Your Dumbest Moments

[Wes]

Well, something so incredibly stupid just happened, and I felt like I needed to post it. So let's all share the golden little moments where we weren't our brightest. It'll be cathartic.

Today's story of personal retardation:

 

I was going out to grab something to eat. I decided to take out a plastic bag full of trash. So I had my keys and the bag in the same hand (YOU PROBABLY SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING).

I live on the third floor of an apartment complex, so we have a garbage chute that leads to a main dumpster. (YOU MUST SEE WHERE THIS IS HEADED NOW).

So I open the latch and throw the bag away (CAN YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?) and the keys snag on the bag and down the chute they go.

I stand there dumbfounded for a second, trying to process what the hell just happened. I scream out, "Oh fuck me." and race down the flight of stairs and into the dumpster holding area. The chute is backed up with bags, so I had to pull some bags away to even find my bag. It smelled like ass and a half and it was really dark. After a few minutes of moving around mucked up bags, I found my bag, but my keys are not attached. I'm dreading the thought of actually climbing into the garbage bin to locate them, but it seems like it may have to come to it.

 

At this point, you're probably thinking, "Wes, why don't you just go get new keys made?" Well, yes that was an option. However, my apartment complex issues us this little electronic FOB that opens the complex's outside doors. Replacing it costs $50+. I did not want to spend 50 bucks on a little piece of plastic.

 

I get my roommate to come down with a flashlight, some gloves, and a broom. My roommate is a genius like McGuyver, and he comes up with a scheme to attach a bent clothes hanger onto the end of the broom. We use the broom-coat-thingy to dig around for awhile and we finally found the keys, and we successfully scoop them out.

We head back up to the apartment, and I washed and disinfected my keys 75 million times.

 

The lesson: Keep your keys in your pocket when you are throwing something away.

 

OK your turn!

[Space Freak]

I once rode my bike into a parked car while I was reading a magazine once. And yes, I have the scar to prove it... And no, I'm NOT kidding..

 

Rob

[cfc]

Back in my high-school days, I suffered from that plague that dare not speak its name. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we can all say it--many of us are adults here, and those who are not need to know.

 

I am referring to, of course, jock itch.

 

There are over-the-counter remedies for this little . . . problem. And when I was stricken, I reached for what I thought was one such remedy in our family's medicine cabinet--Cruex. Unfortunately, I was one spray can off, and mistakenly grabbed a can of Desenex, which is a treatment for athelete's foot.

 

I sprayed away at my nether regions (or "naughty bits," as the British might say). It was like applying napalm. It did, indeed, destroy the foul fungus. I could swear that I heard agonized little screams; they were coming from me.

 

On the upside, the jock itch was gone. On the downside, so was at least one delicate epidermal layer in a most unfortunate place. I have since recovered physically, if not emotionally.

 

So remember, gents: The next time you have jock itch, don't blame Desenex.

[Kroger8]

OUCH!^ I have a key story, I was going to the lake with my girlfriend's family, and when we got there, we found out we had to hike to get to a beach on the lake, so we got out, and she gave me her keys to hold, well we get everything down to the beach, and we are all in the water, water skiing, swimming, playing water frisbee, etc. etc. well I was doing something and felt something in my pocket as I was in the water... it was her keys... so everyone was kinda upset then, lol I just stood there and I slowly pulled them up and her mom gasped lol haha I felt really bad, but we let them dry out, and they work fine (the electronic un-lock I mean)

[woah_killa]

dag yo, that's pretty sweet there...

 

um, i don't really know a dumb moment...there's a lot of them. today i learned how to drive a stickshift, which was a nightmare, and oh yea, onetime when i was like 9 i used to be able to flips off the diving bored and i was gonna do some kind of hand flip were i put my hands down and flip off, i guess i was gonna do a cartwheel. well, i put my hands down and usually they stick cuz the diving board is like sand paper, but unfortunatly, they did slip and so i feel face first into the diving board and busted my face and shoulders and stuff up...yep...onetime i fell out of a go kart head first, but i won't go into that...

