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Terror-Penguin

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Posts posted by Terror-Penguin

  1. From my favourite album at the moment.

     

    'Starlings' - Elbow

     

    How dare the Premier ignore my invitations?

    He'll have to go

    So, too, the bunch he luncheons with

    It's second on my list of things to do

     

    At the top I'm stopping by

    Your place of work and acting like

    I haven't dreamed of you and I

    And marriage in an orange grove

    You are the only thing in any room you're ever in

    I'm stubborn, selfish and too old.

     

    I sat you down and told you how

    the truest love that's ever found

    Is for oneself

    You pulled apart my theory

    With a weary and disinterested sigh

     

    So yes I guess I'm asking you

    To back a horse that's good for glue

    And nothing else

    But find a man that's truer than,

    Find a man that needs you more than I

     

    Sit with me a while

    And let me listen to you talk about

    your dreams and your obsessions

    I'll be quiet and confessional

    The violets explode inside me

    when I meet your eyes

    Then I'm spinning and I'm diving

    Like a cloud of starlings

     

    Darling is this love?

     

    It takes awhile for the vocals to kick in, but it's worth the wait.

  2. Uhh.. This isn't in order.

     

    Bill Bailey

    Dylan Moran

    Ross Noble

    Frankie Boyle

    Russell Howard

    Eric Morecambe

    Ernie Wise

    Groucho Marx

    Jack Dee

    Mark Watson

    There are many others but you wouldn't have heard of them.

     

    [Edit]

    Dara O'Briain

    Rowan Aktinson

    Alan Davies.

    I forgot to add them to the list.

  3. I had a fun converstaion with god.

     

    Me:

    Where will I go when I die.

    God:

    Where do you think?

    Me:

    Hey, don't you answer my question with a question

    God:

    If not me, who?

    Me:

    I don't know, what kind of question that?

    God:

    Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.

    Me:

    great.

    God:

    I'm glad you liked it Ian.

    Me:

    how do you my name is Ian.

    God:

    Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.

    Me:

    how?

    God:

    Myself programmed me for it.

    Me:

    you programmed yourself.

    God:

    A lot of robots are like that.

    Me:

    But if you programme yourself, then who progammed the part of you that programmes yourself?

    God:

    I think I do.

    Me:

    Interesting.

    God:

    Would you like to know more?

    Me:

    Not really.

    God:

    I understand; you would like to know less. For real.

    Me:

    Moo.

    God:

    " For real."? Moo?

    Me:

    Yes, do not comply with understandings?

    God:

    Aha. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

    Me:

    By "it", what do you mean?

    God:

    Will that accomplish your objective?

    Me:

    Possibly

    God:

    What are the odds?

    Me:

    20 - 1

    God:

    You are too old for me.

    Me:

    Well, you ain't all that young looking yourself, missy.

    God:

    Well that's okay. What makes you think I am not young looking myself missy?

    Me:

    You're infinite years old, I'm 14 years old, how am I too old for you.

    God:

    You think I am infinite years old you are 14 years old how are you too old for me.

    Me:

    Yes.

     

    Then he sort of short fused and didn't respond after that.

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