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Photo TR - Europe 2012 with TPR

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The first day of TPR's Europe 2012 trip was one looooooooooong day of driving. We went to the Milan airport to drop off a few participants and to also pick up a whole bunch of people joining us for the Europe leg. After the stop at the airport we had to get to the south of France, straight through Switzerland. It was about a 6 hour drive on a fully packed bus. Luckily for everyone, all participants had the good mind to shower that morning.


We had a lunch stop in Switzerland right before entering one of their giant tunnels. The pictures here are from that rest area. I know, I'm a fancy guy.


Welcome to Switzerland! Home of many a gorgeous view!


If water rises, run away!



I think this guy is on his way to Poland, though I have been wrong before.


Blood Orange Orangina! I'm in heaven! Truth be told, it tasted EXACTLY the same as regular Orangina.


Today's oxymoron brought to you by...


Edited by KBrylczyk
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Walygator time!


After our drive to the south of France, we stayed at a pretty nice, quaint hotel. They had some good food and TONS of wine for all of us. The first park of the trip was upon us. Walygator! Yayyyy...


Yeah, the park is pretty bad. The saving grace is their Raptor clone, Monster. It's run with no brakes! Whoo! The rest of the park includes a pretty horrible haunted house, a vekoma or arrow looper, the world's slowest wooden coaster, and an unimpressive collection of flats.


Monster - While it is a pre-owned, cloned B&M that the park just dropped in a field, this coaster has some serious talent! We all know how much fun Raptor is at Cedar Point. Now just take away the brakes, as well as the station house. The second half of the ride is fast and furious and the final helix pulls some great forces. The general feeling among the group was that it was a better ride than Raptor.


Anaconda - Ugggggggh, it was horrible. It wasn't rough or anything like that, just exceedingly boring! There is no speed at all! Not even at the bottom of the first drop! It feels like you're riding on the back of a snail the entire time. Cyclone at SFNE goes fast than this, if that will paint a better picture. It also has a better chance of making it over the hills.


Space Comet - This is either a Vekoma or Arrow design, I'm not sure. It was small, had a few inversions, and hit the brakes pretty hard. The ride op was cute, though!


Terror House - The scariest part of this was when I nearly broke my neck in the queue line. It's actually two parts. The first is an upper level "maze" with the day-glo paint all over the place and the speakers playing the "Saw" theme. After that you are told to go down the stairs to the actual haunt...which was bad. I don't remember coming across any actors or any animatronics / triggered events. It was more or less a walk through a dark basement with various scenes where nothing happened.


I didn't get a chance to do any other rides because A) the park was inundated with children once it opened to the public and B) nothing really interested me. Anyways, on with the (very few) pictures!


Welcome to Walygator!


Please note the broken fake palm trees!


Ken, Dan, Kevin, Colin, and a bunch of other up-to-no-good-ers decided to trap me in an old phone booth. Honestly, it probably would have been preferable to going inside the park.


According to Robb, this sign hadn't been touched since their visit in 2008.


Monster's entrance and "station house," if you can call it that. Excellent ride, though!


I found this out by the parking lot next to what looked like an abandoned train station. French Silent Hill?

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Following the morning at Walygator, we had a pretty good drive (2-ish hours) to Holiday Park.


I really enjoyed Holiday Park. They've recently been bought by a company that panders towards younger children, so they haven't, to my knowledge, added anything huge and thrilling since the buyout. Expedition GeForce, the drop tower, and Star Flyer, all of that stuff remains from the old owners. Unfortunately, Expedition GeForce is plagued with problems, which is a shame. The ride is amazing. Our ERT was cancelled because it went down just prior to when we were supposed to begin.


Robb made the announcement before going into the park that everyone should go straight to it because there was a good chance it would go down for our ERT. Luckily, everyone listened and got our ride in before ERT. We ended up hanging around outside the coaster for about 2 more hours while the mechanics tried their hardest to get it running again, but to no avail. Oh, well. We were still able to ride earlier, which is better than nothing!


The rest of the park was nice. It was very heavily wooded and the selection of rides was nice. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the theme to the drop tower, though. Apparently when the new company took over they threw up a bunch of cast photos of some German live-action Scooby Doo knockoff and themed it around a mystery...or something.


Expedition GeForce - What is there to be said about this ride that hasn't been said a thousand times already? It's amazing. Pure and simple, amazing. I just wish someone would spend the time to figure out just what is wrong with the mechanical side of the ride to make sure it can stay operational for more than a few hours at a time!


