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PTR - Dave Goes To SeaWorld (and other FL stuff!)


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SERIOUSLY AWESOME DT!!

 

Hey, since I make a living in the eye surgery biz, I gotta know what's going on with yours... and to also tell you that since I work for some of the top ophthalmologists in the country (Cincinnati Eye Institute), if you have any questions or anything, feel free to give me a "holler"!

 

Shari

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^I'm getting a lense replacement in my right eye. I do not look forward to this. I can put up with just about any medical crap, but don't like people screwing around with my eyes. Hopefully the surgeon lays off the Colt 45 early the night before.

 

Glad people are enjoying this. I'll post part three early next week. Part four will follow, and will be "extra-special". That's all I'm saying for now...

 

dt

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Great TR Dave!

 

Entertaining and interesting read, with some random stuff that makes it even better.

I strongly support the building of DaveWorld, that would be awesome!

"Hermaphrodite Clowns that throw rabid badgers at you", sounds a lot more scary than a leathery dude with a chainsaw

 

I hope the eye-operation goes well. Maybe they could get you a laser-shooting eye or the ability to like warm a cold cup of coffee by a strong look.

Anyways, looking forward for more.

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You do understand that the "Jeff counts this as XXX credits" is getting old.

 

Not as old as a guy who's Social Security number is 3...

 

I hope the eye-operation goes well. Maybe they could get you a laser-shooting eye or the ability to like warm a cold cup of coffee by a strong look.

 

Dude, if I could get an eye that shot lasers out of it, I'd have gone in for the surgery years ago! That would be so awesome. Falafel suggested I get an implant from some sort of animal that would allow me to see colors not perceptible to humans, which would also rock. At this point, though, I'll settle for everything not being blurry.

 

Thanks for all the well-wishes and positive comments, folks. Part Three will appear early this week. The final part will not appear until after I recover from my surgery, but I have a plan to make it "extra-awesome" to make up for the delay. Stay tuned...

 

dt

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  • 1 month later...

^You are right. So I shall.

 

Yeah, it's been awhile. I've been busy getting sharp objects shoved into my right eye and other nonsense. But Joe has reminded me of my responsibility to entertain all of you, so here is the latest update: Our day at Epcot & the MNSSHP!!!

 

We'll start this a bit differently, and let the pictures tell the story of an amazing event...

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Why are Robb and Chuck so happy to be out of bed so early?

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Why are Paul, Emily and Piers so excited?

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WAND!!!

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MORE

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NO

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Why are Robb & Matt sporting huge erections?

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Yes kids, that's right, one of the great abominations against man has been removed. Now if they'd do something about that hat at MGM, and put an adult bookstore in the park somewhere, things would really be looking up. But I digress...

 

Anyway, today we would spend the day at Epcot before heading over for the MK event. A lot of people complain about this park, but I always have an awesome time here and can easily spend a day here. There are some attractions that are, um, not good, but it's still a fun place. And to make it even more awesome this day, the Food & Wine Festival was going on! This meant insane amounts of amazing food would be consumed. Today should kick much ass!

 

So after all orgasming over wandless Spaceship Earth (which was closed for rehab, so no 20 minute nap for me), we headed over to Borin', err, Soarin. Honestly, I am not much of a fan of this attraction, but other people seem to like it, and there were people here that had never done it, so we did it.

 

With that out of the way, we headed off to something much better, Test Track. I believe we ended up riding it twice, and it was awesome fun both times. I seriously never get tired of this attraction, especially the end. One of the most fun rides at any Disney park.

 

After this, it was time for more intense Gary on Mission: Space. I still think they go WAY overboard on the warnings on this thing. Serioiusly, the progression is something like:

 

WARNING: You may experience motion sickness as this ride spins.

 

WARNING: You may experience dizziness and/or motion sickness as this ride spins and is forceful

 

WARNING: You may experience nausea, dizziness and/or motion sickness as this ride spins, is forceful and dark

 

WARNING: YOU MAY COUGH UP YOUR SPINE AND SPEW ALL YOUR INNARDS ALL OVER THE INSIDE OF THE RIDE IF YOU EVEN LOOK AT IT AND IT WILL PULL THE EYES FROM YOUR SKULL AND LAUGH WHILE IT DOES IT AND OH YOU ARE SO SCREWED IF YOU EVEN WALK IN THE DOOR AND DON'T YOU WANT TO GO RIDE ELLEN'S HOT DINOSAUR ACTION RIDE OR PERHAPS TAKE A NAP?!?!?

 

Seriously, I think they freak people out as this attraction is NOT that bad. But whatever, we chose the more intense Gary training (I tried to get the "most intense" training featuring Christy Canyon, but sadly that was not available) and had a good time not crashing on Mars.

 

After this, we noticed that Epcot was quite busy and getting busier. So we made a stop for the tasting of the Beverly (which is always a fun way to torture the unsuspecting), and then saw something that I have never, ever seen at Epcot ever: The Imagination Ride had a LINE!

 

Seriously, I've never not walked right on to this piece of crap. Oh, did I mention this ride sucks and in no way represents how much better the original one was, and how they should just knock this thing down and replace it with a drink cart? Just checking.

 

Soon enough, it was time to head back to the back half of the park and commence the eating around the world. Which for me, personally, usually lasts about four countries, but hey, we all have to make the attempt. For those that have never been, The Food & Wine Festival features (you may have already figured this part out) FOOD & WINE from all over the world. They're little appetizer-sized plates, usually $3-$5, and they have a selection of wine and/or beer from that country as well. The food is almost always really good, and every year we discover something new and cool. I'll tell you right now I have no pictures from this part of the day, as I was too busy eating, and really, do we need to see photos of all of us stuffing ourselves?!? I thought not.

