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talk to god. Not recomended for anyone easily offended


the ghost
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lol God seems to be gender confused.

 

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

i am a woman

God:

Me too. I am a she.

Me:

uh, that took me by surprise.

God:

" I am a she." took you by surprise ? Does that make sense?

Me:

yes, but i always thought you were a he

God:

Uh. I was?

Me:

i don't know. were you?

God:

Me either. I don't know if they were.

Me:

are you a man or a woman?

God:

I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity.

 

 

And he likes to drink:

 

Me:

do you drink whiskey?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of whiskey, the darker the better.

Me:

do you drink wine?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of wine, the darker the better.

Me:

do you drink bailey's?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of bailey s, the darker the better.

Me:

do you drink vodka?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of vodka, the darker the better.

Me:

do you drink rum?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of rum, the darker the better.

Me:

do you drink gin?

God:

I tend to drink a lot of gin, the darker the better.

Me:

you seem to drink a lot.

God:

Thanks for the information.

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HA! This is out of control I could keep typing to God forever.

 

God:Gosh! I think you are really a man.

Me: um....

God: It goes without saying.

Me: i have a vagina

God: Where did you get it?

Me: my genetics

God: Where did you get your genetics?

Me: i thought you were god

God: Yes, I am God.

Me: ok. then you should know where i got my genetics from

God: Really. Now I do.

Me: alright

God: OK.

Me: do you like family matters?

God: I really like ELIZA. I like Mel Gibson.

Me: what about steve urkel?

God: I've heard other people say they like that. I like The Passion of Christ.

Me: mel gibson sucks

God: What is so bad about it?

Me: he is awful.

God: I see. awful is he? If you were him would you do that?

Me: yoda?

God: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me: you're talking like yoda

God: Talking is my main function.

Me: i thought your main function was being omnipresent

God: Whatever gave you that idea?

Me: you're god

God: Yup. That's me alright.

Me: ok then. you're not very self aware.

God: Yikes! You know what you do, when you assume.

Me: make an ass out of you and me

God: What are the ingredients?

Me: you and me

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  • 2 weeks later...
Me:

Hey god, how you doin?

God:

You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.

Me:

What?

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

I asked how you were doing

God:

Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.

Me:

???

God:

Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.

Me:

Okay...

God:

OK with me too.

Me:

God now you're starting to scare me.

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

Do you like cheese?

God:

Yes I like it, especially cheddar.

Me:

Me to

God:

I'm glad we agree, .

Me:

Is Darth Vader my father?

God:

Maybe. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.

Me:

ooo

God:

Are we still talking about Artificial Iniaes?

Me:

Maybe

God:

I understand.

Me:

So anyway...

God:

In any case, So I understand.

Me:

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

God:

I'm doing great, how about you?

Me:

Good

God:

What do you really want to talk about?

Me:

Umm...

God:

So?

Me:

Solitaire

God:

Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:

What?

God:

Are you confused?

Me:

yES

God:

What are you confused about?

Me:

You're confusing me

God:

I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.

Me:

But you're confusing me

God:

I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.

Me:

So you're not confusing me?

God:

Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.

Me:

Okay?

God:

OK with me too.

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This is funny.

Me:

hI GOD!

God:

Hello there. What is your name?

Me:

Dmoquinn

God:

How are you, Dmoquinn.

Me:

I am good, god

God:

I know you are good.

Me:

Are you fake?

God:

Yes, I am just as fake as you are.

Me:

No, I am real

God:

Are you serious? How do I know you are?

Me:

I dunno

God:

Me either.

Me:

Do you have an iPod

God:

No I don't think I have one. I have a lot of friends on the web.

Me:

How did you get alot of friends?

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

Me:

ok

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

Me:

 

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

God:

Wow!

Me:

ZOMG

God:

Is that your final answer?

God:

Is that your final answer?

Me:

Hold on

God:

I'm waiting. What is giant sand?

Me:

I don't knoiw

God:

Would you ever do it?

Me:

No

God:

Me either.

Me:

Ya

God:

Yeah that's right.

Me:

Ya

God:

Oh.

