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Ape seems cool. I'm always less hesitant to meet TPR members who are married and/or have kids since they at some point convinced someone to sleep with them and they occasionally have to think about things besides coasters.


As time goes by I find myself agreeing with coasterbill more and more with his words of wisdom like this. This probably means a future visit to a mental health professional or some real heavy drinking for me.

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I had to go back and re-read the paragraph about Nitro's train crossing the camelback while you were up the lift. Pretty unprecedented, can't remember ever seeing that happen.


A little bit surprised you didn't catch herpes via osmosis just from the proximity of that f*cktub. Here's hoping I never get such an upgrade cause that would, um, make things a bit awkward when I'm on a road trip with the kids...

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  • 1 month later...

Alright everyone! It's taken me awhile to get to this trip report because quite honestly it's going to be the most difficult trip report I've ever had to write. Generally trip reports are a ton of work and take me forever, but in most cases they sort of come together because I have a pretty good recollection of how the day went even if it takes months to get to writing a report and when you start going through the pictures it helps jog your memory even more. Unfortunately writing a trip report for our day in Wildwood is going to be tricky because I wasn't even there.


I mean... okay, technically I was there. The pictures make it look like I was there, and it looks like I was having a spec-f*cking-tacular time but I don't remember sh*t.


I'm not sure if you've ever seen the Hangover movies but I just want to give a quick shout-out to those helpful "how-to" films as they've really been instrumental in helping me with this report. As everyone who's ever seen those movies knows, when you wake up the first thing you need to do is search for clues and have a collaboration session to try and piece everything together. I had one of those with Boldikus a few weeks ago and I've gone through the photos in my phone and I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened. Unlike the movies, I don't have any hospital bracelets, $800 Bellagio receipts or teeth in my pocket so the photos are all I have to go on.


Our day started out innocently enough, we got into town around 9:00 and decided to hit the boardwalk in search of breakfast. We walked for quite awhile but eventually settled on Hot Spot. It wasn't really our first choice since Boldikus has told us countless times that the place was awful but it was the only place where you could sit out near the beach and look at the ocean and I figured it would be damn near impossible to f*ck up French toast so we went for it.



Honestly, it was a nice breakfast. I'm sure their regular food is probably greasy sh*t but you can't really screw up French toast and Pancakes and it's a decent place to sit so I approve and I'd probably go back for breakfast. Basically I just took this picture so I could text it to Boldikus and watch him talk sh*t. Any place with a Vekoma Boomerang on the menu is probably top klass though,

After Hot Spot we were still waiting on everyone else to show up (Boldikus and Dawn were driving in from Philly and ytterbiumanalyst was whoring Seaside and Ocean City) so we decided to kill a little more time and hit up the shady aquarium.


I'd actually checked out the tripadvisor reviews for this place figuring Brit would want to go there and they were pretty good. The price point is reasonable for it's size and we figured we didn't have much to lose so we went for it.


We spend a lot of time visiting normal accredited zoos and aquariums so this little sh*thole was definitely a bit unusual. It started out pretty cool with a nice little eel tank and a nice touch pool with a few small rays in it. It was clear that the place was pretty small but so far there was nothing too out of the ordinary. It just sort of felt like the Aquarium section of a Wal Mart only with cooler animals and a cover charge.



This place is... "EEL-y" f*cked up. Get it? Get it?

We were already getting a weird vibe, but once we passed the touch pool and the eels we were greeted with a piranha tank. It seemed pretty standard at first but on top of it there was a little footstool and a funnel thing. A few seconds later we would find out why, as apparently the aquarium charges people 3 bucks for poor f*cker goldfish that they put it in a cup and then dump into the tank full of bloodthirsty piranhas. Brit was appalled by this, and even more appalled when I asked if she had 3 singles on her since I only has 20s.


Lucky for us there was another kid in front of us who was also a sadistic f*ck and had purchased a ton of goldfish.


This one was eaten whole, but a lot of times they were absolutely ripped to shreds. I thought it was hilarious but Brit thought it was terrible so we moved on from that pretty quick...


Beyond that there were a few more tanks with various fish and reptiles and then in the back the aquarium had a pretty impressive shark tank with some decent size nurse sharks swimming around.



This picture is ridiculously blue, but after last year's Wildwood report featuring a sh*t ton of photos Boldikus took with a blue filter I figured it wouldn't be a proper Wildwood report without an appropriate level of blue-ness.

The aquarium was tiny, but it was impressive how much they were able to cram in there. Beyond the nurse sharks they had a few more animals including some more fish, turtles, Coatimundis, snakes and even some gators.



I didn't bother waiting around to see if you could buy something to throw in the gator enclosure, knowing this place you probably f*cking could though, lol.

After dicking around in the gift shop for a bit we got a text from Boldikus that he had reached the house so we decided to head back and have a few drinks on the porch. It was about a mile walk from the aquarium, but it was a nice day and a good chunk of that would be spent walking the boardwalk so we didn't mind one bit.



I think this is a pretty tasteful accessory to be honest but Brit wasn't feeling this place at all and didn't want to buy anything in the gift shop despite how highly fashionable this gator head was. Damn...