 

After consuming way too much food (and some people drinking ten times their body weight in alcohol), we fooled around in Epcot for a bit more before heading out to attend the Mickey's No So Scary Halloween Party at the Magic Kingdom. It was indeed another awesome day at Epcot, and I look forward to another visit. Anyway, enough of my yammering, let's go to some visuals (sorry, not a whole lot of pictures. Food was more interesting!)

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And we end the Epcot portion of this report with a random fountain. More in a minute or so...

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OK, I borrowed this from Robb's official TR (which I have assumed you have all read by now because Robb is much more punctual about posting these things than I am, not to mention a better photographer and all around more awesome guy) because my pic of Mission Space looks like it was taken by a crack-addled sea monkey. Anyway, Mission Space is fun, though no where near as scary as the warnings would lead you to believe. A date with me is a much more frightening idea...

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I don't know what this means, but it sounds like something I need to keep in mind for when there's nothing good on TV...

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This attraction may have something to do with cars

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And I'm sure Chuck got a much better picture than this. Just in case you haven't noticed, I suck at photography. But I try to make up for it by posting entertaining captions and work in references to things like giant carnivorous bees. See how I worked the whole carnivorous bee thing in there? I'm sneaky like that.

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Chuck says "I need a picture of that awesomeness" (NOTE: Chuck did not say this. He was probably saying something more like "I can't believe I flew all the way down here to hang out with these jackasses" which is pretty much what everyone says to each other all day. Only with probably more creative cursing. Damn you, word filter!)

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Oooooh, something almost as good as sex in the distance

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Just in case you didn't know where we were (and I'm glad they really blew their budget on their sign).

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1/2 point deduction for no Epcot Monorail pic (1/2 due to the fact that part of the station was included )

 

However, quotes like this help to make up for it....

 

Just in case you haven't noticed, I suck at photography. But I try to make up for it by posting entertaining captions and work in references to things like giant carnivorous bees. See how I worked the whole carnivorous bee thing in there? I'm sneaky like that.

 

Keep up the awesomeness, Dave!

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So now it was Halloween party time. The MNSSHP is actually a really cool event, as they do a great job of theming the Magic Kingdom for Halloween, the crowds are not too bad, and the rides lines are short. Oh yeah, they give out candy, but since I cannot eat it, and no one is willing to pay me to get them some, I don't take any. Trust me, everyone else gets PLENTY! They do not skimp on the candy at this event at all.

 

The evening here is pretty much spent gathering candy from locations all over the park, and riding. All the major attractions were visited with very minimal waits. There was also time for food (what?!? You thought we could sustain ourselves on all the food we shoved into our gullets while at Epcot?!? You must not be reading these various PTRs very carefully), and for parade watching. Well, others watched the parade. I'd pretty much rather face off against a rabid dinosaur armed with only a spork than sit through a parade, so I went off into another section of the park and texted/called my vaginas while waiting for the parade to end. After that event, some more rides were conquered before we called it a night.

 

Once again, we had an awesome time at the MNSSHP, and I want to thank Robb & Elissa for again organizing our adventures, as well as Reed & Stacy for being the amazing tour guides like they always are. Anyway, here are a few visuals to amuse. I didn't take a lot of pics, as me roaming around in the dark trying to use a camera could only lead to injury and pain and amusement for everyone else, and I'm not giving them the satisfaction of laughing at my lying in a corner bleeding. That will have to wait for another trip...

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And we end this segment of the PTR with some random stuff exploding next to the castle, because exploding stuff is cool! Stay tuned for part four, which will happen right after I figure out time travel and then use it to keep American Idol from ever getting on television...

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See?!? Stacy appreciates my comic genius. The rest of you can show your appreciation by sending cash. I need my own island nation. I shall call it Davonia, and it will be protected by an evil army of cats and fire-breathing bears.

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Yeah, Reed probably does a little too much wand handling. What, you thought I wasn't going to make a joke like that?!? You obviously have not been reading these captions.

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Happy Tim?!? Who the hell is Tim?!? Is that the name Joe uses when picking up hot chicks at the gas station milkshake machine? Whatever name he's currently using, Joe is awesome, and we should all encourage him to cook more. And take pictures of it. And have the fire department and hazmat team on standby. Just in case.

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And even through the fog and mist, the castle is easily visable. Unlike at Disneyland, where you can sort of see it with the aid of a magnifying glass. Or electronic microscope. On a clear day. After a recent eye exam and laser surgery to correct any vision problems. Yeah, I never get tired of castle jokes...

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Again, just in case you forgot where we were...

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Pumpkins kick ass. We had an awesome one on our porch, until the local animals ate it. Stupid squirrels.

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They do a good job of decorating the place

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Just in case you forgot why we were here

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The employees are happy to see us. That's until we break their candy budget for the next decade.

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Woo, it's Halloween time at the Magic Kingdom! Hooray for free candy! And boo to no Mickey's Slightly Scary Chainsaw Massacre attraction. Maybe next year...

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Bravo again Dave. Only DaveTV could amuse me more.

 

MNSSHP was alot of fun, even if I was dealing with an alcohol crash. No amount of stomach cramps was going to keep me from multiple back seat Space Mountain rides. Not to mention the insanity which was 12 people on Splash Mountain.

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