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The unwritten rules of attending a theme/amusement park


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-If you are a group of teenaged girls, do NOT shriek incessantly for the entire ride. You will make people want to hurt you very quickly.

-If you are a white trash mom in a tattered Ozzfest shirt, do not scream at your poorly-behaved kids to "quit actin' like a bunch of ****in' babies or I ain't gonna take you nowhere no more". If this fails to dissuade them, do NOT grab the most unruly of the bunch by the back of the shirt and whack him across the face unless you want to get security called.

-If you wish to project a "bad mother****er" image, do NOT go on at length about how "yo, dis mutha****a ain't **** yo, real ***gas ain't fear nothin' my ***ga, you knowmsayin'?" in line only to scream "OH MAH GAW, OH MAH GAW, DIS **** AIN'T NO JOKE ***GA" for the entire duration of the ride once you're actually on it. It is distinctly at odds with what you're trying to evoke.

-If your child is too far below the minimum height for it to even be remotely debatable, do NOT drunkenly threaten the poor kid holding the marker. Once again, security will be called and you will look like a waste of flesh.

-Yes, that dude may have been cutting in line, but despite what your Tapout shirt and Bruins snapback may make you think, aggressively confronting the dude in front of all his buddies is a bad, bad idea; while security will be there to bail you out of your own bad decisions for now, they will not be there to keep said dude and his buddies from hunting you down later on and jumping you in the parking lot. You (a pudgy, out-of-shape wannabe bro) will NOT come out on top in a confrontation with them (six fairly large and reasonably well-built dudes).

 

This is all stuff that I've seen at SFNE. No one from that area should be surprised by any of this.

 

Wow, a lotta judgement going on here. Breathe a little, man!

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I'm positive this has already been said here

But it can't be said enough. I've witnessed this phenomenon at every park I've ever been to.

 

Was at a carnival two days ago and this happened. Didn't help the path was about 5' wide, creating a massive bottleneck for everyone.

 

Fun times!

 

As for my own rules:

-Don't be the one who has to say, "somebody died on this", every time you come across a woodie, or looper that lacks OTSRs.

 

-If you don't know any "facts" about a particular ride, don't spout off random stats while waiting in line... It gets annoying real fast!

 

-If your child is to afraid to ride/not ready for a larger, more intense attraction, DON'T DRAG THEM ON THE RIDE!! Not only is it putting the kid's safety at risk, but in addition, nobody around you wants to hear a crying, screaming, temper tantruming child for the next hour or so in line!

 

-After riding a particularly rough, crappy woodie, one is obliged to start the "RMC, RMC, RMC" chant when pulling back into the station. It is preferred that this is done on Le Monstre, located at La Ronde, as this will most likely be the closest thing to iron/twisted/vagina colossus that Canada will ever get if this thing's iron horsed

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-If you are a group of teenaged girls, do NOT shriek incessantly for the entire ride. You will make people want to hurt you very quickly.

-If you are a white trash mom in a tattered Ozzfest shirt, do not scream at your poorly-behaved kids to "quit actin' like a bunch of ****in' babies or I ain't gonna take you nowhere no more". If this fails to dissuade them, do NOT grab the most unruly of the bunch by the back of the shirt and whack him across the face unless you want to get security called.

-If you wish to project a "bad mother****er" image, do NOT go on at length about how "yo, dis mutha****a ain't **** yo, real ***gas ain't fear nothin' my ***ga, you knowmsayin'?" in line only to scream "OH MAH GAW, OH MAH GAW, DIS **** AIN'T NO JOKE ***GA" for the entire duration of the ride once you're actually on it. It is distinctly at odds with what you're trying to evoke.

-If your child is too far below the minimum height for it to even be remotely debatable, do NOT drunkenly threaten the poor kid holding the marker. Once again, security will be called and you will look like a waste of flesh.

-Yes, that dude may have been cutting in line, but despite what your Tapout shirt and Bruins snapback may make you think, aggressively confronting the dude in front of all his buddies is a bad, bad idea; while security will be there to bail you out of your own bad decisions for now, they will not be there to keep said dude and his buddies from hunting you down later on and jumping you in the parking lot. You (a pudgy, out-of-shape wannabe bro) will NOT come out on top in a confrontation with them (six fairly large and reasonably well-built dudes).

 

This is all stuff that I've seen at SFNE. No one from that area should be surprised by any of this.

 

Wow, a lotta judgement going on here. Breathe a little, man!

 

Live in this area for long enough and you will stop giving people the benefit of the doubt after you see the same few scenarios play out again and again and again.

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Here's one: Try to ride major coasters in the front AND back!

 

I can't tell you how many times I've heard stuff like... "I didn't think Phoenix was that good..." "Where did you ride it?" "Back Seat"

 

IMO, if you really are a true coaster enthusaist, you should "know where to ride..."

 

--Robb

Totally agree w/ this one.

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Here's one: Try to ride major coasters in the front AND back!

 

I can't tell you how many times I've heard stuff like... "I didn't think Phoenix was that good..." "Where did you ride it?" "Back Seat"

 

IMO, if you really are a true coaster enthusaist, you should "know where to ride..."

 

--Robb

Totally agree w/ this one.