Holly's Wilde Fahrt - Aside from having one of the greatest names EVER, it's just a standard mouse. Yayyyyyyyy, I guess.


Super Werbil - Twisty pain machine!


Burg Falkenstein - BOOB CREDIT!!!! This is a dark ride through a medieval dungeon. There's some gruesome scenes in here and I was pretty surprised that it all survived the new ownership. It isn't the kind of ride you'd be used to seeing at a park aimed towards children. It's an old, omni-mover style dark ride with some charm. I enjoyed it twice.


Donnerfluss - WHAAAAAAAAT?! This was my first encounter with European, non-Italian river raft rides. It was pretty shocking, to say the least. There were areas where we were playing bumper-rafts with everyone else in the trough! It is madness! I also got drenched, haha. Great times!


Anubis Free Fall Tower - Again, I have no clue what's going on, theme-wise, on this attraction. It's a long queue of a bunch of empty rooms with cast pictures of some German children's show. The themeing doesn't matter, though. The drop itself was great and very long.


Lighthouse Tower - Star Flyer credit! I HATE THESE THINGS! But I love them just the same! They're the one ride that can consistently terrify me to the point where I lock my entire body up in fear of my impending doom. It has happened every time I've ridden one and I don't see it stopping any time soon. I know how evil they are, I know what they do to me, but I still jump on every one I come across because DAMN do I respect a ride that can do that to me! What made this one worse was the strong wind above the treeline. As if dangling by weak chains in a fiberglass chair wasn't scary enough, imagine being hit by a wind every turn of the tower, forcing your chair to rock front to back AND side to side. My knuckles have never been whiter.


Teufels Fasser - This was a GREAT log flume! There's an indoor portion that involves a pretty large backwards drop and some cool effects. The final drop has a double-down with INSANE airtime in the back seat. I thought the double-down flume at Mirabilandia had airtime...that ride pales in comparison to this. I actually thought for a moment that I would be ejected to my death.




Brand new entrance with new ownership.


Expedition GeForce!


Ken, Dan, and I posing with the American flag. Yup, definitely tourists.



Through the trees!




Prepare for OMFG airtime!


Movin' right along...backwards.


Time for some GeForce porn. Enjoy!







My lunch! This cost a grand total of 3 Euro. If only American parks had prices like that!

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Wow, what an excellent park! Everything you've read about this place is true. The rides are all top-notch, the customer service is superb, the rides are run at the highest capacity at all times, the themeing is out of this world, the food is delicious (especially the fresh-made Churros), and the ride ops are cute! I wish I could live right next door to this park.


Our ERT sessions went well. We shared Blue Fire with a local film crew, Wodan had to be postponed due to it not wanting to wake up early in the morning. Euro-Mir was a kickass "session" that was shared with the public, haha. We did manage to do a TPR takeover of a few trains, though. The ERT on Eurosat the following morning had to be experienced to be believed. Everything about the time spent at this park was magical and extremely accommodating. They know how to treat their guests! Let's get on to the reviews!


Blue Fire - WHEEEEEEE!!!! The train design on this ride is wicked. They're wide open! The ride itself was very twisty and interacted with the themeing very well as well as Wodan! There was airtime, there were loops, there were tons of twists, and that final heartline roll is designed to forcibly remove riders from the train. It's nuts! I love it!


Wodan - Front seat ride. The back was only OK. It's a world of difference between front and back. The front row gives airtime and insanity. The back row gives...a ride. It's a solid ride, don't get me wrong. Every seat is good, but if you want a GREAT ride, sit up front.


Alpenexpress - Hooray for powered coasters that interact with the flaming log flume! This was a cute little ride.


Atlantica Supersplash - The original San Antonio Journey To Atlantis. You go up, you spin backwards, you hit a dip, you spin forwards, you drop, you splash. You also don't get very wet. Sure, the splash is huge, but very little water makes it onto the boat. However, the geysers that are triggered by guests after the drop will soak you. You've been warned.


Euro-Mir - RIDE. OF. THE. TRIP. I had been hearing about this coaster for years. I had seen all the pictures and videos, read all the reviews, and still NOTHING could prepare me for the insanity of it. The song is still #1 on my iPod's "Most Played" listing. The ride itself can't be explained. You just need to ride it. Watch the video for my review -




Eurosat - Coaster in an EPCOT Ball! This is another ride built to push the boundaries of sanity! I loved it! Sure, it knocks you around a little, but it's awesome! Our ERT with the lights on had me ducking for cover half the time because of how close the supports got!