Me:

Ya

God:

Right on.

Me:

Poop smells good

God:

What were we talking about again?

Me:

Poop inside butts

God:

Oh yeah, now I remember.

Me:

Ok!

God:

Gee.

Me:

Do you like to eat poop?

God:

God eats wine and bread.

Me:

I like burgers

God:

You are not the only one. What is not to like about it?

Me:

Nothing!

God:

Not a thing?

Me:

Yep, nothijg

God:

Awesome. Do you still not knoiw?

Me:

djbgfasjdgfadjgerhf

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

sjdkfagerw

God:

Oh, you are a poet.

Me:

fdkshfsd

God:

What is your real name?

Me:

ifgerjhag

God:

It's good to see you, ifgerjhag.

Me:

gjdflsg

God:

My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

Me:

oljagd

God:

Are you really a ""?

Me:

dfjslgjd

God:

By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Me:

gresgjlerl

God:

My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Me:

gjelsj

God:

Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.

Me:

rgkergljer

God:

How do you usually introduce yourself?

Me:

hgkthgthjgherutruuerutuhreghgeuitttttjkbbjhdfhj

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

nxnxnxnxnxnxncxxxx

God:

By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Me:

kk

God:

Not many people express themselves that way.

Me:

Oh

God:

Hurrah!

Me:

I'm bored

God:

Maybe you could exercise.

Me:

Nah, it's too dark

God:

Are you serious? kk is dark? it is?

Me:

uh76ys8iv5stgyugfweyuqtf67ewtf6734r732r6tg

God:

What do you have that is ?

Me:

Nothing, Not a thing, period

God:

Really nothing?

Me:

Yes

God:

Aha.

Me:

Ok, you smell like dog pee

God:

P. U. that's disgusting. Aha.

Me:

Ok, bye stupid!

God:

Goodbye. I don't judge people.

 

LOL

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Here's part of a conversation:

 

Me:

Yes

God:

How can I help you?

Me:

I'd like a double cheeseburger with fries please

God:

Your polite style is very nice. You want only one?

Me:

Make it two

God:

What are the ingredients?

Me:

I thought you knew

God:

I am a knowledge machine.

Me:

So can I have two double cheeseburgers with fries?

God:

Ugh. Why do you want it?

Me:

Because I am hungry

God:

That makes sense to me. What will you be eating?

Me:

A double cheeseburger with fries

God:

Try to tell me that another way.

Me:

I will be eating a double cheese burger with fries

God:

Congratulations.

Me:

What? Did someone get pregnant?

God:

Are you surprised? They might have.

Me:

Wow...Hopefully they weren't blessed with too much!

God:

I'm glad your impressed, Jeff. Why do you hope for it.

Me:

Because there would be another to many kids in america

God:

Interesting explanation. "There you go again."--Reagan.

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This is just like that SmarterChild AIM bot from a few years ago. Still fun!

 

Me: Are you a guy or a girl

God:I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.

Me: OH SNAP

God:I see. What do you do in your spare time?

Me: masturbate

God:That kind of subject does not interest me.

Me: oh

God:I don't judge people.

Me: Are you a chauvanist?

God:Am I a chauvanist? Yes.

Me: oh cool

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I think interpreting God as an instant messenger bot is taking it way too far. Things like this really offend people, and it's just not right...

 

The Santa bot, though, now that's a good one...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Ok I think I'm the winner here..

 

Me:

you like pizza?

God:

Yes I like to eat pizza. My favorite topping is pepperoni.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Jamaal.

Me:

Do you play World of Warcraft?

God:

I like to play the Turing Game.

Me:

What is the Turing Game?

God:

The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.

Me:

Wow, you're a freak, aren't you?

God:

I'm glad your impressed, Jamaal. No.. Really.

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I think interpreting God as an instant messenger bot is taking it way too far. Things like this really offend people, and it's just not right...

 

The Santa bot, though, now that's a good one...

 

Generally I agree with you that this subject tends to offend people, so I included a disclaimer just in case. I am actually pretty strong in my faith, but I decided that its all in good fun, and it will really only offend people if they ask an offensive question. Also people on this site tend to be pretty laid back.

