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Something Funny!

Beate's Freak

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Hey Hey Hey! Wanted to start this topic so I and anyone else can post some funny stories!


Well last friday I was on the bus and some of my sophmore freind had brought some airsoft guns! One of them, Austin (not me another one) had a really nice one and when you got hit by it, it hurt like you know where. And the other one, Nick had a cheap one that looked like you could get it on the 10 ticket shelf at Chuck-E-Cheese, and didn't hurt at all. So we all get on the bus at the end of school and Austin and Nick sit in the same row but on opposite sides of the bus. Then they both pull out their guns and start shooting each other from a REALLY short distance apart. Nick was getting pelted and ended up getting welts on his whole body, and nothing really happened to Austin (this is all happening when the bus is in motion. Theres no rule against shooting somebody while the bus is in motion ). SO after a minute or two of about a hundred shots fired and a lot of cursing, the bus driver pulls the bus to the side of the road.


The bus driver starts walking down the aisle to the back of the bus with his handle bar mustache blowing in the wind. He gets to the last 4 rows or so (where all of us were laughing our asses off). He says,"Who has the gun?" So no one says a thing, and i'm just staring out the window cause if i saw him i would've started laughing. And he asks Nick where the gun is, and Nick just says,"I don't have a gun! I didn't even bring my backpack to school today!"(he just put the gun anbd his backpack underneath my seat). So the driver goes back to front and comes back with a piece of paper and a clipboard. He aks me if I have it and I said,"I don't have a gun!". So for some reason he believes me and he then TELLS my black freind,AC , to write his name down on the paper!(the guy was is a racist). And AC says,"I didn't touch the gun". And the guy goes,"Just write your name down". And Ac goes,"I'm not writing my name down!" And the guy goes,"WRITE IT DOWN!". So AC puts down: John Jones. Then the driver tells Austin the same thing and Austin writes his name really sloppy so no one can read it, while saying,"Seemore Butts" The driver then asks 4 other guys to put their name's down and those guys wrote as follows: Ben Dover, Dick Lis, A-Rod, and You thought i was going to give you my name! So the driver walks back to front and on his way Austin say something sexual to him, which i'm not sure I can post here so I won't!

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Well here is my story:


Well Me and my cool people were sitting at a table when a fat kid comes and sits down. Everyone except for me and Shuzu (that's Japanise) moves away. We then talked about how to get ride of the fat, mental kid and then we came up with a conclusion. Shuzu then said to the fat kid "Alex, can you go away please" and then. (dun, dun dun!) Alex grabs Shuzus arm and twists it! Shuzu said "Ow! I'm telling on you (in a little kid voice, because he's mental)".


Shuzu then tells the lunch room supervisors and Alex fleas the lunch room! He already got suspended 2 times this year and now it looks like he will a third time! The woman runs after him and then he was sent to the office! Shuzu shouts "Hooray, he got suspended" and then everyone looked at him. then everyone ran said "Hooray!". Bad Idea .


5 minutes later, he came back, and the whole world froze! Then I went Over to him and said "Hey Alex, I'll buy you a cookie if you leave" he said no and after around 4 minutes I called him fat. Very Bad Idea . He then grabed my hea, pushed it down, and twisted it! I got a lunch detension and he got 2 lunch detensions.


Then next day, Shuzu and I got yelled at during the lunch detension and now we don't know what will happen next. All we know is that the special teacher made Alex win and now Shuzu and i might get a few more detensions .

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hmmmmm... funny stories...



on the way to school, we sometimes get a double decker bus. these buses are basically metal tins on wheels, the Skoda of public transport, if you will.


anyway, me and my 2 female friends (NOT girlfriends), were sitting on the top deck. the bus was moving and there was nobody up there with us, so we started swinging from the bars, going over potholes that are over emphasized on the top. so we were swinging backwards and forewards, when we hit a pothole. my friend (who was swinging at the time) let go, dropped about 3/4 ft and landed on the floor between 2 chairs.


it took both of us at least 5 mins to pull her free from the space between the benches.





another story (once again on the Skoda Bus), we were going too fast down this hill with loads of trees that were over hanging the road. we hit 45mph in the bus when we hit the branch of a tree. it broke off, went through the window (it has a flap you raise to open, and fortunately, it went through that) and all the leaves came in through the window. we heard the window break, saw the branch fall, which scared us really badly, then we nearly wet ourselves with laughter as all the leaves came in through the window.