Matterhorn Blitz - A wild mouse with a vertical lift. The lift is pretty funky, but the rest of the coaster is a standard mouse with exceptional themeing and some good headchoppers. Hooray!


Pegasus - If I'm remembering correctly, this was designed to be a Vekoma Rollerskater killer. I'm sad that it hasn't caught on more. The ride was perfect for smaller kids and pulled some serious forces! It's like a Rollerskater that's begun puberty!


Poseidon - Excellently themed water coaster. I got wet enough, but not drenched. It shimmies a bit in areas but it's still a very fun ride.


Schweizer Bobbahn - I love a good Bobsled ride and this was no exception. It was short but it was fun. Hooray!


Silver Star - Another yawn-inducing B&M hyper. Snore.


Abenteuer Atlantis - This was a cute little indoor shooter dark ride. A nice way to get out of the sun for a few.


Ciao Bambini - Creepy dark ride #1. This one had a ton of dogs or something, as well as a tunnel of love.


Fjord Rafting - OMG! ANOTHER INSANE EUROPEAN RAFT RIDE! This one was even more nuts than Donnerfluss at Holiday Park! Much better themeing here, too. I got drenched again and I also almost saw some kids jump from raft to raft.


Football Scooter - Soccer bumper cars! It was a cool concept, but nobody seemed to want to play the actual soccer game and rather just hit each other, haha.


Geisterschloss - Europa's Haunted Mansion ripoff, right down to the mock elevators. The themeing was great, but the ride itself you could tell was crammed into a small building and the omni-mover system was very jerky.


Piraten In Batavia - Europa's Pirates of the Caribbean ripoff. It was a good length but couldn't hold a candle to Gardaland's pirate ride. It all seemed to take place in one huge room rather than move from scene to scene.


Schneeflockchen - Creepy dark ride #2! This one was full of horrifying dolls.


Tiroler Wildwasserbahn - This log flume was excellent! They had real fire all over the place INDOORS! It was themed to some kind of elf mine. It also got us pretty wet. Yay!


Wiener Wellnflieger - Just a typical wave swinger themed to a mushroom. Good times!




Hotel Collosseo by night. Pretty.


Hotel room goodness!


Morning at Europa!


Colin's a special boy!


Gjeurgen bjeurgen fjeurgen jeurgen. Gershkie bershkie! Swedish Chef, anyone?


Blue Fire sure looks nice.


Yay for insane raft rides!


Yay for themeing!


Are you sure you want to attend the Die show?






They even had a full size mock-up of MIR.


Creepy doll ride.


AKA Bench: The Ride.


Our facial expressions say it all.


Someone's weinerschnitzel hurts. My extensive knowledge of the German language tells me that is the proper translation.


Excellent concept restaurant. The food was great!


I kinda wish I could ride...


Hey there, Euro-Mir!


The Globe Theatre? What's going on in there?


Oh...oh god...why? WHY?!


Yes! Slides O' Death!


This slide was evil in disguise. I got so much speed that I was launched off the end and straight into the banister of that building.


Thankfully you didn't get a lot of speed on this one. Your body was too busy being knocked around the inside like a pinball.


Eurosat and Silver Star. One EXCELLENT coaster, one crappy coaster. You decide which is which. I'll give you a hint: Silver Star sucks.


The sun smiles upon Geisterschloss!


Great themeing.


Italy again!


This is how you're greeted at Eurosat.


Bumper Car soccer!


These two got in a wild water fight with the fountain. It was all in good fun, though, which I love seeing. Two people letting loose and having a ton of fun!


Totally not safe.


Acceptable amount of wetness?


Usually I'm against seat belts. Then there are times where I understand their purpose.



Lucky timing.


Real fire!






Thumbs up for Blue Fire.


Wodan's station.


The first drop goes through the structure.



Hotel Collosseo in the daytime.


Ken, Dan, and I came across an awesome air hockey table. The puck never stopped moving thanks to the curve!


We went back to Euro-Mir the following morning to say our goodbyes! Well, not everyone. The majority of people went for the first ride of the day on Silver Star. Our small group decided to ride the good ride.


Thumbs up, Euro-Mir! Thumbs way up!

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Looks like you had fun at Europa-Park. Let's say we agree on Silver Star and disagree on Euro-Sat.


