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Cruising with Theme Park Review!


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MUST GET JOE and JOEY LAID!

 

C'mon you two! There is nothing to do on a cruise but eat, drink, and F***! Can't you slip some unsuspecting 21 yr old a rufie or something. You could play the concerned gentleman that helps her through her ordeal. Then when your helping her breath between bouts of puking, you make your move. BAM! Your in!

 

Easy as pie!

 

Saddest attempt at comedy since Michael Richards.

 

So how big is that ice rink anyway? Do they actually use a full size zamboni to resurface it? Just curious.

 

From what I remember, it was a fairly decent size. Not anywhere near as big as your local rink, but big enough for about 20-30 people to skate around. They also manage to do an ice show with some fairly difficult jumps.

 

And yes, they do use a Zamboni on the ice. It is a small one, but it does the trick!

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Glad you guys are having Fun the trip looks awesome. Im so in for a TPR group cruise.

 

Im betting $100 that this happens to the JEW or JOE.

 

Dude, that video is so not funny. I suggest you take it off your post, Your hoping that someone gets hurt. That guy in the video wasn't faking it. You can hear his ankle break. I maybe taking this to the extreme but your post was in very bad taste.

Lighten up Chris and read our disclaimer one more time....

 

 

--Robb

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Today's random cruise report comes from the country of Belize! Can you guys Belize were in Belize? We can't Belize it either! Ok, ok.....I'm sorry....but we had to hear all the corny cruise ship jokes all day so we are now passing them on to you!

 

So today was AWESOME! We did the ziplines through the jungle and you know what the best part of it was?

 

*WE DIDN'T DIE!!!!*

 

Well, Joey almost died (see video clip below) and you'll nearly die too when you hear the noise that Joey made that is totally impossible for any human to duplicate. I swear he's part jew, part dolphin!

 

Anyway, on to today's photos and...yes....VIDEOS!!!!

 

WARNING! This was the first photo of the day we took...it doesn't get much better after this! (SUCK IT JOW!!!!)

 

Yup, today we're going to Belize!

 

The tender we took to get on shore was NOT a "Dan friendly attraction!"

 

"Did I just get laid?" "No, Jow...of course you didn't!"

 

Welcome to Belize! Can you Belize how awesome the port looks?

 

Good thing we saw this sign because thanks to Joey's nasty farts erasing our memory, we had just forgotten where we were!

 

Good thing we're not on this bus since it's just "passing through."

 

Here we go! The "green bus of death" would get us to our destination "Rhino Rally" style!!!

 

It might not look pretty, but damn is it well built!!!

 

This was the nicest house in Belize.

 

I have learned so much about Belize in the last hour and a half.

 

"I got the hump seat."

 

"When do we get to go to tribal council?"

 

Please keep your hands and arms inside the jungle until it comes to a full and complete stop.

 

"Is now a bad time to tell someone that jews are afraid of heights?"

 

"Oh, please mr. zip line dude, just a little tighter...."

 

OMG Jow! You better be giving him one HELL of a tip! (and hey, at least Jow finally got some action, right?)

 

"The Special Olympics goes Zip Line!" (I'm totally going to hell for that)

 

"Catch me bitch! Jews don't do manual labor!"

 

"Wow, we've never had a mutant like you on this before!"

 

Amazing...those cables can hold ALL FOUR BOOBS!!!!

 

If you look REALLY closely, you can see Jewy's sh1t stain on the back of his pants!

 

Belizian Cave Cock

 

Rappelling was no problem for Jow. Although the guy who had to catch him was pretty pissed!

 

BEST. TOILET. EVER!!!!

 

Back on the green bus of death! We avoided oncoming semi's, dodged traffic over gravel roads, basically crapped our pants more than on the zip lines!

 

See! Jewy loves me!

 

Oh, look....something you don't see at every cruise ship port!

 

OMG! Hottest girl in Belize! If you'd like to just pause looking at the update now, and come back in about 5 minutes we'll totally understand. Oh, who are we kidding? You'll be back in 30 seconds!

 

"The big cat of coasters...."

 

Is there a caption really necessary for this picture? I mean, we're three total retards, who couldn't score with the girl above if our testicles being crushed in a vice depended on it. So yeah....