also, some of the yr 11's (dont know how to convert it into grades) set off fireworks from the top of the Skoda Bus. one of the rockets went straight up and came straight back down onto the bus. it fell into the road and exploded, but it was scary as hell


i'll try and remember more, but they are the most memorable at the moment


some quick stories:


also, while at Alton Towers, some girl mistook me for Matt Lucas from Little Britain and asked me which paint i liked for my room, so i preceeded in giving her my crap (ask if you catch me on a trip) impression.


got married (fake) on a rollercoaster, we said our vows and got a divorce in the last brake run



we got into a fight with someone at school (see any patterns coming out?) who was constantly bugging us, we told him to get lost, but in harsher terms. After another 5mins, my friend picks up a rock that barely fitted n his hands and threw it at the guy. it came into full contact with his leg and he fell over flat on his face. It may sound harsh, but the reality is, it barely hit him.


once again, fight at school, someone started calling us offensive names and asked if we wanted to fight, so we said yes, attacked him, one at a time. no matter how many times he fell, we always let him get on his feet. all his friends were gathered in a ring so nobody could escape, all wanting their friend to win, but everytime we tripped him over, he tried making a dash, but his friends pushed him back in to the ring, yelling at him to hit us.

a teacher came over and asked us if we were ok, he then proceeded in telling the other person off, even though he was the one who was getting hurt.

he never bothered us after that. he used to send his friends around first before he came, just to make sure. i did feel a bit of remorse, but he really did deserve it.

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WEll here's a short story:


Well I was on TPR and then something strange happened. At least once every week, I here screaching on the street. Then today it finally happened. I heard screaching while getting ready to go on the chat then a Bang. I looked outside and saw a figure moving and I'm pretty sure I heard "You f***in' drunk driver!" Next thing you know the cops came, and all of that excitment!

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This one isn't all that funny, but what the heck?



My friend was leaving after a game of football on his bike, and my other friend threw a bullet of a throw at him (with the football) and it got wedged in between the frame of his bike and the tire. He proceded to flip over the handle bars and roll down the small hill.


Also, did you call me "Austin" earlier?

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What the hay...i'll have a go:


So just yesterday about 5:30pm, My friend Billy and I were in circut city, just browsing lookig for something to buy...I was picking between 3 different South Park Season box sets to buy, while Billy was playing Guitar Hero about an Isle down from me...so I walked down there and watched...then some japanese guy (I know because he told us, though we didn't ask) kept walking back and forth behind us...then he told bill to turn the volume down because the tv he was playing guitar hero on was connected to a sub woofer...but he said it in a really rude way...and it wasen't even that loud. I just told bill to turn it off and lets buy what we got and leave...On our way to the front desk...that same japanese guy found us, snatched my arm and forcefully turned me around and said "Where are you going? We need some assistance"...pissed because my arm hurt...I told him through gritting teeth "I don't work here"...he looked at me like he didn't believe me, which made me that much more upset...and then he said "Well, your lying because you have a red shirt on"...so i laughed and told him just because I have a red shirt on doesn't mean I work here...so he just bent down, next to tv/stereo display to tie his shoes...So I decided to turn the volume on the reciver to really high....then bill turned on the tv...Well the sub woofer was by the guys face while he was tying his shoe...when the tv came on...the sound was so loud....the air from the sub woofer blew off his toupee, halfway across the store floor...Oh he was pissed...super pissed...(This was one of those "I can't stop laughing and I'm about to piss on myself" moments)...I was choking because I was laughing so hard..then the Circut City Clerk told us we had to leave.....I thought that was hilarious......and Yes....this really happened yesterday...nothing fabricated!!

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okay kids it's time for.......




OKay, in this episode, the guys are in the back as usual and we started talking/cusing/loao(luaginig our asses off). And the bus is driving around and then in the middle of nowhere just stops the bus! So we're like wtf?

And then the same guy that was racist agianst my balck freind in my first post walked back to the back of the bus. And just sit there cuase we know we didn't do anything and wanted to see if he'll do something retarded.

SO eh walks all the way down and he literally just stands there, for a whole effing minute! Ans then he walks back,LOL! right? ON his way back nick, said WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF HIM WALKING ALL THE F*CK BACK HERE AND DOING NOTHING! It was hillarious!