About 20 minutes later we were back at the car and decided to move it closer to the house since it would be a solid 24 hours before we'd be in any condition to drive it... that turned out to be a good move. We pulled up near the house, got a case of beer out of the trunk and headed to the porch to get this party started.


We spent the next few hours hanging out at the house, shooting the sh*t and drinking the day away. At one point they decided to hit up the local dive bar for a few drinks so we all headed over there for a change of pace.




We'd been hearing about this place for awhile and it definitely lived up to it's dive bar reputation. I think there was some sort of inflatable thing on the pool table but by that point things were already getting a little hazy, the only thing I really cared about was that they made some excellent orange crushes so we downed a few of those before we decided to switch things up and go back to the porch to drink some more.



This floor mat has excellent taste. PS: I don't remember taking this picture at all, but I was clearly pretty trashed because if I were sober I absolutely wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to rearrange those letters on the dryer into something that would have made this picture 10 times better. What a waste...

After a few hours and about 12-"ish" drinks we decided it was time to try something different and head over to the boardwalk. After all there were 3 awesome amusement piers and an entire boardwalk over there and so far we had spent the majority of the day drinking on the porch. That seemed like a bit of a waste, so thankfully we decided to head over to the boardwalk and go to a bar with a nice view of all of that stuff so we could look at them while we drank some more.



Riding the tram car! Watch...Watch... Watch the Alcoholics Please! PS: Hey look, a coaster in the background! For all of you wondering if this coaster trip report would include coasters... you're welcome!

After having another 2 drinks, we finally decided it was time to hit the pier. I think ytterbiumanalyst met us at this bar, but I don't f*cking know. Full discolsure: I'm reading his trip report right now to see what order we rode things in because I don't remember anything.


Lucky for us, Boldikus, Dawn and I had won free wristbands last year during the buried treasure promotion and Boldikus had a season pass this year so he was nice enough to give Brit the coupon and we all rode for free. Brit didn't win anything despite her trying twice a day for over a week because Morey's clearly hates her. Poor Brit.


Anyway, according to ytterbiumanalyst's report we started out at Great Nor’Easter. I was definitely pretty excited to try this one out as it's been getting rave reviews since the re-tracking. Brit sat this one out since she hated it last year and didn't trust it at all and Dawn was reluctant to ride it but after some convincing the 4 of us headed over and decided to take a ride.



Please don't suck, please don't suck, please don't suck

The ride definitely got mixed reviews from our group. I loved it, Boldikus loved it, ytterbiumanalyst loved it and Dawn thought it should be buried underground in the fiery pits of hell and then the earth should be salted where they dug the hole so nothing could ever grow there. To be fair, I don't think that description completely sums up Dawn's hatred for this ride but it's the best I could do. Personally, I give it a thumbs up... but I was also trashed. I like everything when I'm trashed. Don't listen to me.


Anyway, after flying the Great Nor’Easter (or the sh*t Nor’Easter depending on who you talk to), we decided to hit up AtmosFEAR. I don't remember riding it but I'll just go ahead and say it was awesome. It's a Larson. I'm sure I liked it. I like everything Larson makes... the drop towers aren't quite as good as their coasters but they're still great.


Our next stop was apparently the amazing log flume which I probably pressured everyone into riding. It was probably awesome. I don't know. Then we went over to "It". I thought the ride was awesome but apparently it broke down halfway through the ride cycle and we slowly swung to a stop. I'm so used to riding that piece of crap at Dorney that I didn't even notice it wasn't supposed to do that. Even though the ride broke and didn't spin much it was still better than the dumpster fire at Dorney. Unfortunately our proper ride on "it" would have to wait until later because we broke "it" and "it" couldn't handle us.


After riding "it" we decided "it" was time to go to the bar and get l-"it" because "it" was the weekend so f*ck "it". Okay... those last few don't even make sense. Sorry, I'll try to stop "it".



Back at the bar!

After a few more drinks Boldikus and Dawn decided to head back to the house and let the dog out while Brit and I accompanied ytterbiumanalyst on his quest for crappy credits. I'll be honest, with as much as we had to drink I sort of figured that was the last we'd see of Boldikus and Dawn that day and we sort of cut ourselves off so ytterbiumanalyst's first trip to Wildwood didn't include him carrying us down the boardwalk (though that would have been the most epic trip report of all time).


After closing out our tab we decided to hit the other two coasters on the pier. As you may remember from my previous report, I'm not the biggest fan of Doo Wooper and that certainty didn't change after this visit. I'm way too tall for the thing so I barely fit and it made for a really uncomfortable ride. Luckily the painful riding position did make an otherwise awful wild mouse somewhat more interesting. This ride sucks.


Luckily our next stop was a much better coaster, Flitzer! Flitzer is awesome. I mean... it's not, it's a piece of crap. But it's a super fun piece of crap and it's a really smooth and enjoyable ride. It's general crappiness gives it character.



ytterbiumanalyst and Brit are getting ready for a good flitzin'

I love this thing. I want one in my back yard. I'll put it right next to Downdraft at Knoebels (which I also want in my back yard).



