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Theme Park Review's 2008 Asia Tour!


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The Chinese SLC was BAD. Now, it had virtually no headbanging, but all the 'front to back' terrible movement. I sat in the front next to Rich and on the camelback element we went up, then it felt as if the entire train behind us smashed into our back on the way down. It hurt a lot. Then in the final inline twists (that were not built correctly at all!!!) the train would nearly stall and you would just be thrown upsidedown all over your restraint.

 

Also the restraints had this weird arm section that hurt bad.

 

As for the shuttle loop, yeah it was really scary. On the way back through the loop you all of a sudden just felt the whole train come off the track cause it was going to slow and the upstop wheels (which had to be a good 2 inches off the track!) catch you. NOT COOL!!!

 

BTW for those KT fans out there, she's doing really well! I was worried about bringing her but she loves all the Chinese children, all of the Chinese people are in love with her, and she actually wanted to ride the Wacky Worm again when we were done!

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These updates are amazing!

 

Thanks for taking time out of your trip to share them with us.

I'm not sure if I could use those sinks. It would be a little embarrassing to get aroused while washing your hands, haha.

 

I know I'm a little new here so I hope I don't get bashed for saying this, but is Hot Fuzz Rich just eating those cheerios cause they look like mini donuts?

 

I'm really looking forward to the rest of the updates!

Thanks again!

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You guys are freaking amazing and we are so jealous. Except for the part where you nearly died on the shuttle coaster. We could live without that. But the scenery and random wackiness.... wow!!

 

We absolutely triple love the pics of KT with the little Chinese babies. We're sitting here just cracking up at the Gang Bang picture, and the one with the little Yul Brenner guy. Can't wait to see more!

 

Shari and Sammi

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Haha. That update was even better than the last. Some of those captions had me burst out laughing and rather violently.

 

Yeah, I want to check that restaurant out with those weird-as bathrooms, what's the name of it/location?

 

Hope all these earthquakes and things going on in Asia won't affect you, there seems to be so much happening.

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It's funny. I've never thought of traveling to a place like China before. But by checking out the TPR updates, it seems like they have some wacky stuff that would interest me in taking a future trip there.

 

Lovin' the updates!!

 

Considering it is only roughly $3.50 for a McDonalds meal here...I bet you could find a pretty good deal on another hooker too.

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Today we visted two, yes TWO China amusement parks!

 

First up was Beijing Amusement Park and then Sun Park. I'll be honest...we rode a LOT of crap today! But it was fun crap! And there were certainly some stories I'll never forgot...like that time where I rode the Togo Loop Screw and the restraint didn't lock and the only thing holding me in was the seatbelt wrapped around the restraint...Yeah! That happened today!

 

Ok, onto the photos....

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"We're sorry, but George is currently closed for routine maintenance...please check back in 15 minutes as we need to change a wheel on him..."

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"I'm gonna DIE!!!!"

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At least it's not a tight fit or anything!

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Whores...filthy stinking WHORES!!!

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This was the "cutest" coaster of the trip so far! "The "Fruit Worm Coaster!"

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Chinese knock off Paris Hilton.

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"Lines up place"

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This cats name was "lunchmeat"

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This guy is NOT having a good day!

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Yet another mine train thingy.

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"NOT COOL!!!!"

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"I'm on the Chinese spinning mouse...this is NOT going to end well!"

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"Thunderclap Tank!!!"

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"Can we go back on the Togo Loopin Death Machine please?"

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So pretty yet so CRAP!

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We think a train fell off the track and they just bulldozed it into a pile!

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Uh, oh...someone better start the "Open Gates of China" webpage! The world is unsafe without it!

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Proof that EVERYTHING is made in China!

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This coaster was bad...like really REALLY BAD!

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This mouse is what happens when a Hershell and a Maurer Söhne moue have sex.

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"The Brave Turntable"

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"No outside food"

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Some of the park rules were very interesting.... "No Assasinations..."

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This is the entrance to Sun Park... 'Nuff said!

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The pearl shop is Elissa friendly!

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Check out my pearly white cock!

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On the way to the next park we stopped at a place that makes freshwater pearls. Do you really want to wear something around your neck that looks like it comes from the afterbirth!??!

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Hmmm...I think we found out what the bonus "crunch" was....

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Wow! Look! Someone else has cloned KidTums!

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Meat on sticks with a bonus "crunch." We don't know what the crunch is and I think we're better off that way!

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HIDDEN MICKEY!!!

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Do we even dare give it a try?

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And just like many other parks in Asia....yup....giant Ferris Wheel!

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This is just so creepy that I don't even know where to begin...

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Chinese Carousel credit for KidTums!

