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Theme Park Review's 2008 Asia Tour!


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Today was our transfer day from Beijing to Guangzhou. We boarded an early morning flight on one of those 747 "Combi" planes which is 1/2 passenger, 1/2 cargo. It's weird in a way, but also kind of cool.

 

We hit up one small park called "Nanhu Amusement Park" which looked like the kind of place that closed a little over a decade ago, but they forgot to tell the employees who dilligently keep it open. It was "weird."

 

Then we headed to a bonus park, Jing Ying Amusement Park, for a bonus credit! Yay!

 

Photos....

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Here is the view from our hotel. About 60 seconds after taking this picture all the lights went out due to the amount of laptop and camera charging in the room!

 

Next up...Chimelong Paradise!

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I think we have just sucked the power dry from the hotel.

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Dude! Room Ten-O-Two! Isn't this where Tom Hanks' Bachelor Party was??!?! DONKEY SHOW!!!!

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Why so serious???

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Nah, you can never pull the cop out of the donut.

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Rich has found a new career as a Chinese laborer.

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I'm king of the world!!!!

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Did we mention that this was a very bizarre mouse?

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...while KidTums gets a carousel credit!

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Momma gets a coaster credit...

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Yup, it's a mouse....litterally!

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This is a "two packs per day" control panel.

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It was a very bizarre mouse...not like anything I've ever been on before.

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This is why we like keeping TPR trips to small groups!

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BONUS CREDIT!!!

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Apparently this is some kind of important wall...CULTURE CREDIT!

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Well at least I feel safe that no one will be touching my self esteem!

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Yay! Bonus Park!!!

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It was time to board the Elissa Alvey bus of death and mortal sin.

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Despite Steve's honest attempt to look thrilled...it really was total crap...although if you were taller than about 5' 10" you totally hit your head on all the gags!

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We finally found the first dark ride of the trip!

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The splashdown boat has seen some better days.

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Hmm...I actually think this ride may be OPEN! Let's not go find out, shall we?

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Gift shop anyone??? Gift shop?

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But, no...all this one did was spin. :(

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After last year's Korea bounce fest, we were very happy to see a Tagada!

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If Joey can lift 20 pounds I'll pay for your "BeetleBen" prostitute tonight. (Don't worry, I know it's a safe bet!)

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When you were done getting your skull beaten apart, they had exercise equipment for you to use.

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Um...is that a bunny hill into a sidewinder?!?!? WTF!!!

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GO! GO! GO!....we nearly stalled out in the corkscrews!

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The first drop was....well.... "Weird"

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Oh, we can only call that section over there "Coat Hanger Madness!!"

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Do I *look* amused???

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The story behind this ride is that it was started by Arrow, but then later finished by Vekoma...yeah, we're going to die!

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Yay! Finally we get to the Arrow/Vekoma mutation!

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Right next door was a Jeff Johnson credit still under construction.

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Our first credit that isn't a credit of the day was the powered Dragon. KidTums says "Why am I riding this? I don't even count it!"

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OMG! Is that a REAL space shuttle???

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It was ghetto like Nara Dreamland, but yet it had none of the qualities that made Nara "cool." But wait...what is that I see...

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"Nanhu Amusent Park"....um, yeah...

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"Welcome to the most ghetto park of the trip so far!"

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We stopped off for a quick dim sum lunch where green stringy stuff seemed to be the dish of choice!

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Um...did we just land on the SUN?!!?

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The girls of TPR...totally crashed out!

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Here we are on Delta airlines!

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No seriously...it REALLY was Jackie Chan's cafe! (Remember him in Cannonball Run?)

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At the airport was Jackie Chan's Cafe.

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Here we are at the Beijing Airport. Every time we fly internationally we realize how crap most of the US airports are!

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Today was Chimelong Paradise...a nice park...not amazing like Happy Valley was, but a really nice, solid park.

 

It kind of reminded me of a Paramount Park before Cedar Fair came in, but with the Cedar Fair school of naming.

 

Everything had generic names...I mean EVERYTHING! "10 Inversion Coaster", "Dive Coaster", "Spinning Coaster", "Shoot the Chutes", "4-D Movie", etc, etc....

 

The coasters were all good too. This is probably the best collection of quality so far. Dive Machine was a SheiKra clone, which was fine because I love that ride and this one was equally as good. 10 Inversion of a clone of Colossus at Thorpe Park, but with less rattle. The Motorbike coaster, Half Pipe, the spinner and the kiddie were all good also.