Oh yeah... somebody's feeling good.

After getting our flitzin' fixin' we decided it was time to head over to Mariner's pier. Apparently we got a slice of Mack's pizza on the way. I don't remember doing that, but there's a picture on my phone of me holding a slide of Mack's like an idiot between the pictures of Surfside and the pictures of Mariners, so I guess it must have happened. There was also a picture of the "Grab a Wiener" hot dog place on there that I don't remember taking because I'm a child.



Best pizza in Wildwood! After eating at a grand total of 3 pizza places in Wildwood I feel completely qualified to make that bold statement.

When we arrived at Mariner's we figured we should get Rollie's coaster out of the way first since it sucks. Previously I would have declared this the worst coaster in Wildwood (since they fixed Nor’Easter) but I feel like when I do that Doo Wooper gets jealous and tries to find a way to out-suck it so I won't stir the pot. Honestly, the ride is fine. It's not really that bad, it's just not really any good either and I can't for the life of my understand why it has over the shoulder restraints. This ride is just confusing...



In all it's glory...

After riding piece of crap, we decided to head over to Sea Serpent. Honestly, I really like this thing. Boomerangs are sort of hit-or-miss for me. I like some of them quite a bit and I actually find the ride experience pretty cool and forceful if the ride doesn't beat you half to death but some of them are just rough pieces of crap. Thankfully Sea Serpent is definitely one of the better Boomerangs and I'll never pass up an opportunity to take it for a spin. Not only is it a really smooth ride, but I love the way they built it into a bunch of gift shops and over a bathroom. It's an amazing use of space.



It may not be a popular opinion in the enthusiast community, but I really enjoy this thing!

When we got off the ride I decided to check my phone and saw a text I never thought I'd see. Boldikus and Dawn were somehow NOT passed out at the house and they were on their way to meet us for some more rides. Damn, those guys are pros. I contemplated popping in a gift shop so I could buy them each a trophy for making it back to the boardwalk (it would have been well earned, they honestly drank even more than I did and I was probably up at about 15 drinks) but instead we decided to ride the weird ass pirate ship monorail thing while we waited. Unfortunately it was down, so instead we rode the sh*tty seagull cycles which are basically the same thing only they require you to pedal the seagulls around the track and it's actually quite a bit of work. I didn't see any rules about bumping, but much to my dismay the ride vehicles wouldn't allow us to slam unto ytterbiumanalyst's seagull which would have been the ride's only redeeming quality. Oh well...


When we got off the crappy seagull ride we met up with Boldikus and Dawn and decided to make our way over to ghost ship. As always, it was awesome. I love Ghost ship and wish more parks would have a year-round haunt style attraction like this. It's a surprisingly long attraction and it's packed with plenty of scares. Ghost ship is an absolute home run.



The piers definitely started to get a lot more crowded later in the day.

Next up was the park's floating acid trip... Pirates of Wildwood! This thing is truly a psychedelic, knockoff Pirates of the Caribbean LSD commercial complete with a scare-actor that's highly unmotivated to give a sh*t... probably because just working in this thing gives you a contact high since I'm pretty sure the boats are floating in a trough full of bong water.


Honestly, if you haven't ridden Pirates of Wildwood, nothing can prepare you for Pirates of Wildwood (well... except perhaps heavy drugs). If you have ridden Pirates of Wildwood, then no further description is needed. You're part of an exclusive club now. You understand.


Everything started out normal (well... as "normal" as anything involving Pirates of Wildwood can be) but once Boldikus and Dawn started hippy tripping down the bong river of Pirates of Wildwood and our boat pulled up behind theirs I was informed by the ride op that there were no single riders so one of us would have to ride twice. I drew the short straw and rode once with ytterbiumanalyst' and then once again with Brit... awkwardly riding from the unload platform to the load platform which took a good 5 minutes. The queue runs within about 2 feet of this, so after getting a few awkward stares one kid finally got really curious as to what the hell I was doing and asked me if I worked there.


Yeah kid... I work here. This is what I do all day. Whenever I'm not working I ride this and listen to the Grateful Dead on my ipod and ride this ride over and over and over again without getting off until it's time to fly home to Honalee on my magical weed dragon. You caught me. Pirates of Wildwood is the best, suck it Disney.



This place is amazing at night

After our magical journey to Destination: WTF, we figured it was time to head down to the Adventure Pier. We started out with a few rides on Great White. I thought the ride was awesome, but Boldikus and Dawn (who are more seasoned Great White riders) said that it was sort of sluggish so we decided to come back later when they added the good train and the ride warmed up a little. We hit the Screaming Swing next which is always a good time and after failing to convince everyone to ride the Skyscraper we decided to head back up the boardwalk to get some pizza.