 

I like this one. Even in some cases, the seating choice can make or break a ride (ex. Magnum XL and Mean Streak I find are more enjoyable in the back)

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I totally forgot:

 

13. Never, ever, ever dribble a basketball in a park

This is another GREAT one! Not only is it annoying for people at the park, but I can't tell you how many amazing offride videos on youtube, that I have watched, as well as ones I have shot myself, have been ruined by the cursed basketball.

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Seriously, I'm not sure if I found this one anywhere in the past pages, but...

 

When you're up against another person in the queue, don't be breathing on their neck.

Freaks people out, hmm? You can put a little space between yourself and whoever's

in front of you, ok?

 

It does happen! Happened to me a few times, and I did not like it!

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Seriously, I'm not sure if I found this one anywhere in the past pages, but...

 

When you're up against another person in the queue, don't be breathing on their neck.

Freaks people out, hmm? You can put a little space between yourself and whoever's

in front of you, ok?

 

It does happen! Happened to me a few times, and I did not like it!

Reminds me of my past trip to Silver Dollar City. A kind old man thought it would be nice to stand right behind me and cool me down by coughing right on the back of my neck.

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Seriously, I'm not sure if I found this one anywhere in the past pages, but...

 

When you're up against another person in the queue, don't be breathing on their neck.

Freaks people out, hmm? You can put a little space between yourself and whoever's

in front of you, ok?

 

It does happen! Happened to me a few times, and I did not like it!

Reminds me of my past trip to Silver Dollar City. A kind old man thought it would be nice to stand right behind me and cool me down by coughing right on the back of my neck.

 

Sweaty kids running around and... Just a little bit of contact...

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If you have a Fastpass/Flashpass/Fast Lane advantage, DO NOT smile or smirk at the people standing in the normal line, ESPECIALLY if you literally just cut a 2 hour line with the special advantage you purchased/acquired.

That's why I like how FastPass works - you're still waiting an hour just not in the standby queue, and you can't get another FastPass until a certain timeframe after you received your first one.

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Please, don't attempt to bring smaller children on rides they don't want to go on, it really ruins the experience of a coaster when there is a 5 year old screaming at the top of his lungs on the lift hill, and then crying in your ear for the whole ride.

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The general rules:

 

-Don't overdo it - regardless of how much you want to re-ride that big coaster, don't make yourself ill from rushing around or riding too much. It is better to be wanting more later and having a reason to return rather than ending a day feeling queasy. This is especially true if doing a multi day visit. If tired a few hours before closing, take a rest break for a bit, chill in the shade or simply call it a day and return another time refreshed.

 

-No iPads - just no. Don't view the park through a screen. If you want to take photos, take a camera, a proper one!

 

-Take it all in - the park isn't just the rides themselves. Enjoy atmosphere, don't just spend every moment when not on a ride on your phone or reading a book. Why bother turning up otherwise.

 

-Keep on taking in fluids - keep hydrated...pretty straightforward.

 

My personal rules:

 

-Don't be afraid of using single rider if going as a group. - it can reduce wait times, and (unless with people who are young kids or intimidated/nervous) it's not going to be especially different to ride in the ride vehicle before or after your's. It saves time for doing other things in the park without the stress of doing a long queue.

 

-Zipped pocket short are a blessing - wearing clothing with many zipped up pockets can reduce the amount of bags you need (if any) and means you can keep important items on you in queues. Being able to have a wallet/glasses/phone available immediately after a big coaster can be helpful, especially if like me you require glasses.

 

-Go to the toilet when there is one, not when you need it desperately - use toilets when it's convenient...you may regret it when you turn down that last lavatory when in a queue and the need to go hits you.

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Enjoy atmosphere, don't just spend every moment when not on a ride on your phone or reading a book.

When I'm at a park for the first time I always reserve a chunk of time towards the late afternoon to pick a spot, sit and watch. Soaking up the environment and observing weird local customs and bizarre human interactions from a well-chosen spot is such a great thing. And if that spot just happens to sell beer; all the better.

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-If you wish to project a "bad mother****er" image, do NOT go on at length about how "yo, dis mutha****a ain't **** yo, real ***gas ain't fear nothin' my ***ga, you knowmsayin'?" in line only to scream "OH MAH GAW, OH MAH GAW, DIS **** AIN'T NO JOKE ***GA" for the entire duration of the ride once you're actually on it. It is distinctly at odds with what you're trying to evoke.

 

I heard something VERY similar to that on Stormrunner at Hershey.....

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No basketballs.

 

If you are breaking up a group with your consecutive ride, step back into the queue and let them go if the park allows it (SFNE does) or just go around.

 

No basketballs.

 

Don't be an obnoxious prick.

 

No basketballs.

 

If you're trying to break up the monotony of a line by relating an amusing anecdote to everyone around you, please take a moment to ensure your anecdote is amusing to people other than you.

 

No basketballs.

 

If someone asks if a ride is "scary", explain what it does in terms they can understand. For example, Nitro can be described as "it goes up and down, just like a wooden coaster, except smoother and bigger."

 

No basketballs.

 

Only pose for the on-ride photo if it is a particularly amusing or innovative pose.

 

No basketballs.

 

Get the souvenir cup if it makes sense.

 

No basketballs.

 

Use common sense.

 

Did I mention no basketballs?

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