Photo TR: Chuck Goes Down Under with TPR

[Brandy524]

^I think the "Bum Hummers" were pickled onions--eww! I despise any food item that's been "pickled."

 

The name "Bum Hummer" is enough to turn me off to it regardless of what food item it actually is.

[chrisdanger]

Bum Huggers, gotta love those Aussies and their folksy ways..

[cfc]

Chapter 6--Return of the Son from Beyond the Valley of Creepy Guy: Luna Park Melbourne

 

We made a wet exit from Surfers Paradise. (It was raining. Get your mind out of the gutter.) But the weather was good in Melbourne, if a bit chilly after dark, for our evening at Luna Park. This was Australia's first Luna Park, and it's been open since 1912. It's also home to what may be the oldest operating roller coaster in the world: the Scenic Railway. This is one of few remaining coasters that requires a brakeman, and this alone makes the park worth visiting.

 

Like its younger cousin in Sydney, Luna Park Melbourne still has that old-fashioned vibe, thanks to its Moorish architecture and old carousel (a beautifully maintained Philadelpha Toboggan Company model from 1913). They pack quite a few flats into a small place, too, along with an old-school Ghost Train, which has a bit of a "cult following," according to the park. (Director Tim Burton rode this Ghost Train a few years back and said it was very "Ed Wood.")

 

There's a funky restaurant and shopping district just a block away from the park, as well.

 

Here's a look--but first, it's time for one of those TPR classic "bonus credits"!

Surfers Paradise bid us a wet, sloppy goodbye.

Yay! Time for credit whoring--Aussie style!

Hmm--Aussie-style credit whoring looks a lot like American- or European-style credit whoring.

Wacky Worm status confimred. Engage "whoring sequence."

Whoring sequence engaged.

Here we see the credit whores in their native habitat, performing an arcane ritual that only they understand.

"Hey, I can ride a Wacky Worm and eat Fairy Floss at the same time! Australia is a magic place!"

"I'm so dirty! Oh so dirty!"

Wacky Worm credit, free Fairy Floss, and cake! What more could one want?

Hmm--looks like there's a bit of a wait for the big wheel.

"I am the son of Creepy Guy! Come and taste my vengeance! Well, that is, if I have to be vengeful about something. I actually feel pretty good today."

But first, dinner at Grill'd. This joint was next door. I snagged one of those pecan tarts later that evening--good stuff!

Sheesh! Grill'd has a lot of rules.

This is sort of "Five Guys Meets Subway." I had the "Kung Fu Fighter" burger, with slivered carrots and satay sauce. Pretty good--excellent fries, too. Aussies also like sliced beets on their burgers.

Well, so much for my plans to go out on a drunken rampage that night.

"YOUR SOULS ARE MINE!"

This cool old theatre across the street was built by the same poeple who developed the park.

Aw, nuts! We're gonna miss Uriah Heep by one day!

I'm having Sydney flashbacks! Get out of my head!

Perfect for those who function uniquely.

They park gave us a tour and some ERT before they opened to the public.

This has the potential to be disturbing.

Potential fulfilled.

Time for a little look at the Scenic Railway--behind the scenes.

It's a little known fact, but Peeps are essential to the proper operations of a Scenic Railway. This gooey, yellow snack treat has just the right consistency for properly greasing the cable. This is why the Scenic Railway can only run during Eastertime, when it's easy to obtain yellow Peeps. (OK, anyone who believes that, raise your hands. I now have some swampland in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.)

Big wheel. Make coaster go up.

Without this cage, the big wheel would attack and eat you!

Here's one for all you maintenance bay fans.

Behold the Dragon car! He does Creepy Guy's bidding!

OK, time to walk the track like a bunch of hobos.

The brakeman is in position--time for ERT and filming.

But first, please note the rules. So much for my plans to talk to the brakeman while smoking a cigar.

Off they go!

Ding! Just wait right there, pal!

Car go up, so big wheel turn! All is well!

I like the Moorish architecture--an unusual choice for a coaster.

OK, it can get pretty bumpy here--especially in the second car. I rode it again that night, and had back spasms for about 15 minutes afterward!

Whee!

The bunny hills are fun.

Almost there . . . you can do it . . .

Success! They made it around the bend!

Australian Muslins can bow toward this station to pray. Well, that is, if Mecca is in this general direction. More to come.

[Sidra]

I love this whole report. I'm a bit behind in reading certain threads so I just caught up with the whole one today. Australia looks like it was an amazing trip.

[cfc]

More Luna Park Melbourne--you know you want it!

What? In the planter?

"Yoo hoo!"

"Madame, I greatly admire your coffee cups."

They gave us a walkthrough tour of the Ghost Train. Amy looks serious, like someone on an episode of "Ghost Hunters."

You see, it's a train. And there are ghosts! Get it?

"I MUST FEED!"

OK, that's the last time I try online dating.

No, nothing creepy about this at all.

"Yeah, I'm a troll, and I'm on the Internet. So?"

The next Toy Story movie is going to take a very disturbing turn.

Er, I just want to be friends, OK?

"Dude, if you don't go for it, I'm gonna! She's hot!"

"Flame-o: The Dog Who Could Light a Cigarette with His Tongue" was not a popular children's book.

"Open the door for your Mystery Date!"

"Sir, this is a beautiful old neighborhood with lots of potential. Why, there hasn't been demon sighting or a brimstone storm here in, well, days! And you can get in on the ground floor--cheap!"