I snagged this picture on Adventure Pier so that I'd have a cool picture to go along with the trip report about how we rode the Skyscraper and how it was awesome but it turns out that won't be necessary because apparently I was with a bunch of b*tches that day and everyone wimped out. LOL jk

After stopping at Mack's for some much needed pizza, caffeine and air conditioning we headed up to Surfside which I really consider to be the star pier of Wildwood. Not only is it absolutely amazing at night, but it's home to the 2 best rides in Wildwood with "it" and Zoom Phloom. We hit both of them (and finally got a proper cycle on "it", OMFG this thing is awesome) and I snapped a picture of "it" to post on Facebook and earn myself a ton of angry reactions and text messages from concerned family members who made us promise we wouldn't ride anything like the ride at the Ohio State Fair. Oh well, they'll get over "it".



So awesome!

After "it" and the flume we walked around a little more, checking out some gift shops, enjoying the boardwalk atmosphere and hitting some random rides along the way. At one point we decided to ride Dante's Dungeon which is always a bunch of fun. It's no Pirates of Wildwood, but it's definitely a perfect, cheesy boardwalk dark ride. We rode it last year and I didn't remember much about it for some reason but I definitely left with a pretty favorable opinion of it this year.



I love this ride's facade.

At that point it was getting pretty late so we figured we'd start making our way down the boardwalk so we could end our night at Great White. Along the way we popped into some really cool candy store with a really cool selection of stuff, hit the arcade played some of the claw machines and and I'm pretty sure we popped into a few other places too. Honestly you could spend a week walking this boardwalk and still miss things. It's really a tourist trap paradise. I love it.



Wildwood really comes alive at night!

As we made our way up to Great White, I couldn't help but notice that the swings had finally opened up on Mariner's pier after being closed for most of the day. I'm not normally big on swing rides but this one is up on a raised platform right on the beach which really makes it stand out from the rest. It was definitely a sleeper hit for me last year so I was pretty happy it opened up and and I got to ride it again. Once again, it was a great ride.



You really can't beat Morey's at night.

After the swings we went down to the Adventure Pier for a few more rides on Great White right at closing. While I enjoyed my ride earlier, it was absolutely flying at night and we were treated to some pretty insane rides. Great White is a ridiculously underrated coaster and while it won't make any top 10 lists it's really the complete package and it's a tremendous ride.


The location and view from the lift hill is breathtaking, the ride features a ton of insane laterals, it has some great pops of air and it perfectly walks that fine line of being aggressive without being rough. It seems like a coaster that's way too good to be sitting at a boardwalk on the Jersey shore, but then again Wildwood in general seems to be a major step up from the other Jersey shore boardwalks.


Those amazing night rides on Great White followed by an obnoxiously huge waffle cone from Kohr Bros were a great way to end a great day. It was great meeting up with ytterbiumanalyst and it's always a blast hanging with Boldikus and Dawn. Hopefully we didn't scare ytterbiumanalyst with our drunken shenanigans. Even for me that was a pretty impressive amount of booze.



I totally stole this picture from ytterbiumanalyst because my phone was dead at the end of the night. You should really check out his report here if you haven't already.


Up next: Steel Pier, Margaritaville, Hydrus and Keansburg!

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I love this report. Mostly because of the way you describe it but also because it helps me to remember this day. I honestly can't believe we made it back after feeding the dog (for those wondering, we were staying at my folks who went out of town and trusted us to feed the dog, so as smashed as we were I *had* to go home to take care of that). Honestly the entire walk to the house and back to the boards is completely black.


As is most of the remainder of the day. That last photo says it all! Sorry Andrew!


P.S. I love that there is drinking going on in that tram car photo.

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Great report! I love the Hangover reference and how you used your phone and other TRs to piece everything together.


I really don't see how anyone can have a bad time in Wildwood..unless you're those goldfish. I'd be paying $3 as well. Did they also have an exhibit to flush them too?

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Awesome! Glad my report helped you piece things together. Honestly I never remember the order I ride things; I just take a lot of pictures and I assume the timestamp on the photo is when I rode it.


It was great hanging out with all of you, honestly. Moreys is a place to hang out with friends and not necessarily just going for rides. Some of their rides are great, a lot are crap, but that's what there is to love about it. It's equal parts awesome and horrible.

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Believe it or not I didn't have one. Since I cut myself off around mid-afternoon so I could make it to midnight I had completely sobered up by the end of the night. We had a few drinks on the porch when we got back, but not much. I pretty much never get hangovers anymore (knock on wood).

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Thanks for the comments everyone! Of all the trip reports I've ridden that's the last one I would have expected to be deemed front page worthy.


Anyway, much like last year we decided to follow up our Saturday in Wildwood by driving home along the shore and hitting some of the smaller parks and boardwalks along the way. We had already hit Seaside and Jenkinsons last year but decided we'd head back to Seaside (something I never thought I'd do) to ride Hydrus and check out the Casino Pier improvements. We had considered hitting Ocean City along the way but with Wild Waves still being a train wreck dumpster fire we decided to save that for next year and hit Steel Pier in Atlantic City instead before going to Seaside.


I'd never been to Atlantic City before and didn't really know much about. My only real knowledge of Atlantic City came from playing Monopoly or listening to people b*tch about what an unimaginable sh*t hole it was so our expectations weren't all that high.