Usually I'm against seat belts. Then there are times where I understand their purpose.


I won't have seatbelts on these. And I don't know any account of someone falling of a raft - may it be park or carnival. And next to that there are big signs in the station area and inside the raft: If someone falls off there is no liability whatsoever...

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Anyone want some Fort Fun? Good!


This park is buried in the mountains of Germany and, to be honest, I wasn't expecting much. They have a Vekoma death machine, two kiddie coasters, a mountain coaster, and a few flats. I was DEFINITELY surprised!


Speed Snake - Vekoma death machine. I opted to sit up front in hopes that it would lessen the pain. It didn't. I felt like I stepped into the ring with Holyfield. What made it worse was the park decided to send you through TWICE! Why would ANYONE want that?! Even worse still, when we first came back into the station, the train overshot the mark and e-stopped the ride. We were all begging to let us out, saying that we didn't need the second go-round. The operator thought differently, though. No joke, he couldn't reset the ride from his booth. He actually walked out of the booth, tried resetting the secondary e-stop in the station, and when it still didn't work he BEAT IT WITH A PIPE until it worked! Germans know how to get things done! Yes, if you were wondering, the second loop was just as bad as the first, haha.


Devil's Mine - OMG! This ride is nuts! First off, the queue line is a walk-through haunt / funhouse itself! It goes on and on and has tons of tricks up its sleeve. I loved just getting to the station! The ride itself is NUTS! Well, not the entire thing; mostly just the first drop. Yes, the most terrifying moment of airtime I have ever encountered in my life. I was in the back seat and, had I not had a death-grip on the lap bar, I would have been tossed. I'll let Craig illustrate this fact for you -



Point proven? Good.


Marienkaferbahn - Tivoli ladybug coaster thing. If you're over 5 feet tall, watch your head. Mine nearly got taken off quite a few times.


Trapper Slider - Well, hello, huge mountain coaster with mini bunny hills! I loved this ride! Don't ever touch the brakes and you'll be screaming down the tracks in no time. I'm surprised the structure held up with all of TPR riding at the same time at top speed, haha. Mountain coasters always rock.


Crazy Washhouse - This was a nice little funhouse that neighbored the ride-through haunt. It wasn't anything cutting edge or large, but it was cute and fun.


Mystery Warehouse - SURPRISED EVERYONE! After the funhouse next door, we weren't expecting much from this old school dark ride. They had some AMAZING technology inside! The projections were flawless and nobody knew where or how they pulled off half of them. Seriously, where the heck did this come from?! Excellent!


Dark Raver - I will not ruin what the surprise is and I hope nobody else does, either. Just go in knowing that it is some of the most fun you'll ever have. They managed to take a few simple concepts and make it one of the most memorable experiences you'll have an amusement park.


Tomahawk - This was a Breakdance on steroids. I'm not sure what the official name is, but take a Breakdance and give the cars an extra, vertical axis so they can flip freely. Oh, also make the ride about 10 minutes long. This thing was pure madness from start to finish and gave some serious hangtime!


Wildwasserbahn - Just your typical log flume, right? For the most part, yes. However, there is a pretty sizeable underground portion, including a nice, in the dark drop followed by post-apocalyptic scenery. I don't remember getting very wet, but I did really enjoy it!


Wild Eagle - This was a zipline attraction where you get pulled up the mountain facing straight down in reverse, only to have it suddenly release you to fly back to the loading platform. The beginning is the most terrifying part. The actual zipline part is fun.


The park also gave us all the free chicken, steak, sausage, and beer we could eat and drink at the end of the day! Fort Fun, indeed!


Apparently they're a ski resort in the off-season.


They take their name literally.


I'll bet you are...





Please read it.



Funhouse and haunted house side by side!


It was a very beautiful park.


Craig enjoyed his near-death experience on Devil's Mine so much that he decided to finish the job himself!


KT Vs. Colin.

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Who wants some Heide Park? You do? GREAT!


Heide Park is a place I've always wanted to visit because it just looked so cool. Plus, Collossus. Duh. We stayed at Hotel Port Royale, which was incrediballs. The showers alone made the price of the trip worth it and I'm not even close to joking about that. If you ever get the opportunity, you'll understand.