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Joey found a place that sells Chinese knock off dradels!

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Optimus Prime says "come ride me, bitches!"

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Nope! Just another Chinese knock off!

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It *looks* like a normal Top Scan...

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I'm CRRRRRAAAAAZZZZYYYY Disk-O Monster! Feed me some PEOPLE!

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The rest of the group looks equally as worried! BTW, watch out for the donkey punch near the end of the ride!

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Joey sites in the "Big Thunder Death Seat!'

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We didn't hesitate at all to get back to Super Speed Cool Cool Bear...it's very odd that they have two totally different trains on the track!

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This is two days in a row now I felt like I *could* fall out of a coaster. I love China! =)

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NERD SHOT!!!

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See that seat belt wrapped around the restraint? Yeah...well, not all the restraints locked so for me, that was the only thing keeping me from Togo Loopin DEATH!

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So first we'll go to the Togo Loop Screw for some real good pain.

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Yes, the name of the coaster is "Super Speed Cool Cool bear." It was closed when we got to it because they needed to change a wheel on the train. "Come back in 10 to 15 minutes." Ooooookay!

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More group photos!

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Yup, we are at Beijing Amusement Park...at least I hope so...that's what the sign says.

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More...

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Yay! KidTums gets her fruit worm credit!

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ok, we are certainly not in Kansas anymore... "Assorted Seafood? Octopuses?!?! WASABI SAUCE!?!?" On a PIZZA?!?!

 

Tomorrow we are off to Happy Valley for some B&M Flyer goodness!

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That night for dinner we did Chinese Pizza Hut!

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"This is even better than kinky sex!"

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Whenever Dave eats it's always a spectacular site!

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Elissa got to hit up her first Chinese McDonalds.

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So we conquered the park and thankfully since we roll in small groups we were able to round everyone up and actually take off a bit early!

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BONUS CREDIT!!!

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If you are a track geek, then you probably just went through a box of tissues looking at this photo.

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There was a glowing earth sunken into the ground...I'm not exactly sure what the theming was here...but it was VERY strange!

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Dark, dark...where's the Dino?!?!

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Ok, we are following the rules...any particular reason why I need to keep looking up!??!

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It was like Space Mountain but with more bed sheets.

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Happiness is a bonus credit!

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It would appear to be a BONUS CREDIT that no one knew existed!!!

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OMG! What is this?

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Yes...you are seeing that correctly...you can rent hamster balls and they drop you in the water.

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And Jeff gets his "Two Chinese Women" credit!!!

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Grandfather Campbell used to claim that he once saw an old Chinese man with a cleaver chasing a cat in the alley behind the Paradise Cafe in my hometown of Patterson, Calif. I have no independent confirmation of this incident, but it would certainly explain why the food at the Paradise was so bad.

 

Hmm--food with a mystery crunch, coaster restraints that barely hold you in, and Chinese knockoffs of European flats. Sounds like an awesome time so far.

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Another great update!

 

The caption "No outside food", had me laughing my ass off.

Be careful of those non-locking restraints over there. That's scary business!

 

This has nothing to do with the China trip, but I remember a few years ago while riding Thunderhawk at Geauga Lake, my roommates restraint came unlocked at the top of the lift. Thank god for those good 'ole seatbelts!

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who knew a TOGO would have restraint problems, that's why they are screaming metal death traps........ *yeah bad sarcasm I know* I can't beleive that though, most TOGOs aren't that bad.

 

that one white cat looked like my cat, come to think of it, I haven't seen my cat lately, wonder if she has any sort of extra crunches.....

 

I can't believe all of those knock offs, and the spinning mouse with tape on the side, and to coaster grave-yard. not cool China, not cool!

 

and the hampster ball thing is AMAZING!

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Well, I miss Asia, and would love to hit China, but I gotta admit, I don't know how many of those coasters I would even get on. In the one pic, it looks like some folks have lap seat-belts, some over teh shoulder seat-belts, and some lap bars?!?

 

Knowing the quality of the probably Chinese Gucci wallet I bought my wife in Korea, I sure wouldn't put my life in the hands of these Chinese coasters.

 

And, what the hell sorta neck diseases do they expect folks to have? What was Thunderclap Tank?

 

-RO

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It looks like you guys are having an absolutle blast! Im so happy to see Kidtums on so many rides, Shes growing up so fast!

But man, I laughed at the extra "crunch". Now, whenever I have crunchy food, im going to think of eating the neighborhood cat.

Great....

 

-Ryan

 

P.S. Wheres all the Bob Hoffman pictures? If TPR can't have the Hoffman Girl on this trip, then some people out there may want the Hoffman Man! Just Sayin....

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