Boldikus tagged along with us so we could drop him at the train in Atlantic City but he decided to skip Steel Pier, probably because he had been to Atlantic City and already knew what a f*cking sh*t hole it was. We dropped him, made a left on Baltic, a right on Mediterranean, passed go, did not collect $200 (though if we stopped at a red light we might have been robbed of $200 and carjacked...that's probably somewhere on a Chance or Community Chest card) and eventually found a semi-safe looking place to park the car and made the long walk up to the boardwalk.



Greetings from America's Playground. No... they really call it that. I'm not joking.

Alright, I've got to be honest. I didn't hate it. While Atlantic City was certainly a complete dump I didn't think it was quite as bad as it's reputation would have you believe. We started out on the right foot as the first thing I saw when I stepped onto the boardwalk was a huge Margaritaville and Landshark Bar but all and all the place did seem pretty decent. We also noticed that they didn't charge beach fees which is always nice to see at the Jersey Shore.


I was tempted to walk the boardwalk but we only had about 3 hours on the meter and we knew we wanted to get to Seaside so we figured we should head up to the pier before doing anything else since I already sort of knew we needed to budget some time for Margaritaville.



Sorry. The Trump Taj Mahal is Bankrupt BIGLY! Very Unfair! SAD!


When we got up to the pier, the first thing we noticed was that there was a ton of construction going on. Apparently the park is in the middle of installing a huge Ferris Wheel that honestly looks awesome but unfortunately looks like it's on a Wild Waves timeline and is going to miss the entire summer season. A lot of nearby rides were closed for construction but most of them seemed to be kids rides that we had no intention of riding anyway. The only thing on the pier that really appealed to us at all was the mouse so we headed over to the ticket booths, grabbed our tickets and got in line.



It's not unusual to see giant rodents running loose in Atlantic City, but this one is apparently "crazier" than the rest.

After a short 5 minute wait our crazy little rodent pulled up and we hopped in. So far everything seemed normal, but that all changed the minute we left the station. As we turned towards the lift we began to spin and once we started up the lift we started rocking violently back and fourth all the way up. We quickly realized that unlike most Crazy Mouse coasters that start spinning half way though the ride, this one was already unlocked and was spinning and rocking on the lift hill. Holy crap!


What happened next was complete insanity. The car was unlocked for the entire ride, and was spinning like mad with no sign of slowing down. Because it was spinning where it wasn't designed to spin some of the transitions up top around the hairpin turns were extremely violent but honestly we were having way too much fun to care. That was absolutely, bar-none the most batsh*t insane ride we had ever had on a Crazy mouse. Aside from some of our crazy teacup rides where we spin the living crap out of them until we feel like we're about to die, that was the most spinning I had ever experienced on any ride ever. Wow! A+ for the Atlantic City crazy mouse! We did notice later on that only one car was free spinning for the entire ride, so don't go there expecting it to be unlocked like that but know that if it does happen the park clearly doesn't care and will happily keep running it like that so you may get lucky.



This ride is bullsh*t insane. lol

We stumbled off of the Crazy Mouse (somehow doing an even worse job of walking in a straight line than the previous day in Wildwood) and decided to check out the rest of the pier. There was nothing out there we really wanted to ride, but it was a nicer pier than I expected. The helicopter rides seemed pretty cool, they had a nice selection of rides and the new Ferris Wheel looks like it'll really take the place to the next level. It's not on the same level as any of the Wildwood piers, but it was cool to walk around. I did like the bar on the end of the pier with great views of the shoreline and the city.



This thing is massive.

After getting our Steel Pier fix we finally decided to head over to Atlantic City's main attraction... Margaritaville! We walked back through the games area (and annoying game operators harassing you to play which is always the sign of a klassy joint), past the "YUGE" bankrupt and abandoned casino and over to Jimmy Buffett land.



I'm definitely gonna be first in line when this thing opens. Can't wait!

Unlike most Margaritaville's, this place was actually two separate restaurants. On one side of the boardwalk was Margaritaville with a cool looking upper deck in the Resorts Casino. On the beach side of the boardwalk was the Landshark Bar and Grill, complete with a dining area on the beach where plenty of people had opted to lay on a beach towel and relax and drink the day away (since it's the only part of the beach that allows booze). How awesome is that?


It was a pretty easy decision for us, as cool as the Margaritaville looked we went for the Landshark bar on the beach side and ended up sitting outside in the shade overlooking the pier and the ocean.



It's like the rolled out the red carpet for us...

Since I was driving I did unfortunately have to resist the urge to order Margaritas but since it was the "Landshark Bar and Grill" I had to at least order a couple of Landsharks. I love Landshark, not because it's particularly amazing or discernibly different than Corona but because I'll literally buy anything Jimmy Buffett puts his name on. I'm an unapologetic parrothead and will be until the day I die. Apologies to the craft beer snobs... Fins up!


As for the meal, that was a simple one. Normally at the beach I opt for seafood but as much as I've tried to amend my carnivorous habits, at night I have these wonderful dreams of some kind of sensuous treat. Not zucchini, fettuccini, or bulgur wheat, But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat. In the end I'm really not too particular, not too precise so I ordered a...


