Last Sunday was my first time having visited Fiesta Texas. Right away I was struck by how nice all the scenery was even though it could all use some paint, how insane SKC was, how phenomenal Sky Screamer was, and also got credits for Pandemonium, Poltergeist, and Goliath all before lunch. We were gearing up to do Scream! which I was really excited for because most S&S towers I'd ridden were only Super Shots or Turbo Drops but Scream! seemed to do both in the same ride. Also, the log flume which I loved how it was situated in the park... but first, we wanted to do the train ride so we could take some pictures.
Upon pulling out of the station, I was assaulted with the most ghastly and unimaginable nails-on-a-chalkboard screeching I had ever heard. I mean, there is squeaky and then there is ear-piercingly godawful, and this was most certainly the latter. To my utter dismay, the screeching was incessant and I thought I was going to cry when we went into the quarry tunnel and it got worse. Eventually though, me and my friends were off, and joking about how SFFT could stand to invest in some grease for the rails. We made our way to Crackaxle Canyon. I insisted on doing Road Runner Express first, but Rattler was more important to the rest of my party.
Rattler... this ride is going to haunt me to the end of my days.
The fact that I had to wait 30 minutes for an RCCA creation already had me anxious. The squeal of the track as the cars lazily made their way around the final turnaround was bringing back horrible thoughts of my most recent encounter with the train, but then came the end of the queue where it was so illustriously spelled out to me that unlike every other ride we had ridden today, Rattler had assigned seating. Well, at that point I started praying to the coaster gods that they would put me up in the front half. I didn't need the front seat. Just please, anything but the back. And so the coaster gods heard my pleas... and ignored them as I took my seat at the back of the last car on the right. Now I am just praying this is like Mean Streak or Hurler, or some other coaster I thought was going to be the worst coaster experience of my life that, while they were bad, did not leave me crying. Rattler, as you are all no doubt aware, provides no such mercy.
I was already bracing with my hands clasping the bar in front of me, hoping to whatever god could hear me that I was going to come out of this alive. As the car jackhammered its way out of the station, my heart followed in time. As the track curved downward to the lift hill, the train grew more violent, and screeched like a banshee in my ears. As we hit the chain, I turned to one of my friends and asked him why he wanted to ride this so bad. I've never been more terrified of a single roller coaster, while on the roller coaster, in my entire life. He assured me it would be fine. Then came the drop. I felt like I was being shaken up like a can of paint at Home Depot as it bottomed out and swung us up into the large diving helix. The drop downward had the rails screeching so high and loud I thought my eardrums were going to burst. Wasn't there supposed to be topper track on this ride? Where is the topper track?! All I could feel was pain! Then we went up into the triple helix.
Rattler's triple helix is the worst roller coaster element that ever existed.
The jackhammering was awful, the repetition was ungodly, and the screeching of the rails had become so bad I had to cover my ears which made the jackhammering worse as, being on the right side of the train, my body was being thrown to the right, toward the supports, which just made it all the more unnerving. When it finally spit us out onto the MCRB, my friend noticed a camera. I flipped it the bird so fast I didn't even think of the consequences until we dropped out into the quarry tunnel where, again, I had to put my hands over my ears just to make the excruciatingly awful screeching bearable. Finally, we were spit out once more into the flyby and final turnaround into the break where all I could say was "make it stop! for the love of god, someone make it stop!" and when it did, I was crying. This ride was so bad, so painful, so excruciating, it made me cry. I honestly don't know why I didn't punch the ride operator getting off. As it stands, this coaster is only useful as a US Government-sanctioned interrogation device or as firewood, and if RMC doesn't convert it, I suggest one of those two methods be put in place immediately.
It was pushing 100 by then, I had a splitting headache from the ride (and there was no OTSR! How is that possible?!), so we called it a day at 3 PM. I hope to go back one day to reclaim the credits I lost to the Rattler, but who knows... it's a beautiful park and SKC is phenomenal, but SFFT, if you don't remodel that monstrosity you call a roller coaster soon, you better burn it to the ground and use the terrain for something better. And for the love of Pete, invest in some paint for your older rides and buildings, and some oil for anything with wheels that doesn't have a steel track!
Something clever or funny should go here.