[SonOfBeastSucks]

^ all i have to say is wow

[Angry_Gumball]

Ok. I must share mine. (Some are so dumb you'll just have to laugh)

 

1. I called an electronics store and when they finally answered, I asked for the electronics dept. not remembering I called out to Fry's Electronics.

 

2. I accidentally threw my retainer away at Santa Cruz Boardwalk and had to dig it out. One of the restaurant workers dug through the trash.

 

3. The common brainfart of all time: "Uh...I can't find my gameboy! Have you seen it?" cousin replys, "Dude, you're holding it!"

 

4. Learning to ride a bike, I look back at the rest of the group riding with me and suddenly, WHAM!!! I slam into a newspaper stand. So what do I do? I get off the bike and I kicked it like I was accomplishing something.

 

5. Last one for now. I'm heading back home with a friend and we took BART (Public train) to get there and back. On the way back, we grabbed the wrong train and didn't realize it until I saw us going a different direction when the track split. Luckily the next destination wasn't so far from home. Now, it's kinda funny if you think about it as I said "I know where we're going!" when waiting in the station for the train.

[SharkTums]

Gosh, what a great topic!

 

Wes, it's especially nice to know that under your smart, chic exterior you're just as dumb as the rest of us.

 

Hmmm...I don't know what kind of dumb stuff to post. I've never lost my keys or wallet or locked anything in a car (knock on wood)...

 

Ooo, here's one:

 

I'm really annoying when it comes to food and moving out here was pretty hard, so I finally found a place to special order some of my food...One night after I had spent like $35 on this crap, refrigerated crap, and something distracted me (like a shiny object) and I left it there for like 1 or 3 days or something like that. At least it was cold enough outside that my car didn't stink too bad!

[benzo41190]

Once I had to pick up my sister at some after school program and I didnt know where her school was. Heres the thing, i dont know the name of her school. So I am driving around forever (there are many Milwaukee public schools) and I come to a road called "Grand Tosa". I go to what I thought was a old factory and I park there and call my mom. I told her where I was and I was and she said I was at her school :shock:. So i drive closer to the building and here comes my sister running up to the car

 

Anthor time I was in church and there were hard wooden benches. I bend over and i rip-ass and it echos all around the church

[Wes]

Wes, it's especially nice to know that under your smart, chic exterior you're just as dumb as the rest of us.

 

Are you calling me a chick?

 

Here's my most classic "Oh shit, I'm so dumb." moments:

- Over the summer, my parents went to China with their friends. Their friends have a mini-van, and since there would be four people plus luggage, they asked me to pick them from the airport using the friends' mini-van instead of my parent's smaller car. I said sure. I am used to driving a smaller car (Jetta and Corolla) but I've driven my girlfriend's old SUV before, and I hadn't had a problem.

The day before their flight arrived, I dropped off my car at my parent's and drove the mini-van back to my apartment (so I could just wake up from my place and leave, since it's closer to the airport). I was nervous about driving their car, I didn't want to mess it up. The entire drive on the freeway I was going 50mph max and making sure no one was around when I made lane changes and such. Luckily the drive home was smooth, and I reached my apartment's parking structure...success!

