It's not glamorous and it does indeed feel like a traveling carnival, but I don't see it going away any time soon.

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When we drove through Hampton Beach (I-95 was so bad that this was faster), I couldn't believe how trashy it looked. The tone was set when I saw a sign advertising nude women combined with a still standing storefront of an Ames.

 

I'm just worried Palace Playland will turn into condos like many other seaside parks have.

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Nah, Portsmouth is a far more attractive draw to developers who want to plunk down luxury condos with obnoxious gastropubs with chalkboard menus where a waiter with a beard and a gelled quiff will sell you $16 appetizers. I just don't see them putting Old Orchard Beach on their radar any time soon.

 

Also, that was probably Lafayette Road in Seabrook that you drove through (judging by the abandoned Ames), and I assure you that that's a very accurate impression of that town. It's basically 1A and Lafayette plus a bunch of trailer parks, and both of those roads are a mix of chains, run-down strip malls with facades that haven't been updated since 1996, townie dive bars and disgusting family restaurants, fireworks stores, and porn stores.

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I've been to the real Hampton Beach once but that was years ago. I just remember thinking how small the sand area was compared to Nantasket and wondering why anyone from Mass would vacation up there.

 

Yes it was route 1A.

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I was under the impression that everyone in MA either went down to the Cape or up to the Lakes Region and/or the White Mountains for vacation, though it also seems like the Cape is one of the de facto NH vacation spots as well. Old Orchard Beach has always kinda been one as well, but it used to mostly cater to Quebecois coming down from Sherbrooke, Trois-Rivieres, and QC.

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Wowwie! Great pictures! I absolutely love Funtown Splashtown USA! I'm not too into water parks but I think they have a GREAT waterpark! Excalibur, Wild Mouse, and Dragon's Descent are all great thrill rides. And I really love their family ride selection! I love both of the antique cars, the log flume, the dodgem cars, and I really like their tea cups. Funtown is a very charming family owned park.

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I approve of Funtown's choice of "Fire on High" for their scrambler.

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Absolutely. It sure beats the pop songs used on Canobie and Great Escape's indoor scramblers.

Hey now. Not that I disagree with you because "Fire on High" is amazing, especially with the projections, but when I hit both parks a few months back, I got Darude's "Sandstorm" on both the Funtown thunderbolt and the Canobie scrambler in the same day. Epic both times. (If you're into that sort of thing, anyway.)

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Absolutely. It sure beats the pop songs used on Canobie and Great Escape's indoor scramblers.

Hey now. Not that I disagree with you because "Fire on High" is amazing, especially with the projections, but when I hit both parks a few months back, I got Darude's "Sandstorm" on both the Funtown thunderbolt and the Canobie scrambler in the same day. Epic both times. (If you're into that sort of thing, anyway.)

 

Sandstorm would be perfect for an indoor scrambler or himalaya.

 

I think the last time I rode Great Escape's Blizzard I got Britney Spears. That was, well

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Absolutely. It sure beats the pop songs used on Canobie and Great Escape's indoor scramblers.

Hey now. Not that I disagree with you because "Fire on High" is amazing, especially with the projections, but when I hit both parks a few months back, I got Darude's "Sandstorm" on both the Funtown thunderbolt and the Canobie scrambler in the same day. Epic both times. (If you're into that sort of thing, anyway.)

 

Sandstorm would be perfect for an indoor scrambler or himalaya.

 

I think the last time I rode Great Escape's Blizzard I got Britney Spears. That was, well

 

How dare you!

 

Britney Spears is my Queen!

 

Given the chance, I would go box frenzy on that for days!

 

Guy "You cut me deep with your hatred." Koepp

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Adult Night at the Boston's Children's Museum

 

Ok this update isn't of an amusement park. It's not even of a FEC. It's of the Boston's Children's Museum. I've done some things without kids like going to Story Land or Sesame Place that draw weird looks from everyone, but this would have definitely drawn red flags. However, every so often they offer an adult night. I finally attended and it was glorious. No screaming kids. Only 20-something year olds double fisting beers having the time of their lives in a museum designed for 4-7 year olds.

 

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The museum has a great location on the water.

Upon entering the museum, you are greeted by a massive 3 story climbing maze that connects the bottom level to the top level. I believe I have seen something like this in the St. Louis City Museum TRs, but this one may be even harder since it's designed exclusively for kids. I'm a pretty skinny guy and I had a really hard time fitting through. I even saw a few poor souls get stuck and have to back out like a Mack truck.

 

But the highlight was seeing someone treat it like an army obstacle course. A macho man with a buzz cut waited for the maze to clear out and then went blitzkrieg the whole way through. Everyone clapped and cheered him on as he pulled himself through the tiny crevices at the end. He was sweating buckets open entering. Instead of being doused by a Gatorade bath, his entourage was waiting for him with beer.

 

And as a side note, the cruel structure actually has several dead ends along the way. So not only do you have to really squeeze through, but if you go the wrong way you have to climb back down and contort unnaturally to head in another direction.

 

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Why take the stairs when there's a climbing maze?

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It was pretty long and had several dead ends.

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Hope you're ready to squeeze since this was made for kids.

