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Erik & Misty's Smoky Mountain Adventures


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I could have sworn that something about the milling process caused something (the air?) to become extremely flammable, which would explain all of the no smoking signs.

 

That lunch looks very tasty.

 

EDIT: Found it.

From wikipedia: Flour dust suspended in air is explosive. In medieval flour mills, candles, lamps, or other sources of fire were forbidden. Some devastating and fatal explosions have occurred at flour mills.

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November 14th was Misty's birthday. So we celebrated by doing...well, pretty much the same kind of stuff we do anyway: Dollywood, the Aquarium, and...

 

Ripley's Davy Crockett Mini Golf

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Davy Crockett. Man. Myth. Raccoon. He invented the bowie knife. And he’s dead now.

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Neither of us won the free game on this one.

 

And, as has become our custom, we did not keep score.

 

And, really, the important thing--especially on Misty’s birthday--was that we had fun.

 

So to speak of winners and losers would be meaningless.

 

Let’s move on.

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“Golf ball goes down the hole.”

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This hole is 3 frogs awesome.

 

It's like wolves, but they're frogs.

 

(Because, eventually, everything turns into a Mitch Hedberg joke in my world.)

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What? This is how I dress for mini golf.

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“Hey, you kids. Get a room.”

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Just to prove that we were actually there at the same time.

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I just like that this figure floats around on a tether. It’s the simple things that amuse me.

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Wait, “please do not lean on fences or handrails”? Then what on earth are they for?

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The Village Course now, my dear. I insist.

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This hole is insane. Not only is it nearly impossible to hit it into either of the two channels, but then you’re deposited on a very long green on the other side of the road. Honestly, I was quite happy to score a 4 on this one.

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Because it was her birthday, I promised to take 100 pictures of her. (Plus, I let her carry only jackets and umbrellas in her backpack, instead of the customary live raccoon.)

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An overview of what’s ahead. And yes, the two courses are divided by a road that you go underneath.

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Misty points towards where she thinks the hole is.

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I’ll be honest; I’m not quite sure why the beaver is holding a giant toothbrush.

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The Smisty, still laughing about my 9.

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This hole proved to be my kryptonite. I scored a 9 (which isn't even possible).

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If you putt it through the middle, the bear rears up and eats that dude.

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Though often glossed over by many of today’s historians, it is nevertheless true that Davy Crocket was, in fact, a full-blooded raccoon.

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“I sure am a lucky turtle.”

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The birthday girl chooses to start on the Fort Crocket course.

 

In case you’re wondering, the “ADA” course starts with the first 9-holes of Fort Crocket, then switches to the back 9 of the Village.

 

Or perhaps you were not wondering.

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I love stuff like this: A map of the two 18-hole courses and how they intertwine.

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...or even a pressed penny.

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The clubhouse, where you can buy a souvenir coonskin cap...

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Upon entering Gatlinburg (from Pigeon Forge), Davy Crockett is the first mini golf course you’ll encounter.

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Davy Crockett's was really fun, but I think I still prefer the mountainside Hillbilly Golf, even though it lacks all the talking animals...

 

Oh, is it comparison time? Very well!

 

 

Erik's Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge/Sevierville Mini Golf Roundup!

 

From best to worst:

 

Hillbilly Golf (Page 1)

Old Gatlinburg Golf & Games (Page 17)

Old MacDonald’s Farm (Page 3)

Pirate Golf, at MagiQuest (Page 18)

Adventure Golf (Page 16)

Davy Crockett Mini Golf (Page 36)

Blindshot Barnaby’s Circus Golf (Page 13)

Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure Golf (Page 22)

Hazzard County Country Club, at Cooter’s (Page 28)

Firehouse Golf (Page 32)

Treasure Quest (Not yet covered)

Lazerport (Page 20)

Gator Golf, at The Track (Not yet covered)

Smoky Mountain Fantasy Golf (Page 7)

Dragon’s Lair Fantasy Golf, at Nascar Speedpark (Not yet covered)

Other Dimension, at Ober Gatlinburg (*)

 

* Ober Gatlinburg's update is on Page 7. However, the mini golf course was not covered. So here's a photo of it:

 

 

It should also be noted that it's been awhile since I've played Treasure Quest, Gator Golf, and Dragon's Lair--so I reserve the right to rearrange this list later, if need be.

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I don't know how these hybrid photos work, but is it possible to re-edit this to make the train color too?

 

No, I don't think so. It wasn't done in camera, but with ACDSee (photo editing software).

 

And now (since you sort of asked), way too much information on how this photo came about!

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Only then did it occur to me that I could jack the saturation back up, and it wouldn't affect the now-black-and-white-looking train. (I also cropped it, to remove the bits of color in the bottom right.)

 

This still isn't quite the final product, though. I think I sharpened it a bit, as well.

 

But yeah, I'm pretty proud of it, considering my relatively amateurish, low-tech approach.

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Just to see what would happen, I dialed down the color saturation, so that just the foreground was left with a hint of color. Which I thought looked kind of cool.

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The original photo was quite interesting to begin with, with a sort of haze around the train/background.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Guinness Book of Records, in Gatlinburg, is kind of like Ripley's Believe It Or Not, except less interesting. The problem, I think, is the concept itself. “Records” are just words on a piece of paper. It might be interesting that the greatest number of beers drank in a day is 119, but 119 empty beer bottles strewn around a really drunk-looking mannequin simply isn’t.

 

Actually, maybe that would be. They should have done that.