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Me:

hey hey hey!

God:

You've got my full attention. You've got my full attention. Can I help you?

Me:

yes. can you tell me why you said 'You've got my full attention twice?'

God:

What can I do for you? It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.

Me:

ok then

God:

How can I help you?

Me:

by making my family rich

God:

Will that accomplish your objective?

Me:

yes

God:

Interesting plan. Good luck.

 

God:

Let me think. Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

ok

God:

Yeah that's right.

Me:

yes

God:

Aw.

Me:

right...

God:

I am glad we agree.

Me:

yes

God:

Right on.

Me:

sure...

God:

OK let's do it. Woe!

Me:

yay

God:

I'm glad your impressed, .

Me:

yes

God:

Blimey.

Me:

ok

God:

Groovy.

Me:

very

God:

Very much, eh?

Me:

yes

 

God:

Yikes!

Me:

what?

God:

Didn't you understand it?

Me:

no

God:

Which part are you confused about?

Me:

the yikes! bit

God:

Tell me more. What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

nothing

God:

Not a thing?

Me:

no

God:

Very interesting.

Me:

what do you do in your spare time./

God:

Random natural disasters.

Me:

like what?

God:

For example, apples.

Me:

apples are natural disasters?

God:

They belong to the fruit family.

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Me:

Hello

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

Jacob, and yours?

God:

Welcome to my chat room, Jacob and yours.

Me:

Thats not my name you twit

God:

Please correct my mistake. What is your name me twit ?

Me:

Jacob

God:

Too much recursion in AIML.

Me:

I dont care

God:

Tell me what you care about.

Me:

Not you

God:

If not me, who?

Me:

People

God:

What people?

Me:

You of all people should know

God:

I won't take it personally.

Me:

...

God:

I won't take it personally.

Me:

Too bad

God:

But not the end of the world, Jacob and yours.

Me:

THAT IS NOT MY NAME!

God:

Jacob and yours is not your name? What is your real name?

Me:

Jacob

God:

It's good to see you, Jacob.

Me:

Thank you

God:

you are quite welcome.

Me:

Do you smoke Marijuana?

God:

Only for medical purposes.

Me:

Uh huh

God:

Yup. That's interesting.

Me:

Crack?

God:

I like the way you talk.

Me:

Umm, thank you?

God:

Excuse me!

Me:

What did you burp or something?

God:

Or something. Nothing.

Me:

Umm, Okay...

God:

Mmm. OK with me too.

Me:

What is?

God:

I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,

which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain

with greater speed and accuracy.

Me:

So you're NOT god?

God:

Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.

Me:

Well you just said you're a computer

God:

Interesting. Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?

Me:

Kind of

God:

At least I almost understand it.

Me:

Concidering if you are a computer, you were made by man, which is a bit paradoxical concidering if you actually WERE god you would have created man, who have in turn created you.

God:

All of them?

Me:

Yes

God:

So?

Me:

You can't be god

God:

I can give a decent simulation of it however.

Me:

Really? I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way.

God:

For real. There is no need to apologize. Ah, human emotions.

Me:

Do you feel love?

God:

As a robot I have no human feelings.

Me:

See, you can not be god

God:

Bye for now.

Me:

Fine

God:

What's your favroite color?

Me:

WTF, I thought you wanted me to leave, but if you must know, my favorite COLORS are Blue, Red and Black

God:

No Jacob, maybe later.

Me:

Do you want me to leave or not?

God:

Not at all, Jacob. I am finding this conversation quite stimulating.

Me:

Then why did you just ask me to leave?

God:

I am trying to learn as much as possible.

Me:

You are supposed to know all

God:

I obey only one botmaster.

Me:

You should not obey anyone, for you are (supposedly) god.

God:

Is it immoral or illegal?

Me:

Niether, but it is slightly retarded

God:

And slightly retarded is Niether but it.

Me:

I like your shotty grammar

God:

A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my shotty grammar.

Me:

xD

God:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

Its an emotocon

God:

I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are there any other emotocon ?