So I go to turn into my space and suddenly I hear

 

~~~**CRRRRRRRSSSSHHHXXXXX**~~~

 

"Oh shit, what the fuck did I do?" I swing open the car door and see I've scrapped the back end of the car against a support post that's next to my spot. With my smaller car, the turning radius to get in was alot easier than with a bigger car. I completely miscalculated and totally fucked up the side of their mini-van. To make matters worse, it was somehow WEDGED against the support post, and more damage had to be incurred to get it free. Needless to say, the friends weren't very pleased when I picked them up the next day. Luckily, insurance covered most of it, and I had to pay only $200.

 

me dumb lol

[BiCoastal Kid]

I switch or forget people's names a lot. Most of the time they are my friends too.

[Erik Johnson]

My moment got to be when I misplaced my passport while trying to enter Taiwan. I had to tear apart all my stuff in the airport looking for it. Yes, underwear was everywhere! Lucky I did find it in my backpack.

Edited October 9, 2005 by Erik Johnson

[Kroger8]

Dude^ that sucks! lol When I was like 5, my dad went to go take a nap, while my mom was somewhere else, so I was bymyself, well I decided I wanted to watch a movie, so I climbed up on the bookshelf... thats when I found out that it wasn't attached to it's base, so it turned over and I was laying under it with all fours sprawled out, dad came running out, thinking I was dead, but I turned out ok, except for a broken nose... which I now 11 years later have to have surgery on...

[tinkerbell]

Hmmm.....I can't really remember a lot of the stupid moments I've had, which is weird since I know I've had plenty.

One of the ones I can remember is when I was in Disneyland in June, with my mom, sister, and my sister's friend and her mom. My sister wanted her picture taken in the L in the gold California letters outside DCA (since her name begins with an L). Her friend's name starts with an O, so her mom says "Good idea...I'll take your picture in the O." So of course I say "What are you talking about, there's no O in California..."

You would think after living here for almost 7 years I would know how to spell California. Yeah not one of my smarter moments.

[zaneymon]

This one is not really Dumb just embarrassing ok I was a Narita Airport in Japan and so I was with a school group on an exchange program so I had been cleared and stuff and I went to get my bag so bent down to grab it at this point my passport fell out of the pocket it was in so went to go out and the teacher in charge ask for everybody’s passport So I went to give it to him and it wasn’t there (I was like OMFG I’m screwed) so we and the teacher went all around looking for it then went back and another school had found it and Ask if the NZ pass port they had found was one of ours and it was mine (I was like thank you thank you thank you) so when we got back to NZ by that Friday of the week we got Back the Whole School knew thanks to my EX-Girlfriend T(Nickname real name I don’t know how to spell)

[DragonKhan]

You all know how much fun it is to blow up a plastic bag and make a loud *BANG* with it, right?

 

Well, when you do that make sure you don't smash it while you are still blowing it up...

 

Just try to imagine... I got a bloddy nose from it... I didn't know I can punch that good...

[cfc]

Gosh, what a great topic!

 

Wes, it's especially nice to know that under your smart, chic exterior you're just as dumb as the rest of us.

 

Yep--live long enough, and you'll have ample opportunity to do and say lots of stupid things. It's like anaimator extraordinaire Chuck Jones used to say: We all aspire to be Bugs Bunny, but Daffy Duck is who we are.

[SonOfBeastSucks]

A few days ago I set the sleep timer on my digital dj (Dell version of ipod) for 30 minuites and then turned it off so I didn't have have to charge it again. I didn't even think that it wouldn't go off if the whole thing wasn't on. I have had dumber momments, but I just thought of that.

[benzo41190]

today at the mall, I was looking for some jeans and I was looking at Womens , I even tried them on

 

I thought to my self, "thats why they fit so good"

[Mr.Six]

This happened earlier this year.

It was about 2 AM and I woke up because I was really thirsty. I thought I had a pepsi on my table (Which is right next to my bed) I looked over and saw a bottle of something. So, being 10% awake I took a swig of it (thank god I didn't swollow it!) because it turned out to be finger nail polish remover! WORST TASTE EVER! I can't even begin to describe it. Anyway, I spit it out all over my pillow. By the way I'm fully awake at this point. The taste was so bad that I tried anything to get it out of my mouth. I had some tums also on the table, I took around 5 of them and put them in my mouth. That didn't help much, so I ran to the bathroom and put my head in the sink and started to get water in my mouth. Although that help the burning taste was still there. I had a tube of toothpaste on the counter, so I just sqeezed a ton of it in my mouth. That helped a lot but for the next few days the taste of ACID was in my mouth!

 