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The exit dumps you at the back of a mall. But at least it was decorated for Christmas!

 

Perhaps I’m being too harsh on poor Guinness. It’s better than World of Illusions.

 

I guess.

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Is it over?

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If this update only consisted of one photo, this would be the one.

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Okay, in all seriousness, I really have no idea what this is supposed to be. There’s no explanation given. It’s a car with a mummy in the back seat, and Elvis with a black box for a head on the hood.

 

Kicking the tires does nothing.

 

Just...fudge you, Guinness!

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The world’s most motorcycle- shaped advertisement.

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Oooh, literature! This should be good!

 

I didn’t get a good photo of it, but on the wall in there are two placards. One says that the best selling book of all time is the Guinness Book of World Records. The other, that the best selling non-fiction book of all time is the bible. See if you can find at least two things wrong with that.

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So, Guinness Book of Records takes a really wide view as to what qualifies as a record. Can you guess why the Batcave is here?

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These are chairs.

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If they’re so tall, why did they put them on pedestals?

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$35 a pound is a lot and all, but really? That’s the record?

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This would be a really good place for the drunk guy.

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She looks really good, though.

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I refuse to believe that Elvis owned a speedboat named, “Hound dog.”

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Well, that’s rather insensitive!

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I’m...not really sure what’s going on here, to be honest.

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The current “dislocated- shoulder discus” world champion.

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Sports. (I think that runner dude is gonna run into that hurdle.)

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Wait, ducks were on the ark? This is some kind of joke, right?

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FAIL

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Misty is very impressed.

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World’s biggest some kind of tree, once.

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Space stairs. That you can sit on.

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Megalodork!

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I guess they figure, if you paid $10 to get in here, you’ll believe anything.

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You push a button, hold you breath for as long as you can, then push another button, and it shows you how long you held your breath for.

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Placards mark recreations of various small “world’s largest” things.

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You enter through the skeletal structure of a whale, or something.

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The entrance does a pretty good job of conveying the randomness you will encounter within.

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I guarantee you that somewhere at this very moment in time there's a redneck emphatically telling a family member that Elvis was really killed by a black box that fell on his head, and subsequently driven into by a driver-less black car with a mummy in the back seat.

 

I LOVE America.....and this report.

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Wow, just fascinating...really. You may have wasted $10, but at least you saved all of us from wasting it in the future, so it's for the greater good.

 

I'm looking forward to your report from the Titanic Museum when it opens. I am totally fascinated by the Titantic and quite possibly will make a trip just to see this museum. I've seen the traveling exhibit once and it was incredible.

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Very disappointing indeed.

 

I'm also looking forward to the Titanic Update as we'll be in alternate universe Pigeon Forge (aka Branson) next year and staying right next to the Titanic Place!

 

Thanks for this ongoing report, love it!

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^ Actually, I think it had something to do with the Batmobile being the world's most popular car or some nonsense. But you're still Poster of the Week!

 

And I suppose I should say that we didn't pay the full $10.00 each entry price. As locals, they let us in for $3.00 each. Which kind of makes me feel like a jerk for slamming the place.

 

Kind of.

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The one, the only Batmobile--accept no substitute!

 

I was wandering around Gatlinburg with my friends Brian and Sandy last Sunday, and we passed the Guinness attraction (along with lots of other touristy stuff). Brian and I were hoping for a rousing round of Black Light Golf, but these plans were vetoed by his sleepy wife (after a big meal at Calhoun's).

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Hollywood Star Cars Museum is another one of those attractions that we probably never would have done if it wasn't for this thread. First of all, neither one of us is all that into cars. But also, it looks a bit weak. I must say, though, we were pleasantly surprised....

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That’s too many letters.

 

Star Cars Museum...where the cars are the stars!

 

Awesomeness.

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Presumably, so that Giant Tom Cruise can try to sell you miniature cars.

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However, it’s blocked off. To exit, you must backtrack all the way back through the serpentine path of the museum.

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Dinosaurs make everything cooler.

 

On the left side of the photo is the apparent exit.

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I’m a huge James Bond fan. In fact, I probably would have checked this place out earlier if I’d know all this stuff was here. But really, the car from GoldenEye? It doesn’t even do anything! He drives it for, like, five seconds!

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Misty thinks I’m an incredible nerd for waiting for an explosion on the TV to take this shot.

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The Beach Boys vandalized this one.

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All the excuse anyone in Sevier County needs to work Dolly in somewhere.

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This is kind of weird. The stars of Ghostbusters apparently signed the ceiling.

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I wonder how much they paid for that?

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Kitt talks--though not actually to you, per se.

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"A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist."

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Bob’s road?

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I’ve never really thought of MASH as a car-oriented show, but okay.

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Oil, that is.

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Sorry, Smisty. You can’t get in it.

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It’s got gauges and canisters and stuff.

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Smisty’s favorite movie car.

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Roads?

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The alien, even less so. But the theater has an interesting little documentary on some guy that designed a lot of movie cars, so that’s cool.

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Um...not really anything to do with cars, guys. I’m just saying.

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The second level of the museum greets you thusly.

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Or you can settle for this freebee.

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For a price, you can get your photo inside any of the cars.

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The gift shop is a car, though.

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Misty is laughing at Batman. Presumably, because he is not a car.

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“All cars are the originals, no replicas”? Does Cooter’s know about this??

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As I’ve mentioned before, most attractions in the area give some sort of local discount. Star Cars is the first one we’ve encountered that just let us in for free, though!

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