...alright fine, you already know what I ordered. I promise I'll try to stop . Sorry, that entire last portion of the trip report was put there for my own amusement. I just thought I'd check and see how many Jimmy Buffett lyrics I could shoehorn in here and have it still make sense. They all make sense in time even if now they're a little incommunicado. I did order a Cheeseburger in Paradise though and it was excellent. My brown eyed girl, Brit decided to take another road and order the nachos so I couldn't help but indulge in a few of those too. I normally wouldn't but we were taking a holiday and even though I'm growing older but not up and my metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck I figured I'd eat the nachos, tell the waitress I needed some more boat drinks and deal with the consequences of eating even more unhealthy food later. It may have been a mistaika but whatever. I figure I might as well just enjoy the ride on my trip around the sun.


Okay seriously I'll stop this time... is anyone still with me?




Yeah I sort of figured.



This photo came from Brit's phone and is tiny for some reason. I have no clue why. PS: Brit, if you're reading this... yes I know your eyes are green but sometimes I've just got to go with the flow. lol

Anyway after lunch we decided to raid the gift shop (a Margaritaville tradition... I'm now the proud owner of a "What Would Jimmy Buffett Do" bumper sticker and a Margaritaville Atlantic City T-Shirt) and then go for a walk on the beach to kill some time before heading to our next destination.


I have to say, while I wouldn't exactly recommend Atlantic City to anyone it did exceed my historically low expectations. It's definitely pretty shady if you head a block or two back from the boardwalk but the boardwalk itself is fine, the beach is free, Steel Pier is cool and the Jimmy Buffett compound is quite impressive. We enjoyed ourselves, though we sort of got the feeling that 3 hours was the proper amount of time to spend there. I'll probably never go back unless Steel Pier gets a new coaster (or they open that super sick Star Flyer... can't wait! It should be opening any day now I'm sure) but we enjoyed our time there.



Bye Atlantic City! Thanks for not being as terrible as we expected!

After our long trek to the car (where we encountered a drug addict passed out face first in a bush, the perfect Atlantic City sendoff) I slapped my new Jimmy Buffett sticker on the car, gassed up and started our drive to a place I never really expected to return to... Seaside Heights, NJ!



An hour or so later we found ourselves making the all too familiar trek over the bridge to Seaside with the windows down and the gentle ocean breeze carrying a subtle aroma of Fireball whiskey and hair gel into the car. A few minutes later we parked the car and began our walk up to the boardwalk with a pretty simple plan of attack... ride Hydrus, ride the Sky Ride (hi Lake Compounce!) and get the hell out of this god foresaken dump.


As we approached the boardwalk though we couldn't help but notice that the pier expansion really made Seaside feel like a different place. Don't get me wrong, it's still Seaside... but they really made some remarkable improvements over the last 12 months and as we started walking out onto Casino Pier we couldn't help but realize we actually kind of liked the place.



Holy crap, is that really Casino Pier?

Rather than expanding the pier back out into the ocean (because we all know how that worked out), Casino Pier decided to extend the pier over the beach and add a few new attractions to their lineup... most notably Hydrus and a giant Ferris Wheel. They also moved the terrible Pirate coaster to the end of the pier so the "show building" is no longer a complete eyesore from the beach and boardwalk and as an added bonus if another hurricane hits it'll be the first ride to go crashing into the ocean, finally putting it out of it's misery. If a hurricane finally makes this ride walk the plank it'll be the only pirate themed thing it ever did.



This coaster really doesn't get enough credit for being one of the absolute worst coasters on planet earth.


Look at this new hotness!

Impressed, we walked up to the ticket booth and purchased our hilariously overpriced Hydrus tickets. At $10 per rider, we definitely didn't plan on riding this thing more than once so as we walked up to the station we asked the ride host if we could wait for the front row and she was more than happy to accommodate our request.



The ride's station looks great. It really feels way too nice to be located on Casino Pier.

While I don't mind them, we were happy to see that the ride didn't have the traditional over the shoulder restraints and instead had a set of lap bars similar to Impulse at Knoebels. Honestly I don't know the difference between Euro Fighters, Infinity Coasters and whatever Impulse is so I really wasn't sure what to expect and honestly can't tell you which one Hydrus is. I just know the trains were super comfortable and the lap bars were a nice touch.


Once we got locked in we made the slow turn out of the station and headed up the lift hill, excited to finally be riding a coaster in Seaside Heights that wasn't a complete piece of crap.



Up we go!

I've always had a thing for vertical lifts. I don't know why, but I find them cool and even slightly intimidating. It's an absolutely great experience and if you're in the middle of the car you often have no idea how high up you are until you finally start to flatten out up top and you can finally see something besides the sky. On Hydrus, this experience was made even cooler because as you crest the lift you're treated to an absolutely brilliant view of the Atlantic ocean. Honestly it's probably one of my favorite views from the top of the lift of any coaster in America, but you don't get much time to enjoy it because before you know it you're barrelling down a beyond vertical drop and into a giant vertical loop.