 

Sunset in Belize. How nice. Blah......

 

Our ship is out there....somewhere....

 

"Hey Dan...how's it going?"

 

Dude, is that Leonardo standing on the front!?!? Look closely!!!"

 

So, yeah, it's a big boat...what else do you want me to say?!?!?

 

What's this?!?! Elissa eating NORMAL food! Oh thank god maybe KidTums has a chance!

 

While it's just Chili...it's cruise ship chili...so it has to look sexy!

 

And today's "Penis Sculpture" is.....baby tomatoes and asparagus!!!

 

Jow surrenders!!! Just like the French!

 

Mom is role playing. "I'll be the nun if you'll be the priest!"

 

"Italian Night" in the dining room is also "beat the sh1t out of each other with napkins" night. Why? We have no idea!!! But it was great smacking Jewy around.

 

Jow tries to score....again....fails.....again!

 

Jewys got a chance because he used the pick up line "my penis might only be three inches, but some women like it that thick!"

 

It's coming out the same way it's goin' in....warm, gooey, and brown!!!

 

"Hey girls....if you do me, I'll give you this free strawberry ice cream!"

 

Little Penguin and Mr. Elephant Cock towel animal have a lengthy conversation about the world we live in and live in Hamburg.

 

Some chef was either: A. sexually frustrated or B. LAUGHING his freaking ass off when he made this dessert.

 

Jow has named this one "Harold" after his 3rd and favorite boob.

freefalljew.wmv

"Freefall Jew!" The MUST SEE video of this update!!! =)

zipline.wmv

Jow and Robb survive the Jungle Zipline!

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One more thing!! You all got dressed up all fancy pancy for a nice dinner on the cruise and you are eating HOT DOGS AND FRIES????

 

DUDE! That was awesome. I'm not even going to lie. She is officially even cooler for having done that.

 

Laura "I put on my old prom dresses to eat Doritos" Huls

 

Well obviously Doritos, burgers, and fries are extremely fancy. Otherwise neither you, nor Elissa would have dressed up to eat that kind of thing. Way to go for being polite!

 

~Mike

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Wow! Elissa in a dress and knocked up! The only thing that could make her hotter would be to batter dip and deep fry her.

 

Joe, you crack me up! "He's so retarded!" Awesome!

 

Joey. You scream like a girl!

 

Great zipline POV Robb!

 

Awesome TR so far. You guys are having a great time. We're having a great time reading and seeing it.

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@ Freefall Jew

 

"It's only like 50 feet. He'll only be doing 20...30...maybe 40mph!"

 

I would type out the scream joey made to reminisce about its funnyness, but I dont even know what to type!

 

God I wanna go ziplinining through belize...

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Wow TPR is visiting my favorite country!!! (South of the USA)

 

The Zipline looks like a lot of fun!

 

Did you guys hear any Howler Monkeys?

 

I hope you had the chance to sample the local seafood, it's excellent.

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Those updates have been fun..

 

Man I have to wait another 5 months for our next cruise.. Grrr..

You guys really need to go on Freedom of the Seas, it beats the h#ll out of all the royal caribbean voyager class of ships, and the Sup. balcony rooms are bigger!

 

Have fun be safe, and remember those hand rails are fun to stand behind, not on Or so I have heard. Ohh and stay away from the art auctions. 4 tubes and 20 pieces later, yeah. Whoops. Anyone need some art?

 

Cheers!

 

**** So a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

The bar tendor says why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?

The Pirate says Gwwrr shes be driving me nuts.

 

My Cruise Company review..

 

royal caribbean = Fun, food only ok. Good variety of people class and skill wise. My choice for cruises currently. Last 3.

disney = Nice ships, great food, gets boring on longer cruises. Great family ships!

carnival = Larger boats are nice, and have a higher volume of dumb people, with dumb kids!!! Sorry but someone has to agree.

holland america = I have found more of mature crowds. Old people! But these older people if you meet them at port rock, and are fun to hang out with, no joke! I haven't been on one of their ships, just all the people I have met at port. Doing shots with 50-70 year olds. Its funny!

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