They also had a ripoff of Legoland's Kid Power Tower. After strapping yourself in (or not like I saw many do), you can hoist yourself up a grand total of 5 feet learning about the power of the pulley.

 

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Can you lift yourself 5 feet off the ground?

There was also jumbo bowling if you couldn't support half your weight. We skipped this activity since it had a sizable line, but basically you lugged a giant inflatable ball down a hallway and tried to knock over as many pins as possible.

 

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This was a slightly less impressive feat of strength.

If you're more into cardio than strength training, the Children's Museum has you covered with the most dangerous game of dancing dodge tag. 6-8 people step on the board. The music starts. And then it's a drunken frenzy to avoid the glowing light of doom on the floor. I say the game was dangerous since the board was covered in beer. For some reason, I have a feeling that isn't a problem on most days.

 

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Beware of that evil orange light. If it touches you, you're out.

Don't worry, this update isn't entirely without a roller coaster. The museum also has a "Gravity Room" with jumbo sized marble runs. You could send your balls down a 15ft tall roller coaster complete with parabolic airtime hills. Most people had too little speed and valleyed. A few were successful. I sent my ball down the hill like an Arrow launched loop and subjected my ball to a little too much ejector air (I may or may not have hit someone in the back of the leg, oops...).

 

They also had one of those spiral things you see at malls, except instead of donating 25 cents you could use jumbo marbles. They also had a ski jump and loop-the-loop game that turned into pseudo beer pong. You would send your marble down a ramp and off a jump trying to make it land in the buckets at the bottom.

 

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Is this Dorney's Laser?

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Grab a marble and send it down this course. Most valleyed, few made it to the end with the grace of a B&M hyper, but I gave my marbles a little too much ejector air.

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This turned into adult beer pong on this night.

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So this is why everyone calls them loop the loops. Training kids from the start.

The top floor is themed to diversity. If you are easily offended, please stop reading this report.

 

They have a full scale Spanish-themed supermarket. I haven't spent too much time in Spanish themed supermarkets (Market Basket all the way), but this had some interesting items such as Cock Flavored (yes you read that right) seasoning and African phone cards. But in all seriousness, cock flavored seasoning! The exhibit was pretty well set-up though and I could see kids having a grand old time in there. It kind of looked like the Kidzania things I've seen overseas.

 

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Still better quality produce than Walmart.

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Wait, what is that on the bottom shelf?

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I need some cock flavoring! I'm guessing it may be salty.

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Hello Africa.

Up next was the Boston Black area, a section dedicated to the African Americans in Boston. They had a David Ortiz photo opportunity and an interactive computer game. While the latter was supposed to be educational, we found it absolutely hysterical. Boston is considered one of the most racist cities in America and I feel like this game didn't help our cause one bit.

 

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Hello Big Papi.

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Is this a trap?

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I'm sorry but I found this game hysterical.

They also had the John Smith Barber Shop where you could get all sorts of exotic haircuts (except not really).

 

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Such a white name.

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So many exotic haircuts.

All night they had a dance floor open with a DJ. We spent our night exploring the museum, but after the exhibits closed we heard what was playing and absolutely died laughing. They were playing none other than I Want it that Way. All the 90s kids were fist pumping and dancing to the Backstreet Boys. That was really the perfect way to end the night.

 

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Dance music? Nope. How about Backstreet Boys.

If you have kids, the Boston's Children's Museum is a must. If you have an inner kid in you, the Adult Night at the Boston's Children's Museum is a must. The museum is 3 floors of interactive exhibits and had shades of the City Museum mixed with a science museum.

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Absolutely. It sure beats the pop songs used on Canobie and Great Escape's indoor scramblers.

Hey now. Not that I disagree with you because "Fire on High" is amazing, especially with the projections, but when I hit both parks a few months back, I got Darude's "Sandstorm" on both the Funtown thunderbolt and the Canobie scrambler in the same day. Epic both times. (If you're into that sort of thing, anyway.)

 

Sandstorm would be perfect for an indoor scrambler or himalaya.

 

I think the last time I rode Great Escape's Blizzard I got Britney Spears. That was, well

 

How dare you!

 

Britney Spears is my Queen!

 

Given the chance, I would go box frenzy on that for days!

 

Guy "You cut me deep with your hatred." Koepp

 

To each their own. She isn't someone who will get me fired up for a ride.

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I think the last time I rode Great Escape's Blizzard I got Britney Spears. That was, well

 

How dare you!

 

Britney Spears is my Queen!

 

Given the chance, I would go box frenzy on that for days!

 

Guy "You cut me deep with your hatred." Koepp

 

To each their own. She isn't someone who will get me fired up for a ride.

 

This feels like a

discussion.
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Boston Children's Museum looks pretty great. We've been to a number of children's museums, so some of the exhibits are somewhat familiar. Oklahoma City has a roller coaster marble thing like that, and we had so much fun with it.

 

Keep this up! Love seeing cool places like these that are very far from me.

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I approve of Funtown's choice of "Fire on High" for their scrambler.

It was a sad day when Seabreeze removed their Gyrosphere, though they had stopped playing "Fire on High" several seasons before it closed.

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