We had the most insane ERT session in the history of ERT, as well. Imagine, if you will, a group of 48 TPR members riding Collossus for an hour nonstop in the POURING RAIN! Yup. And it wasn't just any pouring rain. It was big ol' fat rain. The kind of rain that leaves welts when you run into it at 70mph. I think I got to ride 10 times in a row while it was raining. I was soaking wet, freezing cold, and in stinging pain from being pelted by the rain, but I LOVED IT!!!! We were also given ERT on Krake and Desert Race in the morning, as well as the first ride on Limit of the day.


Krake - Awwww, such a cute little dive machine! Surprisingly, though, this guy packed a punch. The drop into the ship was great and there was a nice airtime hill. It was short but did its job well. The massive wave it forms is almost as tall as the immelmann!


Big Loop - This ride was very pretty and the landscape work surround it was top notch. The ride itself is painful. It's a slight variant of a typical loopscrew.


Collossus - Wasn't this the first ever Intamin woodie? It still holds up. It's not El Toro, but it still gives a ton of airtime and a nice, smooth, fast ride. The ERT will go down in history.


Desert Race - Though I've never ridden Rita, I have no doubt I'll love it, seeing as this is a clone. There's just something about fast and twisty Intamin launchers that I can't get enough of, no matter how small they are.


Grottenblitz - FIGHTING HORSES! This was a small powered coaster that interacted with Analfart...I mean, Kanalfahrt. There's an indoor portion with trees and angry fighting horses.


Indy Blitz - Credit whores, all of us. It was fun to watch the reaction of all of the families as we took over the ride, though, haha.


Limit - Vekoma SLC! I'm sure the photos Robb and Hanno got of Ken and I in the front seat are comedy gold. I can't wait to see them.


Schweizer Bobbahn - This is the best bobsled I've ridden. It's huge! It keeps on going and going and seems like there is no end, and you're destined to ride it forever. Just then, the brake run shows up. I really enjoyed this thing.


Breakdance - One of the rides of Hussland. It's a breakdance. Yup.


Hochbahn - This was just a monorail. It offered some nice views, that's about it.


Analfart / Kanalfahrt - We rode it just because of the name, which by now is legend.


Lady Moon - Hussland! I think this is a Tip Top? Whatever it is, it looks way more intense than it actually is. It was still a fun ride, though!


Mountain Rafting - In the words of Dan, "WHAT THE F$%@?!" Nobody got wet at ALL on this ride. Nobody. Except Dan. We were moving right along, enjoying the river, and we entered a tunnel. Dan looks around, sees a teeny, tiny wave, thinks nothign of it, only to have a huge rush of water come over the raft and all down his back and lap. "WHAT THE F$%@?!" indeed, sir. It was a very fun raft ride, but Dan got screwed, haha.


Panorama Turm - They really pack this observation tower tight. I'd swear it was designed for children.


Scream - Intamin gyrodrop goodness! It was a pretty darn tall one, too! The drop was great. I wish the weather were better for the view, though.


Slide O' Death - Unfortunately, due to the wet weather, the slides o' death were essentially off limits. That didn't stop us from attempting a few of them, though! There could be some language in these vids, btw.




Dan was the only one man enough to brave the spiral slide.



There was also a walkthrough haunt that was brand new right next to Krake, though I can't remember the name of it. It was themed to Krake, as well. It was short and confusing as hell, but the effects were top notch. I got yelled at by an angry german woman for opening a door before I was supposed to. Whoopsie.




These two idiots climbed out of their boat and got stranded.




It had to be done. Don't judge me.







Do I see me some slides of death?!



It's so massive. It just lords over the park.










Mmmmm, twisty.


Heh. I got wood.


The lake was a mirror.




Slides O' Death!


Look at the size of that wave!



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I tend to prefer the "twisty" Intamin launched coasters to "Kingda Ka" types, too. Heide has a great assortment of coasters, and the Krake walk-through sounds like fun.

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^ Oh, it was fun. They used a lot of the fake HD-screen "windows." The second room had a really cool effect of going underwater and the water turning to blood while a crazy German prattled on and on about who knows what, but only got more maniacal as it went on, hahaha.

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Schlossbeck and Moviepark Germany time!


Unfortunately, guys, I don't have a whole lot of photos of these parks. Schlossbeck I think I got more video than anything, and Moviepark Germany was just a park full of cookie cutter rides that I didn't really feel the need to break out the camera for.