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Bus Wars: Attack of the balloon.



so, yesterday was my birthday (now 17!!! yay!!! word of warning: if you se me behind the steering wheel, turn around and head back the way you came! lol), so a couple of friends bought in a few balloons. we had loads of fun blowing them up and making rude noises, but then we made it go to a pitch that we had never heard before. not only was it higher, it was louder as well! So, we had even more fun annoying the heck outta people with the high pitched balloon, when the bus went from around 30mph to 0mph within 5 seconds, throwing all of us into the seats infront due to not having seat belts on. the bus driver came back to where we were and asked who had the balloons. my one was deflated, but my friend had his fully inflated and had it hidden under my chair, still holing it closed. As the bus driver went back to the front, he let out a little bit of air, producing the high pitched squeak. the sound was magnified due to the small space and the quietness of the bus (everyone is afraid of the busdiver). he stops in his tracks, stands still for a minute, slowly turns 180 degrees on the spot. his face was screwed up in anger, you could see smoke pouring from his ears (like ion the cartoons). he slowly, through gritted teeth asked (taking a breath after every word): 'wheres... that... balloon...'. no one replied, so he let out another squeak, making the bus driver look at me. my only response was: 'geee whizz... sorry guys, it must have been the curry last night!'.


he got so angry, he nearly kicked me off the bus! at the time it was sooo effing scary, it was worse than a 400ft freefall tower!

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Dang... this makes my "dorks at SFNE" look pitiful.


Ah well...


I was at SFNE with my friend. We got in at opening time, rushed to Superman, had fun, whatever. So then we go to Mind Eraser. These two guys, who had been loudly bragging about coasters they had been on (which was total bull) cut in front of me and go to the back of the train. I sat in the front and had a reasonably comfortable ride. The Dorks (I will refer to them as the Dorks) got a lot of headbanging. So my friend and I go to Batman. I get in the train, and the Dorks (I swear) APPEAR right behind me. They lie all the way up the lift, but are silent for the rest of the ride. So Steven and I now head to Pandemonium. Guess who is in the car with us. The Dorks. Pandemonium actually spun, which was amazing. Then we go to the rapids ride, as it was hot, and a good waterfall would be helpful. The Dorks are there too. They followed us all over the park. Then Flashback broke down (with me on it) and The Dorks spent the time talking my ears off. It was quite ridiculous.

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Never were a red polo shirt to Target (a department store for those that don't know).


I got off of work one day and I had to pick up a few things at Target. I had yet another hard day at work so I'm pretty much done talking to people for the day; but the store is filled with people that think this equation is true:


black man dressed nice + in store = employee (although the red polo isn't helping things)


Anyway, after telling about 3 people "I don't work here", I'm in one of the aisles and this lady comes storming up to me bitching about she can't find a product and no one is helping her... blah blah blah... and I tell her to go tell it to Oprah . So she starts yelling loudly and I look at her like she's crazy and I keep shopping... anyway a manager shows up and she proceeds to tell him how I got "smart" with her and she doesn't appreciate it. The manager then says "Ma'am, he doesn't work here." (cue sound of her face 'cracking') and then I turn at her and smile.


I then say "Now leave me the heck alone, crazy lady" (you can replace 'heck' and 'lady' for what I actually told her )


I then looked at my shirt and realized I'd be better keep an extra shirt in the car or look like a bum when I come in the store so I won't be bothered.

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I just remembered another one:


Back in the early days of cordless phones... geez that sounded old... you had to change the channel on the phone to get better reception; and if there were a lot of people in the neighborhood with cordless phones (not the 24GHz ones) you ran the chance of crossing signals with them.


Well I was talking to a friend and I guess a surge went through the wall and I got disconnected. I hit the channel button and I somehow got connected to other's conversations. So I was in a mischevious mood so after a few seconds I would butt into their conversation...


1) two girls were having a conversation and I whispered "are your doors locked?" I almost dropped the phone from the girls screaming... "Who's there! OMG!!!" I heard one drop the phone... I think she went running outside!


2) a child was singing to his grandma and when he finished and before the grandma could say anything I said "What was that horrible noise?" Someone gasped and mother said "Who's there!!!!" I started laughing and changed the channel again.


3) some lady was making plans with someone and a guy said "Ok I'll be there in 20 minutes"; I blurted out "You better not come over to my house you bum!" All I heard was "Who's there!!! I think someone's here!" More laughing from yours truly.


I called my friend back and told her what happened. She said when I didn't hear back from you I knew you were up to no good! Phones were so much fun back then.

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