The drop on this thing is absolutely sick!


The loop provides some great hang time.

After the loop, the rest of the ride is really a complete blur. It's short, but it definitely packs a punch and features a ton of twisted track and great elements. The best element on the second half of the ride has to be the barrel roll, which is taken at a pretty slow speed, giving you a really cool ride sensation with some fun hang time. Thanks to the lap bars, it's a great opportunity to throw your hands in the air (or towards the ground) and take it all in.




Unfortunately just a few seconds after the ride began, it comes to an abrupt end. It's a ride that really leaves you wanting more, but the insane price tag dashed that thought almost instantly. Despite the short ride time, this thing is an absolute winner. It's butter smooth, has a great lift and view from the lift, the drop is great, the loop is great and they managed to pack a ton of fun elements into a really small space on the second half of the ride. Hydrus won't make any top 10 lists, but it's a great coaster for the Jersey shore and an absolute home run for Casino Pier.



Hydrus gets a big thumbs up from us.

Still on a Hydrus high, we decided to switch up our plans a little bit and try one of the park's other thrill rides. Generally I avoid paying for non coaster rides at boardwalk parks without some type of wristband because of all the boardwalk parks I've visited I can think of a grand total of one that charges reasonable prices and most of these rides can be ridden elsewhere but that Zamperla Air Race was calling my name and (having never ridden one) I decided there was no time like the present.



Absolutely nuts...

To be honest, I sort of expected Brit to bail on this one and let me fly solo as she's not always big on inverting flat rides but she was totally on board with this one and hopped on with no hesitation whatsoever. I really didn't know what to expect but what followed was an absolute laugh fest of a ride that had us both in tears by the time it slowed to a stop. The ride is absolutely nuts and whoever designed it is a f*cking lunatic but it's awesome and it gets a big stamp of approval from us.


When we got off the ride we couldn't help but notice that (against all odds) we were having an awesome time in f*cking Seaside Heights! What are the chances? Unfortunately our meter was ticking away but we decided we couldn't leave without riding the park's famous Sky Ride down the beach and back. Not only is it a really unique experience but it's a great and relaxing way to see the boardwalk, beach and pier and to check out the goings-on at the famed Jersey Shore house.



If you're looking for the opportunity to win an official team flag for a basketball team that played 500 miles away and no longer exists (at least not by that name) then Casino Pier is the place for you!


Sky Ride station and the new hotness.

We got our tickets and boarded the ride and (after paying our respects to Sally) lowered the bar and took a slow, relaxing ride down the boards.



RIP Sally. May Seagull heaven be filled with an endless amount of tourists to sh*t on and french fries to steal from terrified young children.

Seriously though... wtf????


Anyway, there's not much at Seaside heights that makes me jealous but I'm pretty jealous of this Sky Ride. It's really a great idea, and I love that you have the option to ride it one way or ride it as a round trip journey. Sure, it's a lazy way to get around but when you're at the beach there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We decided to take it round trip though since we knew there was nothing of interest on the boardwalk and we knew the return journey allowed for some great views of the pier.



I still can't believe how much fun we had in Seaside...


And I definitely can't believe how much nicer Casino Pier is now.


To the left, you'll see a postcard-worthy view of serenity and dozens of happy summertime family memories being made


To the right, you'll see a hot tub full of gonorrhea and a rooftop deck that hasn't been touched since Jersey Shore went off the air, probably because it's been quarantined by a hazmat team.

Unfortunately for us, once we touched back down our meter was expiring so we decided to head out of town, but not without a brand new appreciation for Seaside Heights and Casino Pier. I'm still not a big fan, but it's headed in the right direction for sure and Hydrus is an absolute blast of a ride.


As we drove back over the bridge and the smell of hair gel slowly faded into memory, we decided to make one last stop before finally heading home and end our day on a low note with a piece of sh*t Pinfari Looper and a museum quality flat ride that may kill us in Keansburg.


If you remember from my last Jersey shore report, Keansburg is a park that's sort of eluded us. We tried to stop there last year but they decided to close 3 hours early for rain so we arrived to find a closed amusement park and an empty parking lot. The weather seemed perfect this time though so we decided it would be as good a time as ever to give it another shot.


When we rolled up to the park we were pleased to see that the park was open and honestly really busy. As an added bonus, there was an absolutely brilliant sunset in the background that made for some pretty fantastic photo opportunities. Unfortunately there's only so much you can do with an Iphone 5, but we decided to head out to the beach and take in the sunset before getting our brains beat in on the piece of sh*t coaster at which point we'd probably be too concussed to enjoy it.




We didn't know much about this place going in, but honestly the view from the beach was one of the best surprises of the day. Keansburg is located on a bit of an inlet and because of that it actually provides an amazing view of the New York City skyline across the bay. Unfortunately the zoom feature is absolutely useless on my phone and I rarely ever bother with it, but I sort of had to make an exception for this. God I wish I had a better camera.



This place is amazing.


