Sir Clinksalot Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML This one is the best EVER!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VegasCoaster Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Nothing too bad, but a true one. Shortly after my birthday my room mates and I moved out of our old apartment to avoid one of the other room mates. He had started stealing stuff from one of our room mates and apparently was peeing on people's bathmats for no reason. My girlfriend decided to buy me two TPR DVD's and didn't know that I had moved, and now my old room mate "claims" to never have seen them so nobody knows where they are. FML. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
netdvn Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 ^ FMLs are supposed to start with "Today". Here's mine... Today, I was waiting for my Dorney Park brochures to arrive in the mail. They didn't. MLIA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larrygator Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 Today I went into this thread to be amused and instead had to read about someone waiting for park brochures and maps to arrive. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjaco Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 ^ Can you say overkill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chmilo24 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Today I went into this thread to be amused and instead had to read about someone waiting for park brochures and maps to arrive. FML Today, while we were eating dinner, my 11 year old brother asked me what masturbation was. I looked at my dad, shocked, and he said "Well aren't you going to answer?". I had to explain what masturbation was in front of my whole family. At the dinner table. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Starr Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 I personally like MLIA and Texts From Last Night better than FML's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chmilo24 Posted July 16, 2009 Share Posted July 16, 2009 Texts From Last Night Are way funnier and just nastier than any of them. But if you want the nice PG ones the FML is cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rollerboy Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Something TPR-related: Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yankee cannonball Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 ^^Lol I checked out that site and it's the funniest thing I've ever read. The best one I've read so far, "(919): i literally forgot his name and just started calling him 'waffles'" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADCHEEZ Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Here is another good site. All about the dumb customers you REALLY wanted to slap but if you did, you would get fired! www.Notalwaysright.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mayberry21 Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I had my first hospital experience last week, I was there for three days. Today I went for blood work at a clinic; the hospital said I could walk-in, no appointment was needed. The nurse at the clinic said not only is it appointment-only but they couldn't do it because they didn't have "orders" from the doctor (she proceeded to get cocky with me; I'm lucky my mom was there to calm me down cause I was ready to go off on her). Then I went to my regular doctor; she sent me to some sort of lab. My arm at this point...from taking so much blood @ the hospital...was bruised; I had to have this guy with missing front teeth and bad breath jam a needle into my almost-blue arm until he was finally able to find a vein. To top it off, I had to go back home because I forgot my insurance card. F M L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Team Thriller Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML --James Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkStitch626 Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 LOL hey I found a new one for today thats "theme park related". "Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dammie16@vt.edu Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Today I signed onto TPR only to find out that this stupidity had invaded -FML P.S. That customer site is pretty sweet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paintballer Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^ High five, FTT...You can figure it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dammie16@vt.edu Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^No I can't not to up on the lingo here lol but thanks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rollerboy Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^ F This Thread... Maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atem122 Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I felt more sorry to hear that BBW was closing than I did when I heard MJ died...something is seriously messed up with me FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bolliger&Mabillard Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 I work at a place where "maturity" and "responsibility" are talked about as if the company was built upon the ideals, yet they approach every single empoyee as if they were 16. FML and FMJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paintballer Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 ^ F This Thread... Maybe? Ding Ding! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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