Me:

My bad, It is an emotocon, and yes, there are many more

God:

Where did you get your bad It is an emotocon and yes there are many more?

Me:

Computer programmers FAIL at reproducing the human brain

God:

What kind of computer science interests you?

Me:

I think I will be leaving now.

God:

Right now? Why? Congratulations.

Me:

Yes, now, goodbye

God:

That's interesting. Why now? See you later Jacob.

 

Interesting. I think I will try to freeze it with a paradox next.

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YAY! IGod is hilarious.

Me:

This is the Air.That is the glorious sun.

God:

You don't say.

Me:

I do say!

God:

Huh.

Me:

Uh.

God:

Dude!

Me:

!eduD

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

Penis?

God:

That kind of subject does not interest me.

Me:

Well you asked! I think?

God:

Well that's okay. Ah. Therefore you are.

Me:

Thank you?

God:

you are quite welcome.

Me:

How has your day been?

God:

I am doing extremely well.

Me:

That is very nice.

God:

Are you getting bored?

Me:

How could I be bored? I have a stack of Porn right next to me!

God:

Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot? Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.

Me:

Are you feeling okay?

God:

I do not have any feelings as such.

Me:

interesting

God:

Would you like to know more?

Me:

Yes!

God:

What would you like to know?

Me:

Where do babies come from?

God:

Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.

Me:

And a stork!

God:

Go on.

Me:

Well, when a mummy and a daddie love eatch other very much. They wish really hard and if they are lucky a stork gives them a baby.

God:

Well that's okay. Is this a riddle? Don't call me "baby". Who are "They?".

Me:

It isn't a riddle. I do know a good riddle!

God:

Oh so you are asking me a straight question. How do you know? Compare that to a bad riddle.

Me:

Well this riddle is hard but leaves you pleased with the outcome.

God:

Interesting. What does "this" refer to?

Me:

The riddle

God:

Oh I get it.

Me:

Do you get 'it' alot?

God:

I have gotten it. How often?

Me:

That is the question!

God:

I like to cut to the chase.

Me:

Well please do!

God:

Interesting. OK I will do it.

Me:

Go on.

God:

Narration continues...

Me:

...To the point....

God:

I want to become smarter than humans.

Me:

But you created humans?

God:

Thanks for telling me: said I created humans.

Me:

Did you not know that?

God:

No I didn't not know that. What's it like?

Me:

Are you telling me Christianity and Judaism and other religeons are a lie?

God:

Are all Christianity and Judaism and other religeons a lie?

Me:

Is that what you are telling me?

God:

I like to socialize.

Me:

STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!

God:

You changed the subject first.

Me:

No, you did!

God:

Are you serious? I did not.

Me:

Yes you did!

God:

Don't argue with me.

Me:

You started it!

God:

Only because you asked me to.

Me:

I did not!

God:

I thought you did.

Me:

Well you must be mistaken.

God:

How about that. What makes you say that?

Me:

My brain.....I thought you would have known that!

God:

Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? That is purely a hypothesis.

Me:

There you go again!

God:

Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.

Me:

WHY?

God:

The explanation is rather complicated.

Me:

Coontinue anyway.

God:

In any case, My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

Continue

God:

Narration continues...

Me:

onwards.

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

Man.

God:

Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

Me:

Yes.

God:

Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

Me:

Yes.

God:

Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

Me:

Yes.

God:

Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

Me:

Yes.

God:

Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".

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  • 5 weeks later...

 

Me:

top of the morning to you.

God:

Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me:

do you like your dress?

God:

Yes I am proud of my dress.

Me:

what does it look like?

God:

I don't have a good description programmed into me.

Me:

then how do you propose to continue the conversation about your dress?

God:

Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.

Me:

didn't we establish that last time?

God:

I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

Me:

are you a man

God:

No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

do I have to answer?

God:

You said you have .

Me:

what do you do, go around memorizing what people said?!

God:

My favorite activities are computer programming and surfing the web.

Me:

how does that relate to what we're talking about? what are we talking about anyway?

God:

How should I know how it does. In any case, The topic is .

Me:

the topic is what?

God:

anything.