Schlossbeck was our first stop. Everything you've heard about this small little glorified playground is true. It is pure craziness that would never see the light of day in America. Every ride aside from the Tivoli coaster was self-operated and there were kids running amok everywhere you looked. The playground section of the park was especially cruel to me...or at least Robb, Hanno, and the rest of the usual suspects were. A group of us got trapped on a torture device that spun forever and ever. Once we were freed from that hell, I got the bright idea to go check out a smaller spinning contraption...and was promptly followed by everyone and trapped on it alone for what felt like an eternity. I really hope Kevin and the rest of the people who broke out their video cameras post those soon.


Nautic Jet - It's small and looks innocent enough, but it will pucker your butthole for a moment. That moment is when the boat is flying through the air with nothing to guide it. If you're lucky you'll get a wave of malaria-infested water all down your back, too! I really loved it!




Luna Loop - It wasn't as crazy as I was hoping, but it was still fun. It's a two-seater car that runs a circular track and the passengers control whether they want to flip forwards, backwards, or not at all. Good times!


Waterslides O' Malaria - There were two self-service innertube waterslides hidden in the back of the park. They were covered with algae or mold or whatever. We still rode them! One was an uncovered double or triple dip. The other was an enclosed twisty one, which you can watch below -



Slides O' Death - There were two types of Slide O' Death. One was your typical racing slide and the other was the Drop O' Doom near vertical slide. Both were amazeballs. The racing one was super slick. Every adult that rode it ended up going so fast that we slid off the end of the brake track. The near-vertical slide was just scary. Once you did it it was awesome, but sitting at the top of it was a bit unnerving. Still great fun!


Familienachterbahn - This was just a small Tivoli. It ended up going through the course 8 or 9 times, it felt like.


Horseback ride thingy - I rode this just after being tortured in the Playground Of Evil. I was still super dizzy when I climbed on the horse and was surprised I didn't fall right off, haha. It bounces a whole lot, that's for sure.


Zipline - It's just a short little zipline over the lake. I did think it was gonna drop me a few times, though. When it releases the car you get a little jolt of a scare.



Playground Of Evil - This place would be awesome if it wasn't populated by like-minded TPR members. If you're here alone and can do the various torture devices at your leisure, you'll have a grand ol' time. Being trapped on multiple different torture devices and being told it won't stop until someone falls off or pukes is a whole different story. At the point it goes from being fun to being AMAZING! I'm not even kidding about that rule, by the way. Robb announced it right off the bat. If anyone goes on one of the torture devices, they will be spun or swung or whatever it did until they or someone else fell off or puked. Please, someone post your videos of this. Please.


After our time at Schlossbeck we made the long, long trek to Moviepark Germany. I mean, seriously, 1 kilometer away? Do Robb and Elissa expect us to just never get any sleep with distances like that?! Sheesh, guys!


Moviepark Germany was home to plenty of cookie cutter rides. It really says something about a park when their best rides are the two indoor water rides and the best coaster is the Junior SLC.


Bandit - Never again will I ride this horrid contraption. Never. It shakes more than an epileptic with parkinsons at a strobe light factory. Awful, awful ride.


Backyardigans: Mission To Mars - Just another Roller Skater...with the world's friskiest ride op. We'll get to that photo later, haha.


Ghost Chasers - Spongebob theme!!!!! Well, it wasn't really a theme, per se. More it was just two walls around the coaster with pictures of Spongebob and Patrick. Just another wild mouse with a surprising pop of airtime at the end.


Jimmy Neutron's Atomic Flyer - Best coaster in the park and it's a Vekoma Junior SLC. Enough said.


MP Express - This was a standard Vekoma SLC with themeing that was a cross between CounterStrike, Eraser, and Call Of Duty. It was also one of the most painful SLCs I've ridden. Rather than just shake you side to side, this one feels the need to shake you forward and backward, as well, giving you a nice chiropractic exam while riding!


Van Helsing's Factory - Wowwwwwwww, disappointement. The themeing is excellent, but the ride is a small mouse-ish coaster in a box. The fact that it takes the hairpin turns at 45mph doesn't help. Seriously, you do the first drop, go through a sweeping curve, then hit 3 or 4 hairpins at top speed. Not cool. Still, though, the themeing was nice.


Alien Encounter - They make great use of a shop vac to clear out all of the water that gets stuck in the boats! They also manage to dump all of the blackened water right back into the trough! This was a surprisingly long shoot the chutes ride with some good themeing, however antiquated it may be.


Crazy Surfer - Disk-O coaster! A surprisingly bumpy Disk-O coaster, that is.


