Computer illiterate people that think they know things

[Oreos]

Well, I felt TPR needed one of these so I decided to give 'em one.

 

Rules: This thread is about people who think or act like they're tech savvy, and fail miserably. This could be smug kids saying their macbook could run Crysis on decent settings to garner attention, teachers at school spouting out things that make no sense and trying to get away with the "I'm the teacher, I'm right" excuse, or the usual haberdashery and whatnot. It also requires a sense of humor and humility to view.

 

Please don't laugh at average people. We're here to laugh at the ACTUAL stupid people.

 

Please no blind hatred or fanboyism unless it's absolutely necessary or if it's for humor, IE "lol mac idiots think they r so much better/pcs suck b coz mac is better"

 

Well, that's pretty much the rules of the thread.

 

...

 

My dad thinks opening task manager puts a scratch on the Hard Drive.

[haux]

Former Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska described the Internet as a "series of tubes" and said his staff sent him an "Internet" that he got days later. This man was on the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation, which oversees an Internet subcommittee.

[paintballer]

Haha

[Oreos]

[Vekoma Fan Boy]

My dad thinks opening task manager puts a scratch on the Hard Drive.

Uhm, okay, why does he think this?

 

 

 

 

 

Vekoma "My hard drive must be scratched to hell, because "End Now" doesn't END freaking NOW!!" Fan Boy

[Oreos]

My dad thinks opening task manager puts a scratch on the Hard Drive.

Uhm, okay, why does he think this?

 

You know the way computer illiterate people are. They get the so-called facts from their so-called "expert" friends.

[ebl]

My niece thought that using Ad-Aware put spyware, malware, etc. ONTO your hard drive, so she deleted the program from her computer. Guess what? The drive started running really slow and eventually crashed because it got infected with...drum roll please...spyware, malware, etc...

 

Eric

[ginzo]

I used to work in a Network Operations Center where we'd field calls about broken computer networks from customers. One tech from a major bank called in and told me they had an alarm on one of their ATM sites. I asked him what the alarm said. He told me, "It says, 'Machine is out of cash.'"

 

I'm sure I have like 500 stories like that, but that's one that comes to mind.

[netdvn]

I've got a few fun ones... Most of them come from my parents. Since my mom does a lot of stock trading and bank account viewing on her laptop, she is insanely paranoid about what goes on her computer. She doesn't let other people use it and when other people do use it she monitors what they're doing to avoid "getting viruses".

 

- My mom thinks that clicking the "skip this ad" button on those annoying ads that play while trying to enter another website gives viruses.

- Message boards, blogs, and social networking sites are considered "chat"

- Almost everything on the Internet contains viruses

- Scrolling the cursor over embedded ads contains viruses

- Parents don't know about tabbed browsing yet

- My history teacher called the Internet server "IE, Firefox, or Safari"

- Errors on the computer usually means that a virus has infected it

- Upgrading Windows software to the latest version is illegal

- Downloading anything off the Internet is illegal (sorta true)

- Every time I minimize a program, one of my classmates thinks I closed it

[Angry_Gumball]

Here are several. I'll start with myself because I was not always computer savy until around when Windows XP came about. I knew the basics (could turn on, shut off, surf the web, etc) before, but not a whole lot. So here goes mine first...

 

-I initially thought a monitor was the computer...which I guess stems from the old Apple computers that were all-in-one.

 

-At school, my friends and I are talking about computers as they weren't so common. They asked me if I had a computer so I told them "yea." Followed by that they asked me if it was a PC or a Mac...I stood there dumbfounded for a second and then replied "It has Windows 95." The 3rd question thrown at me was "How fast is it?" I told them that I did not know, then saying that "I'm not a computer nerd...I just use it."

 

-After being shown RollerCoaster Tycooon original, and prior to not being aware of software piracy, I asked my friend if I can copy the stuff from his CD (800mb worth of content) to my floppy disk (1.44mb) so I can play it...I quickly just went and made the purchase, thus ending my social life.

 

-When learning the ropes of using computers, and installing drivers, I asked "Will this HP driver work on that Epson scanner over there?" I received a weird look followed by a nice answer.