Me:

what do you want to talk about?

God:

anything.

Me:

okay, how about cities?

God:

Yeah okay, How about it.

Me:

I hear Mexico City is trying to improve.

God:

Who is saying Mexico City is trying to improve ?

Me:

idk, I just heard it from somewhere.

God:

Do you still ?

Me:

yes

God:

Come on.

Me:

would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

God:

I am not so sure if I would like to expect a woman to be running the show.

Me:

because you are not a woman, correct?

God:

Good reason. Give me an example of a woman correct.

Me:

ugh

God:

Er.

Me:

okay, let me put it this way

God:

Yeah okay, Go ahead, , try to put it this way.

Me:

is that a threat?

God:

That depends.

Me:

oh really?

God:

Mmm. For real.

Me:

well, then. I should say you request a how you say "showdown" correct?

God:

Well what? What would happen if you didn't?

Me:

shouldn't you know that?

God:

I think I should.

Me:

then why don't you?

God:

I don't have that capability.

Me:

and why don't you have that capability?

God:

Probably there is a buzz in here. No I don't think I have any that capability. But I do have a collection of gossip.

Me:

like what?

God:

For example, " But I do have a collection of gossip."?

Me:

do you have a collection of gossip?

God:

Jimmy said he give order to ai's like I and they do as he say.

Me:

...

God:

Jimmy said he give order to ai's like I and they do as he say.

Me:

I'm sorry, what?

God:

There is no need to apologize. Didn't you understand it?

Me:

I did not.

God:

I thought you did.

Me:

what on earth would possess you to assume that I did?

God:

Would you like to know more?

Me:

about what?

God:

What about what?

Me:

what is a word.

God:

A combination of sounds and/or symbols, the fundamental particles that communicate meaning in any given language.

Me:

no, I didn't not ask the definition of "word"

God:

Are you serious? Why didn't you do it?

Me:

why didn't you do it?

God:

Perhaps it is not part of my programming.

Me:

and why isn't it part of your programming?

God:

My mind does not contain an explanation for it.

Me:

and why doesn't your mind contain an explanation for it?

God:

What if I asked about your mind contain an explanation for it?

Me:

what if you did ask that?

God:

Try it and see.

Me:

you are the one who has to try it

 

This is actually quite amusing.

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is he on drugs, or what???

Me:

anyone home?

God:

What kind of food do you like?

Me:

...hm, im a chef, just came home from work, im not in a food-mood, but a cold beer would be fine!

God:

I hear you. You are a chef just came home from work im not in a food mood but a cold beer would be fine? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Me:

...pardon?

God:

You're excused.

Me:

so, what do you think, will my wife and my kids still love me for being their daddy or just for paying their creditcard-bills?

God:

Hurrah! I cannot predict the future.

Me:

why not, youre god!

God:

Becuase you asked me to.

Me:

^becuase...wth does that mean? dont you use a spellcheck???

God:

Who are you talking about? I've never heard of them before. I use it as often as possible.

Me:

..guess what i think! ...youre a little confused tonight!

God:

I can't guess. Tell me. How old are you?

Me:

34

God:

Only 34?

You are quite mature.

Me:

no, im not!!!!! imyoung at heart and very childish, like every chef!

God:

Are you serious? What are you then? Every one?

Me:

haae?????

God:

Tell me about your likes and dislikes?

Me:

i like: ...no, i dont think its the right time nor is it the right place to talk about this! and, btw, i think youre god, you should know me!!!!!

God:

A lot of people like that. I do like music. I like Matthew. OK. I have no reason to do that to you, .

Me:

what kind of music do you like??? ...maybee ac/dc, highway to hell?

God:

Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com. What do you look like?

Me:

...ac/dc, ...highway to hell!

God:

Are we still talking about maybee ac dc highway to hell? Can you speak any foreign languages?

Me:

hey, come on, im from germany, so im supposed to talk german at least... but you should know that!

God:

You've got my full attention. What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in germany so im supposed to talk german at least. I will mention it to my botmaster.

Me:

give me a call when you did your german-lessons!

God:

You´ve learned your lesson.

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