High Fall - Novel concept, painful execution. Great idea for the cars that tilt forward, Intamin. Now if you could only make it not crush my manhood upon braking, I would appreciate it. Thanks!


Ice Age Adventure - This was a cute boat dark ride, complete with a drop out of nowhere. Good times.


Mystery River - Hell yeah! This raft ride was 90% indoors! You didn't get wet at all, but it was awesome! The themeing is top notch and it gets some SERIOUS speed in the second half! Whoo!


Pier Patrol - This was my first time on one of these water whip things. I had a ton of fun high-fiving people on the dock and whipping my jetski around!




Speed slides and scary slide.


Dan rides the zipline.





Dora's log flume! We didn't ride due to the extreme amount of wetness we were witnessing.


Spongebob ride!


Thumbs up for credit whoring!


Remember that frisky ride op I mentioned? Here you go. Apparently this is how they unlock the lap bars when they become stubborn.




Ken! Nooo!






Aww, he looks so happy!

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Great pics Kyle!


One thing you are forgetting is the AMAZING cleanliness and sanitary conditions at Movie Park Germany


- Dan "What the F*&K" Rapids Man


Let's start with the friendly German guy who politely asked everyone to lean to the right-side of the boat at Alien Encounter so he could stick his hose in the boat and suck out all the black water from the bottom!

(that last sentence was NOT meant to be sexual you sick freaks!)


Seriously. The water was black. If I left with ONLY malaria - I would be happy.


The hourly capacity of the ride was ENTIRELY dependent on how fast this dude could suck!


And PLEASE don't forget about the queue of Van Helsing's Factory. Seriously, please don't forget about it - because apparently all of the employees there already have

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I love excellent themeing. This park had plenty to spare! Unfortunately it was pretty rainy for most of the day so my camera didn't get a big workout. As for that rain? We got caught in the lowest part of the park when a monsoon hit, basically. We took shelter at some pizza place for about 45 minutes waiting for the madness to pass by. What did we do afterwards, though? River Quest. Because only truly demented TPR people seek shelter from rain but then ride a ridiculously wet raft ride.


Phantasialand has an excellent selection of rides and coasters. Black Mamba is one of the best B&M inverts I've ridden, Michael Jackson was seriously wild for a mine train, the flats were well themed, and the indoor attractions were in a class all their own.


Black Mamba - WHOOOOOOO! I had heard middle of the road reviews for this ride, but I think it's incredible. Even though I've never ridden Nemesis, I like to think that Black Mamba is like it's baby brother. It's mostly built inside trenches and has TONS of leg choppers. The ride is incredibly twisty and disorienting and forceful. Good times!


Michael Jackson Thrill Ride - This was on the same level as Mammut for insane mine trains. It was wicked!


Temple Of The Nohawk - That's right. Nohawk. I'm fairly certain the track length is well over 10 miles long. It never seemed to end...and that's not a good thing.


Winjas - HOLY HELL YEAH! I'm not going to spoil anything about this coaster. Just know that there are plenty of surprises and you will have the time of your life on it!


Feng Ju Palace - Yet another mad house. Boring.


Geister Ricksha - An omni-mover haunted house themed to Asian ghosts and stuff? Pretty wild. It wasn't anything scary, but it was still a solid dark ride. It was pretty long, too.


Hotel Tartuff - Unfortunately, due to the rainy day, there were quite a few leaky ceilings and the brand new fun house was shut down all day. It looks like a ton of fun, though!


Hollywood Tour - OMG BEST BOAT DARK RIDE EVER!!!!!!! We were the first riders on it! Our group had one hell of a waterfall scare at the start, too, haha.


Maus Au Chocolat - Toy Story Mania done right. It is VERY long, the themeing is phenomenal, and there aren't any dark hallways between shooter scenes. Excellent!


Mystery Castle - Why aren't there any more of these in the world? They're a massive-size Frog Hopper! I couldn't get enough of it!


Race For Atlantis - 3D movie inside half of an EPCOT dome. It's...pretty horrible.


River Quest - Probably the wettest damn raft ride I've ever been on. The rafts make 10-15 foot walls of water all the time. I loved it.


Silbermine - Need a nap? Here you go!


Talocan - The Top Spin of the gods. Back to back seating and floorless, it pulls maneuvers no Top Spin should ever be able to pull. My brain shut down and I just started screaming "HOLY S$#%!" over and over again. Plus, huge fireballs. Sweet!


Tittle Tattle Tree - Odd little tower ride in the Winjas complex. Nice photo ops!


