yay101 Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 So today I went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and every ride was open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wily J Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 It started raining, and now my stupid wife can't stop looking through the window. If it really starts pouring down, I'm afraid I will have to let her inside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angle O. Descent Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 So this farmer was hitting the moonshine pretty hard one night. He storms into the bedroom to wake up his wife. In one arm he has the bottle of moonshine, and in the other arm he has a pig from the barn... Farmer: "this is the cow I bang when you're not around!" Farmer's wife: "you're drunk, that's a pig in your arm!" Farmer: "I wasn't talkin' to you!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wily J Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 ^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SixFlagsAstroworld Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Heard this from my dad yesterday: Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pirate Posted June 1, 2016 Share Posted June 1, 2016 Three dead men go up to Heaven and an angel asks them this: "Say something and you will have a lifetime supply of it." One man shouts "GOLD!" and gets a lifetime supply of gold. The next man shouts "CHOCOLATE!" and gets a lifetime supply of chocolate. The third man trips over a cloud and says "Oh, ****!" and gets a lifetime supply of... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matman-TheRide Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Click the link for a funny video about dancing squirells and George W Bush fucking an owl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wily J Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matman-TheRide Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Observe as I get away with swearing on TPR fuckbitchasscuntshitdickcraptwat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthwnd Posted July 24, 2016 Share Posted July 24, 2016 Never trust an Atom. They make up everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 Here's a more sexual joke: Speaking of sexual jokes... What's the difference between a gay man, and a refrigerator?? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. . . (Sorry, I had to) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SixFlagsAstroworld Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 What is the fear of long words? hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted August 5, 2016 Share Posted August 5, 2016 ^ I thought that said "quesadilla" towards the end of the word. . . Now I want Mexican food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack44 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 What did George Washington way when he ate hazelnut spread? I can nutella lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pirate Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 A bear and a squirrel are walking down a forest path next to a river. Suddenly, the river genie pops up. "Sigh, two of you? Eh. Let's do it in turns" says the river genie. "Mr. Bear, what is your first wish?" Bear: "I want every other bear in the forest to be female." The genie grants his wish. Genie: "What about you, Mr. Squirrel?" Squirrel: "I want a motorbike." The bear is in disapproval of the squirrel. The genie grants the squirrel's wish anyway. Genie: "What is your second wish, Mr. Bear?" Bear: "Wait, no. I want every other bear in the COUNTRY to be female". The genie grants his wish. Genie: "Now for you, Mr. Squirrel?" Squirrel: "I want a motorbike helmet." The bear stares at the squrrel in disbelief and looks at the squirrel like he has three heads. The genie grants his wish. Genie: "What is your third and final wish, Mr. Bear?" Bear: "I have a better idea. I want every other bear in the W O R L D to be female." The genie grants his wish. Genie: "What is your third and final wish, Mr. Squirrel?" The squirrel turns on the motorbike engine and puts on his helmet. A split second later, the squirrel shoots off at top speed. Without looking back, he shouts "I WANT THE BEAR TO BE GAY!!!". The genie grants his wish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joelwee Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 Jeb and Willy were out dove hunting early one morning, when they found a deep hole in the ground. It was so deep, they couldn't see the bottom. As they stood there, looking at the hole, Jeb spotted an old car transmission sitting nearby. "Hey, Willy!" he said, "Let's drop this down the hole and see how long she takes to hit bottom." They hoisted the old hunk of steel into the hole. Just then, they heard a rustling in the bushes behind them. They turned around just in time to see a goat come charging through the bushes. It ran past them and, without thinking twice, dove headfirst into the hole. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking through the bushes. "Morning, fellers," he said, "Didja happen to see a goat come through here?" "Shore did," said Willy, "he dun came through them bushes and darned if he didn't jump right down that hole. Strangest thing I ever saw." "That's impossible," said the farmer, scratching his head, "I had 'im tied to an old transmission." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAmericanKnight Posted April 12, 2017 Share Posted April 12, 2017 (Alrighty folks, get ready to cringe at these pun-tastic Soviet history jokes) Vladimir Lenin may have kept Stalin at a lower level government position, but at least he was Lenin him have a job in the government. What did Leon Trotsky do when he was exiled to Mexico? He Trotted-sky out of the Soviet government. Why did Stalin join WW2 later on in the war? Because he was Stalin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midgetman82 Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 What do you call a chair travelling through space? A voy-a-chair (i take no credit for that joke) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted May 23, 2017 Share Posted May 23, 2017 I would make a gay joke.... Butt f**k it. (Sorry... I couldn't resist.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleRiderCam Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Did you know that the Titanic had a large shipment of mayonnaise for Mexico? When the shipment didn't arrive, the people of Mexico were deeply upset and declared a national day of mourning. It falls on the 5th of May every year and is known as Sinko de Mayo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Did you know that the Titanic had a large shipment of mayonnaise for Mexico? When the shipment didn't arrive, the people of Mexico were deeply upset and declared a national day of mourning. It falls on the 5th of May every year and is known as Sinko de Mayo. I laughed way to hard at this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted May 31, 2017 Share Posted May 31, 2017 Sorry for the double post, but...... "If an illegal immigrant fights a pedophile is that considered alien vs predator?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legocraft Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 A guy walks into a bar, he asks for an overused unfunny joke, and everybody reading got one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 The secret service just had to change the protocol for when the president is in danger. Instead of yelling "GET DOWN!!" They now have to yell "DONALD DUCK!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 What do you call a nun in a wheel chair??? Virgin Mobile!!! ---------------------- What did Brittney Spear's left leg say to her right leg??? Nothing... They have never been together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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