 

Anyway, here's some photos....

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Overall it was a GREAT day at Chimelong...everyone is wiped out because of all that orgiastic screaming.

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ORGIASTIC SCREAM!!

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That's a LOT of water for just a "dabble"

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"Um, hello....DABBLED?!?!?"

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"Uh, oh...I was caught giving KidTums the chinese purple ice cream"

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"Can I ride too? I promise I'll hold on REAL tight!"

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Random Dive Coaster photo...just because!

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"Are you my mother?"

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UM....WTF is that thing!??!?! It just randomly wandered around the park!

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"OMG! SOOOOO MANY BALLS!!!!"

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Oy! Woman! Go vaccum the floor!

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And then it was time to play with some balls!

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First she does the Orgiastic Scream on the Flying Tigers.

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Time for a few "KidTums approved" rides.

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When they say "Spicy Chicken Wing" they mean the WHOLE wing!

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Cedar Fair marketing anyone?

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KidTums tries out for the part of "Zombie Baby" at Halloween Horror Nights.

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"Permanent" memory...it will be burned into your skull!

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Dirty, dirty whores!

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David ate a few people since yesterday but we were still able to fit him on Half Pipe!

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EVERYONE DUCK!!!! HE'S GOING TO SHOOT A CHILD OUT OF HIS VAGINA!!!!!

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Half Pipe was next. Does this really even count as a coaster?

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It may be a SheiKra clone, but it's still a *GREAT* ride!

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There's a little bit of theming on the 2nd drop.

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Into the tunnel and then splash down.

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Hello Mr. Dive Loop!

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Ok everyone! ORGIASTIC SCREAM!!!!

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Miles is just happy that he got his seat back!

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That's right! The ghetto rig is going to suck out all your happiness and bottle them into a future TPR DVD!

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Our carriage waits...

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This Dive Coaster is a SheiKra clone right down to the water splash. The ride is totally awesome, though!

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And it is as advertized!

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Yup, next on the ERT schedule was the Dive Coaster.

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Awww....she REALLY wants to ride!

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Looks like Motorbike Launch Coaster ALSO creates the orgiastic scream!

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Everyone get ready for launch!

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Yes! That is really what it's called. It's like Cedar Fair named all these rides.

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Next up was the Motorbike Launch Coaster...

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Jeff sits where it's instructed for the elderly...he's also hoping that some children come along so he can have his way with them.

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WTF! I really think they actually DO want you to have sex while on this ride!!!!

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"Ten Circle Roller Coaster bring you Orgiastic Scream." Um...first off all the word is "orgasmic" and secondly.... WHAT?!?!??!

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There's a bunch more in there somewhere...

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Here's another one.

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Here's one inversion.

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Our ERT/filming session started off with 10 Inversion Coaster...yes...it's REALLY called "10 Inversion Coaster!"

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Obligatory front entrance shot. We would have done a group photo, but we ate everyone else.

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At breakfast I had the "tour of bread" and LOVED IT!!!

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Overall it was a GREAT day at Chimelong...everyone is wiped out because of all that orgiastic screaming.

 

Or just from the orgy itself. "Orgiastic screaming" is not allowed in U.S. parks, with the exception of Led Zeppelin: The Ride.

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Awesome update, I was looking forward to seeing some pictures from this park! I love the Cedar Fair names for everything! Dive machine doesn't look like an exact copy of SheiKra from the pictures though, the segment between the immelmann and the mid course seems different to me (although I could be wrong, but the rest of the ride looks the same).

 

 

Thanks for the update!

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Believe it or not, it could be orgiast.ic screaming.

 

I had a high school english teacher that was very fond of that word. You could be screaming in celebration of an or.gy on that ride... you never know.

 

This park is the reason I considered going to China. Well, this park and all the cultural stuff.

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Believe it or not, it could be orgiast.ic screaming.

 

I had a high school english teacher that was very fond of that word. You could be screaming in celebration of an or.gy on that ride... you never know.

 

This park is the reason I considered going to China. Well, this park and all the cultural stuff.

 

Moose is right. Here is freeonline's definition:

or·gi·as·tic (ôrj-stk)

adj.

1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of an orgy.

2. Arousing or causing unrestrained emotion; frenzied.

 

I think it is a great word.

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