Luna Park takes a lot of pride in their carousel.

I guess you could call him a "warhorse."

"Hee-haw! Hee-haw!"

Now you know one of the carousel's secrets--which means now you die!

The world's most terrifying planter.

Enjoy your Ferris wheel ERT, ladies.

Jimmy, why so serious?

The view from the top.

The park is in a very nice location. Unless you dislike sunsets, sand, and flat rides. Then you might not care for it.

Here's the park's other coaster--the oddly named "Metropolis." I gues it's a better monicker than "Ride of Steel."

Twilight . . .

. . . then night.

The park's bumper cares are pretty good--nice light package, too.

This offers an amazing simulation of bouncing around in a plastic box while watching bad TV.

Good night, Luna Park! Thanks for a great time--nice place and a very nice staff.

OK, this is either a very funky boutique, or someone is making a low-budget sci-fi flick.

More than we need to know. That's all for now.

[cfc]

Chapter 7--The Ever-so-Melancholy Last Park of the Trip: Merimbula's Magic Mountain

The last park visited on a TPR trip is always a mixed bag for me: 1) It's great that I have yet one more day to hang out with some great people doing something we all enjoy, and 2) Well, it's nearly over.

 

Whee! Sniff.

 

There, I'm better now.

 

After a great Aussie BBQ at the Comfort Inn in Merimbula (and the best WiFi of the whole trip), and a laid-back evening exploring the town a bit (where Dan, Amy, and I saw some rather scary/amusing drunken behavior by some of the locals), we were off to ride the credit we had spent all day getting to--a Zyklon named Diamond Python at a little family park called Magic Mountain. Although you won't find anything on the order of Tatsu or Goliath here, this is a very pretty, nice, and eccentric little park.

 

As for the Zyklon, our ERT session was fun. But the real star attraction here is a very long, bizarrely themed alpine slide--and the park very nicely gave us two rides each on it.

 

After that, it was a long bus ride back to Sydney via Canberra (the capitol of Australia), but Robb kept everyone pretty entertained most of the way there. Hell, he even threw crap at people!

 

Here's a look at the last official day of TPR's Australian Trip 2011. Robb and Elissa, thank you again for all the work you did putting together this trip! Australia was amazing--as are the two of you!

Here's the view from my hotel window. Merimbula was a nice little town, even though the major activity that evening consisted of two guys walking down the street, one of whom kept shouting, "I'm just tryin' to be a f----n' mate to you!"

OK, I'd better not see any freakin' Care Bears around here.

What you would look like in the vacuum of space without a space suit.

Magic Mountain is a mix of the pretty, . . .

. . . the creepy, . . .

. . . and the bizarre.

"Our quest is at an end! God be praised!"

"So, you folks came from all over the place to ride a Zyklon? Don't you have county fairs in your country? Aw, what the hell? Climb aboard!"

Someone should theme a Zyklon to Battlestar Galactica--that would rock!

"OK, I'm gonna HD video the hell outta this thing!"

"This will be the most amazing Zyklon footage ever!"

"Yes, the world will sing songs about my triumph for years, nay, centuries to come!"

"Hi, Chuck! I'm gonna finish my TR before you do!"

To the best of my knowledge, this is the only Zyklon that leaps over a big snake.

"3, 2, 1, BRAKE!"

Everyone enjoyed jumping over the snake.

Here's the park's real star.

Let's see . . . an alpine slide named "Toboggan Run" with a caveman lifeguard. Yep, makes perfect sense to me.

All lined up and ready to go!

"Er, Ginny? Brake? BRAKE!! OH MY GOD! OH THE HUMANITY!"

"A planet where apes evolved from zombie Ultimate Frisbee players?"

"Do you fear death?"

Enjoy your ride on the Dave Thomas Experience!

"Mommy, the Dave Thomas Experience was really weird."

After riding the Dave Thomas Experience, a dinosaur may chew your arm off--but this is an upcharge.

Goodbye, Merimbula--your lamb steaks rule!

It was quite a haul to Sydney.

This is Canberra. OK, moving right along.

I think this is a shot from an Australian Viagra commerical, but I'm not sure.

"Oh, you want this?"

"Yes, yes! I do indeed want it! Yes I do!"

"There here it comes, bitch!" (This is how Robb was doling out the remaining park-related swag.)

I think this picture sums up the Robb-and-Elissa dynamic perfectly.

I'll leave you with this disturbing doll I found in the Sydney airport. They used to sell stuff like this at Mama Steve's House of Pancakes in Williamsburg as late as the mid-1980s. Thanks for reading!

Edited May 19, 2011 by cfc

[Ginny]

Great job Chuck! Thanks for all the hard work of putting the trip report together, and also thanks for being my bus buddy for the trip.

[jray21]

Awesome report chuck, Thanks! I love the picture of Robb chucking the hell out of the toy!

[JimmyBo]

Awesome stuff Chuck! Once again, your comments on your photos are freaking hilarious and always have me laughing. Even though I finished my report before you (muahahaha) I still think you were the better cameraman on this trip. The pictures you took awesome!

 

Jimmy "Can't wait for another trip with Chuck" Bo

[cfc]

^I'm looking forward to traveling with you and Cassie again, too--thanks! Great job on your TR, especially the names of the various embassies in Canberra.

 

Thanks to everyone for reading.

[milst1]

Two words: Awe some. Thanks for the great report!