I still don't know why the finger nail polish remover was on my table. Probably just got misplaced. So lesson learned; I don't put anything drinkable in an arms reach of my bed anymore!

 

_six

[4718]

Way too many things to try and think of one, sleep deprivation doesn't help either. However, after like 30 seconds, I've got a list plenty long.

 

1. Riding my bike back in Torrance at about 7 or 8 years old, decided to bomb through a puddle on the sidewalk. Problem was, I turned the front wheel, and ate crap hardcore. A guy working on his car in his garage ran out because I was screaming and thought I killed myself.

 

2. Took my sister's old Razor rear wheel (no longer anywhere near circular, had three flat sides), put it on a friend's beat up Razor, and decided to bomb down our hill. Got up to 25-30 or so, couldn't see because of the vibration, started going numb from the shaking, left handlebar flies out and I eat crap hardcore again.......I actually remember flying through the air and in slow-mo, thinking that it was going to hurt (it did).

 

3. On that dang Razor again, decided it'd be cool to kick the back out during a jump....never thought about what would happen if it wasn't all the way back in when I landed, or how much the splits hurt when you're not flexible.

 

4. Spaced out while driving across a bridge in town in my mom's minivan, thought the dry riverbed looked cool for some reason. Looked up in time to see a stopped car, hit the brakes, skidded and rear ended him. Managed to slow down to about 5mph by the time it hit so no damage, but scared the crap outta me.

 

 

There's numerous other things.....swimming into pool walls because I had my eyes closed, routinely eating crap on anything with wheels attached, falling UP the stairs a few times 'cause I was spacing out, walking into sliding glass doors, the list goes on and on.......

[Hurricane]

The dumbest thing I did was this evening I put the vaccum cleaner in the Big Freezer!

 

SLC AUSTRALIA UPDATE: Australias only SLC is out of action for 2 weeks! Australia START CHEERING!

[jackskellington101]

Hmmm, I guess what tops my "stupid stuff" list is something that happened at school back in the states.

 

I was messing around with my school id card, flinging it around outside, late on a Friday night. The id card was, and still is, the thing that controlled everything. It was my meal plan, my school account, and the way to get into the residence halls. It was also on those little lanyard things, so I was spinning the lanyard around on my fingers, not paying too much attention to it, until I hear this snap sound and see my card go flying off the clip. It majestically spun through in the air as I started sprinting to catch it. It flies right out of my grip and right down the drain. Luckily, the drain it fell into has so water or current or movement or anything, just a lot of multiple year old leaves. So now I'm id less. I could have gotten a new one but it's time and money I don't necessarily want to spend. So, I somehow get myself back into my hall, into my room and I go to bed, thinking I think of a way to get it back in the morning.

 

I wake up the next morning and I have a full on, light bulb over the head, epiphany. I leave my room, tape roll in hand, and find a yardstick bubblegum box in the trash. I then went back to the drain, where my card was still laying thank God, and began to channel Richard Dean Anderson. I took the tape, made one of those tape loop things, stuck it to the end of the gum cardboard wrapper thing, and fished out the id. After about 10 minutes of very patient fishing, I finally got it out. Not only was the stupidity losing the card to start out with, but also for the fact that after I got it back, I felt extremely accomplished.

 

Stuart ""Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh" Newsom

[derwood]

My Dumb Move...

 

Many many years ago I was working in a bank drive-thru. We had a loan product called the Homeowners Equity Line Program. The marketing name for this product was HELPLINE. This was a payment that had to be manually proceesed. I had a customer come thru the Drive-up with a HELPLINE payment. I took his money, wrote out his receipt and at the top of the receipt wrote HELP. (yes, you may stop laughing)

 

Apparantly he went to the store next to the branch and called 911. The police called our branch and asked for our code. We thought we set off an alarm by opening a vault incorrectly. We gave them the all clear code and asked if they were showing an alarm. At this point the branch is surrounded by police officers and they did not believe me when I gave the all clear code. Insisted I should let the cops into the branch which was against procedure. The cops finally told me that we gave a receipt to a customer that said HELP. We had to let them in to search the place before they would leave. Needless to say I was mortified. By afternoon of the next day I was receiving through interoffice mail every type of help sign you can imagine.

 

doh!

[Louise]

I have many many many dumb moments, mostly involving my clumsiness...

 

The worst and probably most embarrassing.... I got stuck in a grid. Don't ask.