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Yesterday my housemate and I went off to Alton Towers before those pesky brats break up from school and ruin adults lives for the 6 weeks they are allowed to run amock the country.

 

We departed Wales (Country of the gods) at 7am and due to very light traffic arrived at the park 20 minutes before opening t find very few cars in the car park and minimal guests at the ticket booths! We entered the very quiet Towers Street and headed for Battle Galleons to then go around the park clockwise. Hitting up Runaway Mine train which gave us 4 mediocre circuits before actuall allowing us to get off. It then took about 20 minutes to contort all 6ft 4 of me out of the tiny Mack cart before heading to Duel and Forbidden Valley.

 

After shooting the arse off some Zombies we arrived at AT's new attraction Nemesis Sub-Terra...... with a 20 minute queue time. In the queue line there are numerous TV monitors telling us that in 1994 whilst excavating they came across Nemesis and had to pin it down with steel.........(you all know that though im guessing) ..... Then they found hidden caves under the nemesis site which housed a few eggs belonging to the beast. They apparantly "made safe" an egg for human viewing in the facility. This is the egg we are going to see today.

 

After a quick throughput we are met with role actors who are shouty and abrupt...... everything i find sexy really who direct us into a waiting area where we watch a quick briefing video. This pretty much tells us the same as the TV screens did outside. Two elevator doors then open and we enter...... A few light effects and noises are supposed to make us feel that weve descended into the ground however anyone that has ever been on an elevator in their life will realise that we havent moved anywhere!

 

Next was my favourite part..... The doors opened and a very attractive male role actor dressed in black combat gear got very close to me....... he took my concentration from the ride straight away!!! He then guided all guests into 4 straight rows of seats in a square layout with an agg in the middle.

 

After a few light and sund effects.... the lights go out...... they come back up and the egg has been split open..... nothing is inside.... then you get poked in the back and ankles which does feel like tentacles before dropping, quicte forcefully into the ground. The seats then slowly get back up to the correct level and we are instructed to lift up our lap bars and get out. One thing i loved was the sheer chaos at everyone running out.... hilarious and an easy way to sneak a cheeky grope of the hot ride attendan whilst brushing past him.

 

We then enter another lift which has movement effects and actualy does feel like youre ascending back up to the surface.

 

My verdict...... definately worth doing it for a time killer of if the queue isnt too large however i wouldnt queue for more than 20 minutes for it im afraid! 5/10.

 

We then hit up Nemesis which after 18 years is totally hauling arse as per usual. Once in the front and once in the back both offering two completely different rides IMO. Next was Air........ one word..... MEH..... not a fan im afraid.

 

We then headed over to Th13teen and Rita to get those credits and rode Ice Age 4D which was about asthrilling as cheese grating your nipples! Effects were not even a patch on Disney standards but it's a quick 20 minutes to keep those children amused and out of my way!

 

Next was my favourite in the park.... Blivvy...... Absolutely love it.............. No queue, freezing temperatures in the tunnel and orange restraints...... whats there not to love?

 

SW7 site is all boarded up, but at the top of Blivvy you can see in and you'll be pleased to know........ there's nothing going on! Grrrrr!

 

Im probably beginning to bore you now so ill condense..... Sonic Spinball..... Flume, Rapids.....Nemesis...... Th13teen..... Rita.......Blivvy...... Home!

 

Phew! Anygay...... onto the photos.... My iphone died halfway through the day so they are limited im afraid...... but still i invite you relax....... maybe pull up a chair..... while scottjenkins proudly presents........... your photos!

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Hiya.... Im Scottjenkins....... I like sticking my finger in small blue things!

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This is me and my housemate Queen Matthew the 3rd of Gay Street UK.

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Gay and Gayer singing Steps for the whole journey... My my American friends.... you need to Youtube Steps NOW!

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before those pesky brats break up from school and ruin adults lives for the 6 weeks they are allowed to run amock the country.

 

Fully understand you! My rules on when to visit a major amusement park are quite simple:

 

- not during public or school holidays

- not on weekends

- not on opening days

 

I mostly try to hit clowdy but dry days - sometimes the gamble doesnt pay off but mostly I love all the ERT I get on those days!

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Problemo solved! Hope you enjoy some AT piccas guys and gals! Let me know what you think.

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Pee break at skanksville services!

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Kudos to my American friends! These chocolates are the SHIZ!

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British countryside....... not a hot person in sight....... God i miss the city!

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Prizes to the person who spots the funny!........... Answer below....

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Made two homos laugh our designer little socks off!

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Hold on...... Whats that in the distance.....?!?!

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Welcome to Thorpe Pa....... Oh........ Maybe i should stop sniffing the Pritt Stick!

