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Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures


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Its not a bad park, its just a half day attraction. I think it is more for locals than anything. They always have concerts going and I think that is a big pull for them right now. I loved the glass bottom boats when I was little and I still do today. It does have a few bad areas but it has personality and history.

 

I liked the park.

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Is it just me, or does the bear sign primarily exist to refute complaints:


  • "The bear isn't lonely, it's antisocial"
    "It isn't losing it's marbles in captivity, it's expecting a delicious meal any minute now!"
    "We aren't ignoring grooming the bear, it's a natural, seasonal process found in nature"
    "This bear may not look like much, but it's the subject of a famous Disney character! Well, a Disney character anyways. For reals!"
    "The bear habitat looks sketchy, but it really lives in a condo! Just as nice as yours! So shut up about it!"

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And Robb pumps up this "World of Beers" place so much!!!!!!!

 

You know, the whole "world of bears/beer" joke occurred to me, but I couldn't quite make it work. Way to pull it off!

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SyFy is missing a great opportunity here.

 

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There needs to be a giant-croc or mutant-snake movie shot here now. I'm sure they can bang something together in a week and have it ready for broadcast. Or if they wanted to be different, how about "Mega-Algae v. Fungaroid"?

Edited by cfc
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  • 1 month later...

We're not dead. Just been working a bit more recently, and had to cut something out. No, not Oddventuring. Just, you know, posting those Oddventures. Still, I've carved a bit of time away today to tell you about a funky little tourist attraction in a funky little tourist town. There is absolutely no reason to go to this place, which is why we did. As usual, you're welcome.

 

St. Augustine History Museum

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The museum is small, pointless, carefully hidden amongst other similar attractions, and free with pretty much any sort of combo ticket you can buy.

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It's also a great example of how little you can accomplish when trying to make something out of nothing.

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The History Museum starts and ends inside Gator Bob's Trading Post, for added authenticity.

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This was the first motorized vehicle to reach St. Augustine, and carried the very first coupons the area had ever seen. Or, it was just something they had lying around. WHO CAN SAY?

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Holy crap, a 1000 year old canoe?! I would literally pay a million dollars to see that.

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Actual time travel. Now how much would you pay?

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THE CANOE

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When the universe was forged in the crucible of the Big Bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old.

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It's a bit too blurry to make out the last word or two of the sign, and I honestly don't remember what it said, but I'm trying to convince myself that it was, "Touch a real Sabretooth!"

 

It was definitely "Touch a real" something. Prostate?

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This is just some crap.

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A f**king horse, yo.

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Who's the punk now, Mr. Pirate? You're in a sh**ty museum! That's right, hold up that lantern, b**ch!

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Florida was not in the Civil War.

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The etymology of the word "cracker" in this usage is disputed.

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I have nothing bad to say about model trains.

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Visit the Old Jail, brought to you by Florida Crackers.

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This is, like, the the greatest collection of whatever-kind-of-machines-these-are anywhere.

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Gator Bob's, World's Bigist. (Misspelling of "bigotedest" theirs, not mine.)

 

Oh, settle down, it's just a joke.

 

The St. Augustine History Museum. They have a model train.

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My mother suggested it might be, "Touch Real Spanish Silver." Seems as likely as anything.

 

And my train-loving friend thanked me for not insulting the model railroad.

 

So far, I have not been contacted by the St. Augustine Historical Society.

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If you ever find yourselves in Virginia, you'll probably want to check out the Army Transportation Museum at Ft. Eustis in Newport News.

 

Or maybe not. (Well, it does have a hover car on display.)

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  • 2 weeks later...

About two and a half years ago (Really? Damn...!) Smisty and I visited Dinosaur World in Plant City, Florida. And we enjoyed it. Since then, however, Dinosaur World has undergone a major expansion. Which is all the excuse we needed to make a return visit.

 

You don't have to read the original trip report first (back on page 9). In fact, it might even be better to read it after this one, since the new expansion is, basically, a whole new front-end for the park. Or read it in the middle. I'll tell you when.

