Ninjaturtle159 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 There are two muffins in the oven. One says "Man it is hot as hell in here!!!!" The other one says "Holy crap a talking Muffin!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caffeine_demon Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 The boss asked me to paint the numbers 1 to 10 on our car parking bays. When I finished he asked "Why is there a number 2 between 5 and 6?" I replies "Sorry, I was desperate, and there was someone in the toilet!" (if anyone doesn't understand, a "number 2" in england is actually a poop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokiesFriend Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions, to us seniors, a little clearer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmokiesFriend Posted November 4, 2012 Share Posted November 4, 2012 Another Good One! Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "predator" can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and survival of the pack mentality bred into the canines. See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator. Not for the squeamish Laughter is good for the soul.. Have a Great Day! Later Gator!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rollercoaster Rider Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 What's the difference between Human Centipede and Twilight? S*** Happens in Human Centipede Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanks4me05 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Why should women date engineers more often? Because they're really good at doing ∫ex indefinitely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theonetheonlyJT Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Chuck Norris and Superman once made a bet on who would win a sparring match between them.The loser had to wear his undies on the outside of his clothes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LolaEliot Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 How do you make Helen Keller go crazy? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SingleRiderCam Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Call of Duty and My Little Pony. There. I just said two jokes right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boardwalkbullet91507 Posted February 23, 2013 Share Posted February 23, 2013 Why did I divide sin(x) by tan(x)? Just cos! Math nerds, get it? I found this online. It definitely goes under the tacky category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrillseeker4552 Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Okay, mine is a little long. It's mainly a joke for Americans, but others might get it as well. There are 5 people on an airplane that is about to crash, but there are only 4 parachutes. The first person is President Obama. He says, "I am the President of this country, so I must save myself!" He takes a parachute and jumps. Now there are 4 people and 3 parachutes. The next person is Nancy Pelosi. She says, "I'm the smartest lady in America, so I must jump!" She grabs one and jumps. There are now 3 people and 2 parachutes. The next person is a guy who speaks a language nobody understands. He says, "Bdkfjalsjdkalxndjwlsjxnx" and jumps. We are now left with 2 people and 1 parachute. The first person is former President George W. Bush. The other person is an 11-year-old school girl. George says, "I'm the former President of the United States; I will sacrifice myself and let you jump." The school girl then says: "Nah, that's okay. The smartest lady in America took my school bag!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthwnd Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 One worm says to another, "You're beautiful - I love you" "Don't be silly" says the other worm, "I'm your other end." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerstlaueringvar Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 Nokia announced a new weapon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolkid Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? "Cheap, cheap!" How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? Why did the chicken say "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?" He was studying foreign languages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerstlaueringvar Posted December 1, 2013 Share Posted December 1, 2013 -Would you rather ride Orient Express or Son of Beast if you have a time machine? -Time Machine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthwnd Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 "Hi Dr.Phelps" "Hi Jimmy. Is something wrong with Rusty?" "Um no, but do you do Dog X-rays, Dr.Phelps?" "Yes we do Jimmy, why do you ask?" "Rusty ate my homework. I need proof." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djboss302 Posted April 2, 2014 Share Posted April 2, 2014 Why did the blonde put two quarters in her ear? Because she wanted to listen to Fifty Cent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamondbacker27 Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Okay, mine is a little long. It's mainly a joke for Americans, but others might get it as well. There are 5 people on an airplane that is about to crash, but there are only 4 parachutes. The first person is President Obama. He says, "I am the President of this country, so I must save myself!" He takes a parachute and jumps. Now there are 4 people and 3 parachutes. The next person is Nancy Pelosi. She says, "I'm the smartest lady in America, so I must jump!" She grabs one and jumps. There are now 3 people and 2 parachutes. The next person is a guy who speaks a language nobody understands. He says, "Bdkfjalsjdkalxndjwlsjxnx" and jumps. We are now left with 2 people and 1 parachute. The first person is former President George W. Bush. The other person is an 11-year-old school girl. George says, "I'm the former President of the United States; I will sacrifice myself and let you jump." The school girl then says: "Nah, that's okay. The smartest lady in America took my school bag!" I just lol'd in class and I got in trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthwnd Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 This just in.... D'oh! Curse you, Sherry Bobbins! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I love pie Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, ash can't screw in light bulbs. I'm going to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I305forever Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 ^ Ha. I can top that. Three jews went into a shower. The end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheCoasterKid211 Posted April 22, 2016 Share Posted April 22, 2016 Three jews went into a shower. The end. That's horrible, shame on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoinItForTheFame Posted April 23, 2016 Share Posted April 23, 2016 How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?None, ash can't screw in light bulbs. I'm going to hell. ^ Ha. I can top that. Three jews went into a shower. The end. These are both so awful... Yet so funny. . . And while we are on the topic of Jews: What's the difference between a Pizza and a Jew??? A Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. .......... (Looks like I am going to hell too!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdcon Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 On the topic of jews. How many jew can you fit into a vw beetle? 1 in the trunk and 99 in the ash tray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thrillseeker4552 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 On the topic of jews. How many jew can you fit into a vw beetle? 1 in the trunk and 99 in the ash tray. I shouldn't be laughing at this. This is terrible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now