Wellenflug - It's just a wave swinger, but it has a great design tweak that makes it a very memorable ride. They added chaser fountains. The fountains follow the wave of the ride so you're inches away from being soaked the entire time but never get wet. It was great!


Oh, and I won't even get into the details of what happened at the Dragon Bar the night before. You'll need to find someone that was present to get the story. We were bad boys, haha.





Oh, no! Someone let them out of their cages!








Terry gives us a pose.




Wellenflug doing its thing!


Closed due to water.



Remember that monsoon I mentioned?






I wonder what happens in there...

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Last park, guys! Parc Asterix!


I wish I could say this day was better, but it really wasn't. Parc Asterix has all of the worst qualities of a Six Flags park, plus the ride ops don't even know how their front of the line system works. It was pretty horrendous. It also didn't help that we managed to catch the park on the busiest day in its history. When Goudurix has a 2-1/2 hour line you know there's a problem somewhere. Robb and Elissa pulled some pretty huge strings to get us the front of the line hookup. I can't thank them enough for that because if they didn't we would never have been able to ride anything.


OzIris - So so so disappointed by this ride. The reviews were great! The ride LOOKED incredible! I couldn't wait to ride it! And then I rode it. You know how people say B&M have lost a step? That they over-engineer their rides to be forceless, boring contraptions? That has never been more true than for this ride. It pulls NO forces whatsoever. Sure, the first drop is nice and steep, but the rest of the ride is a slow, boring mess. For a ride to look as beautiful as this one and to offer such a boring ride is a shame.


Goudurix - Believe it or not, this is a better ride than OzIris. Sure, it beats you worse than Ike did Tina, but it at least offers a thrill or two! We manned up and opted for the back row. One ride was enough. I can now say I've ridden this death machine and lived to tell the tale, haha.


Ronde des Rondins - This thing was tiny, even for a Tivoli. Credit!


SOS Numerobis - This was a slightly bigger tiny Tivoli. Credit!


Tonerre de Zeus - This was the best ride in the park. It's held up very well for its age and delivers a wild ride with some airtime here and there. If the ride ops understood how to keep the station in order, though, it would be even better. It was a complete clusterf$%# up there!


Trace du Hourra - I love me some bobsleddin'! Unfortunately the ride ops here insisted that us full grown adults ride in pairs. I got to be the bottom spoon and got to know Doug a lot more than I would care to admit, hahaha. Still a fun bobsled that isn't themed to bobsleds!


Vol D'Icare - Small family coaster with a massive queue and no front of the line access. Still, though, credit!


Le Defi de Cesar - Finally, a mad house that is done right! The preshow rooms were great, especially the one involving water effects. It got pretty insane. The mad house portion itself, while still a standard mad house ride, made great use of HD screens and animation to really sell the effect. Whee!


Menhir Express - This log flume is pretty mean with the water. You'll get drenched. I love a good log flume and this one delivered!


Romus et Rapidus - This was a bone-dry rapids ride until the very end where there's no escaping the spray of two elephant statues. Cruel trick.


Transdemonium - IT'S A CREDIT, DAMMIT! There's a lift! There's a gravity-propelled drop! If Blazing Fury is a credit, then THIS is a credit! Take THAT! Aside from all of that, this is a solid old school haunted house that, rather than having powered cars, ends up being a semi-powered coaster.


If the park learns how to run the rides properly and teaches its employees about the front of the line system I might enjoy it more. From this visit, though, I don't really intend to come back. The ride selection was decent but I only got to experience about 1/4 of it due to the insane crowds. The people were rude, as well, but that's France for you.


Here's a few pictures!




That's the line for Tonerre de Zeus.





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And so comes the end of the Italy and Europe trip reports. I wish I could upload my tons of photos from Disneyland Paris, but that'll have to wait quite some time. I need to finish packing for my next contract with Carnival Cruise Lines. I'll be on the Carnival Dream from November 17th through January 20-something. After than I'm going to be on the Carnival Miracle from January 28th through mid-July. I'll see you guys on the Texas/Midwest tour!

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And you may be the first person ever in the history of history to say something nice about Goudurix...




I wonder if this is predicted on the Mayan calendar?


I like Parc Asterix, but, yes, the operations are not exactly tip top.

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I don't know if anyone has a picture of it but I do remember the 2nd train on Goudurix was in several parts on the transfer track. We were all convinced that due to the horrificness of the ride it destroyed one of the train!



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