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Post your favorite Monty Python quotes


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from The Holy Grail


"did you dress her up like this?"

"no. no. no. no.....yes. yes. a bit. a bit. we did do the nose."

"the nose?"

"...and the hat. but she does got a wart!" *points to wart*



oh! oh! oh! and these from the tv show:

(Tobaccanist sketch)


"I will not buy this record, it is scratched"

"my hovercraft is full of eels."

"would you like to come back to my place? bouncy bouncy?"

"if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? I am no longer...infected."

"please fondle my..buttocks."

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ok and one more from The Holy Grail:

Castle Anthrax!


DINGO: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet

compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and

brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in

this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life --

bathing, dressing, undressing, knitting exciting underwear....


DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty

person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle

Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the

grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her,

you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.

VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.

DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.

GIRLS: The oral sex!

GALAHAD: Well, I guess I could stay a BIT longer.


LAUNCELOT: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.

GALAHAD: I don't think I was.

LAUNCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.

GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

LAUNCELOT: No, it's too perilous, we've got to find the Holy Grail. GALAHAD: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?

LAUNCELOT: No, it's unhealthy.

GALAHAD: Bet you're gay!

LAUNCELOT: No, I'm not.

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customer. "Is this the right room for an arguement?"

Mr. Barnard. "I've told you once"

c. "No you haven't"

B. "Yes I have"

c. "No you haven't"

B. "I have"

c. "No you have not"

B. "Oh, I'm sorry is this a 5 minute argument or the full half-hour?"




Piliate "I have a vrerry grweat frwiend in Wrome called Biggus Dickus"




Patsy. "It's only a model"



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best part ever of the movie was during the beginning credits:


"A møøse once bit my sister."


GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.

FATHER: No, no. Until I come and get 'im.

GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the


FATHER: No, no, no. You stay in the room and make sure 'e

doesn't leave.


GUARD #1: Right. Oh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if we...

FATHER: Yes, what is it?

GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uh, can he leave the room with us?


GUARD #1: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.

FATHER: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: What?

FATHER: Make sure 'e doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: The Prince?

FATHER: Yes, make sure 'e doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant him. Y'know,

it seemed a bit daft, me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.

FATHER: Is that clear?

GUARD #2: Hic!

GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear, no problems.

FATHER: Right.

[starts to leave]

Where are you going?

GUARD #1: We're coming with you.

FATHER: No no, I want you to stay 'ere and make sure 'e doesn't


GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.

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  • 4 months later...

Had to BUMP this immediately! "And now for something completely....repackaged."


Found out, the remaining five members (bless you Graham Chapman) have put together their fave segments and MP moments, into a TV thing called:


Monty Python's Personal Best


It's on PBS starting tonight, and I'll quote from the Entertainment Weekly write-up...


All five living Pythons picked their fave sketches and compiled a set for the late Graham Chapman. His and Eric Idle's air this week; the others, next week. The Chapman hour is terrific - a showcase for the dour-faced practicing physician's knack for portraying crusty military men and squawking fishwives. The Pythons reminisce frankly about Chapman's range as well as his alcoholism. Sometimes, the selections seem odd - what's Cleese's "Ministry of Silly Walks," in which Chapman doesn't appear, doing here? (Ir's implied he co-wrote it.) Idle's edition begins unpromisingly, with a desparately jokey, recently taped intro, but we soon see him in his prime. He specialized in fast-talking hustlers and roues, and he also utters the immortal line, "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum." The grade average for these two entries: A- (Ken Tucker)


Y wsa!


I'll be so there tonight, watching and enjoying.


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