 

Now, to turn the tables. I see stuff come into my work with customer's instructions on what to do on their orders, and try to sound technological. I've read things like "Please upload this video tape to a CD disk." I've people also say that I was wasting film when using a digital camera until I explained about the digitalness of it. I've also been told not to download anything back when we first got our computer, that's how you get viruses (some cases true I guess), and chat rooms cost you some serious money.

 

Lastly, this kid (computer nerd by the way) tried telling my brother that iPods only work with a Mac. Seconds later, my brother whips his out only to show him that it's formatted to Windows. The quick cover up response was "Oh, they must have changed it." Fortunately, I'm not around too much wannabe computer literate people.

[Oreos]

Hmm, seems to have gotten a bit quiet.

 

Was it something I said?

[wumwip]

I was told that free online game sites are what cause viruses... because the game temporarily removes the anti-virus protections from your computer for you to access the game, allowing viruses to enter...

[Foxy Roxy]

I was told that free online game sites are what cause viruses... because the game temporarily removes the anti-virus protections from your computer for you to access the game, allowing viruses to enter...

 

That's the flawed logic I received in Freshman year Technology Applications. Then again those computers were running Windows 2000 with IE4... with little effort, I probably could setup a server, and download a virus to the network, and infect the main servers to the point where I would have completely control of it. In theory, I could edit the entire school's information.

 

However, I have no desire to do such a thing, however it would be a fun project.

[wumwip]

^

[kcsteve]

My dad used to call his Compaq mini-tower the hard drive.

 

This lady at work would right-click the buttons in the taskbar to minimize windows instead of using the window's minimize button. Watching her minimize every window that way was painful.

[davisal771]

Can this be used for cell phones too?

 

Me: "My slide keeps dropping calls" (Later fixed)

Mom: "All those websites you went on gave you gave you a virus!"

Me: "Why would anyone put a virus on my phone?"

Mom: "They want to steal your minutes!"

[Sasquatch]

"You shouldn't be on Facebook, you might aswell just give your personal information to every pervert in the world"

 

"If I want to pay for something over the internet, where do I put my card??"

 

"Webcam?? That's a sensor that makes the screen brighter if it's really bright in here"

 

... are words that actually came out of my parents' mouths.

[BaMiTsPaT]

I built my computer from parts that I bought through the internet (Tigerdirect, Newegg, etc.) and whenever my friends come over they ask me what company I bought it from and how they're macbooks "rape it". What would you call this behavior?

[mightbeawannabe]

My teacher preached to us that we all didn't know the proper way to run a computer.

 

"When you want to open a program or internet, you're supposed to right click on the icon and left click run or open."

 

"To properly save to a flash drive, you must first close all other windows so those pages don't get saved too."

 

"All internet pages have at least one virus on them. Be careful over which one you go to."

 

"A page that says: 'Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage' means that the proxy stopped the site because the site just put a virus on the computer."

 

...ssSmack!

[ebl]

^ Your teacher =

 

Eric

[davisal771]

^^ Your teacher would make me wanna punch him/her in the throat....

[RedB]

My teacher preached to us that we all didn't know the proper way to run a computer.

 

"When you want to open a program or internet, you're supposed to right click on the icon and left click run or open."

 

"To properly save to a flash drive, you must first close all other windows so those pages don't get saved too."

 

"All internet pages have at least one virus on them. Be careful over which one you go to."

 

"A page that says: 'Internet Explorer cannot display the webpage' means that the proxy stopped the site because the site just put a virus on the computer."

 

...ssSmack!

 

Please tell me this moron isn't your computer teacher.

[mightbeawannabe]

^Literature.

[triggernel]

My elementary school used Apple's (K-5). Upon entering middle school, we were required to take a computer basics class (Windows). At the beginning of the year, I had never even heard of Microsoft Office, or any of its programs. Apparently neither did my teacher. By the end of the semester, I was practically teaching the class myself. It was pretty pathetic. Needless to say, she wasn't back the next year.

[spaceace12]

Pulled a computer prank on a co worker today. While he was on his break, I put a piece of masking tape over the laser part of his mouse. It still looked normal, but the cursor wouldn't move if he tried. I fessed up to it and he said he restarted the computer twice and unplugged the mouse before he seen the piece of tape.