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Sing with me.... "Is there a chance the track could bend? Not on your life my hindu friend...... Monorail....... Monorail"

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Small folk may play here....... Giant folk like myself are not allowed and have to play proper golf! :-(

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Creams....... In......... Pants!

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Old and new...... hand in hand........ it's a shame they are both sh*t! Pahahahaha

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An attempt at being artistic but the adrenaline pumping through my veins and the blood slowly filling up my appendage im totally unable to concentrate!

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This was supposed to be queue times but it didn't come out properly..... Basically it was all 0 minutes!

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A deserted Towers Street makes Scott smile!

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Welcome to Ugg......... Oh god damn Scott, seriously.... lay off the Pritt Stick!

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Scott and Matt's happy face prior to being destroyed by Rita...... hmmm

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Water rides don't open until 11:00am which sucks my bum! The earlier they open the longer you have to dry off!

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First ride........ RMT..... Being a 6'4 guy in a Mack train thats made purely for folk who frequent Mini Golf proved extremely difficult to get in and out!

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An extremely busy station as you can see!

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Time to bust a cap on some ghosts asses! I won only because Matts so gay he cant hold a weapon!

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What's this i see in Forbidden Valley?

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Yea......... It's the new ride...... the excitement ends there! Guys it's about as entertaining as listening to your folks shag! The only saving grace was the hot role actors! Yo..... Tall guy number 3..... Call me

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The entrance to Nemesis Sub-Terra...... wait time 20 mins........ I wouldnt wait one micro second longer than that i'm afraid!

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Queue line TV screen telling the story of Sub-Terra

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Little Nemmie and I waiting patiently to ride....

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This picture never gets old..... The entrance to Nemesis. The sign still stands as "The world's most intense ride experience" Fell free to tell me what you think of this sign..... I don't feel it is the most intense but its pretty damn close!

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Through the archway to heaven.....

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This my friends is where my "Little scott" starts to leak...... Probably my favourite inversion on any coaster in the world!

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This helix pulls an INSANE amount of G's....... FMACTUALL

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Inverted vertical loop in a canyon with a flowing red river.... what more does a gay want..... Oh yea...... Xtine blasting and maybe a passionfruit martini maybe?

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Bondage shot maybe..... no??.... just me then.... ahem... moving swiftly on...

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High speed turnaround.....

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Another shot of the turnaround

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I see twistyyyyyyyy

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Twisssssstttttyyy with train.....

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This picture has never been taken before........ seriously....... never....

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Station de la Nemmie

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Ripsaw.... Love the ride in it's heyday we rotated 3-4 times and got soaked..... today, one rtation and no water......... WTF

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Next..... B&M's worst flyer....... Meh'air...... See what i did there.... Just actually wet myself!

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Air's lift hill coming out of its cave into the sky....... well, not really the sky..... up to the tree level..... damn you Staffordshire council!

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..... It's pretty to photograph but it ends there i'm afraid.

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Matt hoping to get entered by 28 Supermen.... :-P

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Twisssstttttyyyyyyy....

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Twisssstttyyyyy again..... yawn

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We flew Air Gate 1.... to those Air virgins out there, it's the equivalent of flying American Airlines Business Class.... Canapes and Champagne all the way!

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Coach/Peasant Class...... It's like Third class on the Titanic!

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Next we head to The Dark Forest

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Rita launching...... well.........crippling poor paying customers spines into a crumbling pulp!

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The entrance to Th13teen surrounded by Intamin....... Intamin and Intamin...... that's a threesome i'd like to be in!

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These were taken to go into Scott's "bank" but i'd thought i'd share anyways!

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The queue penetrating Th13teens station.

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Th13teen station steps...... I'm scared of the dark so the sooner i get in the sooner I want to get out..... It's the same as getting wasted and pulling someone ugly.....

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Row one..... again..... Yes im a number one addict.....

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Th13teens station out into the dark forest..... unfortunately..... the Dark Forest bares no resemblance to Verbolten!

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Dont they just look thrilled!?

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Th13teen's lift hill.

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Matt stood next to an erection...... feel free to make your own jokes here....

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Rita's control booth and launch track.

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Welcome to the X Sector..... Wait whats that in the distance?

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Obligatory Blivvy pic.

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My favourite picture of the day...... :-)

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Rose in between two thorns?

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TRUE STORY..... both of us were getting our bums felt by these perves in costumes....... I wouldnt mind but i'm pretty sure they were both female!

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Rapids - 1 Matt - 0

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Rapids - 1 Scott - 0

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Matt gets his leg over.... :-)

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Camera..... Where? Camera whore!!!!!!

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Station shot!

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My station shot.

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Me trying my best to Smash/Eat a pasty in public! Luckily I don't get shy smashing a pasty in public!

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Meh

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Ill leave you with me pointing to the gods........ Intamin heaven!

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