 

Oh hell, just do what you want.

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Yes, it's a bigger, fancier entrance! Hooray!

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Smisty is happy with the new gift shop/entrance.

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The price is now $14.95 for adults (up $2.00 from what it was before). Not bad, considering.

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New dinosaurs that aren't ridiculous colors!

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And what's this? An indoor thing? (Good, because it totally rained on us the whole time we were there.)

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Oh, I'll just bet.

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Actually, the museum is pretty cool. Big, too. It could use a few stand alone displays, just for verity. Instead, pretty much everything is in these wall cases.

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Megalodon reeth. (No, that's not a misspelling, but a hilarious in-joke that will make sense to you only later.)

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I'm just showing you stuff from the cool animals.

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Wait, they grew new what?

 

(See? I told you!)

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These would be the realistic animatronic dinosaurs. Please do not show this photo to some small children.

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This does seem the most likely.

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And...the new restrooms are just as awesome as the old ones.

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Where to now, Smisty?

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I thought T-Rex was bigger. Oh, they're young ones? That's a good trick.

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The new Fossil Dig doesn't seem as good. But that's okay, because the old one is still in the back half of the park.

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Before you can go in, though, you need to read the rules. Got it? Cool.

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This path leads past a couple of new dinos and into the old entrance to what is now the back half of the park.

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To the right is the old entrance/gift shop, now closed off. My idea, free for the taking, Dinosaur World: Turn it into a restaurant so you have some kind of food offering. You're welcome.

 

Now would be a good time to pause, go look at the original trip report, and then come back.

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You didn't do it, did you? Oh well, back to the new stuff.

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Lots of new playground stuff.

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Some dinosaurs evolved to have slides coming off of them, to throw off predators that leapt onto their backs.

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Hey...that needs to be cleaned.

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Excuse me, sir, which way back to the gift shop?

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Inside the gift shop (which is way bigger than the old one, by the way), you can find this stuffed alligator...

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...patches for your jacket (does anyone still do that?)...

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...and, um, Godzilla toys.

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Still, it's better than this.

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We liked Dinosaur World before, and now it's even better. It just feels a bit more...legit.

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But not that legit.

Edited by Electerik
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  • 1 month later...

Turns out the Congo River Golf location in Kissimmee has paddle boats.

 

It really doesn't take much to talk us into playing mini golf.

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Okay, the flamingo boat is whatever. But just look at the cute little African Queen paddle boats!

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I'm not paying money to hold an alligator. But I would totally buy a shirt if they had them in my size. But they don't because I'm a.) fat, and b.) not a child.

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This location has two 18-hole courses.

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Both courses are very nice, but pretty much interchangeable.

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Several holes have these spinner things, in case you want to make the game wackier.

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And, like all Congo River Golfs, there's a scavenger hunt!

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I found the mask!

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Wait, I thought the X-Men were good guys....

 

[Fun with grammar!]

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Those three signs should allow you to triangulate the exact location of Congo River Golf, should you decide you'd like to play here some day.

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Man, Storm really effed-up that dude's ship.

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I was too lazy to walk up there, so I just took a picture.

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That was a joke, by the way.

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How's that spinner thing working out for ya, Smisty?

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This is the least goofy picture I could find of myself.

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Wait, he does? Okay, then we will, too!

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This photo was taken by the Congo River Golf employee who got us set up with the paddle boat. I don't know his name, so I've decided to call him Admiral Kirk, for no specific reason.

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HEART OF DARKNESS

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Well, that's not a good sign.

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About a quarter of the way into our journey, the steering gave out. ADMIRAL Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically-engineered intellect that allowed us to survive.

 

I could go on. Don't test me.

 

Also worth mentioning is that the Admiral told us that the steering might go out, but didn't actually tell us what we should do if it did. But I shall have my revenge, I assure you. I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up!

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In other news, we are dead.

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