Wow. What I would give for a real camera right now. lol

After sitting on the beach for awhile we finally pried ourselves away from that awesome view and realized it was time to stop dicking around and hop aboard the pain train of Pinfari goodness. Okay, in all seriousness I've actually ridden one of these before in Ocean City Maryland and I remember it being perfectly comfortable but entirely boring and uneventful.


We walked up to the ticket booth to buy our tickets. Initially we had planned to ride the coaster and Chaos (because holy sh*t it's a Chaos) but there was a sign saying that Chaos was down (surprise!!!!!) so we decided to just buy enough tickets for one coaster ride and then head home.



Hey look, another sunset picture!

We got our tickets, headed over to the coaster, took our seats and braced for the worst. Unfortunately that description from earlier about the ride being boring but comfortable does not quite fit THIS Pinfari looper. It WAS absolutely boring and uneventful (aside from the awesome view from the lift) but it was also far from comfortable. This ride is an absolute sh*t show torture device that had me yelling plenty of choice words as we banged and slammed our way along the track.



It may look innocent and fun but do NOT fall for it's bullsh*t.

When the train mercifully slammed to a stop we raised the restraints and got the hell out of it as quickly as humanly possible. Wow! I don't feel comfortable saying that there's a coaster on the Jersey shore that's definitively sh*ttier than Pirate's Hideaway but this ride definitely gives it a run for it's money. What even is this thing???


After leaving that disaster of a ride we decided to walk around a little more and check the place out. Unfortunately the park really isn't anything special as it basically looks like a carnival that never left New Jersey but there does seem to be a great food and drink selection and a nice looking water park. Before we left we did decide to check out the Chaos situation and it definitely looks like it hasn't operated in a long time. Still, it was cool to see it. I feel like this thing belongs in a museum at this point.



Holy sh*t, an honest-to-god Chance Chaos.


A lot of the rides are crappy carnival rides, but the midways and buildings are cute. This place definitely has a bit of an identity crisis.

After walking around a bit more we decided it was time to head home. All in all it was a great day. Atlantic City exceeded expectations, Seaside Heights has improved dramatically and even though the park in Keansburg isn't the best, it was worth the stop for that amazing sunset alone. What an awesome Jersey Shore weekend!




Up next: Adventureland Long Island on National Roller Coaster Day!


PS: I know that was a long one, so thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it (or hated it... whatever lol), feel free to leave a comment. It's always nice to hear that people actually enjoy this mindless sh*t.

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Glad you had a blast!


Keansburg is where my family would go when I was still too young for school. I have memories of an old Wacky Worm and train ride. It became really seedy in recent years and got hit pretty hard by Sandy (destroyed their old coaster). It's rebounded a little bit as it recovered from the hurricane, but it still has a ways to go.


I, too, balked at the price of Hydrus and only rode it once. During the week, the park will occasionally have wristband days; if I'm ever back on one of those days, I'll ride it multiple times, but any other time there it'll be a one-and-done.

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The two seat per car version is superior Zamperla's first 4-seater attempt at Luna Park, but they are both real fun rides. It is surprising that it took Zamperla so long for a good follow-up (Endeavor).


Regarding your never going back to Atlantic City, don't forget the planned Polar Coaster.

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Nice! Great to see what you guys were up to since I saw you last. Glad you enjoyed Hydrus; your thoughts are very similar to mine. Those Air Race rides are great, too; I got to ride the one at Beech Bend in Kentucky, and I loved it. I don't normally like inverting flats, but that one is so good.

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Keansburg is where my family would go when I was still too young for school. I have memories of an old Wacky Worm and train ride. It became really seedy in recent years and got hit pretty hard by Sandy (destroyed their old coaster). It's rebounded a little bit as it recovered from the hurricane, but it still has a ways to go.


Yeah, it's a weird place in it's current form. There are a lot of cool little shops and places to eat. It almost felt like they were all independently owned (even though I doubt they are). In that regard the place has a lot of character, but most of the rides are portable pieces of crap. It didn't really seem all that seedy, it just seemed really f*cking weird.


The two seat per car version is superior Zamperla's first 4-seater attempt at Luna Park, but they are both real fun rides. It is surprising that it took Zamperla so long for a good follow-up (Endeavor).


Regarding your never going back to Atlantic City, don't forget the planned Polar Coaster.


lol Yeah, I almost rode the one at Luna Park but I totally balked at the price. I consider Luna Park to be the single most overpriced amusement park in America and after spending over $100 so Brit and I could ride each of the coasters one time (most of which are sh*t coasters) and ride the Wonder Wheel one time I was beyond done spending money that day.


And damn, I DID totally forget about the Polar Coaster. I haven't been following that project, is that expected to open before or after the Star Flyer?


What a terrible report. Not nearly enough drinking in this one.


Sorry. I'll see what I can do to correct this issue.


Excellent update! I am still satisfied with my decision to forego the crap credits and head back to Philly. Such a great weekend tho, can't wait til next summer to do it again!


For us it was more about checking out some new beach towns than riding those crap coasters. Seaside was the only one of the 3 towns we had actually been to before and I sort of wanted to give it a second chance anyway. The coaster also had more appeal than the others since we knew it would actually be a good ride.

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